“Otōsan!” Papa said almost angrily. “Don’t blame yourself!”
Then everybody started talking, and Mama tapped the table for attention. “We will go tomorrow to Kobe for butter and sugar. That will help.”
“Hai! Hai!” Jiichan said. “We will trade butter and sugar on black market for rice!”
But it turned out that Hanako’s grandparents had discovered this afternoon that the wheat was being attacked by insects, so they did not think they could go to Kobe. And Papa needed to look for work tomorrow; besides, they did not want to spend extra train fare for him to go to Kobe. Train fare was not expensive, but Mama insisted that they should not waste money.
So it would be Hanako and Akira with their precious passports, and Mama, whose Japanese was merely passable. Everybody sat sadly at the table, not saying a word. Then Papa and Mama silently held their eyes on each other for about three whole seconds, like they were having a conversation without talking. Papa’s face brightened. “How about if Kagako works in the fields? Okaasan can show her how to kill the bugs, and, Tōsan, you can go with the children to Kobe!”
Mama had suddenly started energetically picking up tiny bits of dust or dirt from the tatami. She didn’t seem to have heard because she was concentrating so hard. “Hana, you must shake out the tatami when you are back from Kobe!” she exclaimed, as if Hanako had been remiss.
“Yes, Mama.”
“Kagako, you can help out in the fields, then?” Papa asked gently.
“Yes, of course, I can do anything at all, you know that!” She frowned at Hanako.
“Mama, I didn’t know the tatami were dirty!”
Mama’s face softened. “Yes, Hana, I know, you’re a good girl.”
Everybody was cheerful now that Jiichan would be traveling with the children. Papa seemed very pleased with himself. “I’m the idea man,” he said modestly.
“You take after me!” Jiichan said. “You don’t remember, but when I young, I have many idea. Now I only have idea about weed and bug.” He leaned very close to Akira’s face. “I will take you to Kobe, do not worry, Aki. We will not get lost.”
Baachan’s mouth started to open, and it stayed open. Then she said, “No, I cannot say.” She shook her head, then added, “But I must say! I am think the children stand out very much. They look America-gaeri. It very cute, but it never good to attract attention if you have precious thing like butter and sugar. I have not seen butter or sugar in many year. Maybe it been ten year. In truth, I cannot remember. Maybe I have never seen, and only think I saw once.” Her eyes got dreamy. “I wonder what it taste like?” She smiled sadly. “I will never know.”
“In America you have tasted!” Jiichan said with annoyance. “Remember? We buy butter from friend who have farm. But sugar I have no memory of. I may have tasted sugar, but I have no memory of.” Hanako could tell he was looking back into the past. “No, no memory. I have heard sugar taste like fairy tale.”
Baachan nodded. “Why you annoy with old woman? Hai, I remember butter now. I fry vegetable in butter for one week. That very good week. Not best week ever, but very good.”
Hanako remembered that Papa used to buy fresh butter for the restaurant twice a week. She used to cut off slices to eat like cheese. The restaurant had pounds and pounds of butter and sugar. Butter was special even when they’d owned plenty of it, however. Now it seemed like it was better than gold. Her mouth watered over the butter that they would be getting soon but that she would not be allowed to eat.
Baachan groaned. “Nobody listen because it only me. But I say again. My grandchildren are very cute. I cannot imagine before I see them how cute they will be. But now they will have precious things, and many will be looking at them.”
Mama seemed to be listening closely. “What do you suggest?” she asked.
Baachan went, “Ahhhhhh. Ahhhhh.” She looked quite concerned. “I am wondering about Hana-chan braid. I have not seen such a braid during the wartime. . . .”
Oh, no. That was the only thought in Hanako’s mind upon hearing that. She didn’t think of her braid as something that could be cut off, if that was what Baachan was suggesting. It was attached to her.
“No, she must keep her braid!” Jiichan protested. “Otherwise, she will not be Hanako.”
“Maybe, maybe. I am only me, no need to listen.”
Hanako laughed nervously. “It’s my braid! I’ve always had a braid!”
“No need,” Baachan repeated.
