I pressed the backs of my hands to my eyes, my entire body jerking with the force of my cries.
“I can’t look at him without seeing her. I can’t look at him without wondering what else he might’ve lied about. And I want him to hold me and make it go away, and I never want to see him again. And, yes, I gave him my rings because I have so many goddamn emotions right now,”—I gestured to my stomach—“and I would already feel like a hormonal mess without what he did on top of it all. But with that, I just feel—I feel like I’m going crazy, and I’m breaking, and I have no fucking clue what I’m doing other than trying to run this business and take care of my kids.”
My face crumpled and my knees buckled.
I grabbed the counter and slowly lowered myself to the floor.
“Except, I’m not,” I said weakly. “My kids see it. My kids are suffering because of it. I’m ruining everything while trying not to let my world implode.”
“Let it.” Rae’s voice was soft and filled with understanding as she sat beside me. When I met her stare, she said, “Let your world implode so it can be put back together.”
“I can’t,” I admitted. “I’m afraid of what happens when I do.”
“The two of you fix it,” she said confidently. “It isn’t helping anyone to keep all your emotions inside. All it will do is cause you to push him further and further away.”
“We would know,” Emberly said dully, and Rae nodded.
“Everyone keeps saying that,” I muttered. “I just . . . I’ve never had to do this. Beau and I have always been effortless because there was never anything between us. If I needed to talk to him, I did. This is different because there’s something between us, and it’s big and painful and full of so much deceit. And it’s unsettling to know it’s been between us, and I had no idea. I feel so stupid.”
“Don’t,” Emberly hurried to say as she joined us on the floor at the same time Rae said, “You shouldn’t.”
“How could I have been so blind to what was happening?”
“Hunter didn’t know,” Emberly reminded me.
“Hunter’s a guy, and Madison left a couple months after it happened. He wasn’t living with her, creating a life with her.” I waved off to the side. “And yet, as soon as she came back, everything came out. What if she hadn’t come back?”
They shared a quick look before Rae sighed and said, “That’s something you’re going to have to ask Beau.”
“And you need to ask him,” Emberly added. “You have to take the time to talk to him. Somewhere safe where you can scream if you want. Or throw things.”
Rae laughed.
“Somewhere not near the kids,” Emberly continued, voice soft and full of meaning. “If you want, we can help with that. We can—”
“No,” I said quickly, head shaking. “No, my parents are taking them.” A dejected laugh tumbled past my lips at how utterly pathetic and hopeless my life felt that everyone was offering to take my kids so I could deal with something. “They’re taking the kids to Utah for a week.”
Rae gave me an encouraging smile. “That’ll be good. I think that’s exactly what you need for yourself, and also what you and Beau need.”
A hum sounded in my throat, all kinds of unconvinced.
“Everything’s going to work out,” Rae said when Emberly stood and headed back to the table. “I haven’t been around you or that family as long as Emberly, but I know how fiercely those guys fight for what they want. And I’ve seen and heard exactly how much that man loves you.” She grabbed one of my hands in hers and gave a quick squeeze. “You guys can get through this. Just let your world implode. Okay?”
My head moved in a quick nod. “Okay.”
Emberly placed our drinks on the floor before straightening, her expression all lit up like she was waiting to spill gossip. “Okay, but can we please talk about how all four Dixon men were in one house this morning?”
Somehow, even though they’d told me Beau had shown up for Saturday breakfast, that hadn’t registered. “Oh my God,” I whispered.
“I know,” she said, emphasizing each word as she went back around the island we were sitting against. “And there was no fighting. No yelling. No declarations of lifelong loathing. Their mom couldn’t stop crying though.”
“Oh, seriously.” Rae rolled her eyes, but she looked anything but annoyed. “Every time I managed to stop crying, I’d look at her and start all over again. I’m pretty sure Sawyer’s going to lose his mind before this pregnancy’s over. Every time I start crying, he panics because he thinks something terrible has happened.”
“I dunno what you made these for, but they smell delicious, and we’re eating them,” Emberly said as she sat down with the tin of muffins, clapping eagerly. “And, hey! Can we take a second to be excited that we get to raise our kids together?”
“Yay!” Rae said enthusiastically as she held up her drink.
“Y’all can’t tell Sawyer and Cayson,” I said quickly before we could press our cups together. “I need to tell Beau in my own time.”
Emberly groaned. “Knowing something Beau Dixon doesn’t is the worst, but we’ll manage.”
“Someone should probably warn Madison,” Rae added, then squeezed my free hand when she noticed the way my face creased uncomfortably. “It’s in the water or something.”
“It’s the dimples,” Emberly disagreed.
I gave a conceding sigh. “It’s definitely the dimples.”
I clenched my hand tighter around the packets of papers in my hand, my heart pounding out a fierce beat as I opened the door to the mayor’s office and stepped inside.
His young secretary gave me a look, one I knew and didn’t care for. Eyes wide with interest and fear and curiosity.
“Beau Dixon . . . to what do I owe this . . .”—she sucked in a breath and pushed out her chest as she released it—“pleasure.”
