“It’s okay, baby.” Lochlan takes my chin in his hand and lets his thumb trail over my bottom lip. “We’ll get through it. Together.”
“We will.” I swallow and let the tears fall freely, feeling overwhelmed by everything.
“Take a break, Lips,” Lochlan says as he stands from his chair and towers over me. “Xena, why don’t you take Doll to our room and grab a shower? Leave the door open so Doll can hear you from the bedroom if you need help. I don’t want you alone right now. Lips will finish up my ink and I’ll be right there, okay? Then Lips will have things set if you want to get inked or we’ll do yours next week or next month, it doesn’t matter. It’s you who matters and right now you have to take a few breaths and get warm, you’re shaking, baby.”
“I’m okay,” I sob and try to smile.
Lochlan slowly shakes his head. “Nah, rusty fox, you ain’t okay at all...but you will be. I’ll make fucking sure.”
“Come on.” Doll holds out her hand. “Give me access to my bestie, Lochlan. Like you said, we need some quiet girl time.”
“Then I get my tattoo,” I say with determination. “Today.”
“Yes!” Lips snaps. “Don’t worry, I got you, girl.”
After a hot shower, some more talking with Doll and a long tattoo session with Lips, Lochlan and I find ourselves in bed watching a movie. Well, not so much watching a movie because I seriously have no damn clue what movie or what it’s about. But I’m lying in Lochlan’s arms while the skin over my heart is burning like crazy.
Yes, I’ve had Lips ink the patch on my left breast, over my heart. For me there was no other spot that would be more perfect. The way Lochlan was looking at me was all telling; I made the right choice. Not only for the best spot to have a tattoo, but the tattoo itself, embracing Lochlan’s people, their life as ours while I fully choose him.
Scars, flaws, grief, and shattered dreams, it’s everything that makes him the person he is today and I love him even more for it. He respects me in every way I respect him back. We have the same mindset, the same goals, and it puts us on a path we both enjoy the hell out of; together as one.
Chapter 19
***Lochlan***
The last three weeks have been hard for Xena. The funerals, the guilt, sadness, grief, and overload of emotions have taken their toll. But for the first time since, I’ve seen her light up the last few days when she was teaching the other ol’ladies some moves.
Dancing really allows her to give a piece of herself to the music she lets her body ride on. She gains energy from it and it clears her head. Even when she dances with the kids who need her attention a hundred times more, she enjoys it in many ways.
I’m also very much aware of the fact she hadn’t auditioned for any jobs and her brother called me yesterday to let me know she fired her manager. The one who picks out the jobs and lets her know what opportunities are open for her to take.
Her brother is worried about her and if yesterday with the other ol’ladies didn’t happen, I would be too. It seems the ol’ladies managed to give her back her vibe by getting her to do what she loves again.
“Are you going out?” Xena asks in a groggy voice.
I grab my cut and turn to face her. “Yeah, me and Deeds are going to meet with a few people to talk about a new case. I’ll be back later.”
“Okay,” she replies with a hint of sadness in her voice, then her eyes start to sparkle. “I promised the girls some dancing time later today, but I could help you out too if you want my help.”
I give her a smile. “Probably not with this case, it’s classified, otherwise I’d welcome your help. But, Xena?”
“Hmm?” she mumbles as she stretches and walks off to the bathroom but turns to hear why I called her name.
“Your brother called me about your manager.”
She rolls her eyes. “It’s nothing. I wasn’t accepting auditions and paying him for stuff I didn’t need. It’s business, not self-destruction. I want something else but I don’t know what. I have enough money saved to give me lots of time to really think what I would like to do career wise.”
A thought comes to mind. “How much money?”
She raises her eyebrow in question, as if to say “Really, you’re gonna ride my ass about this too.”
A chuckle slips over my lips. “I don’t care about the money, and I think it’s wise to step back and think about what you want to do first. You’re mine and I have your back.” Again I have to hold up my hands palms up. “Still not talking about the money, baby. Though I have enough and make enough to support the two of us. But you clearly need something for yourself but have you ever thought about starting something for yourself?”
