by Jessica Ames
It’s two weeks before we’re able to see each other again. It feels like two years. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I miss Sadie. It’s the strangest feeling. I’ve never had this sense of need for any other person. It’s like she’s the air in my lungs, and yeah, I know how trite that sounds but it’s true all the same. I don’t know how it happened, how this woman got under my skin so fast but she’s there and I can’t root her out; I don’t want to root her out either. She’s quickly becoming everything to me and I need her in my every day. I can tell this long-distance thing is going to start getting old really fast. I want to wake up with her in my arms and I want to go to sleep with her wrapped around me.
We talk all the time when we’re apart—the usual video chats, texting, phone calls—but it’s not the same. I hate it. I hate that she’s away from me, and it scares me that I do. Is it normal to feel this much this fast? Is it lust or are these feelings real? I worry that once the excitement wears off that the curtain will drop and she won’t like what she sees behind it. Perhaps that will be the case for me, as well.
But I don’t know what the future holds; all I can deal with is the here and now and what I have in front of me in this moment. And in this moment all I know is I want her front and centre stage in my life. There is no other option, but this brings us back to the distance issue, and it is an issue. It’s annoying as fuck that it takes up so much of the day to travel to meet her. That time is time I could be with her.
I know if this thing keeps progressing as it is then we’re going to have to make some difficult logistical choices. Where do we live? London, the island? Would she move here? Would I move there?
I try not to think about these things because it just reminds me of the obstacles we have ahead but it’s something we’re not going to be able to ignore forever. And we shouldn’t try to ignore it either.
For now, we can shelve it because it is too early in our relationship to worry about it yet. There is still a long way to go. Although there is a part of me that thinks time doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t make a difference if I’d known her two minutes or two decades; there is something in me that just knows she’s mine and I’m hers. I don’t know how to describe it, but truthfully, I think that feeling has been there from the first time we met. I shouldn’t feel like this; it’s completely illogical, but I do. I just have this deep, primal knowing that this woman is meant to be with me. And it sounds crazy, even to me, but I can’t explain it. It just is.
So I know whatever happens we’ll be together. Even if I have to leave the island, I’m starting to think I would do it. I would leave everything I know behind, sell my half of the boat to Alex, give up my home on Kildirk to live with her in London, if that is what she wants. Truthfully, I have no idea what she wants; we’ve yet to discuss it.
Although as I step off the train, I can’t help but hope she will want to move to the island. London is big and busy; I’d miss the beaches and the ocean, not to mention the quiet.
I don’t meet her at the train station today; instead, I’m heading over to Covent Garden to meet her and her friend, Emily—my personal hero, since she’s the one who signed Sadie up for online dating in the first place. I definitely owe her a drink or two.
The fact Sadie is introducing me to people in her life makes me feel like she’s definitely thinking about the longevity of this thing between us, and that really is good. It gives me hope that the future I envision could be one she does as well.
She offered to meet me at Euston, but I’d refused. I felt confident in my ability to get around the city after my last visit, but I’m wondering now if I may have overestimated my navigation skills. Give me an open sea and I can get anywhere; the London Underground map makes my eyes cross. All those colours and lines and stations… damn, I can barely focus on it all.
Standing in front of the large map on the wall, I trace my finger out from Euston to where I need to be. I look like such a fucking tourist.
Probably because you are a fucking tourist, Cal.
I’m sure in time this stuff gets easier, but at the moment it requires a little planning to get from A to B in this place.
By the time I make it across the city, I’m itching to see my girl and my Tube woes are a distant memory. I can’t wait to put my arms around her and hold her against me. I have this absolutely intense need to kiss her and show her just how much I have missed her. I hope she feels the same.
I step onto the escalator that goes up to the surface and street level, careful to keep to one side out of the way of the locals rushing up the other side. It feels like I’m emerging from the very centre of the earth itself. It’s warm underground, the air stale, although there is the constant breeze caused by the trains moving through the network of tunnels that span beneath the capital. The frenetic energy of people moving around me is practically headache inducing but I stop caring about that, about anything, in fact, because as I reach the top of the escalator, I see her standing on the other side of the ticket barrier.
She looks beautiful today—she looks beautiful every day, but absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder. Her blonde hair is pulled up in a loose ponytail and as usual she has strands that have fallen into her face that she has to keep pushing aside. She shifts on her feet, a little anxiety in her stance. Until she locks eyes with me. Then it’s as if all the tension leaches out of her and her gorgeous smile lights up her face.
I fumble with my ticket, missing the slot for the ticket barrier at first, but getting it the second time. I bump into a woman in my haste to get to Sadie and mutter an apology, but I don’t take my eyes off her.
As soon as we’re within touching distance of each other, I snag her jacket and pull her against me. Then our lips are locked together.
The kiss is desperate and filled with needy desire. Fuck, I want this woman so much. I’d put the brakes on our last hot and heavy session because we were on the boat but if we’d been anywhere else I would have fucked her senseless.
