“He is mafia royalty, Sierra.”
“How do you know that? There is nothing online that even hints at him being mafia.”
“I’m from New York originally, and there are very few people in this city who don’t know the Mazzone family is the most powerful mafia family in the US.”
“Why didn’t I find anything online?”
“Ben is smart. He has skilled IT resources in his pocket, and these people know how to control what information is put out there about him. Caltimore’s takeover of FistMine is the first of many, I predict. Ben is changing the way things are done.”
“I just watched him torture someone. So, I wouldn’t say he’s changing everything up,” I say, and it’s as if someone else is speaking the words. I gulp over the messy ball of emotion in my throat. “He was so cold, and from the expert way he inflicted pain, I know this wasn’t his first time.”
Tony pins me with a sympathetic look that makes me feel like a stupid, naïve thirteen-year-old again.
“He’s a killer. My baby’s daddy is a ruthless killer.” I place my palm on my stomach, fighting tears again.
“I can’t believe the man you slept with in Vegas is Ben.” He signals to take the next exit off the highway, toward the airport. “I knew you had a big crush on him when Saskia was dating him, but I had no idea you were still in contact with him.”
God. I never realized I was so obvious. Does everyone know I had the hots for him?
“I wasn’t.” I proceed to tell Tony everything that went down in Vegas, holding nothing back.
By the time we pull into the parking lot at JFK, he is as white as a ghost. “Sierra.” He grips my shoulders almost painfully. “Tell no one who the father is. No. One. Not Ben. Not your father or anyone in your family. Warn Esme and Pen to keep their mouths shut too.”
“Trust me, you don’t have to convince me after what I saw today.”
“Sierra.” His voice elevates a few notches, and he looks seriously rattled. “I mean it. This can’t ever come out. To do so would place you and your child in untold danger.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“You should be scared. Those men are dangerous men existing in a dark world with few rules they abide by except loyalty and honor to la famiglia. Dangerous men always have dangerous enemies. If anyone found out, they could use you against him.”
“No one will find out. I’ll carry the secret to my grave.”
“Promise me you won’t take risks.” He drills me with a look.
“I won’t. It’s not just me anymore,” I add, rubbing my tummy. “I won’t place my child in harm’s way. I will do everything in my power to keep him or her safe.”
“You know, if I had ever married, I would have wished for a daughter like you,” he says, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “Your father is a bastard for the way he’s treated you. He appreciates all the wrong things. Whatever happens, don’t ever lose sight of the person you are.”
“This sounds very much like goodbye,” I say, eyeing him warily.
“I’ve never broken my word to you, Sierra, and I don’t want to break it to you now, but I know too much. Returning with you is too dangerous. This is where we will part ways.”
“What do you mean? Why do I get a sense there is a lot I don’t know?”
“There is so much you don’t know. Things I wish I could tell you, but it’s not safe. Trust me when I say you are better off not knowing.”
“Ignorance is debilitating if it means I can’t protect myself. Knowledge is power, Tony, and if it’s something I need to know, then tell me,” I plead.
“The only truth you need is Bennett Mazzone is bad news. He’s no good for you, and you need to steer clear of him.” Planes fly overhead, reminding me I have a flight to catch. “You should go. You can’t miss your flight.”
“You’re really not going to tell me?”
He shakes his head. “It’s better this way.”
I recognize defeat when I see it, and I trust Tony. I know he has my best interests at heart. Sucks to be excluded from the truth, but I have no choice. “I don’t like being kept in the dark, but I’ll drop it.” Reaching into my purse, I withdraw the bulky brown padded envelope. “This is for you.” I offer it to him. “Fifty K is all I could get at short notice, but it should keep you afloat for a while.”
“I don’t want your money.” He pushes my hand away.
I shove the envelope at his chest. “Take it, Tony. I know you’ll need it.” There is no way he can stay in New York now. It’s too risky after he just took out five men. I still can’t believe it. I’ve never seen Tony harm a fly, and he took out five men like he was a hardened killer.
Is everyone?
