by Hannah Gray
My mom still has the picture of us. It’s awful, and we looked homely as hell. But I wouldn’t change it.
“When we were eight and you fell off your bike and needed stitches, I carried you back to your house even though you were bleeding all over me.”
Her eyes burn into mine. She hangs on to my every word.
“You always save me.” She kisses me this time, standing on her tippy-toes and grabbing the back of my neck. “And I’m sure it is … exhausting. How could it not be?”
“Listen to me.” I tilt her chin up. “There is nothing—and I mean, nothing—I’d rather do. Even if you might drive my blood pressure up at times.”
Her eyebrows pull together even though she tries to laugh. “I’m so sorry, Weston. For everything I put you through. And even through it all, you stuck around. Saving my ungrateful ass.”
The water runs down our bodies, washing us clean from the past. Somehow making us completely vulnerable to our feelings. We’re finally owning how we feel. No hateful comments or shade thrown for once.
“I wasn’t always saving you though. You saved me too, Henley.”
“How?” She shakes her head. “I’ve done the opposite.”
“When I was nine and my dog died, you brought me a stuffed animal that looked like him.” I still have that stuffed animal. I’ll never get rid of it. “When I was twelve and my dad and I got in that car accident, you came and visited me every day. And brought me ice cream.” I laugh. “When I was fifteen and lost my great-grandmother, you snuck in my room and stayed the night. We didn’t speak. You just let me hold you. Same with the nights when other shitty things happened. You slept next to me. Even if it risked you getting in trouble with your parents.”
Her hand tangles in my hair. I lift her up again, landing her right on my hard dick, and she cries out the sexiest sound.
I kiss her hard as her back presses against the shower wall. Tears and water mix on her lips, but I kiss her so hard that I probably leave her lips bruised.
She moans, biting my bottom lip. “I love you. I love having you this close. You …” She throws her head back. “You feel so good.”
“You feel so fucking good,” I say, sliding in and out. I wanted to taste her, but we got too carried away in the moment. “I’d fuck you forever. I love having you wrapped around my cock, squeezing me.”
Her nails dig into my back so hard that I’m almost positive she draws blood. “Yes. Oh my God. Yes.”
“You coming for me, beautiful?” I press my head against her neck as I start to come undone. “Come with me. Right fucking … n-now.” I barely get the words out before I feel her clenching around me. I begin to tremble as my movements slow.
In that shower, her bare body against mine, it proves yet again that each time I’m with her will feel like my favorite. And I’ll never get enough.
I cling to her, and she hugs me closer.
“I love you.” I kiss her forehead.
“So damn much,” she says, and I can tell she’s crying again. “So … damn … much.”
I read somewhere that there are different stages of addiction.
Stage one: experimentation. Someone tests it out, sees what it’s like. I’d say my experiment was on her balcony that night, watching her come undone on my fingers.
Stage two: regular use. The person starts being dependent on the substance. Some people will be able to stop the addiction at this point, but others won’t.
Stage three: abusing the drug or substance. They say there is a very thin line between stage two and stage three. That line can often be blurred. It is in this stage where withdrawal symptoms become real. And getting the thing one is craving becomes their main goal and only concern.
Then … there’s the dreaded stage four: the actual addiction to the substance along with dependency. In this stage, the negative effects the drug might have on the person doesn’t matter. They simply have to have it.
I’m in stage four. I know there’re things she’s keeping from me. I know I’m bound to get hurt and lose friendships along the way. And I don’t care. I simply can’t see past how good this feels and how fucking much I need her.
She could have a skull on the front of her with a warning sign that she was fatal, and I’d likely still take a swig.
twenty-five
Henley
“Hey, am I giving you a lift home?” I say to Layla as she climbs out of the pool. “I don’t mind at all. I was just going to tell you I’d be outside, in the car.”
She grabs her towel and peels her cap off. “That would be bomb. Thanks, babe.”
I love Layla. She’s funny. She’s sweet. And most of all, she isn’t a judgmental bitch like some of the girls I live with.
