by Jessica Ames
I can’t stop from watching Sadie’s mouth as she talks. She has the most amazingly full lips, lips that are begging to be kissed. I can’t wait to do that. But as much as I’m attracted to her looks—and I really am attracted to her—I’m more interested in her as a person. Her life sounds fascinating and I’m enjoying hearing her views on the world. We share a lot of the same ideals, which is good. We also have a little in common and I’m hoping we’ll discover more things as the relationship continues to develop.
Usually, I’m awkward about meeting new people; living on an island in the middle of nowhere makes everything awkward, but socialisation is the worst. I’ve never been the life and soul of the party so I’m surprised by how at ease I am with this woman. Under normal circumstances, I would not be.
But there’s something about her that makes me calm, which is ironic given she’s all fire. She hasn’t done anything to suggest this, but I can just tell beneath that light demeanour is a fierce woman. And I like that; I like that she doesn’t seem the type to take shit from others. She’ll need that backbone to contend with my family and with the interfering buggers on the island, for sure.
As the day starts to wear on, I realise I really don’t want to leave her and I wish we had longer together, but we both have transport links we have to catch and so we have no choice but to wrap this up. I walk her back to the train station, which gives us a little more time together and when we arrive we move off to one side, out of the way of the travellers trying to get down to the platforms.
“I had an amazing time,” I tell her.
“I did too,” she admits.
And I think she’s telling the truth, not just saying what she needs to say so she can get out of there.
“You’d best go inside so you don’t miss your train.”
She groans dramatically. “I know, but I don’t want to.”
This makes warmth spread through my chest and pushes my heart to beat faster. “I don’t want you to either.”
I want to kiss her, but I’m not sure if it is too soon, so I decide to play it cautious. There will be time for that in the future—hopefully.
“You’d best go.”
“Right.”
“You’ll miss your train.”
“I know,” she whispers. “I’ll see you soon, Callum.”
“Bye, Sadie.”
26
Sadie
“There’s a problem with the caterers.”
I glance up from my computer screen to see Mel hovering in the doorway of my office looking unusually perturbed. This makes my own anxiety mount. The woman is usually unshakeable.
“What kind of problem?”
“They’re saying they can’t do the full five courses as we specified for the price they agreed.”
I let out an annoyed huff as I lean back in my chair. The gala is usually tricky to organise but this year it has been nothing short of a disaster. Everything that could go wrong seems to be and all our usual suppliers seem to be testing my patience.
“Did we sign the contract for that yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Ditch them and find someone else. I’m not playing games with these people.”
She nods. “No problem.” She starts to turn then stops, coming back to face me. “Are you all right?”
Her question takes me by surprise. “What do you mean? I’m fine.”
Mel’s head cocks to the side as she takes me in. “You seem… different.”
“Different how?”
“Lighter… less stressed. More… well, you. A week ago news about the caterers would have resulted in a meltdown.”
I am lighter, she’s right. I’m lighter because of Callum. I don’t tell her this though. Not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed or anything else, but because I don’t know where this is going myself and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I also quite like him being my secret. Not even Mum or Lilliana know about my date in Bristol.
“I had three cups of coffee this morning instead of my usual one,” I tell her. This is actually true, but not the reason I feel light.
My date with Callum had been amazing—even with both of our past relationship revelations—and I’m still riding the high from it. In fact, I think I’ll be riding that for a while to come yet. He texted me first thing this morning to tell me to have a good day and I managed to reply before the craziness of my day kicked in but I’ve not spoken to him since.
But I want—no, I need—to meet him again. Everything about our first date was amazing. The entire ride back to the station I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. It’s been a long time since I last had such a good time with a man and it felt easy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not stupid; I realise this is early days and that I don’t really know the first thing about this guy but I’m also—for the first time in a long time—excited about the prospect of the future, of my future. My life is pretty good—jilting escapade aside. I have a great (albeit stressful) job that I enjoy, I have good friends and a great family. My flat is… well, it could use some TLC but it’s home, and it’s mine. I don’t need a man in my life to complete me. I’m not one of those people who can’t function without a partner. I would be fine on my own for the rest of my days, but I don’t want to be on my own. I like having someone to share the little things with, the fun things with, to complain about the bad things and celebrate the good. I want someone to grow old with and someone to spend the rest of my life with.
Is that Callum?
It’s too soon to tell, but there is definitely something about him that I’m drawn too. He’s humorous, sweet and he has that old school chivalry thing going on that Henry (and probably my mother) will love. He reminds me of Garrett, Lil’s husband-to-be, in that respect. He’s very much of that ilk and it’s one of the things I respect about him.
But me and Cal have a huge hurdle to overcome. Can we go the metaphorical distance given the physical distance between us? I don’t know. That’s a question I currently can’t answer because I have no idea what the future holds for us—if it holds anything at all.