“I never really knew Ben, and I’m guessing I never really knew you either,” I say, memorizing his face because I’m pretty sure we’ll never see one another again. “Irrespective of who you are or aren’t, I know everything you have done has been done to protect me, so thank you. Thank you for keeping me and my unborn child safe.”
“I hope you know it’s been an honor protecting you. An honor to watch you grow up. I wish we didn’t have to part ways like this.”
“Me too,” I whisper, fighting to keep the tenuous hold on my emotions. Pregnancy hormones are riding me like a bitch, and I wonder if this is what the next few months have in store for me.
“Stay strong, Sierra.” Tony pulls me into a hug. “And stay safe.”
14
SIERRA
After rolling my yoga mat and putting it away, I wipe the light sheen of sweat from my brow as I stare out the window of my bedroom at the rear garden of our house. Rain drops from the sky in painful sheets, pummeling the ground below, coating the shrubs, flowers, and plants in a heavy layer of water. It’s beautiful. Like Chicago is taking a giant communal shower. If I didn’t have to get ready for our usual Sunday family dinner charade, I would paint this view. I might be weird, but I love the rain and snow, and I would happily vacation in a colder climate over a hot one.
I pop my vitamins before stripping out of my workout clothes and stepping into the shower. I’m calm as I go over everything in my mind while I soap my body and wash my hair.
It’s been one week since I returned from New York, and I’ve been busy putting my plans in motion. My cases are already packed and loaded in the back of my SUV. I only took the essentials from my wardrobe and my studio. I can buy anything else I need. I’ve rented a small apartment in the city, close to Loyola, that I will use in the short-term.
After I’m dry and my hair is blow-dried straight, I pour myself into a red bodycon dress and slip my feet into my black Louboutins. I was tempted to paint a big scarlet A and stick it to my chest, but I don’t think anyone would appreciate the humor.
Stepping into the formal living room, I see my sisters are already here with their husbands. Elisa’s cute dark head is bent over her doll as she sits on the carpet, playing, in front of Serena’s feet. I wish I had spent more time with my niece when she was a baby. That I had put aside my differences with Serena and offered to help. While my relationship with Saskia has always been fractured, there was no contention or falling out with Serena—we’re just not close.
Serena tended to do stuff with Saskia because they were the closest in age. There are eight years between me and Saskia and five years between me and Serena, and I was a little kid when they were teenagers, so I was naturally left out. However, Serena has never been cruel in the way Saskia is cruel. It’s more that I felt invisible around her growing up, and I didn’t bother trying to get close to her when I became an adult. Relationships are two-way streets though, and in this moment, I realize I have made no effort with my sister. Something I hope to rectify someday.
“Why are you always the last to arrive? Every Sunday is the same,” Saskia says, pinning her cutting green eyes on me. I hate the whiny parental tone she has always used around me. “You live here, and you have no one to attend to but yourself, so there’s really n
o excuse.”
“Maybe I do it to piss you off,” I quip, shaking my head when Maria—one of the many maids Mom employs to run the household—attempts to hand me a glass of wine. “I’ll have a water, please.”
“Do you hear this?” Saskia eyeballs my father. He’s seated in one of the high-backed leather armchairs in front of a roaring fire, discreetly talking to Alfred and Felix.
“Don’t interrupt, darling,” Felix says, sending his wife a pointed “shut the fuck up” look I already know she’ll ignore.
“Daddy.” Saskia pouts. “Are you going to let Sierra speak to me like that?”
“Are we really doing this again?” I sigh. It’s the same old tired crap every week.
“Stop winding your sister up,” Father says, not even looking in our direction as he continues his conversation with the men.
Saskia’s mouth pulls tight. She hates when she can’t claim his attention, but she would never call him out on it. She knows how to pull his strings, and she pulls them with practiced ease.
I smile at Maria when she hands me a tall glass of sparkling Pellegrino with lemon, lime, and crushed ice, bracing myself for Saskia’s next assault because I know it’s coming.
“This is what happens when you let your children run wild. Take note, Serena. Don’t make the same mistakes Mom made with Sierra.”
