by L.A.A. Law
Chapter Twelve – The Holidays
At lunch, I go to the nursery to pick vegetables. Nicholas is waiting. He seems unhappy when I tell him I’m going to New York. I don’t mention Andrew is coming. “Mia, do me a favor.” His face appears frightened.
“Sure. What?”
“When you’re with your family be careful!” His voice is almost inaudible, he sounds like he’s chocking.
He’s struggling with something. I move to hold his hand. It’s hot, nothing like the others’ cool touch. “Are you alright? Let me help you!” I want to help. I don’t like seeing him tortured and wonder if it is because I fear that whatever torture he is experiencing now is what will come for Andrew if he fails.
“I have to leave!” He’s gone instantly.
I bring the vegetables to Gabriel whose expression appears grave. “Mia, you are playing a dangerous game and you are both going to lose!” Thinking he knows I’m hoping Andrew will fall in love with me before realizing it, I am about to beg him not to interfere. “Nicholas has been around and can be more deceptive than you know.” My eyes shoot up to his. “I can’t get a read on what he is up to because I’m being blocked. If he breaks the truce…”
I interrupt. “How did you know?”
“I’ve known since Thanksgiving. I’ve been hiding in the greenhouse too. Why you are playing games with him? When did you figure out it was Nicholas?”
“I knew right away.”
“How could you see him? No one has ever been able to see through Jonathan’s distortions! What does he want from you?”
“I was hoping you could tell me because his behavior lately is very strange.”
“What do you mean?”
“He seems to be struggling, telling me to be careful and his touch has become burning!”
“Mia, if he is warning you take it to heart. We need to tell Andrew” His tone concerned.
“No!” I panic. “It could be dangerous if they start fighting. I won’t be the cause for the truce being broken!” I begin hyperventilating.
“Calm down, it’s alright.” He tries to sound comforting.
“Promise me!” I beg between gasps.
“Mia, you need to stay away from him.” His voice is stern.
“I can’t, if he is up to something that can hurt you, I need to help.”
He features turn furious, his tone angry. “This is not a game and you are not equipped to go up against him or anyone involved in this. If you won’t back out of this for your own safety, do it for Andrew’s sanity! I know what it’s like to lose someone! If it wasn’t for Andrew, I would already be serving Satan instead of trapped within the hell of my own mind.” The pain ripping through his features rages deeper than any fault line.
“Gabriel, I can’t walk away. I won’t risk him warring with Nicholas, but I will promise to tell you everything.” I’m begging my hands outstretched in supplication.
He sighs. “You can’t leave anything out. I wish you would tell Andrew, but I’ll tell Jackson and Catherine so we can keep an eye on you. Help me with dinner, Andrew isn’t back yet.”
Sleep will not find me. I’m too used to being next to Andrew. Hours later, I hear the door open, feel cold hands lift my shoulders gingerly. His index finger glides across my cheek as softly as fluttering butterfly wings and I hear him sigh before drifting to sleep.
Waking Christmas Eve morning in the arms of the most perfect man on this plane or any other, I feel content. “How was your trip?”
“I got everything accomplished.” He replies mischievously.
“Where did you go?”
“I have to have some secrets.” He teases. His lighthearted mood transforms his features. He appears young and even more beautiful.
I fight my desire to wrap my arms around him, not wanting his carefree mood to dissipate. “You are extremely playful this morning.”
He kisses my forehead. “I have plans to attend to so you will have to go to work wondering.” He winks and shuts the door.
All of the patients seem excited. William is overjoyed, he’s completed the portrait.
Jackson accompanies me to the nursery, his face serious. “Gabriel told me that Nicholas was acting strange. He left for a while and when he returned was extremely agitated. Mia, you should stay away from him” The warning clear in his tone. “I don’t know what he will do if he learns you see through his charade. Trust me. No good can come of this. Any knowledge you think you can gain, he will never let you live to tell! You have to tell Andrew.” He pleads.
“I can’t! They’ll start fighting again.”
Nicholas must have heard Jackson’s voice because he storms past us. We collect everything and spend the rest of the day cooking. I can’t help but laugh.
What’s so funny?”
