Heartthrob

by Robin Bielman

  I’m there when she turns around. I give her a second to catch her breath before I’ve got her pinned against the door, my mouth on hers. It’s not our usual kind of kiss. She parts her lips almost begrudgingly when my tongue darts out for more. In the back of my mind, I think about stopping. Instead, I kiss her harder, asserting some primal masculine urge to claim her as mine without words.

  She lashes her tongue against mine in retaliation. Her nails dig into my back. The kiss is punishing, yet satisfying. I’m happy to take her frustrations, her pain, her anger, and swallow them. I may not know much about being a boyfriend, but I’m a damn good teammate, and Webster is my team captain.

  I have no idea how long we duel—it could be seconds, it could be minutes. Chloe backs off first. Her lips are gorgeously swollen, her cheeks flushed. She steps around me. “We should get going,” she says. In the same tone she might say, “Pick up your socks, would you?”

  The drive to the airport passes in relative silence. It’s not exactly awkward, more like reserved, which for the record, feels just as shitty. We’ve never held back from each other.

  I pull up to the drop-off for American Airlines, glad to see there aren’t a ton of cars vying to get in and out. I turn off the engine.

  “Thanks for the ride,” Chloe says.

  “Call me when you get in, okay?”

  “I will.”

  “Hey.” I take her hand. “In case I haven’t told you enough, you’re incredible and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” Her gaze moves out the windshield. “I talked to Rena yesterday and she’s very happy that my number of followers is up, way more than Mike and Giancarlo’s, which you know, I had no doubt would happen. I mean, look at them and then look at me,” I say to lighten the mood and hopefully get her eyes to meet mine again.

  She twists her mouth into a wry smile and looks at me. Hard. I wish I knew what she was thinking. “You are pretty easy on the eyes.”

  “Right back at you.”

  “Grab my bag for me?”

  “Absolutely.” I hop out of the car, meeting her at the trunk. When she wraps her arms around me in goodbye, I hold on for an extra few seconds. Her body molds to mine like it was made for me, and me only.

  “See ya,” she says, turning and rolling her suitcase behind her.

  I wave and watch her walk away until she’s out of sight. There’s so much I want to say to her when she gets back. Climbing into the driver’s seat, I hope waiting was the right move.

  And I hope the sudden surge of unease in the pit of my stomach is nothing to worry about.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  #TheHeartWantsWhatTheHeartWants

  Chloe

  The definition of ‘hard and fast’ is: fixed, definite, strict, rigid, inflexible, ironclad, binding, and a few other similar words. The term originally applied to a ship that had come out of the water either by dry-docking or running aground, and therefore was unable to move.

  I used to agree with this description. After Leo broke up with me, I made the hard and fast rule of no more dating. No more men.

  Then Finn came along. And now when I think ‘hard and fast’ I think about sex. With him. When he’s so desperate to come inside me that he can’t control himself. I do that to him. I hold power over him I’ve not held over my previous boyfriends.

  It’s part of the reason why it was easy to look Leo right in the eye and say “no” when he practically begged me to get back together.

  The entire time I was in New Jersey I thought about what it meant for that strange turn of events. Was I no longer cursed? Was the curse something I made up to make myself feel better? Because the universal truth still applied—my boyfriends dumped me to be with someone else. How many times can a person try at love before courage and hope are dismantled to dust?

  Sitting against my headboard, I roll my head to the side and look out my bedroom window. It’s bright out, but raindrops trickle down the glass. It’s the second passing shower in as many hours, which is not unusual for December in SoCal. Dad and I have come home a day early. Aunt Becky is doing well and we both wanted to sleep in our own beds. Dad especially, after so many weeks away. I didn’t tell anyone I was back. I walked into the house, straight to my bedroom, plopped a green coconut bath bomb into the tub and soaked until I turned into a prune. Then I put on jammies and climbed into bed with my laptop. The great thing about my job is I can be online from anywhere without anyone knowing my location unless I want them to.

