The one thing I missed while watching after Cece though, was going to the hospital with Aiden. I really wanted to see Robert again, and Cece wouldn’t shut up about seeing him. I was hoping I could get Aiden to take us with him the next day. I thought that it would be good for her to see her grandpa again. Plus, I really thought that it would be good to have him surrounded by people who loved him.
As soon as Cece was done with her homework, she wanted to play Legos, so that was what we did. We spent time carefully building them up, then we’d knock them down quickly.
It was fun. We were having fun.
It made me wonder about Kelsey. I mean, if she even felt a speck of the feelings I felt for Cece towards me, then she would have never left me. You don’t abandon people you love.
After the Legos were all cleaned and put back up, we decided to watch a movie. It was about ten minutes into the movie when we heard the door open. It was too early for Bri to be home already, so it must’ve been Aiden. A smile quickly spread across my face.
“Bubba!” Cece yelled joyously and ran to meet him in the entryway.
I followed behind her with a big smile.
Cece hugged him tightly, but he didn’t really seem to respond to her hug. I looked at him carefully; he looked panicked, extremely panicked. I looked at Brandon who was behind Aiden, he had the same look on his face.
Oh God, what happened?
“Cece go to your room,” Aiden said harshly.
My eyes widened. I had never heard Aiden speak to her like that before, it was so cold and rough. Whatever was going on couldn’t be good.
“Aiden?” I asked cautiously. “What’s going on?”
Pawpaw was the only thing that went through my head in that moment.
Cece had to have been thinking the exact same thing.
“Pawpaw,” she said in a whimper.
“No, Ce he’s okay. J-Just go to your room please. I have to speak with Aubry,” he said gently.
Cece looked at me skeptically as I smiled at her reassuringly. She nodded a little and then walked away to her room.
“What’s wrong, Aiden?” I asked worriedly.
“Just tell me no. Just tell me no, and I’ll believe you,” he rushed out.
“What? Aiden, I don’t understand. What are you talking about?” I asked, panic rising in my chest.
“Just tell me no . . . please!” he pleaded with me, making me even more confused.
He stared at me and took a deep breath. “Do you know my dad?” he asked slowly.
Everything in me ceased working. “W-What?” I asked with my eyes wide.
“Just tell me ‘no!’ Just tell me ‘no,’ and I’ll believe you,” he said with so much panic in his eyes.
I stared at him. This was the end. The end of my charade, the end of my pretend family, the end of my happiness . . . the end of us. I knew once he found out, he’d never look at me the same way ever again. He’d want nothing to do with me.
I studied his beautiful face one last time. I loved him so much, too much.
I sighed. I could feel the tears welling up on my eyes. I wanted to lie and tell him what he wanted to hear.
No. It was on the tip of my tongue.
However, I could never do that to him. I loved him too much, and I couldn’t lie to him anymore. No matter what the cost was.
“I can’t,” I said solemnly. “I can’t tell you no, because that would be a lie.” My voice cracked at the end because my lungs had no air left.
Aiden sucked in a deep breath as he kept his eyes on me. He studied me for what seemed like hours.
Finally, he opened his mouth shakily, “H-How? How did you know him?”
I stayed silent for a few moments trying to pull myself together. I couldn’t. It was impossible to pull myself together when my whole life was falling apart.
More and more tears started piling up in my eyes. I sighed and closed my eyes trying to stop the tears from spilling out.
“Aiden . . .” I whispered softly.
This was it, and I knew it. It was all my fault and my own doing. I was such a fuck-up.
“Aiden, I love you. I just . . . I just need you to know that. I love you so much, and I am so sorry.”
I looked up at him and swallowed. “I met your dad the night of his death. That was the first and only time that I had ever met him.” I breathed deeply as I looked at the man that I loved knowing that I was never going to get to be with him ever again.
“Earlier that night, I got a call from an old connection. He had told me that he was sending someone over to meet me because he didn’t have what the person wanted. It was your dad.” I paused and took a deep breath. I knew that my next words were going to change everything. They were going to be the end of us.
“I-I don’t understand . . . what—” he started, but I stopped him mid-sentence.
I sighed again as I tightly closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see his face as I spoke the next part.
“I-I was a drug dealer. I am the one that sold your father the heroin that he overdosed on. The heroin that killed him,” I rushed out, knowing full well that he still heard every word.
He understood my words perfectly.
I kept my eyes closed for several seconds before I finally reopened them. Tears immediately spilled over onto my cheeks. This was it. The end of us.
He stayed silent as he took in the information that I had told him. His deep blue eyes penetrated me, making me feel even more sick. His eyes kept squinting, and the sides of his mouth turned into a frown.
“What? But . . . No. No! That doesn’t make any sense. You were only like fifteen or sixteen when he died. You weren’t out selling drugs to strange men in dark alleyways. Y-You couldn’t have. You wouldn’t have!” he justified quickly, obviously in denial. He was shaking his head in denial vigorously.
“I had been selling drugs for over a year at that point,” I said slowly, trying to make him understand the truth.
