by Jo Ann Brown
Thanking her for the three cookies he took, Michael said, “I’ve been wanting to see the inside of the firehouse, and this was my first chance.” He gave her a teasing wink. “I didn’t think it would cost me a pint of blood.”
“Danki for coming today.”
“It’s the least I can do for your grossmammi, who has sent over so many delicious meals to us.”
“We’ve been happy to help.”
“And we’ve been happy that you’ve been happy to help.” He gave a weak smile. “Is it usual for me to be seeing double?”
She glanced over her shoulder, hoping to see Annie. Her twin was nowhere in sight, either. “Let me call one of the nurses.”
He rested his elbow on the table and leaned his head against his open palm. Tilting his head so he could see her, he said, “No, don’t bother them. I was in a hurry to get up. I should have waited a few more minutes as they told me to do.”
“I can still check with one of the nurses for you.”
“Don’t bother.” He closed his eyes. “Gabriel promised me if I came and donated, he’d make sure I got home if he had to strap me to the back of the buggy.”
She laughed. “I’d like to see that.”
“Oh, you will.” He opened one eye. “My brother never breaks a promise, which is why he’s so leery of making them.”
“You’ve said that before.”
His brow furrowed. “Because it’s true. I don’t know what promise he made before he got married, but he changed after he told me that he’d decided to marry Freda.”
Leanna murmured something about him resting. She wasn’t sure herself what she said, but Michael nodded and shut his eyes again. After backing away from the table, she set the plate next to others. She walked toward the room where the older kinder were, she’d been told, being entertained by one of the teachers from the public school while the younger kinder played with simple toys.
If anyone spoke to her, she didn’t hear them. If someone was in her way, they must have stepped aside before she bumped into them because she was lost in her swirling thoughts.
Gabriel had changed so much, though he was again smiling and occasionally laughing. She’d assumed he’d grown grim after Freda’s death, but Michael’s comment suggested otherwise. Why hadn’t he been happy when he married Freda? She was the mamm of his kinder. He must have loved her, so why hadn’t he been happy Freda had agreed to become his wife?
It was another question she couldn’t ask, but for the first time, she wasn’t sure she wanted to satisfy her curiosity. She feared knowing the truth would change her as much as it had Gabriel.
* * *
Leaving the busy donation area, Gabriel looked around. Had Leanna gone home already? He saw her grossmammi and her siblings other than Lyndon talking with volunteers and donors. As he thought about Leanna’s brother, Lyndon rushed in to be teased by his fellow firefighters, who thought it was hilarious he was late for the blood drive held for his own grossmammi.
A surge of gratitude washed over Gabriel as he watched the camaraderie among the Leit and the Englischers. In the small town, they were dependent upon each other in so many ways, though the plain people kept most of their daily lives separate from their neighbors. He’d hoped their new home would be like this when he accepted Caleb Hartz’s invitation to purchase the run-down farm not far from Caleb’s own place along Harmony Creek.
What would have happened if he and Freda had lived here instead of Lancaster County? A few gossips there had stuck their noses into everyone’s business, carrying tales, whether they were true or not, to the bishop who always took them at their word, even when it caused divisions in the district. That had been one of the reasons Gabriel had jumped at the chance to begin over again in northern New York.
Would Aden have feared so much for his daughter and the family’s reputation if they’d been living among these people, instead? Not that the Leit in Harmony Creek Hollow or the others in Salem were perfect. No one on earth was, but he’d seen the way his plain neighbors had accepted one another’s mistakes with kindness and supported each other through the difficult phase of re-creating lives in a new place laced with so many hopes and dreams.
Not seeing Leanna anywhere, he headed for the nursery. Soon it would be time for the twins’ dinner, and he should get them home. He enjoyed sharing the midday meal with the bopplin on the weekends because during the week he didn’t have the opportunity.
He entered the room and smiled. Leanna sat on the floor next to the twins, who were cuddled as close to her as they could. The kinder adored her, and he understood why. She never attempted to hide how much she loved Heidi and Harley. She’d brought them two of the heart-shaped balls used in the donation area. Both bopplin giggled when they squeezed the bright red balls. With a laugh of her own, Leanna guided the ball Heidi held away from the little girl’s mouth.
Wrinkling her nose, she said, “Yucky. It’s yucky.”
“Ya-ya,” Heidi parroted back.
Gabriel chuckled when she tried to copy Leanna’s expression and ended up crossing her eyes, instead.
Leanna looked up and smiled. It seemed forced, but he wasn’t going to remark on that. Still, he wondered why she wasn’t wearing her customary bright expression.
“We’re playing ‘let’s not eat the ball,’” she said.
“How do you play it?” He sat on the other side of the twins.
“Heidi and Harley try to eat the balls, and I try to keep them from doing so.”
“Pretty simple rules.”
“Yet it’s not as easy as it sounds.”
“So I see.” He reached across the space between them. Tapping Heidi’s nose, he grinned when she managed to scrunch up her own nose.
