‘That’s a massive overstatement!’
‘And now here we are. She likes me...’
‘There was no need to go overboard with the James Stowe charm.’
‘I had no idea that that was what I was doing.’
‘I had hoped that she might see us together and realise how ill-suited we were to one another, but you had to lay it on thick.’
‘You can’t blame me for being myself—’
‘I tried to point out the glaring differences between us,’ Ellie interjected bitterly, thinking of her valiant, doomed attempts to get things back on track. ‘I told her the sort of background you came from, the life you were accustomed to leading. I reminded her that, once reality kicks in, things begin to fade...’
‘And she wasn’t buying any of it?’
Ellie shook her head curtly. She decided not to mention her mother’s response to all those genuine and true observations. She had listened, her head tilted to one side, a smile tugging at her lips, and philosophically had told her that she recognised what love looked like.
Besides, she had added, hitting below the belt with the unerring accuracy only a devoted parent could bring to the table, ‘I know you and I know you would never hop into bed with a man just for the sake of it. You’re just not that type of girl and you never have been.’
‘Maybe she needs to see first-hand that things don’t always go according to plan,’ he said thoughtfully, and Ellie frowned.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Last night happened for a reason,’ he ruminated. ‘And that reason had nothing to do with the fact that you were in need of comfort...’
Ellie reddened. Outside the sounds of the day beginning infiltrated the bedroom, the early-morning greyness gradually turning into weak sunshine and trying its best to get past the curtains.
‘You still want me,’ he forced out into the open, just what she didn’t want to acknowledge, and she closed her eyes for a few seconds, her breathing quickening while she desperately wished that she was somewhere else. ‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of,’ he murmured, trailing his finger along her jaw with such devastating effect that her breath hitched in her throat and her eyes fluttered open.
‘It’s mutual. I still want you. I never saw this coming,’ he admitted with roughened honesty. ‘I never thought any of this would happen, but it did. When we were in Barbados, I saw this as unexpected but temporary. Fun for a few days until fate decided otherwise. I still want you, so why not continue what we have? You can’t bring yourself to tell your mother that this isn’t going to end up in marriage, and she can’t see it because we only ever see what we want to see, and what your mother wants to see is you with me.
‘Maybe she needs to see us have this relationship and then, when it inevitably fizzles out, she’ll accept that it was something that wasn’t meant to be, with all the best intentions in the world. Maybe, that’s what the hungry paparazzi needs to see... Instead of mounting a defence, maybe we just need to go with the flow and let what we have run its course...’
Ellie listened to all of this in stunned silence. She knew exactly where he was going with this. When it came to women, James liked to be the one who called the shots. He was always the one who ended things. Like a toddler with a never-ending supply of brand-new toys, he enjoyed the freedom to dispose of one toy exactly when he wanted before moving on to the next.
He was being perfectly honest when he told her that he hadn’t foreseen things happening the way they had. Even when they had ended up in bed together, he had still not foreseen wanting to continue what had started against all the odds.
It would fizzle out. It was, in his words, inevitable. She wasn’t one of his drop-dead gorgeous supermodels. She was his efficient, very ordinary-looking personal assistant. He had been charmed by the novelty, but he had always assumed that the novelty would wear thin very quickly. It hadn’t and, because it hadn’t, he now saw no reason why they shouldn’t continue what they had until it did.
On every level, he was a sensualist.
Into the lengthening silence, he continued without hesitation, his self-assurance growing by the second. ‘You’re speechless,’ he said with satisfaction. ‘I get it. It’s not a solution either of us ever thought of because we were both sold on the notion that everything had to be neatly wrapped up before start of play. We broke up because... I suppose I got a little spooked. I got the sense that you might have been reaching out for some kind of emotional involvement. We broke up, but it doesn’t mean that what we had was broken. We wanted each other then and we still want each other.’
‘Sorry?’ Ellie felt as though she had suddenly been plunged into an alternate universe where perfectly understandable words and sentences were reaching her as unintelligible mutterings in a foreign language.
Yes, she knew where he was going with this, but she couldn’t credit his massive misinterpretation of her expression and her silence. How could someone so smart and so perceptive be so dense?
‘We both thought that a few days in Barbados would get this out of our system. We both knew that it was a flash-in-the-pan situation. Still is, but the fire under the pan is taking a little longer than we anticipated to die out...that’s the power of lust.’
‘I don’t think you understand...’ Ellie said slowly.
He raised his eyebrows and smiled with the smooth confidence of a guy who had never been wrong-footed by a woman before in his life. He smiled with the utter confidence of a guy in complete control of his life and the outcome of the decisions he made. Right now he had decided that he wanted to carry on with what they had, and on the surface Ellie knew that every aspect of what he was suggesting made sense.
To him.
Because he wasn’t involved. Because the ending was inevitable. Because as far as he was concerned they were on the same page...just two adults who had had a bit of fun...so why not drift into having a bit more fun until the whole thing became boring and petered out? Sure, he’d been spooked, but he was willing to overlook that, was willing to write that off as a by-product of their mutual physical attraction.