I glanced pointedly at the closed door behind her. “I have an appointment.”
“And you just happened to come early?” she asked, innuendo dripping from her words.
I rolled my eyes and headed for the office behind her, not caring if the mayor was ready for me or not. “You need a new secretary,” I said in way of announcing myself as I opened his door.
The mayor looked between his secretary and me as she stumbled in after me, flailing to introduce me.
“Sorry, sir, he just barged in.”
A scoff left me as I stopped behind one of the chairs and held his irritated gaze.
After a moment, he sighed and lifted a dismissive hand. “Thank you. Take a break please.” With a stern look, he added, “Away from the office.”
Once she’d closed the door behind us, I repeated, “You need a new secretary.”
He grunted some sort of disagreement as he gestured for me to take a seat. “She’s just fine. It’s you. You Dixons.” He said our last name as if it left a bad taste in his mouth, then leaned back in his seat and looked toward the ceiling. “What was it my daughter said when she found out I had a meeting with you? Oh right . . . ‘hot commodity.’ Apparently, that’s what you boys are.”
At my lack of response, he continued, muttering, “Trouble, is what I think. Nothin’ but trouble. Your brother stole my car and left a cow in its place, Mr. Dixon.”
“I’m not Cayson,” I said evenly.
He clicked his tongue and sat forward, placing his elbows on the desk that sat between us. “You might just be worse. But that is not the reason you are here, and to be quite frank, I’m surprised to see you here again. When you showed up, what . . . five? Six years ago?”
“Three.”
“I was sure I wouldn’t see you again. Sure you would realize your little fantasy was nothin’ more than that. Then I hear you’re wantin’ to meet again.” He held his hands out before clasping them and gave me a condescending grin. “I can’t wait to hear this.”
I was starting to understand why Cayson had played a prank on the mayor. Kid was an idiot for
all his pranks, but this guy deserved it.
He was pushing me in ways he shouldn’t, and I was struggling so damn hard not to let it show.
After taking a few breaths, I said, “Last time we met, I told you what I wanted to do. What I planned to do so you would be prepared for when I came back today.” I set one of the packets on his desk, never losing his amused stare. “I’m buying that house.”
He gave a little nod, that smile of his growing. “As you said before.” Without looking at the papers, he shrugged. “It belongs to the town, son.”
“I’m not your son,” I said in a low tone, then forced myself to count backward before continuing. “The house is just sitting there. The town needs someone to take care of it—give it life. They need something like what Savannah and I wanna do to it.”
“A bed and breakfast,” he said, nodding as if remembering our last conversation. “It’s great in theory, and I have to agree a B&B would be great for the town. But as I said, the plantation house belongs to the town.”
“For now,” I said confidently. “Savannah and I have saved everything we’ve ever made for that house. We’re both double majoring in business and hospitality management, and Savannah’s minoring in marketing, so we’ll know what we’re doing. Our business plan is in those papers as is—”
“Again, all great in theory.”
“As is the agreement from the family who used to own it,” I continued and watched as the mayor’s eyebrows drew close as he finally grabbed the packet and started thumbing through the pages. “I was looking through public records on the plantation house and found that. After the part about leaving the house to the town of Amber and its residents, it says an Amber resident may purchase the house with the intent of caring for the house as the family had for generations.”
He finally found the page he was looking for and read, eyes darting across the page, devouring each word until he finally sat back in his chair with a sigh, taking the packet with him. “I see.”
“I’m buying that house.”
He flipped to the front of the packet and scanned mine and Savannah’s business plan as he asked, “And why has it been so important for you to prove to me that you could?”
I set the other, smaller packet on his desk and flipped it open to the right page. “Because you’re the current mayor. And since the house currently belongs to the town, you have to sign off on it so I can purchase it. You also have to approve our business plan.”
“I’m aware of that one, Mr. Dixon,” he grumbled. After an eternity of reading through the packets, he huffed to himself and reached for a pen. “Fine. I can’t wait to watch this fail.”
I curled my hands into fists and focused only on breathing as I watched him sign everywhere that was needed.
Once he was done, I asked, “Why would you want it to?”
He slid the packets my way and then went back to leaning over the desk, resting on his elbows. “I’ve never known any person to get arrested as many times as you or that one brother of yours. And every time, y’all get off scot-free. I don’t understand it, and it really grinds my gears. So, I would love, just once, to watch you fail in something, Mr. Dixon.”
Grabbing the packets, I stood, nodding as I went. “This won’t be it,” I assured him as I turned and left the office. Never slowing as I got in my Explorer and headed to the bank for the second time that week. Wishing for once that I lived in a place where I wouldn’t be recognized. Where I could come and go without anyone caring.
Savannah had gone to the next city over to hang out with her friends—I wasn’t worried about her seeing me. It was the rest of the town and their watchful eyes and obsessive need to know and share everyone’s business at every hour of the day.
Going anywhere in town had people talking for one reason or another. Going to the bank twice in one week? By the time I left, people were either going to think I had severe financial problems or they would be closer to the mark. And they were gonna tell everyone, including Savannah.