“Watch your tone, Saskia. I don’t care much for it,” Mom says, brushing a stray blonde hair back into her chignon. She is perched on the end of the couch beside Serena, gazing adoringly at her only grandchild.
Elisa holds a doll in each hand, and she’s babbling away, moving them as if they are talking to one another. It’s cute, and I remember doing something similar. Though I was mostly into Barbie dolls. I loved experimenting with their looks, and I can still remember Saskia’s horrified expression the day I decided to give all my Barbies a makeover, hacking off and coloring their hair different colors. Fun times.
I wonder if I came out of the womb predetermined to disappoint and annoy my oldest sister.
“The truth hurts, Georgia.” Saskia smiles sweetly at Mom as she sips her glass of Sancerre, using her given name on purpose to be spiteful.
“Respect your mother,” Felix admonishes when it’s obvious my father won’t.
I can’t figure my parents’ relationship out at all. There are times Father lavishes attention on Mom and worships the ground she walks on. And there are times when she’s as invisible as me. Championing my causes over the years hasn’t done her any favors, but she was my only support in this house growing up, and I love the sacrifices she made for me.
My heart swells with love for my mother. She’s not perfect. She’s made mistakes, and she didn’t always stand up to Father or do the right thing, but her intentions were honorable, and she selflessly put us first all the time. If I can be half the mother my mom is, I will be okay.
“Do not tell me what to do in front of my family,” Saskia snaps at her husband.
“Saskia.” Father’s stern voice rings out around the room. “That’s enough.” Oh, the irony. He doesn’t give a rat’s ass if Saskia disrespects me or Mom, but the second she disrespects her husband, he has a problem with it.
It’s priceless. Honestly, it has to be seen to be believed.
The bell sounds for dinner, and we make our way into the dining room. My heart is slamming against my rib cage, and nervous adrenaline flows through my veins, but I’m ready to do this.
At least today’s Sunday dinner will be entertaining for a change. I doubt there will be anything usual or boring about it once I drop the mother of all bombs—pun intended.
The sumptuous dinner tastes like sandpaper in my mouth, and it’s a miracle I can force any food into my stomach. I’m quiet, contributing little to the discussion, biding my time before it’s my moment in the spotlight.
Saskia’s grating voice gets on my nerves as she monopolizes the conversation, like always. She spouts off about her accounting position at Lawson Pharma, suggests Serena should start Botox to eliminate imaginary lines on her face, and spreads salacious gossip she picked up from her bitchy friends.
I tune her out, visualizing the homey bungalow on Elm Street I just made an offer on, while I steady my nerves. I’m waiting to time this to perfection so I deliver my news with maximum effect. I know it won’t be well-received, so I might as well do this the way I want to do it—with zero fucks given.
Elisa’s nanny removes her from the table after she’s finished eating, taking her away for her nap. Judging by the mess on her highchair and the floor, I’m figuring most of her dinner bypassed her mouth. I enjoyed watching her eat, having a newfound appreciation for my niece. If Serena is still talking to me after today, I’m going to offer my babysitting services. I’m embarrassed I haven’t taken more interest in Elisa, and I want that to change.
I clear my throat, wanting to say my piece before dessert is wheeled out. “I have some news,” I say in a loud voice, projecting around the table so I capture everyone’s attention.
“This should be good.” Saskia rolls her eyes, sitting back in her seat with a smirk.
I don’t even care that I’ll wipe it off in a second, replacing it with one of pain.
Folding my hands in my lap, I tilt my chin up, eyeballing my father as I say, “I’m pregnant, and I’m keeping my baby.”
Initial shocked silence greets my announcement, and then chaos rains. Predictably, my father is the first to have a go at me. “I must have a problem with my hearing,” he says, drilling me with a pointed look. “Because I couldn’t have just heard my youngest daughter telling me she’s pregnant with a child out of wedlock.”
I grin. “Nope, there’s nothing wrong with your hearing. I’m knocked up. And I don’t even have a boyfriend. But guess what, Daddy?” I lean into the table, my eyes blazing with moral righteousness. “It’s not the Dark Ages. Single women have babies all the time. Some even choose to raise a family that way.”
