by Brook Wilder
“Why are you asking me about this?”
I take a deep breath. I think about that nasty stripper in the photo, touching Dom all over. The memory makes me sick.
“Let’s just say I know things.”
“I don’t know who told you that, but I’m not… Amy, I love you. I’m not fooling around. Okay?”
“I want to believe you, but I don’t know…”
Tears fill my eyes.
He wipes my tears away.
“It hurts me to see you crying. That’s the last thing… Amy, you mean everything to me.”
“So, you swear you’re not cheating.”
“No. I went to the strip club only to get dirt on the Vipers. That’s it. I promise.”
I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. It takes a moment for me to pull myself together.
“Amy, I love you. And I hope you still love me.”
“I do. It’s just… When you stay out late, it’s not easy to trust you.”
“I’m sorry. I promise that things will be different from now on. I’m not gonna lie. When I saw your texts, I thought you were breaking up with me.”
I look at him for a long time.
“Amy?”
“I don’t know, Dom. Sometimes, I wonder if things will ever work out between us. Maybe... Maybe we’re not meant to be together.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It was crazy to think that we could ever make this work. I don’t know why the hell I thought…”
“Stop it. Amy, you’re the only woman I want to be with. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“So, does this mean you’ll stop chasing after the Vipers?”
He hesitates.
“That’s exactly what I thought. All you care about is settling some stupid score with them.”
“It’s not. I wish it was that easy. But this whole thing… It’s not, like, a switch that I can just turn off. Things might get more dangerous if I do that.”
“Dangerous how?”
“I can’t go into all that. It wouldn’t be safe if you knew the details.”
“But if you love me, there should be no secrets between us.”
“I know. And I promise to tell you everything, as soon as it’s safe.”
There’s an awkward pause between us.
“Have you seen Lyle?”
“Why?”
“Did he talk to you about anything?”
“Dom, you’re not making any sense right now.”
I am so close to telling Dom that Lyle showed me the pictures of him in the strip club, but I decide to keep that to myself for now. Since he’s holding back secrets, now isn’t the time for me to spill the beans either.
We stare at each other for a long time. In my heart, I want to trust him. But there’s another part of me that wants to just break up now and leave the drama behind. I take a deep breath.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower.”
I stare at him. A quick shower? Why? Maybe he did something at the strip club that he regrets. I’m so angry right now, I can barely contain my emotions.
“Did you get a lap dance tonight?”
“Amy…”
“Answer me!”
“Only one. She asked me, and I said yes. I couldn’t turn it down. Everybody would’ve been suspicious of me. But I promise it didn’t mean shit.”
“Right!” I spit out with sarcasm.
“Amy, do you trust me?”
“I don’t know. Should I?”
“Look, I realize that things are off to a crazy start between me and you, but I want this to work. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
I look in his eyes. He seems so sincere. But then again, I’ve been fooled before. My memory goes back in time to Lyle. I really hope that Dom doesn’t turn out to be like him. My heart couldn’t take it.
“Amy, I don’t like any of this, but I have to keep going until I clear my name. As soon as that’s done, it’ll all be over.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I’ll tell you everything as soon as I can. That’s a promise.”
“I don’t like this. I feel like I’m in the dark.”
“I know. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. But it’s for the best. I’m thinking about your safety.”
“I was looking after myself just fine before you came along.”
He smiles a little.
“I know you’re a strong woman. But that won’t stop me from worrying about you.”
“You’re the one who’s in danger. With all those Vipers around, there’s no telling what might happen.”
He takes a deep breath. I can see in his eyes that he’s got something heavy on his mind.
“Talk to me, Dom.”
He shakes his head.
“Please…”
“Just promise me you’ll stay away from Lyle.”
I nod. I don’t need any reminders from Dom about that. But I can’t but wonder why he’s so emphatic about it. Does Lyle have anything to do with all the shit that’s going on? I wouldn’t be surprised.
“I really wish you would just tell me.”
“I just need a little more time. Soon, this will all be behind us and we can focus on you and me.”
I feel my anger rising. I can’t stand his secretive ways. I don’t know how I can be in a relationship with someone like this.
“Dom, if you really love me the way you say you love me, you would tell me everything and hold back nothing.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t. But don’t think for one minute that I don’t love you.”
I watch as he walks out of the room and across the hall to the bathroom. A few seconds later, I hear the sounds of him the shower. I cry as I listen to the running water. Emotionally, I’m a wreck. This thing I have with Dom is hanging by a very thin thread, and we both know it.
