“I’ll, um, I’ll just go . . .” I said awkwardly and stood up.
I placed a quick kiss on Aub’s cheek closest to me. Aubry’s head turned towards me while the monitor beeped a few times. I froze as looked at her face.
Unfortunately, her eyes didn’t open or anything, then I looked at the screen. It had happened again; her heart rate sped up with my kiss. A smile instantly graced my lips.
“Has that been happening a lot?” the guy asked me slowly. “Mark Richards, by the way. That’s Kelsey, but I’m sure you’ve gathered that. Thanks for calling . . .” he said in an easy-going voice.
I looked from him to Kelsey, who was looking at the monitor in shock. She then turned her eyes to me, waiting for my answer.
“No . . . I mean, her heart rate sped up one other time when I kissed her a couple of days ago, but she’s never moved more than just a twitch. I asked the doctor about her heart, he said that it’s a very good sign. He’s sure that she should be waking up soon. God I hope so,” I whispered the last part to myself.
“I’m Aiden,” I said awkwardly as I shook Mark’s outstretched hand.
“What are y’all?” Kelsey asked curiously as she gestured from Aubry to me.
I sighed and looked upward. “That’s a bit complicated,” I answered finally.
“So, you’re not boyfriend and girlfriend then?” she asked, looking confused.
“We were . . . and then I let life get in the way. I’m an idiot. She has to wake up so I can tell her how sorry I am. I need to tell her how much I love her,” I answered while looking at Aubry and stroking her cheek softly.
“Anyways, I’ll give you some privacy,” I said and began walking away.
“No, you can’t leave!” Kelsey said quickly while vigorously shaking her head.
“But I—” I began but she cut me off.
“She’s not going to wake up if you’re not in here,” she said with conviction.
I stared at her as if she were crazy. I was pretty sure she was.
“No, seriously! She’s obviously crazy about you. At least that’s what the monitor and her movement says. Plus, I see the way you look at her, you’re absolutely in love with her. She needs that around her at all times. Just . . . sit down,” she said, pointing to my previous spot.
I was glad she wasn’t making me leave, but I was confused as hell.
Didn’t she want time to explain herself to Aubry? I voiced that and she looked at me glumly.
“I want to explain myself, yes, but I don’t think I mind you being in here for it. I also see the way you look at me,” I opened my mouth to ask her what she was talking about, but she beat me to the punch.
“Like you don’t understand. Like I left my baby sister forever, like I’m the worst person ever,” she said and began crying again.
Mark went over to her side and sat her down gently on a chair as he comforted her.
“I am the worst person ever!”
“What? I didn’t say that . . .” I said with so much confusion in my voice. The girl was acting nuts.
“You didn’t have to, I see it in your eyes.”
“I don’t think that. I don’t understand, but I don’t think that you’re some sort of monster. I think you had a choice, and you made the wrong decision, but I don’t hate you or anything.” I paused and looked at Aubry.
“Neither does Aubry, she just wants to understand,” I concluded.
She sat up straighter in her chair and grabbed Aubry’s hand once again. “Baby sister, my little bee . . . I wish that I had a good explanation for you. I wish that I could give you a reason that wasn’t so ridiculous, but I can’t. The only reason that I had to leave was because I was selfish. I was so selfish, Bee.
“The way I saw it was I only had three options: The first, the one I should have chosen, was to stay here with you for four more years as you finish high school.” She sighed. “ B-But . . . There was just no way that I could have survived four more years here. Even if I went and got us our own place, they wouldn’t have stopped. We both know that . . .” She sobbed as she leaned her head on the railing.
“Besides that, Dad would have never let you leave that house,” she finally continued. “That is why option number two wasn’t in the running either. I couldn’t take you to California with me. Dad would have freaked, and I honestly don’t know what that psycho would have done to us.