“My family isn’t much for cooking, but loves to eat. Here I am with people who don’t eat, but prepares food is better than anything I’ve ever tasted.” He doesn’t laugh. “Jackson, I didn’t mean anything.”
He laughs. “I’m just playing with you.” Hitting him, it’s like hitting a wall. Ouch.
Eva enters looking beautiful in her holiday attire. I feel like a rag doll among porcelain hummels.
She hands me an oversized box. “You have a special dinner invitation, so go get changed.”
There is a small box outside my door. It contains black lacey triangle earrings. In the other lies a folded card reading, Merry Christmas Eve, go to the greenhouse. Below is most beautiful dress I have ever seen. The underlay is a blush camisole covered with deep maroon lace flowing into a satin bottom. There is also stiletto black boots and lacy silver barrette with matching maroon rose in the center. Eva is so considerate.
Despite the beautiful dress, I leave the room convinced I could never achieve one-tenth of the beauty held by these seraphic angels nor will Andrew ever see me as more than a friendly companion. He belongs with someone accomplished and beautiful, not someone like me. I am tempted to go back and change to my jeans knowing no matter how much you dress up a duck, it will never transform into a swan, but I don’t want to hurt Eva’s feelings.
Arriving to a darkened greenhouse, I wonder if it’s a trick. My stomach fills with nervous butterflies as my hand lay on the doorknob. A hand reaches over mine, opening the door. I jump, letting out a gasp.
“I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He flicks on the lights which are no longer the fluorescent, but white icicle lights shimmering from the rafters like a thousand stars.
He looks exquisite, his chiseled features glorious. The room’s magnificence pales in comparison. I’m puzzled. What’s this all about? Taking my hand, he leads me to a blanket with a china place setting. “I don’t understand, I thought…” Before I can finish, his hands are unbuttoning my overcoat. I bite my lip to stop my rapid breathing, my body electrified by his touch.
“Are you cold?”
“No, I’m fine.”
There’s a spark in his glorious eyes I have never seen before. “You look absolutely breathtaking.”
“Your sister gave me this dress. It would make anyone look nice.”
“My sister didn’t pick it out, I did, but regardless of what you wear, you always look lovely. You shouldn’t diminish yourself like that. You are an extraordinary woman and the man who captures your heart will truly be blessed.” He replies lovingly.
I can feel myself blush and wish I could tell him that he is that man who has imprisoned my heart, but I know that will only upset him. “I still don’t understand why you did this?”
“Mia, I know I cannot allow myself to fall in love with you.” My heart leaps, as I detect a “but” in his words. “I do enjoy your company. You are remarkable, funny, enthralling, even though you are not convinced of this. I am hoping, selfishly I know, that while you are finding yourself here, you will allow our friendship to continue.” His hopeful look melts my heart.
“You didn’t have to go through all this to tell
me you want to continue our friendship. I love spending time with you, it is the first time I have felt comfortable around a man. Your friendship is important to me.” I place my hand gently upon his, delighted that he will not disappear. The thought of that is unbearable.
He lifts the cover revealing the dinner I helped prepare. I laugh. “What’s so funny?” He inquires, lifting some fish and feeding it to me. It is quite good.
“I’ve never had a man feed me something I prepared before.”
“Do they usually prepare the meal? Trust me, it is better this way. Gabriel took over the cooking after I almost burnt the kitchen down.” His smile tells me he is remembering something quite amusing.
“I have never had a man feed me before. I don’t like dating.”
“You can’t be serious!” He seems surprised at my revelation.
“My sister was more of the social one. I like my books, they are less complicated.” My tone sounds too aggravated and I become tense.
He stares at me mystified, scanning my face for what seems like hours, searching for the cause behind my new tone. I need to halt his inquiring eyes. “Could I have the fork?” I’d hate for the one good meal I ever made to go cold.” He laughs and feeds me some potato. I relax as he asks me about medical school, but then he asks about the people I met there. I try to hide my tension as he inflects surprise that I didn’t date the boys I mention, but I explain they were friends of my siblings.
I don’t know if there was something in my answers or my features, but he pushes further. “Mia, you’re hedging. You are a beautiful woman. You don’t have to be ashamed about dating. I am just wondering the type of person you find interesting.” His stare becomes intense. “What about that young man, Anderson, didn’t he ever do anything like this for you?”