The boppli chortled and raised the ball high above her red curls before bringing it down on her knee. She repeated the motion over and over, her delight visible to everyone who walked past.
“Watch out!” Leanna warned. “Harley wants to take a bite out of his!”
Putting his fingers on the ball the little boy held, Gabriel lowered it away from his lips.
Harley opened his mouth to protest, but became fascinated when Gabriel guided his arms in the same up-and-down pattern as his sister.
“Danki,” Leanna said. “I was beginning to wonder if God would listen to my prayer to send someone to help or to give me a couple of extra hands so I could keep them from eating the balls. Clearly today, Gabriel, you’re the answer to my prayer.”
“I’m not that.” Her words made him uncomfortable.
Not that she meant them as anything other than a cheerful remark, but each one reminded him of how he’d broken her heart.
“Why not? I prayed for help, and here you are. Don’t you believe God hears our prayers and answers them?”
He jerked at the feeling as if she’d driven a knife into him, draining away his contentment with playing with the kinder. “Do you believe that?”
“Ja, with every bit of my heart.”
“I wish I could.”
“Why can’t you?”
He met her eyes over the bopplin’s heads. “Because, assuming God heard my prayers, He hasn’t answered them.”
Plucking the ball out of Heidi’s mouth again, she said, “If you’re talking about when Freda and her daed died, you know that our prayers aren’t always answered in the way we want them to be. We can’t see what God knows.”
“I know that, Leanna.”
“You don’t believe it.” She reached past the twins to jab a finger into his chest. “Not here.”
“I prayed for Freda and Aden to be freed from their pain.” He held up a hand. “Don’t tell me that God answered my prayer because He took their pain away when they died.”
“No, I won’t tell you that. God knows what was in your heart. And it wasn’t that you wished to lose two people wh
o were so important to you. Let Him into your heart, Gabriel, and He’ll show you the truth of His love.”
“I don’t know how to take down the wall between me and Him.”
“The same way you built it, but in reverse.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “You’re a builder. You know how these things work. It’s harder sometimes to take down a wall than to put it up, because you must be careful and pay attention to every step you take.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“No, I don’t. I know how hard it is.”
“Do you? Really?” He folded his arms in front of him and frowned.
“Ja, I’ve gotten angry at God, too. I ran away from everything I knew, too.”
“When was that?”
“When you married Freda and I had the chance to move here.” She stood, turned on her heel and walked away, not giving him a chance to reply.
What could he have said?
If only Aden hadn’t asked him to promise not to reveal the truth that would hurt his daughter in the eyes of the community...
Chapter Thirteen
Leanna stopped at the bottom of the stairs in Gabriel’s house the following Tuesday morning and held her breath as she listened for the kinder. Not a sound. She shouldn’t be surprised. The twins had been more than ready for their nap when she put them down about ten minutes ago. Gabriel had warned her that Heidi and Harley had been up late last night because Benjamin and Menno Kuhns had come over to discuss having the Millers use some of their lumber in upcoming construction projects. The conversation had gone on, and Gabriel hadn’t had a chance to put the bopplin to bed until after Sarah’s brothers had left.
She was glad to hear about the two sets of brothers doing business together. She’d heard Michael complain more than once that the lumberyard where they’d been getting their supplies wasn’t as dependable as he was accustomed to in Pennsylvania. Knowing how dedicated the Kuhns brothers were, she guessed they’d have the proper lengths of wood at a job site at the exact time Gabriel and Michael needed them.
She went into the kitchen and opened the bag she’d brought with her along with her regular satchel containing the bopplin’s bottles of formula. She pulled out long rubber gloves and plastic protective glasses, as well as her soap molds. She’d asked Gabriel last night before she left if she could make soap today if the twins napped long enough. The task was simpler when there weren’t other people around.
Simpler and safer, because the lye she used was caustic. She usually made the soap when her younger siblings and Lyndon’s kinder were in school. With school out for the summer, it’d be easier at Gabriel’s house.
She was surprised when Gabriel walked in right after she’d finished measuring and melting lard, coconut oil and canola oil. He went to the refrigerator and pulled out the pitcher of ice tea she’d made earlier.
Pouring a glass, he asked, “Do you want one?”
“Not until I’m done making soap.” She gestured with her elbow. “Please stay back.”
“Mind if I sit at the table and watch? I’ve never seen anyone make soap before. I’ll stay out of your way so I won’t do anything to distract you.“
“All right,” she replied. Didn’t he realize that his presence was distracting? “I thought you’d be out all afternoon.”
“Michael is at the job site. I went to the livestock auction in Cambridge.”
Measuring the temperature of the oils with a handheld thermometer, she asked, “Did you buy anything?”
“A small herd of dairy cows. They’ll be delivered in a couple of days. Once they’re here, I can start milking the half dozen that are giving milch, though I’ll have to buy some feed for them until I can get a full crop in and harvested next year. The grass in the pasture is growing well, and I should be able to get a first cutting by the end of the month.”