For now, all I’m sure of is I’m enjoying myself, and after a miserable few months feeling like a pariah in my social circles I’ll take fun. Anything over and above that is a bonus.
Do I like him? Yes.
Do I want to get to know just how much more I can like about him? Definitely.
But I’m also aware any progression in this thing isn’t going to be easy.
We’re both dealing with the emotional fall out of previous relationships. Okay, his is not as recent as mine and he says he’s ready to move on, but that situation still has to have an impact on him—even now.
And I’m a total emotional mess after my Richard saga. I’m rebuilding but it’s slow going. Trust is not something that is going to come easily again and poor Callum is going to have to work hard to rebuild that, to show me I can trust him.
On top of that there are the logistical issues. We live in different worlds, in different counties, in fact. Anything long term is going to require some significant planning as to where we live and where we want our futures to go. Could I leave London? I don’t know. And from the way he talks I doubt he would want to leave the island. It’s not something we need to think about yet, not this early in the game, but I do wonder if it is going to become a problem if we’re still dating six or twelve months down the line.
“Uh huh,” Mel mutters, her brow nearly in her hairline.
I should care that she doesn’t believe me, but I don’t. As I’m about to respond my mobile starts to ring. I flick my gaze down and see CALLUM CALLING flash on the screen. “I have to take this. Let me know if you need me to do anything with the catering stuff.”
“I will do.”
She quickly leaves my office, closing the door behind her and as soon as the lock snicks into place I swipe my finger over the screen and take the call.
“Hey.” I can’t help but smile as I speak. If anyone was to see me right no
w they would think I’m nuts because I’m grinning like a lunatic.
“Hi. You’re not busy, are you?” Callum asks, his deep voice rumbling down the phone.
“I’m not doing anything I can’t pause.”
“Good. We’re just out on the boat, looking for the best place to drop the lines so I thought I’d quickly give you a call rather than sending texts. I’m probably going to be busy the rest of the day and I didn’t want you to think I’m ignoring you. Plus, I really wanted to hear your voice.”
This is sweet and I can’t help but be touched by it. It’s also something I’m learning about Callum; he’s incredibly considerate. I’ve never had that before. I’m not even that considerate.
“I understand you’re working, Cal. I don’t expect you to be texting me all day.”
“I know, but I like texting you all day.”
And I’m not going to lie, that makes me swell with happiness. It’s been a long time since I felt wanted and it’s nice.
“I like hearing from you all day, so that makes two of us. How long will you be out on the boat for?”
“Another five or six hours. We want to be docking the boat before dusk hits.”
“Wow, long days then.”
“Yeah, I guess they are. But we have to be out there to make money. We do stay moored sometimes so we can work on the boat, keeping it repaired, papering over the cracks.”
“There’s cracks in the boat?” And yes, I sound ever so slightly hysterical.
He chuckles. “Not really. We keep it well maintained, but it’s not a new vessel though so I guess everything on her has been stuck down or papered over at one point or another.”
“That doesn’t really fill me with confidence, Callum.”
“No, I guess it doesn’t, but you don’t need to worry about me, Sadie. I’ve been on a boat since I was old enough to walk. I know what I’m doing. And I’ve got good crew around me—apart from Alex. He’s likely to get us all killed.”
I snort at him because I know he’s talking shit. When we were in the pub having lunch he spoke a little about his cousin and how capable he is. So beneath the ribbing there is definitely a lot of respect there, and I’m glad he has family out there watching his back, keeping him safe.
“I know you know what you’re doing,” I tell him, “and I have no doubt you’re good at what you do.”
“I do and I am. So you have nothing to worry about.”
“Then I won’t worry.”
“Good. What’s your day shaping up like?”
I let out a groan that is Oscar-worthy. “I have a catering situation and a to-do list longer than my arm.”
“I have no idea what a ‘catering situation’ is but it doesn’t sound good.”
“It’ll be fine once it’s sorted.”
“So, a pretty rough day ahead then?”
“It won’t be quite as bad as I’m making out, although it is going to suck. Luckily, I have a team of people who I delegate most of my stuff to.”
“Nice! I wonder if I could do that with Alex.”
“I doubt it, but nice try.”
He laughs down the line. “Yeah you’re probably right. So, are you still up for next weekend?”
“Absolutely,” I tell him. I’m excited to see him again and I’m thrilled he’s coming to London. Maybe it will be a chance to show him the big city isn’t as bad as he thinks.
“Great. I can’t wait to see what you’re going to show me. I’ve never been to London and I’m looking forward to doing it as a tourist with my own on-hand tour guide.”
I lean back in my chair, flicking my hair out of my face. “I may have lived here all my life but I don’t know anything about the local area other than the Queen’s digs are Buckingham Palace and the government hangs out in Westminster.”
“That’s more than I know.”
“I doubt it. You can probably tell me more about the history of London than I can. You don’t notice it when you’re living in it. It just gets swallowed up by the everyday grind of getting from A to B.”
