Yejun messaged her to see how she was doing and she assured him everything was fine, she was going to get back on her feet. He asked her a couple of times a week if she might come over for dinner and she always turned him down. Not only because she didn’t want to get any closer to them or be seen with them, but also because she was honestly busy. One or two students a night came over for a few hours to study and a couple more students were scheduled to start in the next week. Her day at the Hagwan started at about two in the afternoon and ended sometime after nine, then students came by her apartment, often staying until eleven or later. Friday’s were the longest day, sometimes ending at two in the morning if a student was feeling particularly stressed or had a test coming up.
At the end of the third week, Junwoo got tired of waiting for her to break down and come see them, so he asked Shiwoo for the address of the place his aunt had rented to her and decided to go by on his way to work. He knocked on the door at around ten in the morning, which was not the best time Claire’s late night heavy schedule. It took her a minute to get to the door looking somewhat presentable, or at least in not in a state of undress.
“Wha...what are you doing here?” She asked, still rubbing her bleary eyes.
“We haven’t seen you in weeks,” Junwoo complained, but feeling slightly embarrassed that he had clearly woken her up. “All of us have been wondering how you were doing.”
“I told you I’m fine,” She sighed. “Come in. No point in just standing out here.” She stood aside and allowed him to step into the small apartment. The apartment itself wasn’t bad but it was nearly empty.
“Go ahead and sit,” She gestured at the short table on the floor with a couple of cushions for seats. “Do you want water, or tea…I might have something else but...okay, no I don’t at the moment.”
“Tea is fine,” He agreed sheepishly. She nodded and filled the pan with some water and pulled out the two mugs she owned from cabinet. He watched quietly as she opened her nearly bare cabinet to pull out the small box of tea and pull out two bags which she dropped into the mugs.
“I haven’t bought sugar yet,” She sighed. “So I hope it’s fine plain.”
“Yeah, it’s fine,” He nodded.
“I don’t have much to eat,” She told him tightly as she opened the other cabinet which had a few packets of ramen and nothing else. “Have you had breakfast already?”
“I’m fine, I’ve already eaten,” He replied, cursing himself for having come empty handed. She nodded and closed the cabinet. The water had boiled at that point and she filled the cups, and pulled out two teaspoons for them. “So...how have you been? You found a place to work?”
“Yeah, at a hagwon three or four days a week,” She confirmed as she sat across from him.
“That’s good,” He said positively, giving her a smile.
“I’ve also gotten some private students coming for lessons,” She added. “So you see, I’m doing fine.”
“Yeah, of course,” He agreed, allowing her to pretend everything was going fine. “Have….have you been following anything that KXO has been saying?”
“No,” Her reply was sharp and clear. “There isn’t any point. What happens with the company or what they say isn’t my business at this point.”
“They’re blaming you,” He tried to make her understand. “They are putting everything on you.”
“Good,” She replied to his surprise.
“But...it’s not true,” Junwoo protested. He pulled out his phone and pulled up the statement they had released, “No but look.” She sighed and humored him by reading through the text that was on the screen.
“Good, they used what I gave them,” She handed his phone back to him.
“What do you mean?” His eyes flicked to the screen, then back to her. “Are you saying this version is true? That it’s what happened?”
“Does it matter?” She blinked at him.
“Of course!” He insisted.
“Why?” She questioned. “Why does it matter?”
“Because...because that isn’t who you are…” He finished weakly. “Don’t you care if people think you’re like this?”
“What people think of me isn’t terribly important,” She stirred her tea. “They’ll forget about me soon enough. I’ll be an anecdote for some scandal story and people will have to look up my name. You see, my career will be okay eventually, probably as people forget, as they usually do. But Cheol, he can’t get what he has back if his reputation suffers. He’s worked too hard to let something as stupid as this ruin everything.”
“As stupid as falling in love when he wasn’t supposed to?” Junwoo pried.
“Most people don’t end up with the first person they think they fell in love with,” She dismissed tiredly. “Every time one falls in love it feels so important, so vivid. But over time it fades, you get over it, you find a new person and when you think back, you wonder if it was really as good, as real, as true as you remember.”
“That’s...practical,” He swallowed but couldn’t argue. “Then you think he’ll just find someone else?”
“I think he’ll find someone better for him at a better time,” She agreed. “Maybe he’ll find another pop star and they can be one of those adored couples that everyone admires and wants to know or to be. They can smile and go to all the events, be on the cover of all the magazines, never having to hide. Wouldn’t that be wonderful for him?”
“Would you really be happy seeing him with someone else?” He couldn’t imagine it himself.
“How could I be anything other than delighted to see him happy?” She told him with a melancholic smile. “Do you think just because I can’t be with him, I should hope that he would remain alone? How selfish would it be for me to want him to never fall in love just because it can’t be me?”
“You’re nicer than me,” He admitted with a self-deprecating chuckle.