When we finally part, we stay close to one another, our foreheads touching.
“Hey,” she breathes out in a sexy little pant that makes my dick twitch.
“Hey,” I respond, breaking apart slightly so I can kiss her nose. “It’s good to see you.”
“It’s great to see you.”
I grin at her words. “I better let you go, else we’ll be stood like this for the whole day.”
Her little laugh is music to my ears and I vow in that moment to do anything to make her do it again.
“Would that be a bad thing?”
No, it definitely would not. If I could I would push that tiny little dress she’s wearing up to her hips right now, but I have to control myself and be on my best behaviour—at least until after I’ve met the best friend and we’re alone again.
“No, sweetheart, it would be a great thing, but we have to meet Emily, and we’re probably on camera right now. I don’t want the British Transport Police getting a show.”
She laughs again and that sound is becoming addictive.
“We definitely wouldn’t want that.”
Grudgingly, I step back and she flattens her hair back down after I rucked it up.
“Where are we meeting your friend?” I ask as I take her hand in mine.
I have no idea where we’re going, so I let Sadie lead me out of the Tube station.
“There’s a cafe me and Emily like to visit. We’re meeting there.”
I squeeze her hand. “That sounds great.”
“I’m impressed you managed to get here by yourself. I was expecting an emergency phone call saying you were stuck on the other side of London.”
I shoot her a side long glance as I step out of the way of two girls hurrying down the street towards us.
“It’s not that hard,” I lie. “If I can find my way around the North Atlantic, I’m sure I can manage anything.”
“My handsome sailor,” she says.
And fuck me, the way she says it h
as my stomach flipping.
By the time we reach the cafe I’m coming out of my skin. I want to get her alone and do a long list of things to her. I never thought I would get to this stage, the point where I would feel comfortable with another woman, but Sadie makes it easy. There is still that hint of guilt, the feeling that I’m sullying Mara’s memory by being with another woman, but I can’t and I don’t focus on that.
As we enter the cafe, Sadie squeezes my hand. “That’s Em,” she says, nodding in the direction of a table directly ahead of us.
Her friend is rake thin and has flaming red hair that settles in loose waves around her shoulders. She strikes me as someone who really takes care of their appearance, and I’m pretty sure that every item of clothing she is wearing has been specially selected to offset the entire outfit.
As we approach, Emily stands and gives us a megawatt smile that could power half of London. I hang back slightly as Sadie hugs her friend and then Emily’s eyes lock on to me.
“So, you must be Callum.” Her eyes scan slowly over my face, as if she’s memorising every inch of it. “Umm hmm, I can see now why she’s smitten with you.”
Sadie flushes. “Em!”
But I beam at her words. It makes me feel good to know that Sadie is as into me as I am into her. It makes me feel even better to hear she’s been telling her friends that too.
“It’s probably my winning personality,” I tell her as the three of us sit.
I take the seat next to Sadie, my arm going over the back of her chair so I can run my fingers along her neck as we talk.
“Oh, yes, I see why you like this one, Sades.”
Sadie glances at me and the smile she gives me is fucking stunning. “He’s easy to like.”
Emily leans across the table and says, “You seem nice, but if you hurt my best friend I will find you and I will cut your balls off.”
“Jesus, Em! She’s joking,” Sadie says to me even as she glares at Emily.
I like this woman. I like that she loves her friend that much she would threaten a stranger with castration if she gets hurt. I’m glad Sadie has good—if not crazy—people around her.
“Since I don’t plan on hurting her, it won’t be an issue.”
My fingers on her neck stop stroking and Sadie leans into my touch.
“Fabulous,” Emily says. “Now, tell me everything about you.”
36
Sadie
“What the hell are you eating?”
The screen flickers for a moment before it buffers enough for me to see him clearly again, but I still can’t work out what the sludge is in the bowl in front of him.
“It’s seaweed.” He holds up a forkful to show me. “The joys of living in a place heavy on fishing… we eat a lot of sea-based foods.”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever tried seaweed.”
Callum gives me a lopsided grin. “Well, next time we meet up we can rectify that. I make some amazing fish dishes.” He suddenly gets a funny look on his face as his eyes slide to the screen. “You like fish, right?”
“Yeah, Cal, I like fish.”
“That’s good. It’s pretty much the only thing we have on the island. Fish, more fish, with a side of fish.”
“You don’t eat anything but fish?”
“Well, we have a delivery once a week from the mainland and the rest of the time we can only get what we can either by taking the ferry over and going to the shops or sometimes me and Alex will stop in one of the port towns and pick up stuff.”
I can’t believe how different his life is to mine. Living in a huge city I’m used to having everything on demand at any time of the day or night. I can’t imagine wanting something and having to plan it a week in advance.
“Okay, since you’re fine with eating Nemo, then I’ll make you fish next time we’re together.”
“Are you going to catch it first?”
He snorts this time. “Do you want me to catch it first?”