My jaw inadvertently snaps tight. I don’t know how he knows about him, but I wish he didn’t. This conversation is going in a direction, I cannot go.
His features turn concerned as his voice drops. “I didn’t mean to pry. It’s just that you had written Eva and things seemed to be going well. Then all of a sudden, you stopped talking about him and the tone of your emails became very distant, disconcerting. When we checked on you, you were withdrawn, maybe even afraid to let anyone come near you. After that, we began watching more closely. Would you mind my asking what happened between you?”
Wishing he hadn’t known about my life, I need to diffuse his curiosity without opening up a wound which took me years to suture up enough to be able to even be around men without throwing up. Feeling the stitches tear, I wince internally, trying to force my body not to betray me by showing signs of the event which I refused to share with anyone for fear my family would have thought it my fault.
How can I tell him, the only man whose touch I do not repel, the only man I desire, whose compassion overwhelms my mind and imprisons my heart about something I fought so hard to bury? His eyes grow darker, raging with curiosity as the silence becomes deafening.
Trying to re-lock the draw holding such dark thoughts, I inhale deeply hoping for an impassive response. “You have quite a memory. We did date, for a while.” I can feel the bile rising in my throat. Forcing it down, I try to keep my voice level, but it’s not quite right. “It was more of a group thing, but then when it became one on one, I found that he was not a nice person.” To my dismay, my body shudders. I cannot look at him, but feel his stare as tension mounts, both his and mine. I hear him take in a deep breath. His fingertips gently glide from my temple to my cheek before he cups and lifts my chin forcing my eyes to meet his. “I’m so sorry, he hurt you. Please tell me you spoke to someone.” His voice is strained, but filled with compassion.
“Andrew, please it was a long time ago. I got…” My voice cracks. “I moved on and can’t revisit it. Please we need to change the subject!” I plead.
Both his hands now cup my face, holding my eyes to his. “Can I say one thing and then I won’t push it.”
“Fine” My tone is harsh.
“It. Was. Not. Your. Fault.” He says forcefully. “If you ever do want to talk, I am here for you.” His voice softens, but there is an edge to it and his body tenses.
This is too much. I fidget and rise to leave. He grabs my hand; closes his eyes and when they open, they are calmer. He moves to a lighter topic.
He has not released my hand, his thumb rubbing gentle circles in my palm. I feel safe. As we continue talking, I stare into his glorious eyes. I am rewarded, ever so briefly as his austere features slip and his eyes become dark, desirous, coveting. I can’t believe that this perfect man could desire me. Maybe for him love will come softly and grow slowly springing up over time like a seedling plant.
At midnight, he cleans up and beckons me to a bench.
As I sit, the tip of his cool nose brushes my ear. “Merry Christmas, I have something for you.” He places a small wrapped box in my palm. “Open it.”
“Is this why you left?”
He smiles.
Inside there’s a lace box with a sterling rose adorning the center. “It’s lovely.” I trace the petals.
“Open it.”
I do and the sweetest song begins to play. I have heard the softest voice singing it to me in dreams on my darkest days, calming me, keeping me company. Lying on top is an elliptical sphere with a beautiful, bright topaz stone in the middle of intertwining gold lace. The stone reminds me of his glorious eyes. “It’s beautiful.”
His long fingers open the face revealing a combination watch and locket. “It’s too much. The music box is too much, you shouldn’t have.”
His endearing eyes glisten. “It’s to thank you for gracing my life with this time of peaceful memories.” As he places the necklace on me, his hands glide over my shoulders, down my arms, electrifying every nerve cell in my body, unfurling a desire I have never experienced. His breathing becomes jagged just before he intertwines our fingers and backs away from the bench, taking me with him. “Shall we?” We begin dancing to the music box, but as he twirls me through the greenhouse, the music springs up all around us. My heart stops as he pulls me closer. His lips tickle my ear as he sings the lyrics softly. His melodious voice is as soft as wind chimes. He sounds just like the singer in my memories. I am beguiled. Tears escape my eyes. I bury my face in his chest hoping his shirt is drip dry.
