“You’re worried that he’ll come back?” Helen asked. “That perhaps you’ll develop stronger feelings for her only to have her husband come and tell her he wants her back?”
“She claims it’s over with him, and I believe her. I just want to know what happened, why he left. Am I being unreasonable?” He wasn’t one to overshare and had never asked a woman to either, so it was entirely possible he was expecting too much of Claudia after just one kiss.
“I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect the girl you’re dating to share with you.” Ray swiped at the white whiskers on his chin. “Heck, if she didn’t want to, I’d want to know what she’s hiding.”
Hearing Ray confirm his fears should have made him feel better, but it didn’t. It made him feel worse.
Brady stood and grabbed his cooler. “I should get these fish up to the kitchen, so I can clean them. You guys just relax. I won’t be long.”
Chapter Seven
Things with Brady had been tense when Claudia returned to the inn, but thanks to Ray and Helen, the uneasiness didn’t last long. They all shared a fish fry on the beach and talked around the bonfire until Brady decided to turn in early, claiming he was tired.
Helen watched him walk away before she whispered, “We never would have survived the loss of our son without him.”
Claudia’s eyes widened, betraying her shock that these two people she barely knew would open up to her about something so personal.
“He really stepped up,” Ray said then cleared his throat. “The hole in our hearts was so big, but somehow, having Brady with us made it bearable. It was like he could sense how much we needed him, even though we’d never admit as much.”
Claudia was reminded of all of her sweet students who’d tried to comfort her in the weeks and months after the accident.
“We didn’t want to make him feel responsible for us,” Helen said with a sad smile. “He was a smart young man with a life of his own and a bright future. We didn’t want him to feel stuck here, afraid to move on because he thought we needed him.”
“That’s the thing about Brady,” Ray said. “You’ll never meet a more trustworthy man. If he says he loves you and will be there for you, you can take that to the bank.”
Claudia glanced at Brady’s cabin, looking for some sign of him in the soft light filtering through the large windows. “He’s been wonderful to me. I’m so grateful I met him when I did,” she said, knowing she should add something to the conversation. At their questioning look, she added, “The last year hasn’t been easy for me. I left my hometown to try to escape memories, both good and bad, and found myself here purely by accident. I’d planned to travel farther west, but my car broke down.”
Helen patted her hand. “You know what they say about accidents, dear. There’s no such thing. Maybe fate brought you here. Could it be Brady was exactly what you needed to help you get over… whatever it was that left you feeling so broken?”
Broken was the perfect way to describe her state of mind when she’d packed up her car and said good-bye to her parents and grandparents.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” Claudia glanced at the two elderly people to her left, wondering if she dared ask them the question that was on the tip of her tongue. “Does it ever get any easier? Living without your son?”
Helen and Ray shared a sad smile before he said, “Easier? No. I can’t say that it does. But now we’re able to think about him and smile. We travel a lot, road tripping, and we visit every monument we know he’d want to see because traveling across the country was always one of his dreams. He said he was going to do it when he got out of the service, but since he can’t, we decided to do it for him.”
He pointed at the dark sky sprinkled with stars. “I like to think he’s up there smiling down at his old parents as they embark on this crazy adventure. Most people would say we’re too old for this, but the truth is we’ve never felt more alive.”
“Then it is possible?” Claudia whispered. “To feel alive again after losing a part of yourself?”
Helen studied her for a long time, and Claudia knew Helen must he wondering what or who she’d lost.
“I see so much of myself in you,” Helen said, holding Claudia’s hand. “When we lost Jake, we went to grief meetings at the church, so I see what most people would miss. When you’re looking into the eyes of another mother who’s lost her baby, you just know.”
Tears sprang to Claudia’s eyes, and instead of blinking them back, she let them fall. “My heart is so broken. I just can’t imagine it ever being whole again.”
“Love helps to mend it,” Ray whispered. “Helen and I figured that out the hard way. The loss of a child pulls some couples apart, but it brought us closer together. I let her love me. She let me love her.”
“And what if you don’t have your partner to help you through it?” Claudia asked, sniffling.
“Sometimes God gives you someone else to help you through it.”
Claudia knew Helen was talking about Brady. “I don’t want him to look at me differently. I’d hate for him to pity me. That’s why I haven’t told him.”
“It could be he’d look at you and see what we see—an incredibly strong young woman he respects because she got through an unthinkable tragedy.”
“Thank you,” Claudia said, standing before bending to kiss Helen’s cheek while clasping Ray’s outstretched hand. “You helped me figure out what I need to do—talk to Brady.”
“You’ll be glad you did, sweetheart,” Helen said, smiling. “If there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that he’ll never let you down.”
Claudia headed up the slight hill to Brady’s house, rehearsing what she wanted to say. No words would make her story more palatable. It was a horrific story, plain and simple. But one that had to be told because her feelings for Brady were getting stronger every day, and he deserved to know the truth about who she was and where she’d come from.
