by Hannah Gray
“It’s always been Weston,” Wyatt whispers. “Since you were in diapers, it’s been him.”
“And she’s been it for him too.” Angela holds her husband’s hand. “Our boy has known what he’s wanted since he opened his eyes and saw Henley.” She cries and laughs at the same time. “One couldn’t even come into the world without the other, for crying out loud. They had to be born the same day.”
“So, now what?” my dad asks. “Where do you go from here? How do we fix this mess?”
“Dane and Weston’s relationship will mend with time.” I nod. “I know them enough to know that they will eventually get back to how it used to be.”
“And you?” Wyatt asks. “What’s all this mean for you? We’re happy you shared this with us. I’m sure it felt good to get it all out.” His eyes twinkle the same way his sons’ eyes do. All good men. All three of them. “But why now?”
“Because I hurt Weston. I hurt him so bad.” I know I hurt Dane too. But the thing with Dane is, he’s going to be fine without me in his life. I know it. “I need to get myself right before I can promise him my best self …” I look down again. “If he’ll even take it.”
All I can do is hope that if I can get back to the girl I was—the strong, funny, smart, confident person—then I’ll finally be ready to make him see what he means to me. And I just have to pray it’s reciprocated.
“I’ve carried the pain of what happened for too long. So has Dane. It was time to shed some light on it and hopefully put it to rest.” I look right at Angela now. “And one day, hopefully one day soon … I’m going to give Weston the apology that he deserves. And if I have to get on my knees and beg for his forgiveness. I’ll do it. One hundred times over.”
“That’s love.” She smiles. “Selfless.”
Nothing I’ve done the past few years has been selfless. It’s been the opposite.
But I’m ready to be better now. And I’m going to prove it. I can’t go to him yet. I need time to get my head on straight. Time to become the best version of myself that I can. But soon, when I can love him the way he deserves, I’ll run, not walk, right to him.
thirty-eight
Weston
Ten Weeks Later
“Ma, what the hell are we doing anyway?” I glance back at her. “You hate doing outside things.”
“I do things.” She glares at me. “And I love the great outdoors. I’m basically one with nature.”
My mother does not love the great outdoors. She’ll go out in my family’s pontoon boat. She’ll sit on the dock in her lawn chair and read. She’ll walk around the block with Allison a few times a week for exercise. But today, she wants to hike to the place where us kids used to jump into the lake, called Carvers Ledge. And surprisingly, she’s made it the whole way, only complaining twice about bugs.
“If you say so,” I say, shaking my head and laughing.
Maybe she’s trying to reinvent herself or some shit. Hopefully, it’s not a midlife crisis or something.
“I can’t believe you finished your freshman year last week.” Her voice gets thick with emotion. “My two baby boys are growing right up.”
Just as she says the words, we reach our destination. A place that overlooks the entire lake and is one of my favorite places to go. But when I step forward, to my favorite place, Henley turns, her hair blowing in the wind with the water painted behind her.
“Hi.” She smiles nervously.
“Sorry, kiddo. But I sort of tricked you.”
I turn and watch my mom spin around and head back down the trail.
She calls over her shoulder, “It’s fixing to rain, so I’m getting my old ass home.”
So, this is why she suddenly likes outdoorsy shit. It was a setup.
Once she’s gone, I have no choice but to turn around and face my demons. And, yes, I just called Henley Hayes a demon. I meant it too.
But, fuck, isn’t she beautiful?
“Hi.” I watch as her hair blows in the wind.
She’s wearing nothing fancy. Just black athletic shorts and a gray tank top. Still, she’s stunning.
“What are you, uh … doing here?”
“I’m here for you.” She nervously shifts on her feet, wringing her hands together. “Like I should have been a long time ago.”
Henley
I drink him in, still uneasy, thinking that he’ll reject me … up here, in this sentimental, sacred spot. His favorite place to be in the summer when we were kids. And the same place he convinced me to jump from when I was scared. I knew I loved him then. Just like I do now.