As the music winds down, he whirls me toward the bench, but does not let me go. Instead, he cradles me in his arms. “It wasn’t meant to make you cry. I wanted to show you how special you are and how wonderful spending time with you is. Mia, I can’t even describe what I feel when I’m with you, it is beyond anything I have ever felt.”
My pulse races, pushing my overheated blood throughout my system, I’m flush. I can’t believe he cares for me and that it is only his fear of what could happen that forces him into self-delusion. I need to treat him like a sleep-walker making sure I do nothing to abruptly wake him. Otherwise, it could be disastrous. I murmur softly. “Thank you for tonight. No friend has ever done anything like this for me.”
His arctic hand moves gently under my chin, “Do you always cry when someone does something nice for you?”
“The tears came because of how touched I am that you went to this trouble.” I pull out a box from my purse and hand it to him. “Merry Christmas, I hope you like it.”
He unwraps it carefully. His face lights up. “Mia, it’s magnificent.” His glorious smile takes my breath away. The music box is similar to the one he admires on my table. Slowly, he lifts the lid before embracing me. “We danced to yours, we should break in mine. My shirt is drip dry.” He laughs.
When the music ends, he looks at his watch. “I better get you back or you won’t get any sleep at all.” It’s snowing again. I stumble on the slippery surface. Andrew lifts me into his strong arms, pulling me tightly toward his chest and carries me to the residency as I fight to maintain level breathing and fail miserably. The only comforting thought is he is
breathing rapidly too.
Inside he releases me, kisses my forehead quickly and puts distance between us. I can see desire in his eyes and concern in his features. “You should get changed into something warm and I’ll go do the same.”
“You’ll come back right?” I can hear my desire and want to dispel it. “I’m not sure I can sleep without my rock of Gibraltar.” I laugh and thankfully so does he.
“You are absolutely right because everyone knows sleeping on Stonehenge is much more comfortable than sleeping on a nice comfy mattress. You’re absurd Mia.” He chortles. “I’ll be right back.”
When I come out, he’s sporting a cup of tea. “I thought it could warm you before curling up to your own personal iceberg.” His tone is amused, but his features hold a forbidden emotion.
“I see we haven’t lost our strange sense of humor.” I drink my tea and nestle into his chest, closing my eyes. I feel his muscles flex and notice he is murmuring something to himself too low for me to hear. I feel a strange pull as if I’m being led somewhere, see a quick flash of mist around me, but I haven’t moved. His murmuring becomes quicker, the pull is gone and I drift into darkness.
Over the next few days, we wrap up loose ends.
Waking on the thirtieth, I dress quickly. Crossing the parking lot, I can’t help marvel at the perfection of Andrew’s inner and outer beauty. He leads me to his black SUV. As the engine roars, my stomach fills with butterflies, wondering how my family will react seeing me with this heavenly creature. What if they jump to the wrong conclusion? I correct myself, the conclusion I wish for. Will he disappear? Panic pierces my heart. Looking out the window, hoping to calm myself, I see Sanctuary’s gates close in the side view mirror, and my anxiety increases wondering if they are closing on my future as well.
As we enter the highway, Andrew takes my hand, interrupting my introspection. “What has you so nervous?” His voice is laced with concern.
I reply without thinking. “I’m worried that if my family jumps to the wrong conclusion about us, it will drive you off. Jackson warned me you would leave if you thought we were getting too close.” As reason returns, I freeze.
“Don’t worry about what others think.” His voice is unconcerned. “We know the truth and that’s all that matters.”
Shifting my eyes so he doesn’t see my disappointment that I cannot be enough to change his mind the way Jackson changed Eva’s, I’m not fast enough.
“Mia, you are an amazing woman with so much to share. I would give anything if I could be the person…” He pauses. Glancing sideways, I catch a longing in his features, before his face turns impassive. “I can’t even describe how being with you helps me escape the bonds of the vile creature I am, but I can never afford to forget what it will cost you if I let our relationship go too far. I won’t cause you that kind of loss!” He looks tortured. His voice becomes thoughtful. “I’m just grateful for the time we can share, but if it ever gets too strange for you, you have to tell me. When you are ready to find someone to share your life with, I will be the first to wish you well.” Despite his words, I detect his sadness.