Then, to Hanako’s relief, everybody dropped the subject.
It turned out there was only one train straight to Kobe, and it would be leaving at ten that night, to arrive in Kobe at eight in the morning. So they ate dinner, and Jiichan took a bath. Hanako and Akira both laughed, but Akira positively cackled, because they could hear their grandfather loudly singing a silly song about fresh snow, fresh snow, it goes where it goes, where does it go?
“It melts!” Akira cried out. “It melts, Jiichan!”
While Baachan took her bath next, Hanako cut vegetables, which she put in three boxes for herself, Akira, and Jiichan. Mama and Baachan would need two of the boxes for work in the fields the next day, so she stuffed the three boxes as full as possible and put them into a basket. She did not know what Papa would eat, but he insisted she not pack him anything.
It was decided that Jiichan would carry the passports. “I will fight for them if anyone try to take,” he said, taking a fighting stance.
Hanako agreed to wear ugly, puffy pants called monpe and a plain white blouse of the sort that Baachan wore in the fields. Also, Baachan took her measurements so she could start the plaid skirt. “I will not stop working while you are gone. I hope you will like skirt when you see.”
“Of course she will love it!” Mama said. She pulled Hanako in close. “Hanako loves everything I’ve ever made for her.”
“Yes, Mama,” Hanako replied obediently, although in truth, Mama had gone through a phase when she thought flowered drapery-type fabric made pretty skirts, and she had sewn herself and Hanako matching outfits that made them both look like walking curtains. Hanako felt embarrassed just thinking about walking around in those clothes!
Then Mama said fondly, “Remember those flowered skirts we used to wear? So pretty!”
“Yes, Mama.”
“I don’t remember,” Akira said.
“You were just a baby,” Hanako said, then added, “They were actually the prettiest skirts in the history of the world!” She paused. “But Baachan’s will be just as pretty . . . or prettier . . . or just as . . .” She did not want to insult anybody.
“Time to go, time to go!” Jiichan said, pacing excitedly.
Baachan said shyly, “Maybe you like my black jacket?”
“Thank you very much, but this is my really special coat,” Hanako said, putting on her purple one.
Papa picked up Akira. “Now, will you behave for your jiichan?”
“But, Papa! I don’t always like to behave!”
Papa frowned.
“Yes, Papa.”
“Make sure he behaves, Hanako.”
“Yes, Papa.”
Hanako was not that much shorter than Jiichan. It felt a little strange to be going out into the dark with such a small grown-up. In truth, she was a little afraid of the night. It used to seem like an adventure just to sit outside after dark in their backyard in America. They would bring out a blanket, and Mama would make popcorn, and they would listen to the crickets. That was pretty much the extent of Hanako’s experience with being outside at night.
But she took Akira’s hand and said, “I’m very brave.”
“I know,” he said.
Everybody said their good-byes, and the three of them stepped out into the cool air. Hanako and Akira followed Jiichan, with Hanako so close, her feet almost touched his as she walked. She clutched her brother’s hand. With her other hand, she carried the basket of food. Jiichan was carrying the passports in a money belt at his waist. He’d said it was w
here he kept money after he sold his vegetables in town. He also held an oil lamp. It was mostly ceramic, with a metal knob to advance the wick, and it looked ancient. It looked magic, too, like you could make a wish on it.
“Stay close so can see ground, don’t trip,” Jiichan said. He looked around furtively. “We save oil before war start, but we are almost out. Your baachan had this idea because she believe war will grow very big. We already at war with China, but she think we will be in even more war.” He lowered his voice so that Hanako could hardly hear. “In general, we do not want anyone to know we have oil.”
Akira hurried to keep up and immediately tumbled over a rock. “Ohh! Ohh!” Jiichan cried out almost in despair. That was probably because he was so old, he didn’t remember how often kids fell down. He knelt next to Akira, shining his light.
Aki gazed at his knee, where his pants had gotten dirty. He looked ready to cry. “These are my only pants!”
“Baachan will make you more!” Hanako assured him. “Any color you want! Won’t she, Jiichan?”