The wind is blowing something crazy today, and it looks like it might rain.
“What do you mean?” He slides his hands in his pockets and pretends to kick at the rocks.
“I gave up on you. I didn’t fight. Not like I should have.” I feel ashamed, saying the words out loud, but I need to tell him everything. He needs to know the truth. “You watched over me when I was at my worst, and even in my darkest days, you loved me.” I smile sadly. “You might have acted like you hated me, but a blind person could see everything you did was out of love. Tough love.”
I dare to take a few more steps toward him, hoping he stays grounded and doesn’t back away. “I should have fought long ago. When I heard the lies about you way back then, I should have fought for you. Believed in you.” I shake my head. “I did what I thought I should do. When, really, what I did was take the coward’s way out.” I finally make it in front of him. “You deserve someone who will fight for you, the same way you have been fighting for me my whole life.”
His loyalty has never faltered. Even when we were enemies, I knew everything he did was for me.
“So, here I am. Fighting. Because honestly, when you aren’t around, I can’t breathe.” I wrap my arms around my own body, looking down briefly. “And as you can see, I can’t eat or even think straight. I’m just … lost. And miserable.”
He doesn’t speak. He just watches me. His body hard and rigid and his eyes slightly narrowed.
“I can’t take back what I did. And truthfully, a part of me doesn’t want to,” I say.
His nostrils flare, and his eyes narrow with rage as he takes one step back away from me.
“Hear me out. Please.”
He stops and watches me.
“You see, being with him made me realize something. It’s always been you. And only you.” I close the gap between us, laying my hands on his chest. “It will always be you, Weston.” Tears fall from my eyes, and I let them. “I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, I think I probably loved you even before I was born. You’re a part of me. The best part of me.”
Since he found out about Dane and ended things with me, a lot has happened. And I’ve ached to share it all with him, and it hurt that I couldn’t.
I had a far better year swimming than I’d ever expected I would. I made a best friend, who wasn’t a guy for once. I stopped partying and focused on my studies. Aside from that one awful night, obviously.
“But you … with my brother.” He drags a hand over his face. “You guys went through something … together. Something awful. But still, it was something.” He shakes his head. “Things won’t be the same. They never will be.”
“Maybe they don’t need to be the same. Maybe they need to be better.” I slide my hands from his chest to his sides, and luckily, he allows it. “I’m better. I’m ready now. And I’m sorry I wasn’t sooner. And I’m sorry I made you look at me differently. But I’m going to be capable of loving you so much fiercer because of all of my struggles.
“I’ve got no dandelion to blow on and make my wish. But if I did, I’d wish for you. I’ll always wish for you.” I stand up on my tippy-toes, pressing my lips to his. “Forgive me. Not because I deserve it. Because I know I don’t. But because you do.” I kiss him again, pulling back. “Because, Weston, I know you love me too. You love me so damn much.”
I lost myself for a while. I lost my way becaus
e I was blinded by grief and pain. I couldn’t separate my feelings or sort out my thoughts. Everything blurred together in one concoction, filled to the brim with sadness. I needed to break down before I could get myself right. And before I came to him, promising him things, I needed to make sure I could deliver those promises. I didn’t want to hurt him again. And I wanted to be the girl he deserves. I needed to actually be the girl he sees when he looks at me.
He stands like a statue. Still and unresponsive. Unsure if he should trust my words or not as he fights a silent battle in his brain. And I don’t blame him for questioning it. Still, I can’t let him push me away any longer.
Finally, his arms extend out and lace around my waist as he stares down at me.
“Weston, I love you. Please kiss me. I’ve missed you.”
He inhales sharply before tightening his grip and crashing his lips to mine.
He kisses me hard. And angry. I’m angry too. Angry that we’ve done this dance around each other for so long. Angry that we missed so much time when we could have been together. Angry that we had to mess up so badly before we could get it right.
We’re a mess. But in the anger and pain, there is a certain beauty in the mess that is us.