And suddenly she realised that returning to work and pretending that nothing had happened while she hunted around for another job wasn’t going to do. Nor would she be able to return to work while trying to masquerade as the perfect PA she’d used to be, keeping her emotions in check while she was in front of her computer and at her desk, simmering in anticipation until they could sneak out, at separate times, to reunite in a blaze of passion somewhere.
It all felt overwhelming and seedy, and she was terrified of being tempted into a situation that would end up destroying her.
How easy it would be to mentally shut the door behind which the inevitable would be waiting for her. How easy it had been to jump into bed with him in the first place and then to stay there, living in an unreal bubble which she had known all along was going to burst. How easy it had been to kid herself that everything would be fine because she couldn’t possibly fall in love with someone like James Stowe.
‘How long do you think it would last?’ she asked, her voice curious and conversational ‘You know...the sleeping together...until the inevitable happens?’
Taken aback, he was silent for a few seconds, frowning and then giving her question bemused house room.
‘How long is a piece of string?’ he said eventually, and shrugged. ‘Does it matter? It’s not something we can put a timeline on...’
‘No, I don’t suppose it would be,’ Ellie intoned coolly.
‘We tried the timeline before,’ he dismissed impatiently, ‘and it didn’t work. Why bother trying to pin things down this time round?’
‘Why indeed?’
‘What’s going on here?’ He looked at her, eyes narrowed, trying to get inside her head. She could see that, could sense it, could sense his growing bewilderment that the plan he had de
cided upon was not quite going in the direction he had anticipated.
‘Us carrying on? It’s not going to happen, James.’
‘Your reason being...?’ He smiled slowly, eyes darkening, and she fought to combat the swirl of hot sensation that slow smile so effortlessly unleashed inside her.
‘You’re right when you say that I didn’t expect...what happened between us to happen.’ Ellie inhaled deeply and stared down at a dizzying abyss yawning open beneath her.
‘Neither of us did, believe me...’
‘I have always been serious when it comes to guys and relationships. I said as much to you.’ She smiled sadly. ‘Which is probably why I have so little experience.’
‘When did you ever have time for relationships? You were responsible from a young age for the well-being of your mother.’
Ellie ignored the genuine empathy in his voice because that was just what had got her into hot water in the first place. His easy ability to empathise...a personality that was tuned in to those around him in ways that were instinctive and seductive.
He didn’t have women running around behind him, weeping and wailing when things crashed and burned, because he was rich and good-looking. His charms lay way beyond those narrow parameters and she had been short sighted not to have clocked that earlier on, when her heart had still been intact.
‘I guess,’ she said, ‘I absorbed how close my parents were, and knew deep down that that was the sort of relationship I wanted for myself. I wasn’t brought up to indulge in wild flings and one-night stands but, James, that’s pretty much what happened, isn’t it?’
‘It was certainly wild, but a one-night stand it most definitely wasn’t.’
‘I thought I would be able to enjoy what we had, and walk away from it with only a bit of a dusting down necessary before everything returned to normal, but I was wrong.’
‘What do you mean?’
There was a guarded edge to his voice that Ellie couldn’t miss.
‘I should have asked myself how it was that it turned out being so easy to just fall into bed with you.’
‘Sometimes, when the atmosphere is just right...’ A sudden wicked grin chased away the wariness that had been there before. ‘Hot sun...white sand...blue sea... It’s a recipe for sex between two consenting adults who’re attracted to one another.’
‘James, I never thought I could fall for a guy like you, but I did.’
Ellie watched as the lingering smile on his face disappeared. Comprehension followed swiftly. He was adding up and making sense of all those things that should have been a giveaway but which he had ignored, missed or misinterpreted.
‘I don’t get what you’re trying to say.’
‘You do, James,’ Ellie told him gently.
She wondered whether he was thinking that this was a Naomi moment all over again. Another romp in the hay with someone he’d assumed was as casual as he was. She almost felt sorry for him.
‘I could pretend,’ she continued, watching as the colour drained from his face. ‘That I don’t feel the way I do. I know it would make life a lot easier for you but, when I walk away from this, I don’t want to walk away with things left unsaid. I don’t regret what happened between us, but I would regret that. I would regret thinking that I hadn’t told you how I felt.’
Looking at her, James was aware of the cogs in his head working way below their usual optimum, whirring efficiency. His thoughts were blurry, even though he knew exactly what she was saying, just as he knew exactly how he should be reacting.
With horror. He hadn’t signed up for this. He’d signed up for a few days of fun. Uppermost in his mind, however, was one overriding thought... What’s wrong with a bit of pretence? Whoever said that honesty was always the best policy needs to have a major rethink...
‘Of course,’ he heard her continue calmly, ‘I realise that this puts us in an untenable position, so I do have a suggestion.’
‘You have a suggestion...’