Suddenly, Aiden began laughing hysterically. It made me nervous and very uncomfortable. I looked around the room and caught Brandon’s eye. He looked back and forth between Aiden and me worriedly.
“No! No! You wouldn’t do that! You . . . you couldn’t do that!” he yelled loudly with so much anger that I cowered back against the wall behind me.
“Aiden,” Brandon said calmly as he put a hand on his shoulder.
“How? How could you do that!?” Aiden asked defeatedly with tears falling down his cheeks.
I could feel my heart my heart shattering. It was on my own accord, I had no one else to blame.
“Aiden, I can explain. J-Just listen to me,” I pleaded with him to hear me out.
Suddenly his face darkened, and an enraged look overtook his features.
“Explain what? How . . . how you moved in here? How you let us help you? How we let you become a part of our family, our broken family? How you made me fall in love with you? But all along . . . all along, we didn’t even know you. All along you hid this . . . secret, this bombshell, this betrayal. All along you lied to us.” He sobbed in heartache and rage. “You let me love you!” His voice broke as more tears streamed down his beautiful face.
He took a few breaths as his fury returned. “How dare you tell me that you love me! If you really loved me then you would have never come around me or my family. You would have let us be!”
He didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop. The floodgates have opened.
“Was it not enough that you took my father from me? What happened? You saw me over in that lunchroom on that particular day and thought, ‘I’m bored let me fuck him up even more! I mean, I already killed his dad’.” His voice was almost inhuman from the rage and anger he felt.
“Aiden,” Brandon said, trying to calm him.
“No . . . Aiden, no! When I first asked you for your help, I had absolutely no idea who your father was!” I said in a small voice.
“When did you figure it out then?” he asked, looking at me in the eyes.<
br />
I took a long breath as I looked down. “The first time that I came over . . . the night that you invited me for spaghetti. I saw his picture and—”
“Of course! you even asked me about him. God, I’m such an idiot! I should have known! I should have known that I can’t ever be happy. I should have known that this was all a fucking trick.”
“No. This wasn’t a trick! Just let me explain everything, please! Aiden, I really do love yo—”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence! Don’t you dare try to tell me that you love me. You don’t love me,” he said, cutting me off harshly.
“Please Aiden . . . please let me explain,” I begged.
“Explain what?! How selfish you are?” he yelled at me.
“Wha—” I was taken aback.
“Aiden!” Brandon said firmly. He then mouthed “stop” at his friend.
Aiden ignored him.
“How many other people have you killed? How many other people overdosed on your drugs?” Aiden asked, staring at me and taking a few steps forward as he moved closer to me.
I blinked at him a few times. I hadn’t ever really thought about it. The only person that I had ever known of was Jeremy.
I could still remember the next day when the cops were swarming near one of my normal selling spots. That was when I heard about the overdose. The day after that was when I saw his face in the obituary. It haunted me from then on.
Not to mention, Demetri and Daniel wouldn’t let it rest. They were pissed and paranoid that the drugs were somehow going to be traced back to one of us. They blamed me for the whole thing, saying that I was careless, especially since he died in the same alley way that we had met in. However, no one ever did track anything back. Besides, Demetri had so many cops in the force that it wouldn’t have mattered even if they did.
Still, they knew I felt like shit about the whole situation and used it to taunt me.
I tried to never ask myself how many people’s lives I was messing up. I didn’t like to think about how awful I was. I was quickly seeing how selfish and ignorant I had become. I saw it in the way Aiden’s disgusted stare penetrated me. I saw it in the way that I had helped rip his family apart.
Aiden was right, how many other people had I killed and not even known about it? How many other people did I not even think about?
“How many other families have you completely destroyed with those drugs? How many fathers, mothers, daughters, sons? Huh? How many lives did you wreck? You didn’t even think about those people. Even if they didn’t die. How many people lost their families, their jobs, their loved ones because of that shit that you sold them?” he practically growled.
“I mean, fuck Aubry, your life fell apart because of drugs. How could you do that to other people?” Aiden spat out, still taking slow steps until he finally stopped right in front of me.
“Aiden, stop.” Brandon said, trying to pull Aiden away from me.
Aiden shook him off quickly while he stared at me intently. His eyes cut me to the core.
“Fuck, Aubry!” he yelled.
His fist balled up, and I just knew that he was going to punch me. That punch, however, was going to be one that I truly deserved. I deserved so much more than just a mere punch, so I simply closed my eyes and forced myself to stay put as I waited for the impact of his fist.
It never came.
I opened my eyes back up and cocked my head to the side in confusion in his direction.
Why wasn’t he hitting me? I deserved it.
Suddenly, Aiden flung his fist forward.
Instead of coming into contact with me, though, like I had expected, his fist immediately embedded into the wall that was six inches to the left of my head.
“Fuck, Aubry! How could you fucking do that?!” he yelled at me.
Tears were filling his eyes rapidly. All the breathing I had was knocked out of me by Aiden’s broken expression.
I put that expression on his face . . . me.
Tears were overflowing my eyelids. I couldn’t help but cry. I was losing him, and it was all of my fault. I was losing everything. It was the end of us.
