by Jessica Ames
He gives me a wide smile as he pushes off the brick and moves a little closer to the train, careful not to get in the way of the passengers streaming out onto the platform.
I go to him, my arms going around his waist at the same time as his hands slide around me to bring him close. His lips descend and our mouths brush over each other’s. It’s a warm, wet kiss that screams of desperation, of need. It’s a kiss that says just how much we’ve missed each other and how much we need the feel of each other.
When he pulls back from me, I’m panting heavily, trying to get my breath. His forehead touches mine and we stand together, holding onto each other like we’re scared to let go, and maybe we are. Both of us have let down our guards to get to this point, both of us have had to overcome obstacles to open our hearts back up.
“Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey, handsome.”
He grins and kisses my forehead. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you more.”
Reluctantly, he pulls back from me and holds his hand out for me to take, which I do. In his other hand, he grabs my bags, taking them from me.
“I parked around the back,” he tells me. “How was your journey?”
“Long. I was eager to get here.”
His thumb runs over the back of my hand at my words. “I was eager for you to get here too.”
He leads me out of the train station and to the small car park around the back. Hand in hand we make our way over to a dark grey four-by-four vehicle.
“You hired this?”
He nods as he hits the central locking fob and there is the tell-tale clunk of the locks disengaging.
“It’s a shame we’re not allowed cars on the island because I could get used to it. I feel like a monster truck driver in it.”
This makes me chuckle. “Maybe we can get you a model car of it, what do you think?”
He kisses me.
“I think I’d rather have the real thing.”
He backs me up against the side of the car, his hands threading through the hair at the side of my head. Dipping his head, he kisses me. The hard planes of his body press against me and I can’t stop the rush of pleasure that tingles through my pelvis.
I give him another kiss, this one less intense, but I let all my feelings, my emotions pour into it.
“We better get in the car,” he says, his breath warm against my swollen lips. “If I keep kissing you we’re going to give the locals a hell of a show in a minute.”
“I don’t mind.”
He laughs. “I didn’t have you down as an exhibitionist.”
“I’m not, but I can’t keep my hands off you.”
“I feel the same, but we’re unfortunately—and very annoyingly—on a time schedule. We have another twenty-minute drive to get to the harbour. We miss the ferry and we’re not getting over there tonight without calling my cousin for a ride over.”
“Then we’d best not be late.”
He shifts me aside and opens the passenger side door for me. Once I’m seated, he closes the door behind me and heads around to the driver’s side.
We’ve driven for about five minutes before I ask, “How come we’re taking the ferry when you have a boat?”
“I want you to experience the island fully, and that means taking the ferry.”
I grin at him. “I can’t wait to have your tour. Although I don’t think it will outshine mine.”
I had given him a tour of London a few weeks back, although since I know nothing about London it had been rather uneducational. I’m looking forward to seeing what he does back in return.
“I’ll probably just wow you with all the facts and figures about the island.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. “Are there many facts and figures?”
“Enough for me to tell you. It has a long history but a boring one. It’s never had a large population. At one point, the island was in the hands of the church and there was a monastery up near the cliffs.”
“It’s still there?”
He shakes his head. “It was pulled down in the eighteenth century and the stone reused to build houses along the seafront.”
“Oh. That’s kind of sad.” Not that I’m particularly a big history buff but seeing anything old destroyed is a loss of sorts.
“Yeah, it was controversial as hell even at the time, but the island needed houses and getting building equipment over here is nigh on impossible. My ancestors had to make do with what was available to them.”
That I can also understand.
We reach the harbour just before midday. Hand in hand, we head down to the main docking area to the ferry. My eyes are everywhere as we walk, and Callum spends most of his time saying hello to people as we pass docked boats or workers.
The air is heavy with the smell of salt and there is a good breeze today, which makes me a little nervous about being out on the water, but Cal seems calm, which makes me feel calm in return.
When we approach a small ferry boat, Cal yells out, “Anyone here?”
An older man sticks his head up over the railing. “I wondered if you were going to make it on time.”
Callum grins. “You know me, Charlie. I’m never late for anything.”
The man—Charlie—grunts then his gaze locks on me. “Who’s your friend?”
“I’m Sadie,” I tell him before Callum can answer. “It’s nice to meet you.”
His grunt suggests that feeling is not entirely mutual and when I glance at Callum, he just grins and shrugs.
He steps onto the boat, and helps me across the small gap between the harbour wall and the side of the vessel. The boat shifts and rolls a little beneath my feet but it’s nothing I can’t handle.
Callum leads me over to a row of seats at the side of the boat and we sit together, looking out over the water.
“Ignore Charlie,” he tells me in a soft voice. “He’s harmless but I think the man was born with a stick up his arse.”
The ferry ride over to the island is relatively short and extremely choppy. My stomach is not one hundred percent happy about the fact either. I like to think my sea legs are fairly robust but I’m rethinking that right now because I am in serious danger of barfing.