  There’s something else I can’t get off my mind. Finn’s last words when he dropped me off at the airport. He had to have overheard my conversation with Leo. Our house is small. Yet he didn’t say anything. Not that I wanted to talk about it, but still. He could have acknowledged it, right? Instead, he complimented me on our working relationship. It caught me completely off guard. Have I read all of his signals wrong? Is it only sex for him? I didn’t think so, but I’ve been wrong before. Multiple times.

  And if I’m right and we have something special? Then there’s a part of my brain that is waiting for him to drop the breakup bomb on me. Tell me he met the real love of his life. More than any of my other boyfriends, Finn’s betrayal would devastate me the worst because…because I love him the hardest. I didn’t mean to fall for him. I didn’t even try. Everything is just so easy with him. My heart reached for him the moment he said, “Small world, huh?” in the Landsharks conference room at our official first-meet.

  Which brings me to the other part of my brain that says—no, knows—Finn is first and foremost a baseball player. He’s dedicated to his career above all else, which is something I greatly admire. I feel the same. I love my job. I’m great at it. Social Media Manager Chloe is effortless. It’s off-the-clock Chloe that is harder for me to trust.

  Can I trust off-the-field Finn?

  “Chloe?” my dad says through the closed bedroom door.

  “Come in,” I call out.

  He peeks his head around the door before fully entering. Since I hit puberty after my mom passed away and needed his help with my period, he’s always been careful about barging in on me. “This package just arrived for you. It’s from Finn.”

  I put my laptop to the side and accept the box. “Thanks.”

  “I thought our early return was top secret,” he says.

  “It is. I guess he wanted it to be here waiting for me.” The outside of the box says Best Cookie Ever Bakery.

  Dad sits on the edge of the bed. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  He studies me like he knows I’m lying. I’ve never been able to get anything past him. “I didn’t bug you while we were at your aunt’s house, but we’re on our home turf now, so spill.”

  If I don’t come clean, he’ll keep pestering me. “Leo came to see me,” I say, starting from there. I tell him about our entire conversation. And I tell him about how Finn and I left things after a somewhat awkward car ride to the airport. As I talk, he rubs the new beard on his chin. He decided that No Shave November should roll through December, too. It’s taken me a while to get used to it.

  “I’ve told you all along you’re not cursed,” he says lovingly. “Some bad luck, yes. But thank God for that, because none of those boys were good enough for you.”

  “You loved Leo.”

  “No. But I would have, for you.”

  I can’t believe my ears. “I thought—”

  “Faked it.”

  “Dad!” Since when does my father surprise me? Since never.

  “I had a feeling it wouldn’t last so there was no need to voice my concerns. Not that you would have listened to me anyway.” The beard hides the lines around his mouth, but I can still make out his indulgent smile.

  “Since when are you an expert on dating?”

  “I may be rusty, but I remember exactly how it felt when I started dating your mom.”

  My mom and dad were college sweethearts. They met when my dad coached her powder-puff football team during a Greek Week ev
ent. Mom was a receiver and when a girl on the other team tripped her and my dad didn’t call it, she threw the football at his chest. He was immediately smitten. “How come you haven’t dated? It’s been a long time since Mom passed.” It’s a question I’ve wanted to ask for a while. My dad is only fifty-four.

  “Who says I haven’t?”

  “What?” Okay, Surprise Dad has got to knock it off.

  He shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Your aunt set me up with one of her friends.”

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

  “I’m telling you now.”

  “How was it?”

  “Terrible,” he says with conviction, so I lean over and hug him. “But you know what your mom always said.”

  “In order to grow you have to step out of your comfort zone,” we say together.

  “I wish she was here,” I say softly.

  “Me, too. Every day.” His chest rises and falls. “She’d be so proud of you, Chloe.”

  “Why was the date terrible?” I ask, steering the conversation back to him so I don’t start to cry.

  “We had nothing in common. And then she told me she hated baseball.”

  I make a face. “What was Aunt Becky thinking?”