He thumps his clenched fist on the table. Glasses and silverware rattle. “Not in this house!” he roars. “Over my dead body will you embarrass our family like this.”
That could always be arranged.
“It’s not up to you,” I coolly reply, taking a sip of my water. Out of the corner of my eye, I spy Mom jumping up, stopping the maids from delivering dessert.
“How far along are you?” Serena asks, smiling softly at me. Apart from Mom, she’s the only one not looking at me like she wants to stab a fork in my uterus.
“Thirteen weeks.” I visited my ob-gyn yesterday and she explained how they count the forty-week gestation from the date of my last period.
“There is still time to get an abortion,” Father barks, and I see red.
Esme uttered those exact same words to me, and we had an almighty argument. I know she believes she’s helping by bringing up all my options, but she can’t project her opinions on me because of what happened to her sister. She knows me well enough to know I would never do that, so she should have kept her mouth shut. She didn’t appreciate me telling her that, and the conversation rapidly deteriorated. I ended up stomping off, and I’m still not speaking to her.
“Maybe you are hard of hearing,” I say in a clipped tone. “Because I clearly told you I’m keeping my baby.” I place my hands protectively on my stomach, grateful the baby isn’t privy to this conversation. “That’s nonnegotiable.” Everything is. Which he will learn in due course.
Father’s nostrils flare, and his fists are clenched on top of the table. I’ve seen him mad plenty of times before, but I’ve never seen him look at me like he wants to murder me.
Unease trickles up my spine, but I hold my ground, keeping my chin raised defiantly.
A muscle pops in his jaw as he addresses me again. “If you insist on this madness, then I insist the father marries you.”
Yeah. I figured that one was coming. Even if I didn’t need to keep Ben’s name a secret, I would be doing it for this very reason. “I don’t k
now who he is,” I lie, shrugging because I know how much this is going to enrage him. “He was just some random hookup my birthday weekend in Vegas.” I wet my lips, praying I won’t go to hell for this. “I didn’t even get his name. I was too busy fucking his monster cock to form a coherent sentence.”
Mom rips me from my chair, dragging me back to safety as my father roars, jumping up and shoving the table over. It crashes to the ground with a large thud. Glass shatters, and water seeps onto the floor from the broken vase, flowers flying across the room along with silverware.
“Are you happy now, you little slut?” Saskia’s hateful face materializes in front of me, and it’s all I see before I feel the stinging pain lance across my cheek.
“Saskia!” Mom hollers, pulling me away from my sister. “Don’t you dare hit your pregnant sister!”
I rub my sore cheek in a daze, too startled at the sight of Alfred and Felix frantically whispering in my father’s ear, their words seemingly the only thing holding him back. He’s ready to throttle me, and the only thing stopping him are my two brothers-in-law.
“How could you be so reckless, you fool!” Saskia yells, invading my personal space again. “If you insist on acting like a common whore, you could at least make them wear condoms. Have you no self-respect at all?”
“I was on the pill!” I retaliate.
“No single method of contraception is one hundred percent reliable, and what about STDs?” She rakes her gaze up and down my body with derision. “You’re probably riddled.” She glances over her shoulder at our father. “If you thought finding a man to take her off your hands was a problem before, you can forget about it now. No decent man wants used goods. You should cut her loose. She doesn’t deserve to bear the Lawson name.”
I see the renewed flint in her eyes when she refocuses on me. “How many guys have you let into your saggy cunt?” She prods my chest with one bony finger. “How many degenerates did you let fuck you in Vegas?”
“Hundreds,” I hiss, just to piss her off. “I spent the entire weekend flat on my back.” I return her derogatory glare with one of my own. “Jealous you’re tied to one dick for life?” While I don’t think Saskia’s marriage is a happy one, she is stuck with Felix because it’s clear Father would never tolerate a divorce. Appearances mean everything to him, and having a divorcée for a daughter is almost as bad as my single mother status.
Condemned to Love:  Page 11