“Well, you have a few days to brush up on your local knowledge.”
History is not my forte at all. “We can buy one of those tour books,” I suggest.
“Sounds like a plan.”
“I’m fully expecting this same treatment back,” I warn. “I want a full guided tour of Kildirk.”
“There’s not much to tell you. There’s a whole lot of beaches, the harbour—which is just a jetty and a shack—the shop, which doubles as the post office, and that’s about it.”
“Well, I still expect a full history of everything.”
“Then I’ll do my best to meet your expectations, madam.” I hear the humour ripple through his voice.
I can’t help it, I chuckle at him. “I’m sure you will surpass them.”
“I hope that too,” he says.
I don’t fail to miss the double-edged meaning to his words.
I hope he will surpass my expectations too—and I hope I also surpass his—but we’re still in early days and at the moment my focus is on enjoying myself and seeing what happens. I’m not putting any pressure on me or the situation. What will be will be.
Before I can construct a reply, he speaks again, “Bugger, Alex is signalling me. I’ve got to run, but I’ll speak to you later, Sadie.”
“Bye, Cal.”
I hang up and return my now frayed attention back to my computer, but my mind keeps wandering to Callum.
27
Callum
After my date with Sadie, I was on top of the world—and this feeling lasted for days. I had so much fun, more fun than I’ve had in a hell of a long time. Truthfully, I can’t remember the last time I did have fun—before Mara passed, maybe. It felt good to let go, to just enjoy myself without worrying how it might look, if I might get frowned at for enjoying myself. It feels like the weight of other people’s judgement has been sitting on my shoulders for so long that I’ve forgotten how light it is without them there. I don’t think they mean to be judgemental; but inevitably they are because Mara was loved by everyone.
The journey home from Bristol felt bittersweet because on the one hand I didn’t want to leave her but it also felt good knowing I didn’t want to leave her. It means for the first time in six years I feel something for another woman. I don’t want to count my chickens, but I think this could go somewhere and if it could it would be amazing.
Today, we didn’t go out on the boat. Instead, we worked down at the dock, tuning the engine and checking all the equipment. I’d headed home afterwards and managed a few hours on my own before I felt the need to be around people.
In Kildirk, the only place open after dark is The Lighthouse, so I walk down to the pub. When I push into the building, I’m not surprised to see my cousin drinking at the bar. He spends as much of his free time here as possible.
I head over to him and slip onto the stool next to him. Alex lifts his head and turns slightly to me.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey. You been here all night?” I ask.
“Just the last hour. I was bored sitting at home.”
You would think living on an island this size there would be a lot of alone time, but actually it’s the opposite; it’s hard to find alone time because you’re trapped on an island with over a hundred other people.
Alex isn’t the kind of person who does well on his own; he never has been. Even as a kid my cousin was always seeking out company—whether that was his family or the other kids on the island. Living alone, he spends a lot of time at the bar or with friends or family.
“You could have got an early night, you know, prepared for tomorrow.”
He snorts. “I’ll be fine for tomorrow. Don’t you worry about me.”
Charlotte chooses that moment to walk over, her hand leaning on the bitter pump and I see my cousin’s eyes flicker in her direction.
“Your usual, Cal?”
I nod at her and watch as she starts to pour
the pint from the pump, her curly red hair bouncing around her shoulders. When she’s poured it, she slides it onto the bar in front of me and takes the money from me.
Alex waits until she disappears down the other end of the bar to see to Harold Atherton, who is surgically attached to the bar most nights. He’s what my cousin will become if he doesn’t find himself a woman to come home to.
As soon as she’s out of earshot, Alex turns to me.
“So, how’s life? You met anyone else on that dating thingy?”
This makes me grin harder as I pick up my pint.
“Life’s pretty good, and yes.”
His eyes snap to me. “Seriously? You need to start talking. Right now.”
My pint glass pauses halfway to my mouth. “And what would you like me to say?”
“Cal, don’t be an arse.”
“Fine. Nosey fuck.” I lean forward and say in a soft voice, “I went to Bristol over the weekend to meet a woman I matched with.”
His eyes flare. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“What was she like? Actually, don’t bother answering that; I can guess from that ridiculous grin on your face what she was like.”
I’m sure I have a goofy look on my face right now because I feel goofy as hell.
“She’s amazing. She’s hilarious and kind and clever.”
“Holy shit; you like her!”
“Yeah, I really do. And I’m trying like fuck not to get my hopes up in case this thing goes south but everything about her feels right.”
And this is true. Being with her on the weekend felt so natural—weirdly so. It didn’t feel like we’d only just met. It felt like we’d been together for years. I hope she felt the same way too. The fact she’d rang me as soon as she got back to London (which was forty minutes before I got back on the island) suggested she also had a good time. I call that a win.