“Hai, any color. Purple, blue. We will buy cloth . . . somehow.”
Akira seemed to be deciding whether he should go ahead and actually cry. Finally, he said, “All right. I want brown, please.”
“Brown is very good choice!” Jiichan said fondly. He looked very pleased. “I proud you make such good choice. Very smart boy make good choice in life!”
Now Akira looked pleased. “Thank you.”
They continued on their way, more slowly this time. The lantern didn’t give off a lot of light. It was like a big, single firefly.
They moved silently. Hanako was concentrating hard on making her way in the darkness, and she knew her brother was too. Jiichan seemed almost an expert at what he was doing. He was not a normal person, Hanako thought. In the daylight he sometimes appeared awkward, but now there was something almost graceful about him. And he was wearing straw sandals, which did not look easy to walk in.
She’d been concentrating so hard that she was surprised how quickly they seemed to reach the village, which was almost completely dark. They walked between the huge, black shapes of buildings. A couple of homes did have light shining through the rice-paper doors—probably people lived at their shops.
When they reached the train tracks, they sat on the platform and waited. “Sometime train come early, sometime come late,” Jiichan explained. “I go to Kobe three time on train. I had cousin there, but he die when he seventy. So I understand train. We wait, and train will come when it come.”
There was a rustle nearby, making Hanako’s heart rush. But Jiichan didn’t even seem to notice. Then an eerie voice sounded, halfway between a house cat and something wilder. Akira jumped to his feet with a screech, knocking the lamp over. Hanako and Jiichan jumped up as well. Jiichan immediately wrapped his arms around Akira and held him hard. “Is only tanuki!”
But Akira was crying.
“What is tanuki?” Hanako asked, picking up the lantern. Oh no! She could see a wet spot on the ground where oil had spilled.
Jiichan knelt over the spot. “Ahh, that too bad. Always too bad to waste.” But then he cheered up. “Is only raccoon dog, Aki-chan. Many tanuki in Japan. Very famous animal here. They can change shape, but will not hurt you. They bring good luck. Now we will have good luck finding rice at good price, this I promise you.”
Akira shook his head quickly a couple of times. “They change shape?”
“Ah, I admit I have not seen this, but I have heard. They are famous for to change into human. That is legend from many year ago. But they mean no harm. Very cute. You would like, Aki. Someday we will see one, and if we have food, will feed it. It will eat out of your hand, you will see. Then your luck will come.”
Akira was thinking this over, sticking his lower lip out. Just like Jiichan had! Then he said, “All right,” and sat back down.
The lantern flickered and sputtered out right then. It was very dark. Hanako reached out to touch Akira, then sat down.
Jiichan struck a match and tried to relight the lamp. But it wouldn’t light. “Ah, I cannot light again. Wick is dirty. Will not work. When we see train, we will need to wave and shout. Cannot hold up lamp.” Yet he firmly held the lamp as if it were as important as butter or sugar.
So they sat in the dimness, the only light from the night sky. Hanako felt as if she had never been so alert. Akira was leaning on Jiichan, not her, and she felt oddly lonely, but just for a second. She tried to listen as hard as she could, a little worried that the train would pass them by if they didn’t have a light. She couldn’t hear anything.
“The tanuki brought us bad luck,” Hanako said. “Now we have no lamp.”
“We do not know our luck yet!” Jiichan said. “We have not had our journey. When we are home again, then we will know good or bad luck. It is hard for children, but must be patient. I cannot be patient for anything when I am child. When I child, life move very slow, and yet now I am old man.”
There it was—she could hear the train, but she couldn’t see its lights yet. “Stand up, but do not go on track,” Jiichan said. “As train get closer, we must wave and shout. They will see us.”
Suddenly, the lights were there, and they were growing quickly. Hanako was surprised at how fast the train was barreling down on them. Then she saw its lights. She waved her hands wildly and shouted, “Tomatte!”
“Oi! Tomare!” shouted Akira and Jiichan.