  “That she’d torture her baby brother.” He looks down at the floor, lost in thought, before raising his eyes back to me. “You know, just because I’ve chosen to be alone, doesn’t mean I want you to be.”

  “I know. But…” I squeeze my eyes shut for a second. “I’m afraid if my heart is broken one more time, it won’t ever be fixable.”

  “You’re talking about Finn.”

  I nod. “Neither of us was looking for a relationship, but it happened anyway and now I’m scared he’ll hurt me, just like everyone else has.”

  “I wish I could promise you that won’t happen, but I can’t. Life throws us curve balls, sweet pea, but if you’ve got the right fielder ready to catch what you have to give, then it’s worth getting up to bat.”

  I suck in my bottom lip. It’s the first time my dad has spouted advice with a baseball metaphor and I wonder if he was saving it until the right person came along. “Like maybe a certain center fielder?”

  He arches his brows. You said it, not me.

  “I don’t need to make a decision about anything yet. We’re still working together for another month and after that…”

  “He’d be an idiot to let you go.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Anytime.” He kisses my forehead. “I love you.”

  “Love you, too.” As soon as he closes my bedroom door, I open the box from Finn. Inside is another box, this one an upscale white, and nestled inside on top of silver tissue paper are six large sugar cookies, three Xs and three Os. They’re decorated with either red or white icing. A notecard is included on top telling me each month I will receive a Box of Sweetness containing a half dozen handmade cookies.

  Finn bought me a cookie subscription box! I grin from ear to ear. Nice timing, Mr. Auprince.

  I lift a cookie up and find there’s a small envelope tucked into the side of the box. I open it and find a note from Finn. Chloe, Roses are red, violets are blue. Cookies are sweet, but not the things I want to do to you. Finn

  I crack up. That is the most ridiculous poem ever, and I love it. If you looked up Finn Auprince in the dictionary it would read: sexy, athletic, smart, kind, hardworking, caring, determined, confident. He’s the kind of guy every girl has dreams of being with. And he’s never given me a reason to doubt him.

  The cookie is delicious. I eat a second one and then grab my phone to call him. All of a sudden, I’m dying to see if he’s up for company tonight. Two can play the not-so-sweet game. My shoulders sag when he doesn’t answer. It’s eight o’clock on a Friday night. He’s probably out to dinner or something, so I hang up.

  Maybe I’ll drive over to his house. Surprise him when he gets home by being naked in his bed or naked in front of the fireplace.

  I like that plan. I know where he hides his spare key and I’ve missed him a ton this past week. I slide off the bed to change clothes, twisting around to grab my iPhone when it pings with an alert. I’ve got it set to notify me when Finn or any of his teammates are mentioned. I do this with all my clients, removing the alert when my contract is complete.

  I’ve never once had my heart sink at a notification before, though. I blink several times to be sure I’m not seeing things.

  Nope. The photo of Finn with some gorgeous woman on his arm is right there in living color. She’s smiling—actually it’s more like a sexy simper, as if she knows she can have any man she wants—at Finn and he’s returning the admiration. Another notification sounds, and another. My phone lights up with news of Finn at The Surfeit Hotel.

  I wasn’t aware of any event at his brother Drew’s hotel, not that I’m privy to everything on Finn’s social calendar. He’s free to do whatever he wants. And it’s not like he knew I’d be back home tonight. But the cocktail attire and the sparkly lights in the background rub me the wrong way. It looks very date-like and my fragile heart suffers another punch.

  I’m cursed.

  And shattered.

  Again.

  Deep breath, Chloe. It might not be anything. Finn isn’t the kind of guy to lie or cheat. He said we were exclusive. He wouldn’t go back on his word without being up front with me if his feelings had changed. The problem is, while my head can rationalize he’s with famous and beautiful people all the time, and this woman may be just an acquaintance, my heart is freaking the fuck out.