“Henley, you ready for the swim meet on Friday?” Coach Humphrey says to me before I walk out of the aquatics center.
I adjust my duffel bag on my shoulder and give him a nervous look. “I mean … I hope so. But it’s been a while since I’ve, you know, competed.”
“Don’t focus on the fact that it’s a real swim meet, Hayes. Just focus on whatever the hell makes you swim so fast.” He looks at the clipboard. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t get inside your head. You can be your own worst enemy if you let yourself.”
“Yes, sir.” I nod. “I’ll see you tomorrow at practice.”
He holds his hand up and turns away. In the short time I’ve been on the swim team, he’s already taught me so much. In practice, he has so many teaching techniques that are new to me but have already helped me get gains. He’s brilliant. And he gave me a chance. I can’t let him down at this swim meet. I need to push through my nerves.
My parents are so excited that I’m on the swim team, so I’m sure they’ll want to come to my meet and then go to Weston’s game on Saturday night. They wouldn’t miss that game because he’s playing Dane’s team.
Let the awkward times roll.
The guilt of keeping secrets from Weston is forming a knot in my stomach, making it hard for me to even breathe at times today. I need to tell him. But I think it’s best to wait until after they face off Saturday night. I’ve caused those two brothers enough pain. I don’t want to cause any more than necessary.
I walk to my car, pulling my phone out of my bag. I dial my mom.
“There’s my little bag of sunshine sprinkles.” She beams through the phone.
She has always had the strangest nicknames for me. And they change on the daily.
I laugh as I open my door. “I mean, that’s not really how I think others see me, but … I’ll take it!”
“Well, that’s exactly what you are. What are you up to? How was practice?”
“It was great.” I smile as I climb behind the wheel. “You guys are going to love Coach. He’s incredible.”
“Oh, that’s so awesome, my little jelly bean. I looked online and saw you have a meet on Friday. We’re coming! So are Angela and Wyatt.”
I had a feeling Weston’s parents would travel up early and watch me swim. That’s how our families have been since … well, forever. They’ve always treated each other’s kids like their own.
“That’s so nice of y’all. I can’t wait to see everyone.” I take my hair out of the bun that was giving me a massive headache. “I just hope I don’t bomb it.”
“Oh my Lordy, you will not bomb it. And if you do, well … you’ll still be my favorite swimmer!”
“Thanks, Mom.” I shake my head. “Well, I was calling to tell you about my meet, but I suppose I should have known you’d already know about it.”
“Yep. My investigative mother skills.” She pauses. “You and Weston seemed to be … getting along the other night.”
I totally knew that was coming. I mean, how could it not? For so long, I avoided him like the plague. Suddenly, we not only rode in a truck together, but we also joked at the dinner table. If I know my mom, she was thrilled.
“Yeah … I guess I just don’t want to hate him anymore.” I think back to the hot
el a few nights ago, his hands on me, the words I’ve always loved you spilling from his lips.
“Well, does that mean you two are friends again?” She sounds confused. “I hope so.”
“Something like that.” I laugh and throw my head back against the headrest. I can’t exactly say what we have been up to lately. That’d be … inappropriate.
“I won’t nose around too much more. But I sure am happy to see y’all getting along. I know Ang will be too.” She sighs. “Thanks for calling, baby girl.”
“You’re welcome. I love you, and I’ll call you in a few days.”
“Love you to the moon and back,” she says and hangs up.
My mother is the sweetest person on the planet. She lives for me and my dad. If we aren’t happy, she isn’t happy. When we have success, she feels it. She’s the magic the world needs.
Tonight, my sorority sisters and I are going out to dinner to bond. I don’t mind. Most of them are really nice. A few aren’t my favorite, but I’m sure I’m not everyone’s cup of tea either.
Layla opens the door and walks out, just as Cam Hardy struts toward her. They talk for a minute, and then she heads toward me.
As she opens the car door, I grin. “Cam Hardy, huh?”
“He asked me about you.” She rolls her eyes. “Can’t a chick get any action around here? Or is everyone on the Henley train?”