Hanako jumped up and down and screamed more loudly than she’d ever screamed. And the train slowed down! And stopped. A man in uniform opened the door but didn’t bring down a step—he said someone had stolen it. Akira boarded first, the man lifting him by the arms. Then Hanako, then the food basket, then Jiichan last. He grunted loudly as he pulled himself up. The man tried to help, but Jiichan said, “I am strong for age!”
The car was quite full, but they found a seat they could all squeeze into. Akira closed his eyes and seemed to be instantly asleep. This time he leaned on Hanako. Jiichan as well had already closed his eyes. Hanako held tightly to the food basket, then reluctantly let it slip to the floor in front of her. She closed her eyes too, suddenly tired. In her mind’s eye she could see the lamp bobbing along the path.
She remembered the time in Jerome when she and Akira had been standing at the barbed-wire fence, and in the forest beyond they could see what seemed like thousands of fireflies. Akira had stared through the fence. It was a very beautiful sight. “That means everything is going to be fine,” she had told Akira. “We’re going to be fine. We have a good future! This is proof.”
He had believed her, of course. But shortly after that they were transferred to Tule Lake, where there were turmoil and violence and arrests, and now they were here, traveling ten hours for butter and sugar. She opened her eyes, studied the peaceful faces of her grandfather and brother. And then she thought, But I’m fine now, at this moment. And this was true.
CHAPTER
NINETEEN
Then, right when Hanako had fallen asleep, Jiichan was suddenly crying out, “I have forgotten! Even with my amazing memory! We must change train in Hiroshima!”
The train was just slowing down. So they rushed off with their belongings, and then hustled through the station until they found a new platform to catch a train to Kobe. When they were finally settled on their new train, Hanako was not sure if all the rushing had been exciting or awful. Akira didn’t seem to care. He was in one of his moods where he allowed himself to be led wherever and whenever.
But right before he fell asleep, he looked suspiciously at Jiichan. “Are we on the right train now?”
“All is well,” Jiichan said confidently.
So Hanako and her brother went to sleep. When she woke up, it was very bright out, the sky outside cloudless, the sun white.
Jiichan was saying, “Hanako! Hanako! I cannot wake up your brother!”
Hanako was not surprised. “You have to scream near his face. Sometimes that’s the only way.”
“AKI!!! YOU MUST TO GET UP!”
Akira opened one eye first, then the other. Jiichan leaned back with relief. “It very hard to wake you up. I try many time. You worry old man; no good will come of it.” He seemed a little vexed at them for the first time since Hanako had met him.
Hanako and Jiichan ate half their food, but Akira ate all of his. Nobody had the heart to tell him to save some for later.
Jiichan got directions to the consulate from the ticket window, and they stepped onto the street. Hanako didn’t know what to expect, but she saw that Kobe was a mix of flattened ruins and damaged buildings as well as many undamaged ones. “Ahh, Kobe bombed,” Jiichan said seriously. “I read in newspaper.”
“An atomic bomb?” Hanako asked.
“No, regular bomb. Only two atomic bomb. The other in Nagasaki.”
After the shock of Hiroshima, seeing the damage of Kobe did not seem surprising at all to Hanako. People walking around them didn’t seem to notice a thing; they were just going on about their lives. Here and there a middle-aged or older woman wore a heavy, colorless kimono, and a couple of somewhat younger women wore colored ones. Many of the women wore monpe. The men wore plain, casual jackets and baggy pants, and all of them had caps on top of their heads. She didn’t think the bagginess was a style like with Pachucos; they were probably wearing whatever was available. A US serviceman walked with a Japanese girl in heavy makeup. They were laughing and seemed quite happy. The streets were crowded. It was odd to think: not that long ago, bombs were dropping here. But she could see that you just accepted such things had happened, then got on with your life. Survival.
They strode silently along the busy street. Hanako spotted a bustling outside market, right next to a single broken concrete wall and a big pile of rubble. The sellers, and many of the buyers, looked like very tough people. There was a girl, too, with bangs and hair to her ears. She looked very tough as well, and very mean, like maybe she would kill Hanako for five US dollars and a meal. Survival.
A Place to Belong Page 10