The anticipation in his voice made her smile, but she didn’t turn as she retrieved her frozen goats’ milch packets from where she’d stored them in the freezer. As she chopped the milch into chunks and put it in a large metal bowl, she said, “It’s what you’ve been waiting for, ain’t so?”
“Ja. This is the next step in building a future for my family on this farm. The land here needs work to make the soil as productive as it could be, but that will come in time.”
“And soon the twins will be scurrying around trying to help and getting in your way while you milk.”
Her hope that he’d laugh was dashed, but he did say, “I want them to learn everything about farming so they can appreciate what we have here as much as I do.”
Leanna didn’t answer as she pulled on her protective gloves and goggles. Measuring out the lye, she began to sprinkle it over the top of the frozen milch. She stirred between each small amount. The milch began to melt as she added more lye.
“Why do you have the milch frozen?” he asked. “Wouldn’t it be simpler to have it liquid and pour it into the lye?”
“The lye has to go into the milch, not the other way around. If I put the lye in first, it’d erupt like a volcano.” She kept adding in small amounts of lye and stirring. “Having the milch frozen keeps it from curdling when I put in the lye.”
He remained silent until she was finished with the lye and had poured in the melted oils. She put in a small amount of oatmeal and a few drops of lavender oil. Using a battery-operated handheld blender, she carefully mixed the ingredients, making sure no bubbles appeared. Again and again she paused and lifted the blender out of the soap. Once the pattern of the blade remained visible, she ladled the soap into the molds, taking care not to drop any on the counter.
She gathered up the bowls. She made sure the lye container was closed before she put it in her bag.
When she’d finished cleaning her equipment and the counter, Gabriel poured her a glass of ice tea and refilled his own.
“Danki,” she said, taking the glass and sitting at the table. “And danki for letting me use your kitchen to make soap today.”
“It was fascinating.” He sat facing her. “Do you always put in the same scents and the oatmeal?”
“Not always. Sometimes I use coffee grounds instead of oatmeal.”
“Coffee grounds?”
“With them, I have a soap that exfoliates dry skin.”
He held up his work-hardened hands. “Maybe I should try some?”
“I can bring you a bar in about a month because the soap has to cure.”
“I had no idea that making soap was such a long process.”
She smiled. “That’s because the only parts of the process most people are familiar with are picking a packaged bar off the shelf and unwrapping it before using it.”
“So why do you go to all this work?”
“Why are you working with Benjamin and Menno to make sure you have boards that meet your specifications?”
“Answering a question with a question is the sign of trying to avoid giving an answer.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Why not?”
She laughed. This time, she was sure he was teasing her as he used to do.
Before he married Freda...
Leanna stood and walked away. While she’d been working at the counter, she’d had to focus on the soap. That had allowed her to forget, for a few precious minutes, about how Gabriel had been with Freda at the same time he’d been taking Leanna for buggy rides.
Now that she was over her initial shock at the realization of Freda being pregnant before marrying Gabriel, something didn’t feel right to Leanna. Everything else she’d ever seen or heard about him proclaimed he was an honest man. If he’d been spending time with Freda, he would have said something to Leanna. Even if he’d been determined to keep it a secret, why hadn’t she heard the truth from someone else? Others had ended up with their names repeated along the Amish grapevine when they had stopped or
started walking out with someone new. It was an illusion nobody knew who was courting whom. The truth was it was rare for anyone to be surprised when a marriage announcement was published during a church service.
Gabriel cleared his throat. How long had she been lost in her thoughts?
“I’m sorry,” she said. “My mind was wandering.”
“No, I should be the one saying I’m sorry. I know I’ve been gruff.”
“An understatement.”
“Again you’re right.”
Why was it so easy for her to accept his apology now but not be able to forgive him for breaking her heart? She should be eager to put the past behind her so she could move on.
Instead, the question of how long he’d been seeing Freda while he was walking out with Leanna tried to slip past her lips. Again she kept the words from bursting forth. She should get his late wife out of her mind. Would it help if they spoke about Freda more? She’d seen him clamp his lips closed when someone mentioned his wife’s name.
“Gabriel, we need to be straightforward with each other,” she said.
Wariness narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”
She wanted to ask why he was looking at her as if he expected her to attack him at any moment. “I’m not sure how to act around you. I don’t want to do anything to put more pressure on you. You put enough on yourself with getting the farm started, helping your brother, worrying about your bopplin and recovering from your wife’s death. That’s on top of having a wife become ill in the wake of the twins’ being born, as well as a dying daed-in-law. That would be awful for anyone.”
“I appreciate that, Leanna, but I’m fine.”
“You may think so, but I know how difficult it is to have someone you love fall ill. When I was a kind, my daed died after being sick for what seemed like forever. I saw what my mamm went through nursing him. It took her a long time to recover her own health after that.”
“I told you. I’m fine.” His tone was as caustic as the lye she’d used. For a moment, she thought his bitterness was aimed at her, and then realized it wasn’t. “Leanna, can we change the subject? This is too hard to talk about.”