And as we stand there, kissing each other like rabid animals, the rain starts to fall. And it doesn’t happen slowly. It happens all at once. Soaking our clothes and dripping down our faces. Washing us clean of our mistakes and offering us a fresh beginning. One that is so needed on both our parts.
He slides his hands down to my ass and lifts me up, his lips never leaving mine. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist. Like that’s what they have been waiting for. I kiss him harder, like my life depends on his kisses.
“Fucking hell, Henley.” His eyes are even darker now. “I’ve missed you so damn much.”
The rain soaks his hair, making it drip down his face.
“Please,” I basically whimper out, feeling the rain soak through my shirt. “I need you. Like … forever ago.”
He glances around. I know he’s wondering if his mom’s around. But I know Angela, and she hightailed it out of here as soon as she hand-delivered him. Too many bugs. Or dirt. Or … anything that belongs outdoors.
He walks with ease, carrying me like I weigh nothing until we’re behind a group of large trees.
He pushes me up against the biggest one, and his hands move to my thighs, giving them a squeeze. “You are so fucking beautiful,” he rasps.
His hardness presses against me. Making me physically ache.
Gliding one hand to the hem of my wet shirt, he gives it a tug. Struggling because the damn thing is clinging to me since it’s fully saturated due to the torrential downpour. Thank God he eventually succeeds, pulling it off of me.
When he sees my bare chest, he sucks in a breath. “I’ve missed these perfect fucking tits.” He dips his head down, taking a nipple into his mouth and sucking. “You have no idea.”
A moan rips from my throat. I feel like I might combust at every single touch he gives me. It’s been too long. And I need him desperately.
Setting me down briefly, he pulls my shorts and panties down. Followed by his own clothing. But the second they hit the ground, he has me lifted back up against the tree. But this time, he pushes me down onto his length. Making me cry out in both pleasure and complete agony because of the angle. My body can feel every single inch of him filling me. And it’s beautiful.
Our lips hover just inches apart as he pounds into me, over and over again. Taking every inch of my body and making it his property.
I breathe him in, never wanting this moment to end. We’re emotionally, mentally, and physically as close as we’ve ever been. And all I’ve ever wanted is to feel this.
He knows all my secrets. He knows my sins and the darkest parts of what makes me who I am. And he’s still here, looking at me this way. And that is the most freeing feeling.
“Christ, I can’t take it much more.” He shifts into me again. “You feel so fucking good.”
As he hits me just right in the perfect spot, at the right angle, I start to unravel. Slowly letting go of any control I had on my own body. “West … Weston,” I pant.
“That’s right, baby. I’m right there too.” He kisses me roughly. “Come undone for me, beautiful. I want to feel you.”
I whimper out as I lose control against him. Completely unable to stop myself. My eyes flutter shut, and I grow dizzy as I spin into oblivion.
He’s right behind me as he trembles, gently rocking into me and nuzzling his head into my neck. And when he stills, he holds me tighter against him. And I’m okay with it because the thought of not being close is painful.
The rain suddenly slows. And though it’s still drizzly, it’s no longer a drenching downpour. But I must admit, that made it kind of hot. Sort of like we were in that scene from The Notebook.
“Goddamn, I have missed you.” His voice vibrates through me. His scruff tickles my skin. “We can’t keep doing this back-and-forth shit. Needs to be forever from here on out. I can’t go through this hell again.”
I nod against his hold. “Me neither.”
There were days, as pathetic as it sounds, when I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I just wanted him. Nothing dulled the ache I felt. I carried it around like a horrible, heavy jacket. One that was filled with rocks in its pockets, weighing me down.
As he sets me down, he kisses me again. “So … how’d you convince my mom to trick me?”
I roll my eyes. “Trust me, it wasn’t hard. She was all for it.”
Angela loves me. And has been rooting for us since … well, forever. When I told her my plan, she was overjoyed.