“So, that left option number was three, leaving you here while I left. Aubry, that killed me. It killed me to leave you in that house with those sociopaths.” She broke down in violent sobs. “That was why I didn’t answer your calls. I couldn’t bear to talk to you . . . I knew that I would come back if I talked to you. Hell, even just your messages broke me completely. I am a horrible human being. I abandoned you!” Her cries were heartbreaking as we all sat there.
“I . . . anything that happened to you after I left . . . this . . . I take full responsibility for. I am so sorry. I hate myself for leaving you. I just couldn’t do it anymore . . . I couldn’t bear it anymore!”
“You took the beatings for me half the time, b-but anytime S-Sunny got a hold of me . . .” She sobbed loudly. “It was hell . . . over and over again. A-And Daniel, he was even worse!” She let out another broken sob. I felt so bad for her all of the sudden.
I squeezed Aubry’s hand harder, willing her to wake up. “A-And Dad, h-he was the worst of them all!” She broke down crying and sobbing again.
“I’m not like you, Bee. You, you’re strong, and smart, and resilient, and selfless. I’m nothing. I just let everything happen to me. I just hoped that it would all be over soon enough. You protected me, and I completely abandoned you.” She touched Aubry’s forehead gently. “I’m a horrible sister. There is no way that can make up for it, but Aub . . . please wake up. Please wake up, so I can at least try. Or hell, just wake up to yell at me . . . anything! Just please wake up, Bee! I love you. I love you so much, and I am so sorry.” She broke down again into more tears against her husband.
After a few more moments, she regained enough composure to talk again. She stood up and placed Aubry’s hand on her stomach. “Aubry, you have to wake up. I know you can’t feel it yet since we’re only eleven weeks along, but you have a niece or nephew that you have to be an aunt to. He or she won’t have any other aunts. Mark only has brothers and you, Bee, are my one and only sister. Please wake up to be here for this. I know I let you down and abandoned you, but please don’t die. Please wake up, and let me try to make it right. Please be there for your first niece or nephew. Please don’t make me tell him or her the stories of the aunt they never knew.” When she finished talking, she was crying violently into Mark’s chest.
I took that awkward time to look at Aubry’s face. I studied it, every single bit of it. She was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. I just wanted her to open her eyelids, so I could see my favorite beautiful shade of green behind them.
I got on my knees right in front of her so I could be eye level with her. I stared at her eyelids and just imagined her beautiful eyes opening to see me.
“Aubry, everyone you love is here now. We’re all waiting on you. Please, baby, open your eyes. We need you here with us. Cece needs you to play Legos and read with her the way only you can. Tommy needs you to give him advice for Marissa, or any other future girl. He was a complete lost cause before you. B will completely crumble into pieces if you die. Briana literally stabbed a guy for you Aub! She would have never done that before we met you. You made her realize how strong she is. My mom considers you her daughter, and if you die . . . it will be like her losing one of own kids. Please don’t put her through that! Even Brandon’s family, his sisters and his mom, all love you. They loved having you sleep on their couch and watch chick flicks with them while making Brandon sit through it too. They said it was some of their favorite moments ever!” I kissed her hand gently.
“Please Aubry, we need you! We all do. I need you . . . I need you to keep my nightmares away at
night. I need you to remind me that I’m stronger with everyone than I am apart from them. I need you to understand me and love me the way that nobody else can. You are it for me, Aub. Pawpaw was right, you are my Cecelia. I love you so much that it will kill me if you don’t wake up.”
I broke off as tears fell down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away as I placed my forehead on hers. I ran my fingers through her hair, down her cheeks, and all over her pretty face.
The monitor beeped loudly once again.
“Please wake up?! We need you here to do the things that only you can do. We all love you, so please, please, please stay. Wa—”
Right as I was about to say wake up, her eyes opened. I saw my favorite color looking back at me.
“Aubry . . .” I whispered immediately.
“A . . . A . . . Aiden,” she rasped out with wide eyes.
I felt so much relief wash through me as I looked her right in her teary eyes. However, she didn’t move a single muscle. She was laying flat on the bed with her head turned, looking at me. She couldn’t see anybody else in the room.