***
The next morning, I wake up next to him. In the sunlight, he looks so handsome. It’s hard to stay mad at him, but I can’t help it. I’m still pissed. My mother always said you should never go to bed angry, and now I see why. I’ve got a terrible headache.
I climb out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. I don’t think it’s safe for me to take a Tylenol, because of the baby, so I decide to drink a glass of water. With each swallow, I feel slightly better.
Dom stands in the doorway. He looks so sexy, wearing nothing but his boxers. I can see the bulge of his erection. It’s a familiar sight. Dom is always hard first thing in the morning. And usually we get in a round of quickie lovemaking. But not today. I’m just not in the mood.
He smiles at me.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“How’d you sleep?”
“Not that good, to be honest.”
“I know. I’m sorry about that. Things will better soon. I promise. You have to believe me.”
Another empty promise is the last thing I need, but I don’t resist one bit when he walks over and wraps his arms all around me. He plants a kiss on my lips and looks deep into my eyes.
“I love you, Amy Miller.”
“I love you too.”
“Will you please let me cook you breakfast?”
I smile a little against my will.
“As long as you promise not to burn anything.”
He chuckles and heads over to the pots and pans. Thirty minutes later, we’re feasting on French toast and crispy bacon. I sit across from him, taking in the moment.
I do love Dom. There’s no doubt about that. And what I feel goes deeper than what I’ve felt for anyone since Adam died. But I know I have to protect my heart. And even though I’m frustrated with all his secrets, he’s not the only one. I still haven’t told him about the baby. Not yet. I can’t until I’m sure that’s he’s 100% genuine. No games. No lies. And this has to be shown with actions, not words.
I get to work an hour later. It’s busier than usual. A big group of senior citizens are there for a class to learn how to use the
internet. One gray-haired lady stands up and says, “Is spam the same thing that comes in a can?”
I can’t help but chuckle to myself as I help them navigate the simple lessons. Later in the day, teenagers pack the library after school, doing more research. I see a group of girls, but Holly is not there. I hope she’s okay and that Lyle isn’t up to anything underhanded.
At the end of my shift, I head home. As soon as I walk inside, Dom is waiting for me. I give him a big hug. It feels good to know that he’s holding up his end of the bargain. Maybe this can work.
The next few days, we fall into an easy pattern. He’s home every night like clockwork. I’m hopeful that this is a turning point for our relationship. I want nothing more than for him to put the whole evidence-gathering operation to rest and for us to just focus on being a couple.
One evening, on my way home for work, I stop at the grocery store to pick up some sparkling apple cider. I think now is the time to tell Dom about the baby and celebrate with a toast of something non-alcoholic. He’s been slightly suspicious of me whenever I’ve turned down a cold beer at the end of the day. Now, it’s time for him to find out why.
When I get home, Dom isn’t there. I see this as the perfect opportunity to set the mood. I light some candles. I attach my iPod to the stereo speaker and go to a playlist of Dom’s songs.
My phone dings with a new text message. It’s from Dom. It reads: “Sorry. I can’t come home.”
I reply: “Why?”
He replies: “I’m being followed. Don’t worry about me. I’m going to stay with James tonight. I’ll call you ASAP.”
My heart is pounding. I can’t believe this. Dom is so wrapped up the stupid Vipers investigation that he’s pushing our whole relationship to the side.
My heart is shattered.
Chapter Sixteen
Amy
I put the bolt lock on the door and close all the windows. Dom’s text has me scared. In the pit of my stomach, I can sense that he’s in danger. I think back in time to Adam and what happened to him. There’s no way I can live the nightmare of losing the man I love again.
I blow out the candles. There’s no use in setting any romantic mood. I’m going to be alone tonight. Dom won’t be coming home. Who knows how long he’s going to hide out at James’s place. Might be a day. Might be much longer.
But I do know one thing. I’m running out of patience with all this shit. I deserve so much better. I look down at my flat stomach and rub my belly. Our baby deserves better too. How can I bring a child into this madness?
Like a lot of women, I am guilty of trying to change my man. I thought it could work, that I could gently nudge him in the right direction and everything would be fine. That turned out to be a huge mistake, and now I’m paying the ultimate price.
I pace the floor, thinking of all the good times I shared with Dom. He’s the only guy I’ve really cared about since I lost Adam. I really let myself go with him. At first, I didn’t regret it. The hot sex, the tender way he held me in the morning sun, the look in his eyes, like he could make everything better.