“Maybe,” She let the corner of her mouth quirk up in a half smile. “Or maybe I’ve just accepted that I’m not that lucky and I wouldn’t want to wish this on my worst enemy, much less someone like Cheol.”
“Right,” Junwoo fidgeted with his mug.
“Anyway, I appreciate you wanting to check on me,” Claire drank the last of her tea and set the mug back on the table with a deliberate thunk. “But you don’t have to worry. I’m doing alright and none of you need to come and check on me anymore. It’s probably best if we don’t keep in contact. Tell Yejun I’m eternally grateful for his help, Shiwoo as well. I don’t think I can repay them for everything, but I can keep you from being dragged down by any of this. Please let me do that in return.”
“Is that your way of telling me not to come back?” He gave her his best charming smile.
“Yes,” Her eyes met his without wavering. “Please.”
“Maybe,” Junwoo couldn’t make that promise and couldn’t promise it on behalf of the others. Taking the hint, he made his exit. He hopped into the back of the company car and pulled out his phone as he continued his journey to the company. Cheol had been dying to hear something, anything about how she was doing.
***
Six months later
Cheol rolled over and pulled the blankets further up over his head to block out the lively sound of the birds singing in the garden. It was too chilly and too early to get up yet. He slipped his arm around the waist of the warm body on the bed next to him. Curling his body around her, he tucked his face into the mess of hair that flowed over the pillows and her shoulders. She still smelled like heaven to him.
“Good morning,” Claire said groggily as she tried to turn to face him. “What time is it?”
“Too early,” He complained, holding her tightly up against him.
“Are you sure,” She laughed. “They caught us still in bed when they brought breakfast yesterday.”
“I don’t care,” He huffed. “It’s our honeymoon, we should be able to sleep in if we want to.”
“Mmm, true,” She sighed, re
aching back to caress his thigh. “At least we have something on today.”
“‘S too cold not to have something on,” He complained as he gave a dramatic shiver against her back. “Should have picked some place tropical this time of year. Maybe Australia.”
“No, this is perfect,” She snuggled into his warmth. “Any excuse to get close to my husband.”
“Mmm say that again,” His voice was giddy even through his haze of not being completely awake.
“My husband,” She repeated with a smile.
“I’ll never regret coming after you,” he kissed along her shoulder, to the scar on her back. “I couldn’t live without you.”
By the time Cheol had finally arrived back in Seoul, their story had started to take on a life of its own in three countries. In the US, the narrative of an unfair system that would deny someone the right to any kind of private life sparked outrage in entertainment publications. The 24 hour news channels covered it by focusing on how ‘crazed’ young people had become about stars and celebrities. Was it the new cultural apocalypse? Clearly the answer was no, but it filled some time on the channels and provided the controversy they wanted on panels where they could have ‘experts’ with competing opinions debate the subject.
Generally, the public who came across the original story fell in love with Cheol and Claire as a couple. They were ‘cute and so in love’ and became the adorable ‘it’ couple of star crossed lovers people were following to see if they might work it out. When Claire’s statement was put out most people invested in the story dismissed it as unbelievable and clearly a piece of corporate taletelling meant to protect the image of their investment. Of course, it didn’t help that the company was keeping all the members on lockdown. In the west it wasn’t a good look.
In Australia Cheol’s parents were suddenly media figures. Afterall, one of Australia’s international success stories was suddenly embroiled in an international romantic scandal. Cheol’s parents, also taken by surprise by their son’s romantic woes, were some of the few people who were able to actually speak to him during the period of the blackout. Of course a lot of the sensationalist press used the opportunity to criticize the entire K-Pop industry as cruel and exploitative, as if the entertainment industry wasn’t just shades of the same worldwide.
This was hardly how he had wanted to tell his parents about this, but he didn’t really have a choice. Of course the first thing they wanted to know, was that he was okay, after that they peppered him with questions about who she was and what had really happened and, of course, how he could have kept this from them. It took a couple of phone calls to move past the ‘how could you be so stipid to risk so much of what you’ve worked for’ and onto you know we will always love you and support you no matter what happens. His dad told him he could come home anytime, even if he just needed to figure things out. Much as that sounded appealing, he had too much to fix to go see them.
After a week of the press hounding them, they did a short interview saying they supported their son and wanted him to be fulfilled and happy, whatever path he took to get there. They made it clear that they loved him and wanted the best for him in his life and career but that they were not going to talk about it to the press again. The attention died down, at least in part because new images and stories were starting to come out of Seoul.
The fan base in Seoul was much more sensitive to the idea that Cheol had betrayed the fanbase by getting into a relationship and keeping it from them. Frustration and negative opinions buzzed around news comments sections and fansites. The initial article raised the ire of some of the hardcore fans who sent angry letters to the company demanding that he be brought in line. Clearly, he was willing to sacrifice the time he ought to be devoting to his career and fans.
During the time before he returned, with nothing else to draw from, the local public clung onto the statement released by KXO and public opinion softened toward Cheol and grew a bit more bitter towards Claire. It wasn’t just that she had seduced someone she shouldn’t have, but she had behaved dishonourably in a position of trust and authority. It was a sin upon a sin.