I try to keep my stomach under control as Callum points out the island on the horizon. It’s actually not that far from the mainland, although it feels far enough. And I barely notice anything about the journey in my plight to keep my stomach from revolting.
When the boat finally docks at the other end, I’m quick to get up and off it. And I’m glad to have my feet back on solid ground.
“A little too rough for you?” Callum asks, his hand going to the small of my back and I love the hint of concern in his voice.
“A little,” I admit. “I’m sure I’ll get used to it the more I do it, but I’m not sure I’m a sailor yet.”
His hand rubs slow circles. “You will be. Are you okay to walk, or do you need a minute?”
“No, I can walk.”
He takes my hand and we start to wander down the dock. And I push aside my sickness to look around. The island is beautiful. There’s green everywhere. In fact the only building I can see is a small shack looking thing at the end of the dock.
“So, this is Kildirk…”
Callum squeezes my hand. “This is Kildirk. Come on.”
The island is phenomenal. He shows me the beaches which are empty expanses. It’s weird to see a place so deserted. Whenever I’ve been to the beach before it’s usually packed with tourists and locals.
He gives me a brief history of the island, which is a thousand times better than my made-up mumbo jumbo I gave him in London. We walk across the sand and then up onto the sea road. I feel all the tension I didn’t even know I had leave my body with every passing step.
“I see why you love it here,” I tell him as he leads me over to a spot on the sand and we sit.
“It’s something else, isn’t it?”
It is. “It’s beautiful.
If I had this view every day, I don’t think I’d ever get anything done.”
He moves me so I’m sitting between his legs, my back to his chest and he kisses my hair.
“I’m glad you approve.”
I do, wholeheartedly, but it also highlights the elephant in the room, the elephant between us. It has sucked being without him, and I mean it has sucked. I didn’t think I could miss someone as much as I have him but that physical ache has been hard to deal with.
“I hate that we’re apart,” I admit.
And he tightens his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. “So do I, but your life is in London; for now, mine is here.”
I pull free of his grip and twist to him. “For now?”
He gives me a smile.
45
Callum
Her eyes are darting back and forth over my face, trying to read me—I think. Sadie’s surprise would be cute if it wasn’t for the deep as hell furrow between her eyes. I hate that it’s there.
“Yeah. For now.” She turns on her knees, sand coating her jeans.
“What do you mean ‘for now’?”
I’m not sure what her reaction means or signifies. She seems a little upset and I don’t know why.
“Well, sweetheart, we can’t keep doing this back and forth travelling. I’m tired of having a relationship with you via the phone. I want you with me, always.”
Her eyes close and she breathes out deeply. “I want that too.” She reopens her eyes and meets my gaze. “But we kind of have a problem in that you live here and I live hundreds of miles away.”
“It’s not a problem at all, Sadie. If you want to stay in London, I’ll move there. If you want to stay here, I’ll move you here. My home is wherever you are.”
She doesn’t move and that worries me. Maybe I pushed too hard, maybe it’s too soon to say these things but I can’t lie about my feelings; I won’t, I want her. If I’m being honest, I love her, and yeah, that scares the shit out of me, but it’s true.
Life is short; I’ve learnt that the hard way. What’s the point in waiting? She’s mine and waiting isn’t going to change that fact. Nothing will.
And I know she was damaged by her ex. I know it. I see it in her uncertainty sometimes. I wish I could kick his arse for putting that doubt in her mind because he took something from this powerful, amazing woman and I hope I can rebuild it in her but part of me knows it’ll never come back. What was taken can never be returned.
But I want her on the same page as me, and her expression tells me that’s not the case.
“I’m in this for the long haul, Sades. I want you. I don’t see that changing. But I understand if you still need time to adjust. And I’ll wait for you to be ready.”
She picks up a pinch of sand and lets it trickle through her fingers as her gaze goes out over the ocean.
“I’m scared.”
“I’m scared too,” I admit.
She grabs another pinch and lets the sand trickle back to the beach beneath.
“I want this. I want it so much it terrifies me. I don’t want it to be taken away from me. I won’t survive that again.”
My jaw clenches as I stare at her beautiful face in profile. I should have punched Richard in the face.
“I can’t guarantee what the future holds, Sadie. All I can tell you is how I feel right now, and I feel so much for you. Too much sometimes, and that scares me too. But I’m ready to take that next step with you.”
Her gaze finally comes back to me. “You would seriously move to London to be with me?”
“I’d move to the moon if you were there.”
She laughs a little. “Smooth talker.” Then her expression turns serious. “I want this too but I’m nowhere near ready for us to be thinking about moving in together.”
And I’m not going to lie that disappoints the fuck out of me. I keep my face neutral, however.
“And that’s okay too. When you are ready we can explore options then.”