“For myself? What do you mean?” Xena says as she steps closer to me.
Fuck. I should have waited for this discussion until she was dressed. I drag my gaze away from her magnificent toned body. “Dance for you, teach others, rent a space to do just that. Give back what you enjoy the most in your own time and terms.”
Her eyes widen before they start to twinkle. “That’s the best idea ever!” she squeaks and launches herself at me, making me catch her bare ass.
A scorching kiss is my reward and a damn hard on I don’t need since I’m already five minutes late for my meeting with Deeds. But the way I’m holding my woman who’s filled with joy is a moment I’ll be sure to treasure every damn second.
One thing I’ve learned the hard way; respect, treasure, and enjoy the little things that lighten your soul on any level. And Xena brightens my soul to the max and makes sure it stays that way.
She’s the one who catches the tears that fall inside my heart from the loss I carry with me. Fucking sunshine. She’s the one who lifts me up and is there when I need her the most. Thank fuck I came to my senses in time and didn’t let her go, because I can’t imagine a life without her.
She pulls away and shimmies out of my grip. “I need to get dressed and start to look around...wait. I need a plan. Write things down, things I need to...oh, this is so freaking exciting,” she rambles without making any sense, but the excitement she’s drowning in makes everything more than perfect.
“I need to head out but you go and write things down or talk to the other ol’ladies, I’m sure they can help out. I’ll be home later and we’ll get things set. If you want my help.”
“Yes, duh. Abso-freaking-lutely I’m going to need your help. It was your plan, and there’s so much to do and think of and I don’t want to screw up. Oh, Lochlan...it’s gonna be perfect. Having different groups to teach...I need to advertise. Maybe not at first, shit. See? I need to write a business plan, right?”
“Right, baby. Tiny steps, we’ve got our whole future ahead and no damn rush. But it’s good to see you this excited about something.” The moment the last sentence leaves my mouth, I regret it instantly.
The sadness that clouds her vision was something I wanted to avoid, yet the smile she gives me is one that caresses my heart. “I know.”
“It’s time to move forward,” I gently tell her.
And fuck. I’m one to say such shit when I’ve had my head stuck in the past and tied to loss and grief my whole damn life. Until her.
She steps closer and cups the side of my face, gently letting her fingers trail my scruff. “It’s time to move forward,” she agrees with a fierce determination in her voice.
“You and me,” I tell her instead of the three other words I want but can’t say. I love you. The last words I told my daughter before I lost her forever.
She gives me a smile, one that makes her eyes shine with all the love in the world, openly radiating for me and me alone, before she replies with the same words and amount of emotion radiating from them, “You and me.”
She gets me. She knows me as I know her. Souls bared, love unsaid, but burning just as fierce between the both of us; moving forward together. The future might be filled with uncertainties, danger, and the unknown. Yet the bond we have between us is unbreakable and
as solid as the future we’ll spend together.
Epilogue
Twelve years later
“Baby, I’m home,” I bellow into the empty hallway. Fuck, I’ll never grow tired of saying it.
Ever since I met this woman it’s been a wild and unpredictable ride. Like the little shit that comes running to me right now instead of my woman. Tiny feet on the hardwood floor let me know she’s getting closer. I squat down and reach out, letting my finger trail over her head as she closes her eyes.
“Walter, why aren’t you in your room?” You heard me, I said she while her name is Walter. This because we didn’t know it was a boy or a girl when my woman ‘saved’ the little shit from the pet store.
A red iguana, measuring almost five feet from head to tail, and over twenty pounds. To be honest, we didn’t really know what we were getting into when Xena brought her home. Xena went with Lips to get Esmee a bunny and she started sending me pictures of how this tiny iguana was all thin and scared.
I gave in—because I would move the fucking world for her if I could—and now, after nine years, the huge as fuck lizard is still with us. She’s got her own room with a bath, large trees, everything she wants and needs and during the day she can walk around in the rest of the house. But like I said, she should be in her room, sleeping.
