by David Petrie
The air outside was cool as soon as they stepped onto the ship's upper deck. Kira took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as her shoulders relaxed. A light breeze swelled around her, ruffling her dress, the moonlight passing through the impossibly light fabric creating a subtle silhouette of her body underneath.
Corvin looked away and tried to stop his tail from wagging as she stepped to the railing and leaned against it. The thing had a way of betraying his thoughts at the worst of times. He assumed that the fluffy appendage worked off impulses in his brain meant for other parts of his body, so he couldn't always control it at will.
Kira sighed, bringing his attention back to her. " I guess there are worse places to be stuck." She gazed out over the land below as they drifted through the cloudless sky.
A simple, “Yeah," was all he could think of to say, causing the conversation to die before it even started.
They stayed like that for what seemed like forever as he struggled to think of something to fill the silence, something that might distract her from her situation.
Normally, Kira was pretty chatty, always cheerful and stuffing her face with food. He had once seen her eat seventeen peanut butter cups at once to win a bet. She was fun to be around. It was why he had always liked her. Of course, he knew that they weren't the best of friends or anything, but they had always gotten along. And yes, for a time, he may have had a slight crush. Although, he never would have acted on it. Not just because he had always assumed that she and Max were a couple, but mostly because she was pretty, and he was awkward. It was a good thing, too. That would have been an uncomfortable conversation.
Now, knowing the truth about who she really was, he felt like he understood her more. He still liked her, just in a different way. It made him want to know more about her and how she saw the world. Though that didn't change the fact that he was still painfully shy. It was a trait of his that he wished he could change, but he never figured out how. He took a deep breath and tried to be bold.
"So, I have to ask …" He placed a hand on the ship’s railing in an attempt to appear casual.
The stars danced in her eyes as she gave him a simple, "Hmm?"
"What's it like? You know, being this? I mean, what you are?" He fumbled the question, but she seemed to get the point.
"You mean what's it like playing as the opposite sex?"
"Yeah." He resisted the instinct to look away.
She leaned onto the railing, resting her chin on her hands. "You know, if someone else had asked me that question, I would probably lie or avoid it. But you're probably one of the only people that won't make fun of me." She shot him a smile that warmed him inside, and he did his best to reassure her with a nod. "I guess, from a purely physical standpoint, I'd say it's …" she leaned her head to the side, "comfortable? I guess?"
Corvin opened his mouth to ask what she meant, but she interrupted him, her eyes widening while she shook her head.
"Don't take that the wrong way," she insisted.
"Okay." He held up his hands trying to convey that he had no intention of judging her no matter what her answer was.
She settled back down. "What I meant was, it's kind of nice to be small and light and to have no body hair whatsoever. Sure, there are occasional sensations that catch me off guard and weird me out. But I have a better range of motion, which helps me to fly and dodge. And I never have to worry about getting hit in the junk. So it's really not bad. Honestly..." she hesitated, "I kind of like it just as much as my real body."
Corvin watched as she stepped away from the railing and tiptoed across the deck like a dancer, lifting up on one foot and raising the other high over her head as she leaned down. It was an impressive and somewhat alluring display of flexibility. He laughed at the demonstration, and she returned to her place at the rail.
"I guess that makes sense, from a physical standpoint. But what about …” Corvin cleared his throat, “the rest?"
"That's where things get dicey." She twirled one of the braids that Ginger had added to her hair. "I never realized how different things are. I mean, I did. I'm not an idiot. But I never thought about it. That's the part that I have trouble with."
"Okay?" Corvin said, having trouble following her.
Her eyes slid up and to the side as if searching for the right words. "Guys are hard to figure out, which I know is odd, coming from me. It's just strange to be treated so differently. It can be nice, like holding doors and such. Sometimes players even offer to help me on quests and stuff when they don't stand to get anything out of it. Part of me likes the attention. But I know damn well they wouldn't act that way if I was something else, so it ends up feeling …” she frowned, “wrong."
Corvin stayed quiet, realizing that he’d been guilty of giving her special treatment in the past. After all, the main reason he always crafted lemon drops was because he knew she liked them. It was a sobering thought.
She continued without calling him out on it. "Other times, it's horrible. You all can be real dicks sometimes. I kinda understand why it's hard for female gamers to play without being bothered by anyone. I mean, if I had a nickel for every time a guy has sent me a message asking me to send nudes, I'd be rich. It's like there's something about the fact that I don't know their real name that turns off a filter in their heads. For example, I got this one a couple nights ago." Kira opened her journal to read aloud what was easily the most vile and depraved message that Corvin had ever heard.
"Well, that's … horrifying." He felt ashamed of his gender as a whole.
"I know, right? What kind of person sends that? And how does he think so little of me?" Her fingers tightened around the railing as she spoke then relaxed as soon as she finished. She lowered her head in defeat. "What's worse is when someone gets it in their head that they should go around touching all the women they meet online, as if they're all just begging for the attention. I mean, I like being touched sometimes. For example, the last dungeon was a bit hard on me, but Farn made me feel better with just a pat on the back. When it's from a friend and for the right reason, physical contact can be really nice.” Then her eyes narrowed. "Though, I'd prefer it that Max refrains from slapping my ass. Granted, he obviously doesn't see me like that, so it doesn't really bother me. Plus, I trust him," she leaned to the side and nudged Corvin's arm with her elbow, "and I supposed I trust the rest of you guys, too.” She scrunched up her nose. “Well, maybe not Kegan."