How could they possibly be having this conversation here? In a bedroom? Barely dressed? Was that why he was finding it so difficult to focus? Why his thoughts were all over the place?
‘My mum knows that you’re due to leave today, that you could only pop down for an overnight stay because of work. You can get dressed and leave now, before she’s up and moving about. She takes her time in the morning. I know you’re probably going to think that I’m leaving you in the lurch workwise, but I won’t, and you have my word on that.’
‘Work hadn’t yet crossed my mind.’ James gritted his teeth.
Ellie ignored the barely audible interruption.
‘I will remain here for a few days and this time, without you around, I can begin to lay the foundations for why things won’t work out between us.’
‘Fill me in, Ellie. I’m all ears.’
‘First and foremost,’ she said slowly, ‘the hours you work. Too long. The very fact you had to dash off early in the morning because of business. I’ve worked for you, so I know how dedicated you are to your work, to the exclusion of everything else. Maybe I thought I could deal with that, but I was wrong. You go to Hawaii in a couple of days and, once you leave, I will return to the office and start sourcing my replacement.’
‘You’ll have to brace yourself for the wagging tongues...’
‘I know,’ Ellie told him quietly. ‘But I will, because I intend to take responsibility for this, and not cower and hide away. When everything first blew up, I literally felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights, but that’s not me.’
‘No. It’s not.’
‘I’ve faced up to this situation, faced up to the fact that I made a terrible mistake in falling for you. But I guess...’ she smiled wistfully ‘...that’s something you’re used to.’
She paused and aired the thought that had earlier crossed her mind. ‘Poor Naomi was guilty of the same breach of the rules, but you don’t have to worry that there will be any “kiss and tell” revelations. I intend to stay below the radar and, if anyone decides to camp out on the doorstep, then they’ll be treated to such a diet of “no comment” that they’ll give up in boredom.’
Accustomed as he was to taking complete charge of any situation involving women, James stared at her for a few silent seconds, digesting what she had just said.
She had spared him the discomfort of having to end things and he decided that he was grateful for that reprieve. Naturally, he would have had to sever all ties in the end, despite his initial suggestion that they let what they had play out until it had reached a natural conclusion. He didn’t do emotional commitment and she had always known that.
Where she had lived with the calamitous effects of what happened when love didn’t work out the way you expected it to, she had still clung to the romance of falling in love, to relationships that stayed the course, sailing towards happy-ever-after endings. Perhaps because, unlike his parents, hers had been devoted to her. For him, unheard and barely visible to both his parents, love equalled pain. So, while she still had faith in its existence, he had none. That was just the way it was.
She had read the situation perfectly. It was a relief, he determined. Now was his cue to take his leave, yet he remained pinned to the spot, frowning, then finally said, ‘Forget about the replacement or coming into the office and facing down whatever gossip is sure to be circulating.’
He thought of her discomfort, of her putting on a brave face and battling through it, head down, betraying nothing of her inner turmoil. His brilliant PA would be back in place, calm and unflappable, though this time in the face of a nightmarish twist of fate.
She’d been right when she’d said that she had reacted emotionally to the sudden onslaught of paparazzi and their vulture-like curiosity. She would have done, he thought, because she wasn’t battle-hardened as he was.
She was also head over heels in love with him
and that wouldn’t have helped matters...
He thought back to those amazing eyes lazy on him, intent veiled... He thought of the slow, low murmurs as she’d moved under his exploring hands...the feathery whisper of her fingers trailing along his body, touching him in a way that had never failed to set his body ablaze with an insane craving... It shook him.
‘Take as long as you want when it comes to letting your mother down gently.’ He took the lead from her but his voice was unsteady as he killed wayward thoughts and focused on moving forward. Habits of a lifetime took over. When it came to women, moving forward was what he did.
‘I can make a list of potential candidates to replace me,’ Ellie said stiffly.
He was relieved that she was walking away. He couldn’t wait to be rid of her now that she had told him how she felt.
Under her stony expression, her heart was breaking in two, but she would not regret the confession that had left her lips. It was called walking away with a clean slate. Unfortunately, the clean slate opened up the reality that she would have to find another job, and the chances of it being as well paid, not to mention satisfying, were slim.
‘No need.’ He began moving off, gathering belongings and chucking them into the hold-all he had brought with him.
‘And don’t worry about pay.’ He glanced over his shoulder. ‘I’ll make sure you remain paid in full until you find another job, whenever that may be.’
They stared at one another in heated silence for a few electrifying seconds, and he was the first to spin round on his heels, his body rigid with furious tension.
She could barely watch as he got dressed, his back to her. What else was left to say when he was at the bedroom door, bag in hand, ready to go?
Nothing.
She lay down and rolled onto her side, turning away, waiting until she heard the soft click of the bedroom door being shut behind him.
CHAPTER TEN
NO COMMENT!
Sprawled in his expensive leather chair in front of his wood and steel desk, James glared at the computer screen winking at him, demanding a level of attention he was incapable of giving.
Claiming His Cinderella Secretary Page 15