Cheol and the rest of YTHtonic arrived back in Seoul to a sea of cameras all of which were dying for a glimpse of them and some news they could report on the scandal. For the first day, at least with the press, Cheol kept his head down and tried not to stir the pot, at least until he got to have his say at the company. Upon arrival at the dorms, he unpacked and called the founder as well as the company manager to discuss the situation with them.
Thankfully both of them were in and could talk to him this afternoon. Butterflies in his stomach as he traveled to the company, he went over his arguments in his head. He had two goals; to keep the rest of the group from being punished for his actions, and to do what it took to accept responsibility while making it clear he would fight giving up Claire all together. He knew it wouldn’t be easy but he also knew both his career and Claire were things worth fighting for.
The founder of the company, Goo Kwang Soo,while no longer one of the executives who was running the day to day business of the company, was still influential with the executives as well as the public. He had a soft spot for Cheol, having watched him grow up and train at the company for more than half a decade before he debuted and stayed invested in him and the group he had built. The company manager, Hwang Siwon, would be more difficult. He had been with the company for the last two years and mostly saw the bottom line and was quick to judge things as either worth the financial risk or not. If he decided it wasn’t, he was also quick to cut it.
Cheol was prepared to have to argue his case for keeping the band whole and that Claire wasn’t a liability or outright detriment. He was right to be prepared. While the founder was sympathetic to Cheol and his position, the company manager was much less so. He was the one who had chosen to release the statement. Frankly, the statement that Claire had made was exactly what he had wanted to hear on the subject. Losing a member of a successful, debuted band was a risk. Losing the leader of the band was worse. The group might recover and even thrive, but it would take time and some of the fanbase would be upset either way. His job was to read whether it would be worse with or without the offending member.
The meeting was tense but friendlier than Cheol had expected. He suspected Kwang Soo had been having conversations with Siwon off and on since everything started. In the end, they agreed to wait and read the reaction of shareholders and fans while continuing the suspension of activities by the group for an indefinite time. Cheol demanded a chance to address the fans and apologize for his actions and promise to always give them his best. Siwon agreed, so long as he and the PR department could sign off on it first.
They agreed to meet again in a couple of weeks, perhaps with all of the members and reassess the suspension of the band and Cheol’s place in it. Clearly things were left unresolved, but the good news was, the company didn’t seem overly eager to kick him out or to disband the group. In the couple of weeks they gave him, he intended to fix things with Claire and to dive back into writing and practicing as if everything were normal. When...hopefully not if...they got back to normal, they couldn’t screw up or come back unprepared.
As soon as he was done, he took a cab to the address Junwoo had sent him. With no way of knowing, he had arrived at just the wrong time, as Claire had just left for work. Determined to at least see her, he sat down and waited for her for the seven hours it took for her to come back. He kept himself busy as he hung out outside her place, ordering some food to eat as he waited. After waiting for three hours, he called Junwoo to make sure that he was in the right place. Junwoo assured him he was in the right place but mentioned she might be working. Determined to see her, he continued his vigil.
It was dark by the time she came back, a student following behind her. Her eyes were on her feet as she came up the steps to the roof level, which kept her from noticing him until long after he noticed her coming. When she looked up and saw him there, she froze for ha
lf a second before she put her head down and headed into the apartment without acknowledging him. He was still there when she was done with her first student and continued to wait as she saw a second student after that.
Cheol had been waiting for eight hours by the time she gave up on ignoring him. Finally, when the second student left, she let him in. The sight of the scant living conditions she was still living with was enough to cause him to feel a lump in his throat well up. Somehow, she looked smaller and it was more than that she had lost some weight. The way she held herself was shyer, more timid.
He hadn’t expected much from seeing her this time, especially given how she had cut everything and everyone off with no warning. What wouldn’t he have given for her to have just thrown herself into his arms and said she loved him and wasn’t ready to give up. Of course, she didn’t. She didn’t let him touch her for more than a second. She barely met his eyes. She barely responded to his questions beyond a single word answer.
After an hour of trying, he finally left, promising to come back tomorrow. He told her the same thing he had told the company; nothing was going to take him away from the group and nothing was going to take him away from her. While she mostly stayed silent as he told her what had happened with them since Chicago, how much everyone missed her. She was looking so hard at the floor, he was surprised she wasn’t burning a hole in it.
Sleep didn’t really come the first night and he threw himself into work.
The second day didn’t bring him a better reception, nor the third. It did, in fact, take a week for her start to give in. In an odd way, it felt like he was back where he was when he first met her more than eight months ago. To be honest, getting her to say yes was easier the first time, but he was not about to give up on what he had with her.
In the second week, he finally got to hold her for the first time and touching her was like letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Finally he had finished his statement for the fans. While he apologized for keeping it from them, he also said that love had made him more motivated to give even more to the fans. It had made him a better person and capable of giving more of himself.
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