I can tell she isn’t actually mad. But still, I feel bad.
“Why was he asking about me? Why wouldn’t he just walk up to me?”
“Pretty sure Mr. Weston Wade peed all over you, marking his territory. Cam is sniffing you out, seeing if you’re a taken lady or not.”
I don’t answer. I just put my car in reverse and back out of my spot. Layla’s eyes burn into the side of my head like lasers.
“What?!” I squeak as we turn toward the house. “Why are you staring at me?”
“Are you?” She wiggles her eyebrows and drops her voice down low. “A taken lady?”
I groan. “It’s complicated. I’m not taken. But I’m also not … open to dating.”
“Why not?” She raises a perfectly shaped brow. “Did you and Weston … brown chicken, brown cow?” she drawls slowly. “Please say yes. I’m here for these dirty deets.”
My face practically melts off, and she gasps.
“You did! You totally did. Oh my God, I bet it was so hot. All that anger and tension.” She fans herself. “I’m getting a little turned on, just thinking about it.”
“You’re gross!” I shove her elbow. “We were angry when we … you know.” I stop and think about it. “Well, maybe a little the first time when he … did other things. But … it wasn’t like that!”
“Other things, huh?” She widens her eyes. “Weston Wade is some type of beautiful. If he did … dirty things to me, dear Lord. Let’s just say, you’re a lucky girl.”
“Hey!” I swat at her again. “I’m a catch too!”
“Yeah, totally. I mean, you’re hot and all. But he’s got that whole angsty, press you against the wall and tug your hair and screw you into next week thing going on.”
My mouth hangs open with how spot-on her idea is of Weston as a lover. I mean, she basically hit the nail on the top of the head with that one.
“I plead the Fifth.” We pull in front of the sorority house just in time. “Time to go get ready for girls’ night!”
She points her fingers to her eyes and back at me. “I’m onto you, Hayes. Holding out on all the details from us single girls … it isn’t nice.”
“Nothing to share.” I wink and open my door.
I could never tell Layla about the things Weston and I have done. My balcony, an elevator, against a window overlooking a city. Certainly can’t mention the time I gave him a blow job against a tree. In a park. A family park.
Yeah … best keep these things to myself.
I secretly love the rough and grittiness that is Weston. When he’s sweet … boy, is he sweet. But when he has one thing in mind, he’s anything but. It’s incredibly sexy. And it does things to me that I never knew I’d ever feel. I want to experience everything with him. I want it all, and I want it with him.
I find myself walking differently. And it’s not because of how rough he … handled me. No, something within me has changed. I feel empowered. I feel sexy and desired.
I guess the right guy can make a girl feel like a woman. And Weston … he’s that man for me.
“Ugh, that girl’s annoying,” Bree huffs, glaring at a table in the corner, and I follow her line of vision.
Two girls sit in a booth. One blonde and sunny. The other dark and sexy.
I shove a huge bite of pizza into my mouth. “Which one?” I watch the girls, fully entranced.
“The brunette.” She grimaces. “Well, the blonde too. I heard Knox Carter’s after her. But the other girl, I hear her name is Ally, and Cole Storms is with her.” She turns back to me. “And then there’s Weston Wade, showing up at our house for you. So, yeah … looks like all the new football players are taken.”
“Bree,” Claire hisses in warning. “Don’t be rude. Besides, Henley and Weston are just friends. They’ve known each other forever.” She looks at me. “Right?”
“We’ve known each other a long time, yes.” It’s not a lie. I’m giving them a little something. But I’m not going to delve into the details of how things have drastically changed the past week either.
“Cole Storms is so hot.” Another girl sighs.
“So is she,” I say, pointing to the girl in the corner. “She’s totally gorg.”
“She sort of looks like Lucy Hale mixed with Megan Fox,” Layla says, sipping her Diet Coke. “If I were Cole, I’d tap dat.”