“Mr. Dixon,” Mr. Coty, the loan officer, said when I walked into his office, hopefulness in his expression. “Do we have news?”
I set the packet with the signatures on his desk and sank into a chair. “He signed everything.”
He clapped his hands and pulled the packet closer. “All right then, let’s get this going.”
“Can we wait?”
Surprise crossed his face as he slowly removed his hands. “If that’s what you want to do. Can I ask why the change?”
“I want Savannah to be a part of buying the house.”
Mr. Coty gave a slow nod as a gentle smile tugged at his mouth. “Understood.”
“I didn’t know how long any of this would take, or if the mayor would ever sign,” I said, then jerked my chin toward the packet. “But I wanted to have it all ready so it could be a wedding gift for Savannah.”
A shock of a laugh left him as he tapped the packet. “This is some wedding gift, Mr. Dixon.”
My head slanted in the beginnings of a shake. “You don’t understand what that house means to us. But I, uh . . . I wanna know if I can use the house. Now.”
He gave a look as if his hands were tied. “If you purchase it, yes. But with wanting to wait . . .”
“Since we were kids, Savannah has described our wedding. There,” I explained. “So, I wanna fix up the back of the property, and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen because it’s her dream, and there’s no way I’m not giving us that. But if it’s possible, I’d like it to remain a surprise for her that the mayor signed off on the business and the house until we’re married.”
He sat there for a while, tapping his fingers on his desk as he seemed to think. “So, the two of you purchase after the wedding, but you fix up the property before and have the wedding there even though it doesn’t belong to you. Correct?”
I grunted in affirmation.
“Technically, the family left the house to the town and its residents, and you are an Amber resident just wanting to care for the property.”
My jaw twitched as I fought a smile. As excitement moved through me.
“And, technically, the mayor has already signed over the house and signed off on a bed and breakfast to be at that location and run by the two of you. So, I don’t see why you can’t be on the property. Just . . . maybe not inside yet since this is all technicalities and you don’t own anything yet.”
“Yet,” I agreed.
“Now, if county shows up at your wedding, I can’t help you there.”
A breath of a laugh bled free. “Understood.”
“Well, you sure have been busy,” Mr. Coty said as he stood and slid the packet back in my direction. “Getting this taken care of, preparing for a wedding, about to graduate, and I heard you had a meeting with my brother.”
I stilled as I closed my hand around the packet, my jaw tightening as I struggled to find something to say.
“Said he’s pretty confident this is gonna be great for the kids and you.”
I looked up, my brows drawing together in wonder and doubt. “Yeah?”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” he said with a laugh. “You got the job, didn’t you?”
Lowering my head in a nod, I wondered why he wasn’t getting it because there was no doubt he’d already heard.
I’d gone to my old high school football coach, asking for a job since I was gonna need it. Something that paid more than the orchard and would provide for Savannah and me while we got the bed and breakfast up and going.
About shocked the hell out of me when he hadn’t hesitated in giving me a coaching position, saying, “Gonna need someone like you, helping me and learning all you can so I know we’ll be in good hands when I retire in a couple years.”
What hadn’t surprised me was the reaction of parents when word started spreading around town . . . and I didn’t even start working until this summer.
No one wanted the volatile Dixon near their kids, let alone in charge of th
em. They didn’t want someone who could come unhinged at any moment. Someone destructive.
“Yeah, but I dunno how long he’s gonna let me stay on.” I shrugged like it didn’t matter. “Or how long the Boosters will let him keep me on.”
“I wouldn’t listen to the town chitchat,” Mr. Coty said with a wave of his hand. “My brother said when you were doing anything with the team and when you were playing, you were a different kid. He said you were a leader. He thinks you’ll be a great leader for the school.”
I tapped the packet against my palm and started backing toward the door. “Appreciate that.”
He pointed at me. “Now, I’ll see you and Savannah back here in . . . when’s the wedding?”
“Three months.”
He let out a low whistle. “Probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do, keep something this big from her for that long,” he said with a laugh, but his words had a pit of ice and guilt opening up in my stomach.
I forced something that might’ve resembled a smile and choked out a single word around the pain clawing at my throat. “Yeah.”
I barely remember leaving the bank or getting in my car.
I don’t remember driving toward the plantation house, but I was suddenly there. Parked around the side, hidden from view as always. Vacantly staring at the place that would soon be ours, drowning in the past that was destroying me, years later.
The morning after that last fight with Madison, I’d woken up knowing our agreement was a mistake. There was no making up for what we’d done, but I knew in the twisting of my soul that there would be no forgiveness if Madison left and Savannah or Hunter ever found out the truth behind it all.
But before I had the chance to act, my mom had busted open the door and started yelling about girls in bedrooms. Demanding Savannah wake up and leave, and for me to get downstairs and clean up from Hunter’s party the night before.
Mom never left my sight. Standing behind me, scolding me and pointing out every spot that needed cleaning until it happened . . .
Hunter’s twisted cry of agony had sent us running through the house and had me biting out a curse as ice crept through my veins because I’d known I was too late.
Fire Page 24