I leaned forward gently rested my forehead against hers again. “Oh . . . oh thank God! I was afraid I lost you.”
I felt tears pouring down my cheeks. I kissed her forehead, then her nose, then her eyelids, then her cheeks, and then her lips.
“I love you. I love you so much! I am so sorry.”
She was staring at me wide-eyed in shock as the monitor was going off like crazy. She still hadn’t moved a single muscle and hadn’t said anything other than my name. She was in shock, not that I blamed her, she had just woken up out of a damn coma!
I looked around and pressed the call button on the bed. They came on the speaker and asked us what was wrong.
“She’s awake!” I said excitedly.
“Excuse me?” the nurse said in disbelief.
“She’s awake! She’s awake!” I said with a giant smile. Aubry coughed and winced in horror.
“Can I give her some water while we wait for a doctor?” I asked hopefully.
“Yes, Just small sips though. Doctor Reed will be there shortly,” the nurse said, and it sounded like she was scrambling around.
I took the cup that my mom had given me for ice water and brought the straw to Aubry’s lips. “You heard her, small sips,” I instructed.
Aubry took a few sips and still stared at me wide eyed. She cleared her throat and winced slightly but talked anyways. “What’s going on? Where am I? And why are you here?” she said slowly.
“There’s time for all of that later. You are in the hospital, Aub . . .” I said, trying not to overwhelm her. Her heart monitor was already beating off the charts.
Just then, the door opened and everyone but Aubry looked to the door. Doctor Reed walked in with giant smile just as Doctor Mitchell followed suit.
“Aubry . . .” Doctor Reed said cautiously. “Do you remember me from a few months ago?” he asked slowly and got a small flashlight out to look at her eyes.
“Yes, Doctor Reed, right?” she asked as the heart monitor sped up.
My mom came running in and let out a happy sound of relief as she saw Aubry. “Thank God!” she said.
“Aubry, you need to calm down. It’s okay, everything is okay.” Doctor Reed said, trying to be reassuring.
The monitor only seemed to speed up. She was having a panic attack; I could tell even though she was barely even moving. Her breathing was ragged, and tears were pouring down her cheeks.
I immediately crouched down next to her again and put her hand on my chest.
“Hey, just feel my heartbeat. It’s just us in this room, okay? Ignore everything else, just focus on me,” I said while brushing the hair out of her eyes.
She stared into my eyes and bit her bottom lip softly.
“I’m here Aubry. I’m here, and you’re okay. I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to,” I whispered and leaned my forehead against hers. The heart monitor calmed down within a few minutes as everyone stared at us.
“Aubry?” That time, Doctor Mitchell talked. “I’m Dr. Mitchell. It’s nice to meet you,” he stated with a friendly smile. “Can you move?” he asked, concerned after she was still in the same position.
“No . . .” she whispered as the heart monitor sped up again.
“What can’t you move, Aubry?” he asked seriously.
“Everything.”
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Confused
Aubry
Everything was black, dark, dull, and scary. I couldn’t move, see, or do anything. I could hear words being spoken seemingly to me every once in a while, but I couldn’t quite make out the words.
Well that’s not true, sometimes I could. I could hear the tender voices saying encouraging words, but I knew that had to be in my mind. No one cared enough to say anything of value to me.
Was I dead? Was that what death is? Nothingness, darkness, and your mind’s deepest desires played out for you while the whole time you know nothing would come of it?
Nothing would come of the beautiful words spoken by the person I loved the most. He was the same person that I had hurt the most. I knew he wasn’t actually saying those words to me . . . Why would he?
“Come back, don’t leave me, I love you.” They were words I wanted to hear and words I knew I didn’t deserve. I deserved this. It must have been my punishment for all of the hell I caused everyone while I was alive. I wished I could just apologize. It meant nothing though.
My heart hurt ferociously at Aiden’s hurt voice. Aiden’s voice that longed for me to wake up. I would if I knew how to . . . just for him. For him, I’d do anything.