I laugh out loud at Layla’s words. From the first day when she was afraid to come out and ask me about swimming to how blunt she is now is day and night. I’m glad I’ve gotten to know her more; she makes my time in the sorority house a better place.
I wonder if Weston has met this girl whose name they say is Ally. He lives with Knox and Cole, so … it’s likely if Cole Storms is dating her, she’s been at their dorm before. I don’t know why, but that makes me feel uneasy. This girl is drop-dead gorgeous and extremely put together.
Smoothing down my wavy and slightly frizzy hair, I pull out my pink lip balm and apply a little.
My hair is completely natural. So, it’s a dirty blonde that’s somewhere between brown and blonde. And my color has an ombré look just from being outside in the summer, making the ends lighter. Being a swimmer, I’ve always been nervous to get highlights or lowlights or whatever the heck they’re called. I was told they’d turn green. I’ve always wanted to brighten it up. Someday, I will. I get my hair trimmed once a year, tops. So, it hangs pretty close to the bottom of my back. Thank the Lord for swim caps even though twisting it into a small enough bun can be a real bitch sometimes.
I wonder if I got a makeover, lightened my hair, and bought some new clothes, maybe even some new mascara and a bolder lip color, would it drive Weston over the edge? Or does he like the way I look?
I might just have to see.
“Henley?” Mary’s voice pulls me from my thoughts, and I notice every head at our table is looking at me.
“Sorry. I kind of … zoned out there for a second.” I take a sip of my water and cough nervously. “Wh-what did you say?”
“We were saying it looked like Cam Hardy was being a bit flirtatious at the fundraiser.” She winks playfully. “Give a sista your secrets. All the boys are falling over themselves for you.”
“Oh, Cam? I don’t know about that.” I mindlessly turn my cup around. “He’s not my type anyway. So, if you’re asking if he’s fair game, the answer is hell to the yes.”
“Good to know.” She beams. “Because he’s a cutie.”
Layla rolls her eyes, and it makes me realize that earlier, she was weird about Cam asking about me too. I make a mental note to investigate this further. Because if my girl is intere
sted in Cam, then she deserves a shot. Only if he isn’t a major tool though. Weston might have said he had herpes, but I know that isn’t true. That was him being a dang caveman.
“Good luck to our soccer players as well as our swimmers.” Claire claps. “You’re all going to do great!”
Layla bumps her elbow into my side. “We’re ready, aren’t we, Hayes?”
“Err … sure.” I shrug. “If you say so.”
The two girls in the corner get up and walk past us. Making me even more of a jealous not-girlfriend. The blonde’s hair is bright and beautiful. She’s perfectly polished and … shiny. The dark-haired Ally wears a leather jacket and dark jeans. She’s cool and edgy. A few of the sorority sisters’ eyes linger on them. Bianca narrows her eyes slightly.
“Take a picture.” Ally stops and smirks. “It’ll last a helluva lot longer.”
And with that, she’s off. The blonde follows quietly behind her.
“What a bitch,” Bianca huffs.
I smile. I might be jealous that she potentially hangs out at Weston’s dorm. But she seems sort of cool. And awesome.
Maybe one day, I’ll know her. Maybe we could even be friends. That is, if this whole thing with Weston and me doesn’t blow up in my face. I guess I shouldn’t hold my breath on that.
Claire pushes herself to stand. “Thank you guys for coming tonight. But now, I have a ton of studying to do. So, unfortunately, I’m going to call it a night.”
A yawn rips through me at her words. As much as I’d like to see Weston tonight, he’s with his friends. And it’s probably for the best because a five a.m. practice and a day full of classes tomorrow requires a full night of rest. And if I see Weston, I will not get that.
Only two days until the swim meet, and I need to be laser-focused. Not everyone gets a second chance at their dreams, and I was lucky enough to get just that. I can’t mess it up now.
I just don’t know if I’m talking about swimming … or Weston Wade.
Weston
“Why are we here again?” I follow Cole into Club 83. “You never want to go to places like this. Why are we starting on a fucking open mic night? You going to bust out a tune, old boy?”