“Aiden?” We all heard a little voice from the end of the entryway say.
“Go to your room Cece,” Aiden said through gritted teeth.
“No,” she said stubbornly. “Aubry?” she asked, taking a few steps forward.
“Cece, please go to your room, honey,” I said in as light of a voice as I could muster.
“Aiden is making you cry?” she asked, confused.
“No, Cece. I’m okay. Just please go to your room until someone tells you to come out . . . please baby?” I said, trying to stop my tears.
She looked between Aiden and I skeptically, but finally nodded.
“Okay, only for you, Aubry . . .” she said, making my heart shatter even more.
I was going to miss her.
Cece returned to her room, and Aiden stayed standing in front of me. He was staring me down, completely heartbroken.
I couldn’t believe how much I messed everything up. The tears that were spilling over onto his cheeks made me want to throw up. I’d do anything to make them stop, to take back what happened.
But I couldn’t. His father was dead because of me.
“Aiden . . .” I whispered softly through my tears. I reached my hand out and wiped some of his away with my thumb. “I’m so sorry.”
I had nothing else to say. I really was so sorry.
“Aubry,” he almost whimpered while looking at me and running his hands through my hair.
He rested his forehead on mine and started to pull me to him. All of the sudden, however, he realized what he was doing. He ripped his body away from mine as if I were burning him.
“Fuck!” he yelled again. “What am I supposed to do?”
The front door opened with no warning. We all looked over expectantly at the culprit. Briana came through the door, looking at the three of us like we were absolutely insane.
“What’s going on?” Briana asked as she studied the scene in front of her. “Why were you yelling Aiden? And why are y’all crying?” she asked as Brandon grabbed her hand.
“Bri—” I started, but Aiden cut me off.
“Tell her,” he said, looking at me.
He pulled Bri away from Brandon and positioned her in front of me.
“Tell me what?” she asked with a crease in her brow.
I couldn’t find my voice as she stood there staring at me, more and more tears spilled out of my eyes.
“Tell her!” Aiden spat loudly, making me let out a weird breathy screech.
“What the fuck is going on?” Bri asked, looking at her brother.
“Aubry!” he yelled, pushing his sister out of the way and getting in my face. He slammed an open palm right next to my head. “Fucking tell her!” he said as he slammed his hand against the wall again.
“Aiden! What are you doing?! Stop!” Bri yelled at her brother as Brandon tried pulling him away from me.
I just cried. All I could do was cry. I was watching my whole life, my whole happiness, disappear.
“Tell her, or I will!” he said, shaking Brandon off of him and leveling his face with mine.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I just let out sobs and gasps of air, trying not to have a full-blown panic attack right then.
“Aubry?” Bri asked skeptically.
I couldn’t tell her though; nothing would come out.
“She killed dad, Briana. She’s the reason he’s dead,” Aiden said darkly.
“Aiden, what?” Bri asked, looking at him in utter disbelief.
So, he told her everything I told him. By the time he was done, Briana was crying and looking at me with disgust.
“You . . . you fucking bitch!” she exclaimed as she raised her hand and slapped me.
Brandon pulled her back immediately and restrained her.
It didn’t hurt. Nothing could hurt more than my heart shattering. No
thing could outshine the emotional pain because it was over. All of it was over. It was the end.
She was yelling at me all the things that Aiden had. She was telling me how selfish I was. How she couldn’t even believe that I would do that. It was awful.
It was true, all of it. I’m selfish, and I’m a fuck-up. I’m a fuck-up.
Brandon was whispering in Bri’s ear, trying to calm her down.
I was glad that he was there. He was their voice of reason, but I didn’t deserve a reason. I deserved all the shit that they were saying. I deserved whatever they wanted to do to me, I deserved it.
“Are you happy now? Huh? You tore my whole family apart.” Aiden sobbed. “Do you realize if it weren’t for you, then none of that shit would have happened to Briana? We’d all be fucking normal. All of this shit is because of you!” Aiden said accusingly, making me cry even harder.
“Come on Aiden, that’s not fair. You can’t blame all of this on her. She made a mistake. You can’t sit there and blame all your life’s problems on her!” Brandon defended me furiously.
Aiden just stared at me. All the tears from earlier were gone and were replaced by a look of disgust and fury.
“I loved you,” he said through gritted teeth.
I opened my mouth to say something, but he cut me off.
“No . . . not you. I loved the picture of you that you painted of yourself. I loved the you that you pretended to be.”
More tears came flowing out of my eyes. I hurt the only people that I’ve ever really cared about in the most detrimental way. I should have just let Demetri kill me. I should have just killed myself a long time ago.
“How could you say that you love me? Huh?! You . . . you don’t care about anyone but yourself!” he spat out venomously.
“Aiden . . . no I really d—” I started, but he didn’t want to hear it.
“Just get out,” he said slowly.
“What?” Brandon and I said at the same time.
“Get your shit out of my room and get out of our house. Just leave . . . leave all of us alone.” Tears were cascading down his face once again.
Fighting For Life Page 50