I was just fooling myself. That’s clear now. Dom isn’t a snake like Lyle, but that doesn’t mean that we belong together. My heart is already so wrapped up in this relationship that a big part of me just wants to walk away before it gets any worse.
My mom used to say that, when you’re on the verge of making a big decision, you should always sleep on it first. And then, when you wake up, you’ll know the answer. That advice makes perfect sense to me as I heat up leftovers for one in the microwave.
I end up eating two plates of lasagna. My appetite is exploding. I know the reason why. In a few months, I’ll be a mother. But the real question is whether Dom will be around to be a father. I’ve never felt so unsure about anything. I really don’t know what to do.
I slowly wash my dishes in the sink, thinking of how Dom used to volunteer to “bust a few suds” after I cooked dinner. I hope we can make it work. That man makes me so happy, body and soul. But, on the other hand, I can’t brush the truth aside.
Dom is putting his life in danger night after night, looking for dirt on the Vipers. It won’t be long before they make an example out of him. And there’s always the possibility that Lyle might throw handcuffs on him.
How would that feel? If Dom was behind bars, I’d be forced to take our child to visit him in prison. This isn’t what I signed up for. The thought of it is soul-crushing.
I walk to the couch and turn on the TV. I smile, remembering the passionate moments we shared all over this room. Dom made me cum so many times, it felt like an out of body experience. I’m pretty sure that’s a big reason why I got pregnant so fast. We never held back with each other when we made love. It was amazing.
Is it really over? Am I really ready to walk away? These thoughts run through my mind as I flip the channels. There isn’t much on tonight. I watch a little bit of the news and turn it off.
I head to the bedroom and get under the sheets. It doesn’t feel right. Me being in my king-sized bed, all alone. I want Dom to hold me. I miss the feel of his body next to mine, his kisses, and the way he fucks me.
My nipples get hard just thinking about it. My panties are moist. I am craving him. Stop it, Amy. I slowly come to my senses. I have to face the fact that he’s not here and there’s no telling when he’ll be back.
After a sleepless night, I wake up exhausted. I make my way to the bathroom and take a long shower. I shampoo my hair. The warm water helps cleanse my mind. I am literally fighting back my tears.
I step out and towel off. I look at myself in the mirror. It feels like the moment of truth. I know I have to listen to my gut. When it comes to Dom, it’s clear what I must do.
I get dressed and walk into the kitchen. I scribble a note that reads: “Dom, we can’t go on like this. What you’re doing isn’t safe. I’m sorry, but this is just too much for me. ~ Amy.”
I head to my room and pack up a few clothes in a small suitcase. I want to leave now and avoid a confrontation, just in case Dom comes walking through that door any minute.
Outside, I toss my bag into the trunk of my car and drive. There’s really only one place I can go at this point. One person who won’t judge me or make me feel like shit. One person who accepts me, flaws and all.
A few minutes later, I pull into Abel’s driveway. It’s early in the morning. I see his pickup truck parked outside. Good. He’s home. I walk up the porch steps and knock on the door.
I stand there for a while. He opens the door wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. He looks at me and yawns as he wipes the crust out of his eyes.
“You could’ve called first.”
“I know. Sorry. I just…”
He smiles wide.
“Get your butt in here, Amy.”
He gives me a big hug as I walk into the living room.
“I was just about to make some coffee. You want some?”
“No thanks.”
Coffee is off limits for me until after I have the baby. But I can’t deny that the smell is intoxicating.
“You sure?”
I nod and follow him into the kitchen.
“I get it. It’s because I don’t have the fancy stuff, right? You’re too good for good ole Folgers.”
I grin. If he only knew the truth…
“Well, I guess that leaves more for me. I could use some caffeine in my life. I worked a double yesterday.”
“Yeah?”
He nods and pours himself a big cup of coffee. He adds some sugar and stirs.
“We’re working on a big case.”
“Does it have anything to do with the Vipers?”
“Who told you?”
“Word spreads fast around these parts. You know that.”
He takes a long sip of coffee.
“I hope it doesn’t spread too fast. I’ve got an inside man, and we can’t let anybody blow his cover.”
“Who is it?”
Abel hesita
tes. I know it’s Dom. But I don’t want to go into details about that. There are much bigger things on my mind.
“Can I…?”
“Amy? What’s with you? Why are you acting all weird?”
