“Was this a working barn? Where were all the
animals?” I ask curiously.
“Every month, the family that owned the barn took
their prized cows and horses to some show somewhere in the state. Some kid from our high school’s family owned the
spot and whenever they left, he would throw a party, it
seemed to be a regular occurrence.” Gabe smiled.
“And you said this Smitty, had diagrams?” I ask,
trying to keep a straight face.
“He lost his V-card that night too. He was so proud
of hooking up with a chick at The Barn that he wanted to give us a play by play. He was a cool guy, but a geek. He
made some weird play by play computer animations and
showed us all Monday during lunch. At first, I had no clue as to what the hell he was talking about, I just thought that he was showing us the new game he designed, since he did that
a lot. It wasn’t until halfway through, that I recognized the whole thing to be what it was and had to tell them that he had popped my sisters cherry and not just some chick.”
“It was then that Gabe finally came to my rescue.”
Mindy says, her face a little red from embarrassment.
“They made fun of her for fucking in the animal shit,
and I shut them down. I did what any brother would do,
whether his sister was a dork or not. I made fun of him too for fucking in shit, so it wasn’t just one sided.” He smiles.
“So, you lost your virginity in a pile of animal shit.
That’s classy.” I laugh.
“I was drunk and my inhibitions were lowered.” She
crosses her arms over her chest and pouts.
“Smitty never mentioned getting laid again and
Mindy never went back to the barn.” Gabe says stepping
back and putting his arm around his sister. “Okay, now
you’re turn.” He focuses on me.
“Well, after that story, there is nothing exciting
about mine.” I shake my head.
“He told you mine, it’s only fair. All skeleton’s out
of the closet.” Mindy narrows her eyes on me.
“Fine. But seriously, it’s boring.” I say.
“Anything would be boring compared to Mindy’s
first time.” Gabe points out.
“That’s true.” I agree.
C H A P T E R
Twenty-One
We stood beside each other while we both brushed
our teeth, taking turns in the sink to spit and then repeat.
We’d smile over our toothbrushes and with foamy mouths
we’d be patient while the other finished. Gabe finished first, then wiped his mouth as he closed the toilet room door
closed behind him, leaving me to finish up. I washed my
face and then settled into bed. Looking around the room, I take note how my room didn’t change much from high
school and from when I first moved back home after
everything. I look around and see a bulletin board with
pictures from my youth, postcards and random sticky notes. I shake my head, thinking how stalled I was when I came
home that I didn’t even personify the room that I had been staying in for three or four months prior to Gabe barreling through my life, changing things up and slowly piecing me
back together.
Gabe slides into bed and then reaches for me and
pulls my body to his. As he gets comfortable and molds
himself around my body, he sighs.
“So, you were a bad babysitter?” He laughs.
“I wasn’t exactly bad, per say. I was fifteen, unsupervised and horny.”
“And you were on duty. In charge of a poor and
innocent child, who could have come out of her bedroom
and wanted water, instead to get an eyeful of some rando
humping the babysitter.”
“Like I said, fifteen and horny.” I laugh.
“Whatever happened to the babysitter humper?”
“Oh, , but we broke up probably a few weeks later.
He cheated on me with some blonde bimbo. We’re Facebook
friends now”
“Hit it and quit it?”
“Yeah, I wasn’t too torn up about it. I went and
started kinda sorta dating another guy a week later.”
“Looking for your next victim?” Gabe jokes.
“You know it.”
“But you’re Facebook friends with the Babysitter
Humper? Really?”
“His name is Barry, and yes. He’s married now with
a few kids.”
“Did you and Mr. Humper have any other humping
expenditures than that one time?”
“No. But a few years later, at a party of a friends of
mine, I ran into him and had a conversation over some solo cups, when one of my best friends came up to us and held up
her hands and yelled ten minutes! Which was about as long as he lasted that first and only time. He wanted to make up for the lame time and go upstairs.”
“But you didn’t?” He confirms.
“Not with him.” I smile.
“You hussy you. What happened there?” He asks.
“At that time, I was making googly eyes with
someone and later we escaped to the upstairs bathroom and
proceeded to have fun out of peoples sights. That guy and I, we dated off and on for three years in between relationships, and always laughed about the upstairs bathroom escapade.”
“Three years? Wow.”
“Yeah, he was out of high school, I thought it was
cool my guy was older and I was finding my sexual
liberation at the time.”
“And you found it?” He asks.
“Somewhere along the lines.”
“I feel like I got to know a lot more about you
tonight.” He says.
“I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”
“Well, I can tell you about how I lost mine and then
we’re all even.”
“Okay, shoot.”