“It’s beautiful here, Cal. It really is, but we’ve been sitting here for an hour nearly and we haven’t seen a soul. I don’t think I can live here. And I don’t know that I can ask you to uproot everything you know, everything you love to come to London. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Sweetheart, I want to be where you are—”
She shakes her head and holds up a hand. “You want that now but in six months, ten months… you may feel different. And that’s were resentment grows, that’s were relationships die. I can’t go through another relationship dying.”
“That’s not going to happen to us, darling. Not now, not ever.”
She gives me a tight smile that does not reach her eyes at all. Shit. I have no idea what to say so I push to my feet.
“Come on, let’s head to The Lighthouse and get a coffee to warm up.”
She takes my hand, which is a relief and we head up to the coastal path. The sand gives way to rounded pebbles that gave the bay its name and I help her over the uneven surface.
As we head into the main part of the island, I see Doris outside the shop tidying one of the displays. She glances up as we approach, then does a double take as she spots Sadie.
“Callum,” she says as we approach, although her eyes shift to Sadie.
“Hey, Doris.”
I feel Sadie’s hand twitch in mine, which makes me smile to myself. After all the stories I’ve told her about Doris I probably should have warned her we might run into her.
I turn to Sadie. “This is Doris. Doris, this is Sadie.”
Doris doesn’t move, her eyes slightly narrowed as she comes to a realisation she’s not sure she likes.
“She’s my girlfriend,” I say before she can speak and her eyes flare.
Sadie smiles. “It’s lovely to meet you. Cal’s told me a lot about the island but it’s far more beautiful than he said.”
This seems to thaw Doris a little and I shoot her a warning glare as she catches my eye.
“Well, yes, it is beautiful here. You know my grandfather built most of the buildings in this part of the village after we had a baby boom here?”
“I did not know that. Callum didn’t mention it.”
“I didn’t mention it because I didn’t know that,” I admit.
“There’s a lot of history here,” Sadie says.
“Is there a lot of history where you’re from?” Doris asks and I decide it’s time to get Sadie out of here.
“We’ve got to head out.”
“It was nice to meet you,” Sadie says and as soon as we’re halfway up the path and out of earshot she leans into me and whispers, “So that’s Doris…”
I mentioned Doris a lot in my earlier correspondences with Sadie.
“Yep, that’s Doris.”
“She’s not how I imagined.”
“And what did you imagine?”
“Someone older, more wizened. Less snarly.”
I wince at that. “She’s like a bulldog, but she’s harmless. And don’t take the snarling personally. She hates everyone—me included.”
We head up to The Lighthouse, and Sadie glances up at the old tower.
“I didn’t expect it to be a real lighthouse.”
“It’s the old one. They had a new one built about seven years ago, all with state-of-the-art tech in it.” I point out the new building a little further down the coastline. “They were going to knock this thing down but we ended up convincing the local authority paper pushers to keep it. Charlotte bought it and converted it to a pub. She lives in the upstairs part of the building.”
“Wow. That’s pretty cool.”
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
I push through the door first and then steel myself for the twenty questions that are bound to come.
I’m not disappointed. As soon as we step inside, all eyes come to us. I grumble under my breath as I pull Sadie towards the bar.
Charlotte eyes us curiously. “What can I get you?”
“The usual. A gin?
” I ask Sadie who nods. “The kitchen open?”
“It can be,” Charlotte tells me.
“Can we have a couple of menus as well then?”
Charlotte grabs them from behind the bar and hands them to me.
“Since this lummox isn’t going to introduce us,” Charlotte says, “I’ll do it myself. I’m Charlotte and I own The Lighthouse.”
“Sadie. I’m not local.”
Charlotte laughs loudly. “It’s nice to meet you, honey. Why don’t you and Callum take a seat and I’ll bring your drinks over?”
I lead her to a table in the window so she can look out over the ocean.
“Is that the mainland?” She points at the land mass on the horizon.
“Yeah. On a clear day it’s easier to see. It’s a bit hazy today.” Once I’m seated, I lean across the table from her. “I’m sorry about that. They’re just curious. We don’t often get visitors.”
Sadie reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “Don’t apologise.” She then glances down at the menu but there is a tension growing between us since the beach and I’m not sure why or how to fix it.
We eat and drink and things still seem tense but I can’t put my finger on why. We have a good day, but it’s not a great day. I don’t know what the issue is and every time I ask her she tells me she’s fine, but she’s not.
At the end of the day, I take her back to the dock and I ride the ferry back with her. Charlie tells me he’ll take me back across to the island and gives me a couple of minutes to say goodbye to Sadie.
I don’t want to say goodbye though because I feel like if I say goodbye now I’m saying it for good, which is ridiculous because she hasn’t given me any indication that she’s thinking of ending things.
I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me. I don’t want to let her go.
“Call me when you get home.”
“I will,” she tells me against my chest. “Thank you for today.”