She tapped on the door, listening for any sounds of life. If what he said was true and he was tired, he may already have turned in. She feared she’d lose her nerve by morning.
When he finally opened the door, she stepped back, trying to decipher his mood. “Hi. I hope it’s not too late?”
“I just got out of the shower,” he said, running a hand through his damp hair. “Come in. I have to grab something I left upstairs.”
She watched him jog up the stairs as she tried to remember how to breathe. When he returned, she was staring out the window, watching the sparks of life from fireflies as she realized she couldn’t escape her memories, no matter how far away she moved.
“You okay?” he asked quietly, stepping up behind her.
She turned into his arms, letting her tears fall unchecked for the first time. “I’m sorry I made this so hard on you.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, brushing her hair with his hand as she buried her face in his neck.
“Getting to know me. I’m sorry I made it so hard for you to get to know me.”
“I feel I know you,” he said, drawing back to look her in the eye. “Just not as well as I’d like.” Holding her hand, he led her toward the sofa. “You want a drink?”
She shook her head, knowing she’d lose her nerve if he walked away again. “Helen and Ray helped me to realize that holding back from you is a mistake. You deserve to know what made me leave… Brockville.”
“You’re from Brockville?” he asked, sounding surprised.
“Yes. Like Nick. That’s why I wanted to talk to him. I asked him to keep that a secret from you until I was ready to tell you myself. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair to him or you.”
“It’s okay,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I’m sure you had your reasons.”
“I did.” She took a deep breath, staring at their joined hands instead of looking at him. “When I told you my husband and I will never be getting back together, it’s because…” It never got any easier to say those two little words, but she had
to. “He’s dead.”
“Oh no, I’m so sorry.” He pulled her into his arms, cradling her while they both eased back against the cushions. “You want to tell me what happened?”
She was leaning against his chest, her hands threaded through his when she said, “He was hit by an oncoming car traveling too fast. The other driver was in his eighties. He had a heart attack behind the wheel and veered into their lane.”
“Their lane?” Brady asked, his heart pounding hard and fast against her back. “He wasn’t alone?”
“No, he wasn’t. He had our two children with him at the time. They were all killed.”
“Oh, Claudia.” His arms tightened around her, his voice raspy. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine.”
She swallowed convulsively, knowing she had so much more to say about the three people who’d meant everything to her. “Kirsten and Stephen were five and three.” Their images flashed through her mind as she closed her eyes. “They were the sweetest, most precious kids you’d ever want to meet.”
“I’m sure they were,” he said, kissing the top of her head.
“I never got to say good-bye.” She lost the last word to a sob as she squeezed his hand. “I think that was the hardest part. I never got to tell them how much I loved them.”
“They knew.” He brushed his lips across her cheek. “I can see how much you loved them, so I’m sure you showed them and told them every day.”
“I did.”
She thought of the words she’d exchanged with her angels every night while she tucked them into bed. She told them she loved them bigger than the whole wide world and thanked God for them every night. It had been almost a year since she’d thanked God for anything. The accident had tested her faith and left her wondering how and why it could have happened.
“But I should have been there to hold them, to kiss them, to—”
“Sssh.” He pressed his lips to her temple. “If you could have been, you would have been. Don’t beat yourself up about that.”
“For weeks after the accident, I wished I’d been killed with them.” She hadn’t told another living soul that. “I didn’t want to go on without them.”
“I think anyone would have felt the same way in your position.”
“That’s why I quit teaching. My students, whom I adored, became these painful daily reminders of everything I’d lost. I couldn’t be with them anymore.”
“Maybe someday you’ll go back to it,” he suggested. “When the time is right.”
“I don’t think my heart will ever heal, Brady. It’s been almost a year since it happened, and it still feels like yesterday.” Every morning when she woke up, she prayed it was a nightmare and she’d roll over to find her husband lying beside her, but she was always alone.
“I’m not even going to try to pretend to know what you’re feeling. I can’t begin to understand, but Helen and Ray can, to some extent. Maybe talking to them would help?”
She finally found the courage to turn and face him. “They have some idea of what I’ve been through, but I had to tell you first. It only seemed fair, given how incredible you’ve been to me since I got here.”
“Thank you for telling me,” he said, resting his hand against her cheek. “You’re incredibly brave.”
“I don’t feel very brave. I feel weak and scared and confused.” He gave her a sympathetic smile, but instead of upsetting her, it gave her the courage to be honest. “The only time I don’t feel that way is when I’m with you. You make me feel as though somehow I’m going to be okay again.”
“You will be. And I’ll be here to help you any way I can.”
She suddenly knew only one thing could help take her mind off her heartache. “Brady…” She dipped her head, trying to find the courage to reveal another part of herself. “The way you make me feel when you kiss me, I want more of that.”