“Backseat of my jeep in high school, at the drive-
in.”
“That’s it?”
“There’s nothing spectacular about a guy losing his
virginity if it’s a lame story.”
“How old were you?”
“It was right after I got my driver’s license, probably
a month later. She was just some chick that I hung out with, a friend. She wanted to see what the big deal was, I had
nothing else to do, I wasn’t into the movie, and apparently neither was she. We, maybe hooked up a few more times
after that, but it wasn’t anything serious.”
“You player you.” I playfully shove his hand off my
stomach.
“I think that you’re the bigger player out of the two
of us.” He laughs.
“I will admit to having an adventurous youth.” I
laugh.
“You adventurous woman, go to sleep or I’ll be
forced to make you stay up all night and at my mercy.” He
nuzzles his face into my neck giving me shivers.
We didn’t plan anything for New Year’s Eve other
than hanging out next door wearing plastic top hats and
drinking cheap champagne out expensive glasses. While
most people our age were out downtown getting plastered and ringing in the New Year all sweaty to bass pumping
music, we were singing karaoke and trying to keep Stella
awake as responsible adults would do to a five year old.
Luckily, Gabe and myself only had a short distance in order to get home, which after drinking for several hours of a
brand of champagne th
at I’ve never heard of, my legs felt like Jello and leaning into Gabe wasn’t as strong of a support as I hoped since he was just as inebriated.
“We need to start locking the front door.” Gabe says
huskily as we stumble through the front door.
“Meh.” My brain is too fuzzy right now to think up a
full sentence or even a real word at this moment, as I trail behind him undressing and leaving a trail all the way to the bedroom. I struggle with my sleeve and getting my head
through the top of the shirt as I walk into a wall in the
hallway. Gabe’s hands grab my waist, at some point I had
gotten in front of him and he turns me around, grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls the shirt over my head easily.
“Looked like you were struggling.” He laughs as he
falls onto the bed on his side.
I plop down beside him and then fall onto my back.
The soft comforter and mattress feeling like heaven
underneath me. I close my eyes and feel Gabe’s hand resting on my stomach, his fingers lacing with mine.
“Happy New Year’s babe. Lurve you” Is the last
thing that I hear before I pass out to a dreamless sleep at the edge of the bed with my feet still on the floor.
C H A P T E R
Twenty-Two
My eyes slowly open to the sounds of Gabe snoring
in my ear, it sounds like a really old man constantly clearing his throat with maybe a four second break in between. I turn my head towards the horrible sound and see that his mouth is wide open and inches away from me. Neither of us have
moved from the spot that we passed out in when we came
into the bedroom, which places us half on and half off of the bed. I feel like death, and I’m afraid of any sudden
movements but my bladder is screaming at me to release the contents in the appropriate place, so I take my time rolling away from Gabe and into the sitting position. I can feel my hair is standing up, and I really don’t give a hoot, as I slowly stand and place one foot in front of the other with my arms out as if I’m a baby learning how to walk. I’m squinting
because it’s so bright even though I’m sure it’s not at five in the morning, and walk into the corner of the doorway,
briefly remembering doing the same thing last night.
When I return to the bedroom, the same horrible
sound is coming out of Gabe’s mouth as before and I groan.
I shake his shoulder and mumble for him to move up into the bed. It takes some work, and with him barely even waking
up to move up and into the actual sleeping position, as I
disrobe and crawl over him to get under the covers. My back goes to him and as usual his arm reaches for me and wraps
around my middle and pulls me to him. He mumbles
something incoherently and then starts breathing, this time quietly as I fall back asleep again.
When we finally wake up around one in the
afternoon, we’re both fighting what feels like the end of the world. My brain feels like it’s a marble in a glass, rattling against the sides and giving me a piercing sensation with any sudden movement. Gabe has taken to speaking caveman as
much as possible, saying that even forming thoughts is
painful. We lay in bed for the entire day, paying for the
cheap champagne last night. I had texted Mindy and she had ordered us some pizza and brought it to us, into the bedroom after taking a few pieces for Dave and Stella. Luckily, she didn’t let one loose as much as we did so she had been up
since around eight, doing stuff with Stella while Dave was still in bed like we were, feeling the same way we did.
Mindy teased us a little but then left us alone with Netflix and a few bottles of water. We napped throughout the day,
catching up on precious beauty sleep.
“Can we promise to never do that again?” Gabe
grumbles after finishing off his bottled water in what looked like was one sip.
“At least next time we drink the good stuff.” I reply
miserably.
“We may need to sue my sister for providing us with
such crap stuff. No wonder she didn’t really drink last night, she knew how shitty that stuff was.”
“It tasted good at the time… I think.” I smile
weakly.
