by Trinity Wood
I relax. “The other impressive feature in my room is a double bed. I got one when I turned fifteen because I needed to sleep comfortably. Unlike you.”
She pokes her tongue out. I take it she likes it when I tease her.
She walks towards the window. You can see for miles out to the ocean, past houses, past the harbor, towards the mountains on one side. She sits on the window seat, and looks out, fascinated. “I love this view. It’s amazing, I bet it changes all the time.”
“I love it, too.” But I’m not looking at the view.
She realizes I’m looking at her and laughs. “Smooth, Sam, smooth. You’re learning.”
I sit down next to her in the small window seat and pull her onto my lap.
She taps my chin. “Did you like your birthday and Christmas presents?”
I’m a bit caught out. I stroke her hair. “They’re very thoughtful. No doubt about it, I’m going to pour over the ancient maps and dream about being there, sailing. And the protective necklace ...” I kiss her forehead. “We sailors are a superstitious bunch. Can’t hurt to wear it. Corey wears a pounamu. What about my present for you?”
She looks down. I hope she’s not upset. Tayla suggested jewelry or some spa vouchers, but I thought a bracelet would be something she can wear all the time. Seems I was wrong.
“I love it, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” She winks. “Apart from you.”
I look down. “I don’t think anyone could call me beautiful. I’m just ordinary. Corey is much better looking.”
Ellie holds me tight. “Well, I think you’re beautiful, and my opinion matters the most.” She kisses the tip of my nose. “And I’ll wear the bracelet, but not at work. I’m worried I’ll lose it or break it at playing with the kids. Or even better, there would be a rain of diamonds in some poor child’s diaper.” That’s one angle I hadn’t thought about, and we both giggle like little kids.
Ellie kisses my chest then nestles in closer. “Feels good to spend your birthday and Christmas with you. By the way, why did you say you don’t celebrate your birthday? I love birthdays. I’d have two like the Queen, if I could.”
Of course, Ellie loves birthdays. The cake, the presents, all the people together to celebrate you getting one year older. I’m quite lucky that my birthday is on Christmas day because I never have to throw parties, and people don’t expect it either.
“I just don’t feel like it. Getting older makes me feel bad.” I decide to tell the truth. Or part of it. For now.
“Listen to yourself. You sound like you’re on death's door. You’re only thirty-two. What are you going to say when you’re seventy?” She shrugs. “Up to you, I guess. But we’re definitely celebrating my birthday in May. Hope you penciled it in your calendar.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Ellie means so much to me, I can’t imagine not being there for her.
She leans in for a kiss, and I pull her closer on my lap. She wraps her legs around me, and I can feel myself getting hard for her. I don't think there will ever be a time when I don't want her, crave her, need her like I do now.
I lift her up, her legs still wrapped around my waist, and climb on the bed.
She puts a finger on my lips. "It's your birthday. You get the treats." She takes off her clothes but doesn't let me touch her. "Na-ah. Your turn." She takes off my t-shirt and shorts, freeing my dick, which is aching for her. She kisses my lips, my jaw, then makes her way slowly but torturously downwards. She kisses my chest, sucks on my nipples, and by then I'm ready to explode. I try to hold her, but she moves away, giggling. She's going to be the death of me.
By the time she reaches my navel and grabs my dick, I'm starting to have a fair idea of what she wants to do, even through my desire induced brain fog. She takes all of me in her mouth, and I gasp. She starts stroking and sucking, driving me insane.
"Darling, I…" I'm unable to finish the sentence. No room for thoughts. Only … how can I make her come?
I summon all my strength to not come too quickly and pull her up. She looks at me, puzzled and a bit disappointed.
"I want to taste you as you're tasting me."
A slow smile lights up Ellie's face, and she lies on top of me, facing away. I pull her closer to my face and taste her pussy. She's wet for me, and I need more. She is teasing my dick again and moaning every time my tongue flicks over her clit. She tastes amazing, and I want to make her come before I do. She seems to have the same thought. She works my dick faster, and more forcefully, licking the tip and sending me spiraling into oblivion. She comes seconds before I do, and I lap up all her juices before coming hard into her mouth.