Corvin laughed and scratched one of his ears. "Yeah, probably keep an eye out for that guy."
She snickered too but sank back down a moment later. "But there are times when someone touches me, that it's like, I know there's more to it. It doesn't usually go too far. Just a hand on my arm or waist, but it feels like I don't have a choice. It just happens, and then I feel like I have to be okay with it because if I say something, I might make things more uncomfortable." She stood quietly for a moment, then slid closer to Corvin, placing her arm around his back so that her hand rested on his hip.
A tingle rushed through his back, and he stood up straight, his tail puffing up a little. "Woah, what—"
"See. It's weird, right?" She slipped away from him.
Corvin gave an awkward nod before relaxing again after the sudden invasion of personal space. "Ahh, yeah."
She smiled, her point made. Then she sank back down against the rail, turning away so he couldn't see her face. "A while back, Max and I played with a group of guys that we met through party search. They all knew each other, so it was a little weird when we first started. But we fought well as a team, and it seemed like a good party. So, after a few hours, everyone was feeling pretty comfortable, joking and talking about whatever. It was fun. Then one of them started flirting with me. Obviously, I wasn't into it, so I tried to ignore him. Then he started putting his hand on my back. At the time, my gear was cut really low, which left a lot of skin exposed for my wings. Anyway, I tried my best to move away and stay out of reach to avoid the issue, but he kept seeking me out, always switching plac
es to stay beside me. So I started making it more obvious that I wasn't into it, like stepping away when he reached for me and what not. But he didn't take the hint, so I finally said something."
"How'd he take it?" Corvin held his breath, afraid of the answer.
"Fine, actually. I just told him it was making me uncomfortable as nicely as I could, and he apologized like a gentleman. I had been building it up in my head like it was going to be a problem, so I felt like an idiot when it wasn't."
Corvin exhaled. "That's good."
"Yeah it was, but I'm not done. About an hour later, he started doing it again. Like he somehow forgot or thought I would give in if he was persistent enough. I pushed his hand away to remind him, but he just got more aggressive. Then he put his hand on me, like really low." Kira slid her arms around her stomach as a noticeable shudder pulsed through her body. "His fingertips slipped into my dress a bit." She fell silent for a moment.
"What'd you do?" Corvin asked, his heart racing a little.
She swatted at the air beside her. "I slapped his damn hand away as hard as I could, which I’ll admit isn’t that hard. Then I told him to cut it the hell out, a lot less politely than I did the first time."
"Did he stop?"
She threw her hands up before dropping them to her sides again. "At that point, it became a thing, which was exactly what I was hoping to avoid. He acted like it was no big deal, and I was just being uptight. Then his friends all ganged up on me like it was my problem, like I shouldn't have been bothered since my body isn't real. Max jumped in and got between them and me, and as much as I hate to admit it, I totally hid behind him. But there were four of them and two of us, so they didn't back down. They asked Max what it was to him, and if he was my boyfriend or something. He said that I was his friend and that he didn't like how they were treating me. And you know Max, he wasn't about to back down either, so it escalated. Finally, I just said we should go, which sucked because we were almost done with the quest we had been working on all night. Then they got pissed that I wanted to ditch and got all bent out of shape about it. They said that I was an example of why girls shouldn't play games.
“In the end, Max disbanded the party right there in the dungeon, and I teleported us out, which is why the both of us have one percent negative feedback on our profiles saying that we quit early. How much does that suck? Granted, Max has plenty more negative feedback for trash-talk, so I shouldn't feel too bad about it. But there's something about being called a bitch because you don't want a guy's hand down your dress that doesn't feel great." She clenched her jaw as soon as she finished talking.
"Wow, what a bunch of—" Corvin started.
"Douche bags?" Kira finished.
"Yeah," Corvin agreed, wondering what he would have done if he had been there with her. Then he realized he had missed an important detail. "Why didn't you just tell them you were a guy?"
"Ha!" She gave a loud but mirthless laugh. "Yeah, that's another crazy thing. Back when we first started playing, I used to just tell people as soon as anything felt weird, and it would put a stop to things before they started. But after the first year, being honest stopped working. Apparently, claiming to be a man became the go-to response used by most of the real female gamers to get people to leave them alone. After a while, people just stopped believing it or not caring."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, after that, there was a period where saying I was gay worked. Then, all of a sudden, it started making guys more interested, like they were gonna get me into some kind of fantasy group thing."
"Yikes."
"One time I told a guy that my cat had just died, and that I wasn't in the mood, which was actually true. I'd loved that cat, and I really was upset about it. But do you know what he said?"
"What?"
Kira did her best impression of what she thought a smooth-talking player sounded like. "We should go somewhere quiet, and I'll help you forget about it."
"Really?" Corvin grimaced. "What'd you do?"