“What a traitor she is.” He tries to fight a grin. “Then, she left me up here, only for you to take advantage of me.” He shakes his head and makes a tsk sound. “Some mom, huh?”
“I’d hardly say I took advantage,” I say, poking him before I shimmy into my shorts. “Come to think of it, horny toad; it wouldn’t take much for you to want to get naked.”
“Oh, please. You aren’t any better.” He passes me my shirt. “You’re a dirty, dirty girl.”
“Am not!” My mouth hangs open.
“Don’t worry, babe. I love it.” He winks. “And I can’t wait to see how many other places you’ll try to take advantage of me in. So far, a balcony, against a park tree, an elevator, the locker room, and now … here.” He looks around. “This might be my favorite.”
“And why’s that?” I tilt my head to the side. “Nostalgic, is it?”
“Sure is. I was basically Superman, helping you jump off from here just to prove you could.” He grins. “I really just did it in hopes that your top would fall off when you hit the water. No such luck though.”
I swat at him. “You’re an idiot.”
“That I am. But now, I’m your idiot.” His smile makes me melt into a puddle and drip down over the edge and into the lake. “Let’s go home. My ass is wet from the rain.”
He holds his hand out and pulls me behind him.
“Mine too. And I’m cold. Also, I’m pretty sure I need stitches after you assaulted me against that freaking tree.” I rub my sore back with my free hand. “You’re aggressive.”
He looks worried and tries to lift my shirt up, but I push his hand away.
“I’m fine. I was being dramatic. Just a little scratch.” His face fills with relief, and I beam. “Now, let’s go home.”
“I’d go anywhere with you.” He starts walking, pulling me along with him.
I hope he means it. Because I want to go wherever he goes too.
I hope he’s truly, completely, honestly forgiven me. I’m not asking him to forget. Because forgetting is impossible. Well, unless you suffer a brain injury or some horrible disease. Which, thank God, he hasn’t. But to move forward, we need forgiveness. So, I hope that he has.
And if he has, I’ll never make him regret it.
thirty-nine
Henley<
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“Lord, I suck at bowling,” Knox’s girlfriend, Sloane, says, throwing her blonde head back.
“But you look good, doin’ it,” Knox drawls, coming behind her and wrapping his arms around her. “Damn good.”
“You’re supposed to tell me I’m not that bad.” She spins around and attempts to glare. She fails and hugs him back. “You aren’t exactly setting the world on fire up there, big guy.”
“That’s right, suck-ass!” Ally slaps Cole on his back. “I’m kicking your asses. Well, me and Henley, that is.”
“And Henley is in the lead.” Weston sits down on the bench, pulling me onto his lap. “My girl’s setting the scoreboard on fire.”
“Lucky night, I guess.” I shrug.
Weston knows I’m extremely competitive. Doesn’t matter if it’s mini-golf, ping-pong, bowling, or swimming. If I’m in it, I want to win. Weston’s only that way when it comes to football. Aside from that, he doesn’t care. Ally, however, seems to have a competitive streak in her as well.
“Hey, assholes,” Cole says. “I’m only two points behind you. And it’s my turn.”
We all moved back for school last week. The summer flew by, and I have to say, it was my favorite summer in my entire life. Spent with sunburns, tan lines, and even some skinny-dipping with Weston late at night. It was everything.
Cole’s girlfriend, Ally, scared the crap out of me when I first met her. She basically grilled me, asking my intentions. I could tell she’d grown fond of Weston. But I had to let homegirl know that he was my man and that I wouldn’t be intimidated by her. She totally respected me after that.
And Cole, he’s … well, he’s hard to get to know because he’s so in love with Ally that she’s all he sees. Her and football.
Knox is hilarious. But his love for Sloane is moving. And she is probably the nicest person I’ve ever met. I love their story. It was rough, messy, and scary as shit due to an accident she was in, but I’m happy to finally know them. Their love is the real deal. And she has a calming energy to her. I can see why she and Ally are so close since opposites attract.