I pull her up in my arms and we lay spent for what feels like a long time.
"Happy Birthday," she says after a while.
We laugh like it's the funniest thing in the world. We’re carefree and in love. Except I’m carrying the heaviest burden of all. Once Ellie finds out …
***
Ellie
It's Boxing Day today, and Tom convinced Sam and Steve, their dad, to go out on their boat diving for seafood bright and early. I'll spend most of the day with Joan, Sam's mum, then go out for a quick shop for Boxing Day sales with Sophie, Tom's wife, before the men come back.
After a cursory breakfast, I want to accompany them to the beach so I can wave them off.
"Time to get going. Sam said you want to wave us off, Ellie, so better get a move on". Steve, Sam's dad, rushes me along, playfully.
Sam and Tom bring out some wetsuits and diving gear, check everything is in order, then start walking towards the beach. Steve goes around the house, and comes back driving a tractor.
"Hop on, Ellie." I laugh, climb on, and off we go on the streets of O'Neill's Bay, on a massive red old tractor. Tom and Sam have already changed in their wetsuits, and I hop off, while Steve is bringing the boat around.
I kiss Sam firmly on his lips. "Take care out there. I want you to come back."
He smiles and strokes my cheek. "Will bring you scallops."
Using the tractor, Steve launches the boat, the boys hop on, and he parks the tractor close by. The boys help him climb aboard, and they sail off as I wave. The boat motors off into the distance, a trail of spray in its wake. I watch until I can't see it any longer, and my chest tightens. I'm afraid I won't be able to relax until he's back safely. I take a deep sigh, and walk back to Sam's parents’ house to hang out with Joan, and Sophie later on.
I find Joan in the kitchen, making coffee. "Would you like some, dear?"
"I would love some, thank you." It's my first coffee of the day, and I can sense it's going to be one of many, since Sam is away and I'm so worried.
"You really worry about him, don't you, Ellie?" Joan seems fond of me already.
"I do. The ocean feels scary to me, so many depths, and so much … nothingness." I choose my words carefully. After all, that's how Joan's son, my Sam, makes a living.
Joan nods sadly. "Many lives lost at sea." She hands me a steaming mug of fresh coffee and a Tim-Tam biscuit.
"On the other hand, it calms Sam down a lot. I've read some studies that water can be very soothing for someone who's neurodivergent.”
Joan drops her coffee mug into the sink. I jump up to help. "Are you alright? What happened?"
She looks sad, defeated almost, wiping the sink absently. "When did you find out about him? Did he tell you about it? He’s never told anyone as far as I can tell."
They don’t tell people about it! Are they ashamed? I would never have thought … they seem so proud of their son. "I thought it was common knowledge. His behavior patterns. He can't read cues very well. He talks in circles about a given topic. I'm a preschool teacher, and I have taught several children on the spectrum. They're all treasures, the lot of them."
"You won't tell anyone, will you?" She looks at me imploringly.
"Joan, being neurodivergent is nothing to be ashamed of. He's an accomplished man, he's achieved so much in life and he's only thirty-two.
Plus, I love him to bits. I would never do anything to harm him in any way."
She seems more at ease and changes the topic. "Thank you. Sophie will come by soon. She's dying to show you the finest of what O'Neill's Bay has to offer."
We both laugh at that. I'm glad Joan has a good sense of humor.
"I really like you, Ellie,” she says, “I hope my son finally decides to settle.” She smiles at me, and the doorbell rings.
Joan goes to answer, and I admire the photos on the wall in the lounge. A couple strike me in particular. They feature what looks like Tom, Sam, and another child, could be a little girl. They definitely look related, freckles and auburn hair glistening from water drops. I puzzle over this. Could it be a cousin they’re close to? I wonder why Sam never mentioned her before.
Before I could form another coherent thought, Joan enters the room with Sophie, looking fantastic in the morning sun.
Sophie takes my arm and starts strolling confidently towards the door. “Hey babe, I’ve been home to drop off the presents, but now I’m ready to go shopping.”