I struggle to find the words to tell him I’m not going while not revealing I could never leave him. “I love spending time with you without the pressure to be someone I’m not. I need time to figure out who I am and who I want to become. It’s nice to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to change me so I hope you don’t mind if I stay for a long time.”
His profile relaxes. “I’m glad to share this journey with you.” He tries to repress a smile and fails, his face lighting up.
“What brought about that smile?” I ask hopeful.
“I’m happy. I can’t tell you how much being with you means to me. I’m grateful that I don’t have to give you up yet. I know that it’s selfish and I should feel ashamed but…” He smiles triumphantly.
Thrilled that for a moment his walls fall to make this unfinished affirmation, I suddenly feel bold. “I think we should enjoy this time without feeling guilty because our being together is not wrong, I know it. Being with you is the first time I have felt safe with a man and I want to manipulate your time for as long as I don’t bore you.” I laugh trying to sound light so as not to push him too far.
“Since you could never bore me, you’ll never go.” He laughs and lifts my hand to his lips.
We ride in silence each lost in our own contemplation.
When my raging heart finally calms, “Can I ask you something, if I’m not prying too much?”
“Go ahead. I don’t have any more earth shattering secrets.”
“When you were transformed, did you leave anyone behind?”
“Are you asking if I have ever been in love?” He teases but does not answer immediately. I fear I brought back a painful memory. His features become distant. “We lived a solitary life. My parents feared our secret being revealed. As we grew older, I would go to the marketplace because I could carry the heaviest load and we were less conspicuous traveling alone. At the time, factions were fighting over territory, land and rights to licenses. One day, the knights were fighting. We were hiding, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire of their clanging swords. I saw a young woman hiding beneath her cart, a soldier dragged her out by her hair” His voice turns livid. “The look of fear in her eyes compelled me from my hiding place. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Picking up a wooden plank, I hit him. He fell upon her! She screamed and another soldier took notice, spearing me in the leg. He didn’t see my face. I hit him, grabbed her hand and ran. We hid in a barn overnight. Over the next few months, we spent time together whenever I went to the market. Your compassion reminds me of her. She always strived to help. I planned on meeting her brother and introducing her to my family, but that was the day we got caught and our lives changed in the blink of an eye. I could never return to her for fear of how frightened she would be of me or what could happen to her if she had accepted me. I don’t know where we would have gone if our opportunity was not ripped away the day I became a grandchild of Satan!”
The thought of love being ripped from him, depresses me. Bringing his hand to my lips, I kiss it gently. My voice is barely a whisper. I’m sorry that you…”
He interrupts me, his voice is calm now. “It was long ago and now I am blessed to share this time with you.”
“What about after you changed, were you tempted to fall in love by the beautiful creatures which I’m sure crossed your path and discovered what a wonderful, considerate man you are.”
He laughs. “Most people would see me as dark, brooding and married to my work.” I don’t recognize the man he is describing and that I secretly love. “Knowing what will happen to those my siblings’ love I became determined never to do that to anyone.”
“You blame your siblings for falling in love?” I retort reproachful.
He is instantly contrite. “I don’t blame them at all! In fact, I understand them much better now.” He frowns. “We have been alone for so long, fighting, living a life that none of us could have ever conjured up and searching for answers beyond our reach. The others are more hopeful, at least for their mates, but I pray that the guardians ensure that I never fall in love!” He shakes his head as if trying to dispel some dark thought.
I feel as if someone is laying cinder blocks upon my chest, one for each day he hoped for solitude so that he won’t hurt anyone. I can’t breathe under the crushing weight of his words. I close my eyes and offer a silent pray that this glorious creature, who fails to realize how worthy of love he is, will one day welcome love regardless of what else fate has destined for him and regardless of whether or not the one he loves is me. Tears fill my lids. I turn to the window hoping he will not see, but he gently brushes away an escaped tear.
“Mia, please don’t waste your tears on me. Truly, I have made my peace and feel very blessed to help others find contentment before leaving this world.”
I turn to him. “You don’t deser
ve to be alone, someone as wonderful as you shouldn’t deny yourself love!”
His cool hand gently grasps my shoulder, pulling me towards him. “I’m not lonely. I have my family, work and now my friendship with you, so don’t weep for someone who is blessed.”
We spend the remaining ride in silence.