  This is Finn’s life. He’s mega-wealthy, highly regarded, worshipped by baseball fans and non-fans across the country. What if? What if he does meet someone else he likes better than me? He’s made me no promises. In a couple of months, he’ll be on the road more than he’s home. Sleeping in hotel rooms. Fending off female fans. I’ve seen them—women who stake out the lobbies and bars of team accommodations, hoping to hook up with a player.

  When it comes to Finn, my heart leads my head. It makes me sick to my stomach that right now jealousy overrules trust, but given my history, who could blame me? I’ve been jilted over and over again. I can’t bear for it to happen one more time. The only safe place for my heart is with me. I’ve got dreams and goals and those are what I need to focus on. I can’t go wrong if I commit to myself.

  I crawl back into bed and reach for my laptop to send an email to Rena. I need some time to lock down my feelings before I see Finn. It’s still the holidays so I’m hoping I can push things to after the new year. By then I should be able to explain to him that I’d like to continue our working relationship, but nothing more.

  Opening my email, I find a new message from my boss—make that two messages—flagged as important. I open the first one. She’s got a one-week job she wants me on with Hayden Clemons. Huh. Hayden is another pro baseball player and pretty damn close to Finn’s equivalent on the field. He’s a year younger than Finn, I think, and plays for the Landsharks’ biggest rival—and the team that won the World Series. It’s a little odd that she wants me for this last minute, but I’m not going to argue. The gig requires I leave for Sacramento, Hayden’s hometown, on Sunday. I won’t need to make up some excuse to Rena now, as my boss has already let her know this is a project for Major League Baseball.

  I reread that last part. Hayden is chairing this special MLB event, a three-day toy swap where kids can trade or donate sports equipment they received for the holidays. Anyone who brings a gift will get their picture taken with Hayden. Working with Finn is huge, but working with Major League Baseball is a BFD. It’s a dream of mine I thought would take years to make a reality. Excitement charges past all the other emotions I’m feeling. This could be a big step in my career. A game changer.

  The second email includes my flight and hotel info. I kick my feet, making the sheets rustle. This is really happening.

  This is another new beginning—just when I needed it most.

  F
inn

  All I want is to be home. I dread nights out like this, but Drew reminded me I owed him one and he requested payment tonight. The more “celebrities” hanging out at his hotel, the more media coverage and word of mouth. Why he needs me, I don’t know. There are a dozen people more famous than me at his upscale bar to celebrate Ryan Seacrest’s birthday. Flashbulbs have been blinking for the past hour, the food and drink flowing. But ten more minutes and I’m out of here. Drew won’t notice, given he’s got a woman looking at him like she wants to do a lot more than just sit on his lap.

  My only saving grace is my friend, Hannah. She’s been attached to my hip while we catch up on life. She works with my cousin in fashion design and does some modeling on the side. Her brother and I played high school ball together so I’ve known her forever. Am I a little put-off by her sudden flirting? Yeah, but I can handle it and not flirt back.

  “So, do you have plans for New Year’s Eve?” Hannah asks, escalating her interest by putting her hand on my thigh. “If not, I’d love to ring in the new year with you.”

  I swivel in my barstool so her hand falls away. “I do have plans.” They aren’t confirmed, but I plan to be with Chloe in Big Sur through the first of the year.

  “Oh?” Disappointment surrounds the single syllable. “With anyone I know?”

  “No,” I say, taking a sip of my drink. Even if she did know Chloe, it’s not anyone’s business but mine, and I’d like to protect my relationship with her for as long as possible.

  Hannah narrows her eyes at me. “You’re being awfully secretive.”

  “Just keeping it private for now.”

  “So, it’s someone special.”

  “Yes.” Being away from her this past week has only made it more so. I knew I’d miss her, but not like this. Not like my heart forgets a beat every hour of every day we’ve been apart. It’s scares me as much as it excites me.

  “Phew.”

  I frown in confusion.

  “I thought I was losing my touch. I’ve been flirting with you for the past half hour and you’ve given me nothing. I’m relieved to know it’s not me.”