I gather my handbag, wave goodbye to Joan, and get ready for some fun at the markets. We go on foot through O’Neill’s Bay, towards the town center. We walk on narrow streets lined with Pohutukawa in bloom, and Sophie stops to say “Hi” here and there. Some people throw curious looks my way. They must wonder who I am.
In some ways I miss living somewhere small like this, where everyone knows everyone. In other ways, I don't, because everyone's up in everyone else's business.
Sophie and I chat about everything under the sun, about my job at the daycare, my parents' winery, her job at the hospital, and she even confesses she and Tom are trying for a baby.
"Go you,” I say, “very happy for you guys. Fingers crossed it happens soon. At least in the meantime you can have fun trying." I wink.
Sophie bursts out laughing at my tongue in cheek comment.
"What about you and Sam? Do you think you'll do the marriage, baby thing?"
Her question throws me off. In my heart of hearts, I do imagine Sam getting down on one knee at some point. Does he want kids though? He hasn't said anything about it, and I feel this is something we should be on the same page about. He hasn’t even told me he loves me yet.
"We've only been seeing each other for a few months now, so it's yet to be seen." I keep my tone nice and light.
"Oh, come on, you must know by now he never brought girls home. Laura was more like a friend than a fiancée." Sophie enters the first shop, a local deli. "Let's get some snacks for lunch, to have while the boys prepare the seafood."
As Sophie shops, I offer to pay for half and choose some treats to take back home to Tayla.
"Tell me more about Laura." My jealousy is getting the better of me. From the photos I saw a while ago, she's a tall, leggy blonde. Very sporty and very suited to Sam.
Sophie brushes my concerns away. "Nothing for you to be worried about. I don't think she was a bad person, but she was a bit pushy, a bit too ambitious. Not good for our Sam, who needs to learn to take it easy."
Interesting. Sounds like a very driven woman. I admire that, but I'm more of a soft touch, due to the nature of my job, I guess.
Sophie and I taste some cherries and Manuka honey. "Sold. Delicious, let's buy some."
We go onto the next shop, already laden with bags. This time it's a Wellness shop, lots of beauty, skincare, crystals, and yoga mats. I sigh and buy a rose quartz for Tayla and, impulsively, grab a box of kawakawa balm for Corey. We may not be great friends, but as a sailor he can definitely use it on his hands.
As we make our way back towards the house, I remember the photos on the lounge wall. "A bit of an odd question. Who's that little girl in those childhood photos by the beach of Sam and Tom? She looks a lot like them."
I'm walking for a short while, before I realize Sophie has stopped on the street, mouth agape.
A feeling of dread pools in my stomach. "Did I say something wrong?"
"You don't know? Sam hasn't told you?"
Her words send me further into panic. "No. Is there anything I should know?" My voice is faint.
"I … don't think it's my story to tell. Let's go back home."
As we walk together in silence, carrying heavy shopping bags, my heart beats faster. When we get to the door, everything is crystal clear.
"Sophie, listen. You don't have to tell me. I'm going to ask you something, and if I'm right, just nod."
She looks miserable.
"Is it their sister?"
Sophie nods.
My gut twists. "Did she … pass away?"
A nod again.
"Is it anything to do with … the water? " Sophie nods again, slowly, then opens the front door, leaving me torn in half.
Chapter 13
Sam
The first thing I can hear underwater is my own breathing, my own air bubbles. If they were to stop, it would be quiet in the ocean. That blue Moki over there would continue hiding among the kelp. The school of silvery yellowtails disperse in all directions as soon as I swim towards them, and regroup further along, away from the perceived danger.
Tom and I are diving while Dad waits for us on the boat. I haven't dived for a long time, maybe a year or more. Corey and I usually go spearfishing, but this time I promised Ellie some fresh scallops, so seafood it is.
We gather a legal amount of mussels, scallops, oysters, and clams. Tom is the first to surface and get back on the boat. I'd love to stay more, but I want to see Ellie again soon, so I follow suit.
Dad goes through our shellfish, making sure there are no undersized ones to throw back into the sea. "Good catch, boys. Just like the old days."