His lips tipped up at one corner before he drew her face closer to meet his. The kiss was long and searching, intimate and healing at the same time. It took her somewhere else, where the only thing that mattered was the man reminding her that while she sometimes felt dead, she was still very much alive.
“More,” she whispered, gripping his jaw.
“Wait.” His breathing was ragged when he asked, “Are you sure about that, sweetheart? You’re feeling sad and vulnerable right now. I don’t want to take advantage of that.”
She lost another little piece of her heart to him, and that sealed the deal for her. She wanted this man in her life.
“You make me feel,” she whispered, touching her forehead to his. “My world is brighter because of you. When I came here, everything was this depressing shade of gray, but now I see the world around me again for the first time since the accident.”
She kissed him again, knowing she probably wasn’t making any sense to him. But it was the only way she could think to describe the impact he’d already had on her life. “I couldn’t see blue skies or hear birds…” She shook her head when he narrowed his eyes as though he was trying to understand her explanation. “I couldn’t smell fresh cut grass or homemade apple pie. Those were things I used to take time to appreciate and feel grateful for every day.”
Claudia braced her hands on his shoulders, looking into his light blue eyes. “Today I noticed all of those things, and I smiled. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and smiled.” She shook her head, suddenly feeling self-conscious as she wondered whether he thought she was crazy for making a big deal out of nothing. “That was because of you. I smiled because of you. Somehow you managed to crack a window to my soul.” She held his hand against her hammering heart. “I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life living in this oppressive darkness, but you let the light back in somehow.”
He seemed awed as he shook his head. “I don’t deserve any of the credit. I can’t even imagine how you manage to drag yourself out of bed every morning, given what you’ve been through.”
“Before I came here, there were days when I didn’t. I just stayed in bed all day. The depression was too much. It was winning, taking over my life. That’s how I knew I had to get out of there, to get away from the house we shared, the bed we’d slept in, the clothes in the closet, the hand-drawn pictures on the fridge… everything.”
He was wiping away her tears as fast as they fell, looking as though his heart was breaking for her.
“It was all too much, Brady.”
“Of course it was,” he said, touching his forehead to hers. “It would be for anyone.”
He really seemed to understand what she’d been through and what she was still going through. “I feel like I’ve finally turned a corner, thanks to you.” She dropped a quick kiss on his lips. “And I’d like to continue down this path with you, if you’re interested?”
Brady was falling in love with this woman. He’d suspected it before, but after hearing her story, he knew for sure. He wanted more than anything to take their relationship to the next level, but he was scared. She was still reeling from the loss of her husband and children, and he didn’t know how to help her cope with that, as much as he wanted to try.
“Claudia, are you sure you’re ready for… any kind of relationship right now?”
Her hands stilled on his shoulders as she raised her head, looking into his eyes. “I’ve been living in this cloud of confusion for a long time, where nothing makes sense. But this, being here with you, that makes sense to me. It feels right.”
He didn’t sense any hesitation when he looked into her eyes, but only time would tell for sure whether she was really ready. Based on the stories she’d told him, her husband had been the love of her life, so the fact that she was willing to let him in told him even more than her words had.
“What I have with you is different,” he said, knowing he had to be as open about his feelings as she had been.
He didn’t want to scare her by making any premature claims, but he couldn’t hide his feelings for her either. He intended to sho
w her from now on, with every touch, every kiss, that she was significant to him, potentially the most important person in his life.
His hands grazed her face as he tried to find the right words, not too intense but not trivial either. “I want to say I haven’t felt this way in a really long time, but the truth is, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this kind of connection with anyone.”
She smiled as she reached for him. He knew she couldn’t return the sentiment because she had been in love before, and he was okay with that. He’d never try to erase her husband’s memory. He just wanted her to make room for him too, in her heart, her mind, and her future.
“You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that. I know the kind of man you are, how special you are, and the fact that you could feel that way about me gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, I will be okay.”
Hearing her say that he gave her hope was more than he’d expected. Given the depth of the tragedy she’d suffered, he knew that hope must have seemed like an impossible dream most days. He wanted to tell her that he was falling in love with her, but instead he kissed her, hoping that he could convey with his kiss something he couldn’t with words.
“I want this,” she whispered, pressing her lips to his ear. “Just so you know, no second thoughts. No doubts. I want to try with you.”
He inhaled deeply, committed to assigning every second of this night to memory. “I want that too.”
She wrapped her arms around him and he held her, hoping she would draw on his strength when she needed it and learn to feel safe in his arms.
She was by far the most beautiful woman he’d ever been with, inside and out. Not to mention the strongest. He didn’t know anyone who could endure what she had without letting it break them. He just wanted, more than anything, to give her reason to smile again.
“You make me feel special.” She said, as though she’d read his mind when he looked at her. “I’ve never really felt that before. I always believed I was… just a regular girl.”
Small Town Boss Page 7