“You were funny last night.” Gabe chuckles lightly, trying to not move too much.
“I was?”
“You were, definitely. You went on and on about
how this year is the New Year and it’s going to be a new
year, new you.”
“That sounds good. I am a smart drunk person
sometimes.”
“You also told Stella that she was a party pooper
because she couldn’t hang. You kind of taunted her a little.
She laughed, but I think last night you forgot that she was only five.”
“Oh no, I’m a mean drunk person.” I hide my face in
my hands.
“You did however; repeat over and over again how
glad you are that we’re together, and that I’m staying here.
You may have told me and everyone else that you really love me, several times.” He smirks.
“Oh my god. I shouldn’t be allowed alcohol
anymore. I’m a mixture of emotions.”
“I have to agree with you, that I’m glad that we’re
together, and that we officially live together and that I really really love you too.” He turns his head to look at me.
“Even though I feel like complete shit, and wish you
wouldn’t have mentioned how much of an embarrassment
that I am while drinking, I love you too.” I lean over to kiss him. “You jerk.” I whisper as I pull away from him. He
laughs and then grabs his head in pain at the sudden jarring.
As the craziness of the holidays dwindled down and
I’m completely sobered up and no longer hungover from
New Years, both Gabe and myself begin to fall into a
working pattern. I’m back at the office every day, while he was working from home for the first few days of the new
year and then in and out at a conference the second week of the year. It’s a little different now that we are both working, but we’re working together, which has been helpful. I’ve
only lived with one previous boyfriend in my early twenties which gave me some familiarity of sharing your immediate
space with another person, Gabe seems to be unaffected by
the change. After all, we had basically been living together since the beginning of our relationship.
Day by day as I’m back at work however, I start to
dwell on everything slowly day by day. I feel so unsure
about myself, the relationship and Gabe’s exact motivations for taking the position here in San Diego, versus some of the other opportunities that came his way. I know that the New York job was very enticing, full with amazing benefits and they were even willing to set him up with a place to live, rent free for a year. I suddenly felt guilt and was second guessing everything. I didn’t dare mention my worries to Gabe, as
they probably were just worries and not reality. However, I couldn’t help that my shit mood was affecting me by the
time I got home that night.
I slammed the refrigerator door shut after staring at
the contents for what felt like an hour, unsatisfied with what
was in there. I grabbed some water and drank as much as I could swallow in a gulp. I placed the glass down a little too hard creating it to break loudly, just as the front door opens and closes.
Great, Gabe will be witness to my epic for no real
specific reason breakdown.
He saunters around the corner with his jacket over
his briefcase and arm, and sets everyth
ing down on the
counter across from me. He looks at me worriedly as he sees the broken glass on the floor and on the counter. He
immediately crosses the distance and comes in front of me
accessing the situation wordlessly. He starts wiping away the broken pieces, sneaking glances at me with questions in his eyes. I stand there, frozen in place and silent. His eyes plead with me to say something, but I can’t. I don’t even know
why I’m acting the way I am, other than the fact that I’m
holding in all my feelings and feeling like shit.
I start to step around him, but he grabs my arm
stopping me.
“I need you to talk to me. What’s going on, what’s
happening?”
“Nothing. Everything is fine. Can I go sit down?” I
say a little too harshly.
“I know girl code for everything is fine to be that everything is not fine. C’mon, please talk to me?” He pleads holding both my hands.
“I can’t, I don’t even know. Honestly, I don’t. The
glass just broke when I set it down.” I sigh.
“Okay, hulk. But you’ve been off for the past few days. You’re here, but you’re mind has been working in over drive and you’ve been distant.” He points out.
“Can’t I have a few off days?” I ask, feeling my
anger rising.
“You totally can, but I think something is bothering
you.” He says dragging me to the stool on the other side of the counter.
“Like you know me that well.” I bite.
“Whoa. Okay, this is sit down material.” Gabe takes
a deep breath and sits on the other side of me, turning me around to face him.
“Ness, what’s going on? And don’t say 'nothing',
because I have a feeling that excuse is bullshit.” Gabe sighs.
“Can we just leave it for now, until I figure it out in
my head?” I snipe.
“Can I just ask one thing, and then we can revisit
when you’re clear?” He asks, hopeful as I nod. “Are we
okay?”
I hesitate, unsure how to fully answer him. “We are
okay, I think it’s me right now who isn’t.”
“I don’t understand that.” He says sounding
defeated.
“You aren’t the only one. Just give me some time.” I
ask tenderizing my tone.
He nods and looks upset. He moves to stand, and then turns to me. His smile is forced, but he’s trying for me, I can tell.
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