I could almost feel his lips on me . . . almost. I couldn’t miss the feeling of electricity that flowed through me at that moment. It was like a beautiful spark that caused my heart to thump once again. The feeling that only he could give me. I could feel the sensation all throughout my body.
Could it actually be real? Could he really be there with me? It felt real. I quickly shook the thought out of my crazy mind. He wasn’t there, and I was probably—hopefully—dead.
Time passed, but I was not sure how much. The blackness made time pass without me knowing how quickly. Would that be how it would go forever? Would I have no clue of time and space forever? Just the beautiful words from the ghosts of my past saying the words I’d never actually hear, and the words I longed for?
Suddenly, I felt the feeling again, the amazing feeling of Aiden’s lips. I wasn’t sure how I knew it was his lips, but in my heart I knew. Only Aiden could give me that feeling, the electricity and the warmth. It was so beautiful. I felt like a bug drawn to light, and I had to follow his warmth. The sensation felt so real, like he was right there with me. His warmth stayed next to me. I was pining for it, for him.
“Bee.” I kept hearing the word over and over again. The word caused a major stir in my heart. It reminded me of my sister. I missed her so much that it caused excruciating pain. I had been so angry at her for leaving me. However, as I was in death, I just missed her. None of that even mattered. I wanted her to know that I didn’t blame her for anything.
Yes, she had left, but as I pondered it knowing that I’d never see her again, I realized that she probably would have died if she stayed there with me. Whether it was by the hands of herself or someone else, she would have died. I would much rather die myself than her. I didn’t think that I could have lived through losing her. Plus, she had way more potential than me, she was the good one. That was what everyone always said, she was the good sister.
I missed her like crazy. I never got to say goodbye to her, to tell her I forgave her. I never got to tell her that I loved her.
I felt another warmth on the other side of me. It wasn’t the type of warmth Aiden emitted. It was completely different, but still nice all in the same. I had the electric, beautiful warmth that felt like Aiden on one side of me, while I had a comforting, tender warmth on the other. Death wouldn’t be so bad if
it felt like that always.
“Aunt.” I heard the word spoken clearly. That didn’t make any sense. I had no aunt, at least none that I knew of. I thought of Kelsey. I wondered if she was going to have any kids, kids that I’d miss growing up. That thought sent a shockwave down my spine and an excruciating pain through my body. I couldn’t miss having a niece or nephew. I’d miss seeing it grow up to be better than me!
Suddenly, I didn’t want to be dead anymore. I’d miss everything. I’d miss Cece and her beautiful laugh when we played. I’d miss Tom’s dumb jokes and helping him get a date. My heart hurt at how hard B would take my death.
No! I couldn’t die if it meant hurting him. I’d miss seeing Bri getting stronger and stronger, that girl could take over the world some day if she wanted to! I’d miss Dana’s homecooked meals, and the way she’d wrap me up in a hug as if I were one of her own. I’d miss Brandon’s mom’s warmth and kindness, and his sister’s liveliness. I’d miss it all.
I’d especially miss Aiden. His beautiful smile, the way he said my name, the way he’d wrap me up in his arms and keep my nightmares away. I’d miss the way he knew exactly how to calm me down and his beautiful blue eyes that stared into mine like a gorgeous ocean. I’d miss the way his name sounded so natural from my lips and the way we understood each other like no one else could. I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t die!
I couldn’t die so I could make everything right again. Maybe I wasn’t the best person, maybe I screwed up royally, maybe I had no idea how to be in a family, but I loved them! Each and every one of them. I loved them so much that it hurt me.
Maybe I hated myself, but I had to believe that they saw the good in me. Maybe they could see the best parts of me! They loved me back! They had to. I couldn’t leave the people who I loved me just like that. I couldn’t leave everything up in the air and unresolved. I owed them more than that! Hell, I owed myself more than that!
Maybe they weren’t a part of my life at that moment. However, I had to believe that I meant as much to them as they did to me. I had to win them back! They were my family! I had to win Kelsey back too!
Fighting For Life Page 69