The camera flickers again and it goes fuzzy as it tries to buffer. This is one of the downsides of the video calling. Often, the signal on the island is not good enough to run the feed, although I was surprised they had Wi-Fi out there at all. Callum told me they had to petition their local authority pretty hard to get it, and even then the islanders had to raise a chunk of change themselves to fund the installation. “I don’t know. Are you any good at catching fish?”
“Babe, I’m the best.”
I don’t let on how much I like him calling me babe, even though internally, I feel a warmth spread through me.
“I feel like this is a money where your mouth is type situation.”
“I’ll take you out on the boat again and show you just how good I am at catching fish.”
“How do you not get sick? Last time, I have to admit, I was feeling it by the time we got back to dry land.”
“I don’t know. I’ve always been good at sea. Never had a problem. Alex used to get a little sick and sometimes he’ll still get queasy if the seas are particularly rough. And last time it was calm.”
We’ve been video chatting every day after he finishes on the boat. So it’s nine pm and I’m barely awake. I’m wrapped in my duvet, my tablet set up in front of me, watching him eating his dinner while telling me about his day. It’s weird, but it’s the little mundane everyday stuff like sitting with him while he eats that makes me feel closer to him.
This is becoming our routine, and it’s one I’m starting to love. Speaking with him is easy. Perhaps because there are no expectations, no worries about external factors like jobs and friends and family. There is just him and there is just me.
“It didn’t feel calm. It felt barf-inducing.”
He laughs. “You should be out there when it’s stormy.” His fingers go into his hair, raking through the locks and I wish it was my fingers, my hands. “And you’re trying to pull in the fish while battling the wind.”
“I’m not sure I could catch fish, to be honest, but I’d have a go.”
“You’d catch fish?” He seems surprised by my answer.
“I’m not scared of getting my hands dirty, Callum.”
He has the grace to at least look a little sheepish. “Yeah, okay, that was kind of closed minded of me, but in nearly two decades in the industry I can count on one hand the number of women I’ve seen out on the water. Your answer surprised me, is all.” He stares at the screen, at me. “You’re just full of surprises.” He sounds almost shocked by that fact and I’m not even sure what he means by it because I’m not exactly adventurous.
“Well, I like to keep you on your toes,” I say with a smile that I hope will diffuse the crackle of tension that is, for some reason, growing between us. I don’t know where he went in his head then, but he mirrors my expression and comes out of it.
“You have to get ready for bed?”
I groan dramatically. “Yes. I probably should already be asleep. I have a busy day tomorrow. I need to get the last of this stuff organised for the gala, otherwise I’m going to have a whole room of guests eating sandwiches and drinking water.”
“Well, you can’t have that.”
“Truthfully, it would be a better event if that was the case. It would make my life easier and I’m pretty sure the food is so fancy no one really enjoys it anyway.”
“So, burgers and chips all around?”
I snort. “I think Henry would lynch me.”
And this is not a lie. He would. My stepfather has very few things that get under his skin but his company is important to him—unsurprising, given the work he has put into it over the years. I have to laugh a little as I imagine what his response would be to laying out plates of triangle-cut sandwiches.
“Your stepfather is helping you to organise this event?”
I grunt. “Absolutely not. Henry is the most disorganised person on the planet. We wouldn’t even have a guest list if it was down to him.”
“He sounds like my cousin. There’s a reason I’m the skipper
and he’s not, despite the fact we both own the company. I doubt Alex could organise a piss up in a brewery.” He shifts, which moves him closer to the web cam. “I better let you sleep. I’ll text you in the morning. Speak soon, babe.”
“Bye, Callum.”
He hesitates a moment, then hits the disconnect button and he disappears, leaving me with a black screen.
37
Callum
“You know, you don’t have to tell them anything. You’re not beholden to them.”
I glance at my cousin and let out a tired breath. He’s right, of course he is, but I feel like I need to say something. I don’t want to blindside either of them and I don’t want them to go off at Sadie if they see her here, which they undoubtedly will since the island is the size of a postage stamp. And I want to bring her to the island sooner rather than later, without drama.
“I know, and I’m not doing it to ask permission,” I tell him.
“Then why are you doing it?”
“Out of respect. Loretta’s been in my life since I was born and Mace… well, he’s a friend and we both also work with him. I’d rather he didn’t try to drown me while we’re out at sea.”
Alex scoffs at my words. Clearly, he thinks I’m being melodramatic, but I know Mace and the man has a temper—one that is prone to getting out of control. That fire is both his greatest strength and his biggest weakness. It gives him a thirst to succeed, to not take shit off anyone, but it also makes him a liability at times because he lacks control.
Truthfully, I have no clue how this is going to go down. I visited Mum and Dad tonight and told them and the rest of my family about Sadie. They were surprised but happy for me, I think. Elin seemed to think it was about time while Haley got this strange look on her face before she hugged me. Either way, they were supportive. I’m not sure I will get this same result from my former in-laws. Mara was loved and they’re going to have the same problem I had when I first signed up to Match Me Perfect—they’re going to feel like I’m betraying her memory.