"I did what any sensible person would do. I noped the hell out of there and ran away."
Corvin laughed. "Oh god, I'm sorry."
"Yeah," she said, her voice sounding tired. "You know what does work pretty well though?
"What?"
She hesitated as if not really wanting to say despite having already started. "Okay, you can't tell anyone, like, not even Max.” She glanced around over her shoulder as if checking to see if anyone else was around. “Especially not Max."
Corvin held up his hand as if taking an oath. "I promise."
She bit her bottom lip before speaking. "You know how Farn assumed Max and I were a couple."
"Yeah, to be honest, I thought so, too. Or at least, I suspected it. I thought it would be rude to ask, though."
She laughed with a snort that was somehow endearing. "Yeah, we get that question a lot actually. It's super awkward."
"Well you do make a cute couple," Corvin joked. "You fight well together, and you’re always having fun. Plus, he's kind of protective of you."
"That's just because we've played together for a long time. We're at a point where we know each other well enough to strategize without talking. Plus, we have a lifetime of joking around behind us, so we can seem pretty close." She leaned away from the railing and winced, like she was preparing to rip off a band-aid. "But when people just assume we're together, I don't really do much to stop them from thinking that."
Corvin looked at her sideways. "Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, I didn't use to go along with it, but then I noticed it stopped most of the advances. Like belonging to someone else is the only thing these d-holes seem to respect, or at least, they don't want to cross Max. It may not make me feel great about myself, but I get to forget about things and play the game for the most part. Which is all I really want."
"Too bad that's what it takes."
"I know. I mean, can't I just play a game? Not every woman you meet online is looking to date. People need to take no for an answer. I shouldn't need to give a reason why not. And I definitely shouldn't need to activate my cage, like, ever."
"You've had to?" Corvin’s mouth dropped open.
"A couple times." She sunk back down to the railing and sulked.
"Damn. I guess men suck," Corvin said matter-of-factly.
"Yes, we certainly do," Kira added before changing the subject. "Anyway, enough about my sob stories, what about you? How's being a fluffy-tailed reynard treating you?"
"Ahh," he dragged out the syllable, taken aback by the question. He wasn't one to talk about himself. But she had answered his questions, so it was only fair that he did the same. "I guess I can't complain. I like the ears." He flipped them back and forth. "The tail is hard to control and gets in the way, though."
She smiled. "I bet you're glad it was your robe that got caught in the door last dungeon and not your tail."
Corvin’s eyes widened as he considered it. "Oh, man, that would've sucked!" He swept his tail around himself so he could hold it in his hands and stroke it.
She looked at him, biting her lip again, looking a little shy but also more like herself. "Hey," she said in a sheepish tone. "Feel free to say no to this, but can I touch it?"
His face flushed, looking down at his tail. "I guess so."
"See I asked first, like a gentleman," she explained puffing out her chest with pride.
Corvin laughed as she reached out and took the end of his tail in her hands.
"Oh my god! It's so soft. How is it this soft?" she asked, bouncing on her toes.
He shrugged, not really knowing how to respond.
She didn't let go. Instead, she sat down and leaned against the side of the steel plating below the railing. She patted the floor next to her, indicating for him to sit.
He cooperated. To his surprise, she draped his tail across her lap and stroked it like a cat. No one had ever really touched him before in-game, and it gave him a little more understanding of what it meant. It fel
t strange but not bad. In a way, he felt closer to her.
A chill had found its way into the air as the ship traveled to the north, and she used his thick fur as a blanket, letting out a contented noise that was somewhere between a sigh and a moan as she snuggled with it across her lap.
"How do you like being a Venom mage?" she asked, running her fingers through his fur.
"I guess …" he thought about it for a moment, "I sort of hate it."
She ceased her petting and sat up straight. "Why?"
He sighed. "I guess because I don't get to do much. I know I'm useful, but I just hang around the background casting spells. I never really get the chance to stand out."
"There's nothing wrong with that," she insisted, leaning closer toward him.
"I know. It was the reason why I chose my class in the first place. Back then, I just wanted to play the game without drawing too much attention. If you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of shy."
She laid on a thick layer of sarcasm. "No way, really?"
He continued, "At least, that's how I felt before playing with you guys. Since then, I've seen what you do out there, and I find myself wishing I could be different. I want to be more fun like you and cooler like Max."
Kira snorted. "You think Max is cool?"
"I do. He's a great leader, an amazing fighter, and he carries himself like he has nothing to prove. He has a confidence that I just don't," Corvin answered, opening up to someone for the first time in years. There was something freeing about it.
"I didn't know anyone looked up to Max like that." She tilted her head from side to side. "I suppose he can be kind of cool. I've known him a long time, so I never really notice. I just remember him getting picked on in school and falling apart whenever he talked to women."
Corvin snapped his eyes back to hers, surprised by what he'd heard. "He got picked on?"
"Yeah, it's probably why we became friends. He had a bit of a rough childhood. Although, I didn't know him then since I didn't move to town until later. It's not something he hides or anything though. His father was hard on him as a kid, and he left Max and his mother without much explanation."