"I wonder what the ladies are doing," I say.
Tom finds my observation hysterical. "Bro, you're such a goner. We've only been away three hours. It's not even midday. I'm sure Ellie can spare you for a couple of hours."
"Ah, but can I spare her?" I wink at him, and all three of us share a good laugh.
Dad sets course for the harbor. "Fine, boys, I think we have enough now. I'm turning back."
Tom and I cheekily shuck a couple of fresh oysters to tide us over until lunch time. Dad was right, it does feel like the old days. Spending time together as a family, carefree. Like before Thea passed away. I try not to think too much about her. I know I need to have the conversation with Ellie, but I had hoped to avoid it for as long as possible.
In about half an hour's time, we get back to shore and help Dad hook the boat to the tractor, to tow it back into the shed, and hose it down. Tom and I take our wetsuits off, keep our board shorts on, and shower quickly at the beach facilities. We walk home together, carrying the Kai Moana like a family treasure.
Ellie is in the kitchen, but she won't look me in the eye. What's going on? What happened? One name sounds like a mourning bell in my mind. Thea. Ellie must have heard about Thea.
I pry her away so I can talk to her. "Ellie, how about we go pick some veggies from the garden?" My heart rate has gone right up, and I can feel a humming in my head.
We walk out towards the veggie patch, and Ellie starts picking out some lettuce, tomatoes, oregano, and dill, and places them in my basket. Silence is unlike her.
I face it square on. She’ll appreciate the truth. "What do you want to know?"
She turns her brown gaze towards me. "Everything."
I run my hand through my hair, and she watches me intently.
"I was five. Thea was seven. Tom was nine. He didn't want to come play with us that day, so Thea and I went by ourselves to the beach … Without mum and dad knowing." My voice breaks. I struggle to hold on to the emotions, and I'm transported back to that day over twenty-five years ago. "Thea was always the better swimmer … but that day … there was a rip." I think comprehension sets in behind her eyes, as we remember the day at the beach when Ellie was caught in a rip.
"I … couldn't help. I shouted for help. I ran back home to mum and dad. By the ti
me we returned … Thea was gone. She was never found."
Ellie puts her arms around me and hugs me hard. "I love you."
Her words calm me down, like a kawakawa balm on fresh wounds. "I love you too."
She smiles through tears. "I'm always here for you if you want to talk about it. We're a team, remember?"
I kiss her hard. It’s like I’ve turned a corner. Ellie knows about Thea, and it’s not a dealbreaker. Maybe it’s not my fault. Maybe I was five, only a little bit older than Ellie’s preschoolers.
We walk back inside and start preparing lunch. It dawns on me that tomorrow Ellie goes back to her house, I go back to mine, and any time together will be confined to short spans. This fills me with dread.
The afternoon passes comfortably into the evening, and once again I'm impressed and proud at how well Ellie gets on with my family.
Sophie is fully out of her shell, and Tom told me they're trying for a baby. For a fleeting moment I wonder what Ellie would look like pregnant. Does she want children? She looks after children for a job, so maybe she doesn't want any of her own. Or maybe she does want some.
Tom sidles up next to me and elbows my ribs. "Time for Cards Against Humanity, I think."
I’m jolted into the present and elbow him right back. "No fucking way, bro. We're not playing that with our parents." I nod towards them.
"Of course not. They're going on a date. It's just the four of us." Tom winks.
"A date? Whatever next." My rolled eyes reveal my sarcasm.
Mum laughs. "It's just fish and chips on the beach, love."
Mum and Dad pack a picnic basket and leave for the fish and chip shop at sunset.
Ellie is impressed. "Goals, right there."
I’m impressed as well. They're in their 60s and still go on dates. Just being with one person forever seems huge. Making time, being present for them.
We spend a fun couple of hours playing Cards Against Humanity with Tom and Sophie.
I decide on the spot we should see them more often. "Guys, I know you lead busy lives but don't be strangers. You’re welcome to come up to Auckland for a long weekend and crash at mine. See some sights. Eat some food. Do touristy stuff."