See? We never did fall into the classic white picket fence with one point five kids and a dog. Fuck, no. We have our own four walls of crazy where we determine how we live our life the way we enjoy the hell out of it.
“Xena,” I yell out again and this time my woman does come rushing around the corner, wearing sexy as fuck clothing in my eyes— sweatpants and one of my old shirts—as she scoops Walter up.
“Sorry, I was busy and lost track of time. And you, young lady, should be in your room.” Xena gives me a quick kiss on the lips, eyes my stained clothes and scrunches her nose adorably before she starts to stroll into the direction of Walter’s room. “Go grab a shower and meet me in the living room right after,” she throws at me over her shoulder.
Shower, right. I rode three hours to get back here along with five of my brothers. We were called in to assist with hunting down a drug lord. They tracked the fucker down and knew he was sitting in a bar filled with people. He sure as shit didn’t expect a bunch of bikers giving the cops a hand. It did get messy though, he had a few friends in the bar so we had to kick ass. Doesn’t matter in the end. One less criminal to worry about and I’m now home safe with my woman.
Almost every night for the last twelve years we’ve been together. Like I said, I’ll never grow tired of saying, “Baby, I’m home.” This house, somewhere across the state if Xena is doing some kind of dance workshop. I don’t fucking care; home is where she opens her arms and welcomes me.
I rush up the stairs and take a quick shower before pulling on some sweats and heading downstairs. Xena isn’t in the living room. She did make a fire and dimmed the lights, even managed to shove the large couch back so there’s a larger open space in front of the fireplace. She sometimes does this when she’s practicing new moves or plays around with the kids of my brothers. Xena calls out from the kitchen, asking if I need something to eat.
“I’m fine, we ate a few hours ago,” I reply.
“Okay, could you grab a chair and place it in the center of the living room?” Her voice is pure seduction, lighting my cock on fire.
Because whenever she asks me to put a chair in the living room? Lap dance. Either her giving me a lap dance or I get a show where she dances in less than nothing. Yeah, damn lucky I threw on sweatpants without underwear so my cock has enough space to swell. Damn, just imagining what’s to come has me almost coming in my pants.
I place a chair in the middle of the living room, leaving her enough space to move around it. And I hear footsteps coming closer before she turns the music on. Shit. When she welcomed me at the door, she was wearing sweatpants and one of my old and faded Broken Deeds MC shirts.
Now? Bare legs, black lace thong and a black crop top without a damn bra because I can see her nipples saluting me from way over here. This woman doesn’t need anything special to get me hard. She’s wearing her studio wrap shoes which are a mix of open toe ballerina flats with laces going around her ankles and up her legs, to give her enough grip to move around.
“Ready?” she purrs, making me groan in response.
“Every damn second from the first time I laid eyes on you,” I tell her honestly.
Her giggle makes my damn balls tingle and she raises her leg back and spins around, giving me a straight view of her pussy. Fuck. Me. This is going to be a long night. I was dead tired riding back all those hours, but knowing what I was getting back to—not counting the sexy dancing time—was all worth it. She’s worth it.
She starts to shake her ass and as much as I love the whole ‘I’m gonna make him hotter than hot, and dance my sexiest shit’ vibe, I can’t hold myself back any longer and reach out to snatch her around the waist and drag her down on my lap.
“I need your mouth on mine,” I growl in explanation.
She doesn’t object but instead wraps her arms around my neck and tries the sex dance with her tongue, stroking and swirling around mine. Fuck this shit. I lift her up to make sure my cock is freed from my sweatpants, making them pool around my ankles. Lifting Xena up, I slide her thong to the side and impale her on my cock.
“Fuuuuuuuuuck,” I breathe and hiss when she lifts herself up and slides back down, only to rotate her hips and repeat the whole action.
I crave her in many ways, but to see her come apart by me is the most overwhelming feeling. To have her heartbeat speed up, sweat trickling down our bodies, breathing picking up where every gasp for your next breath is one we take to hunt down pleasure, pleasure we give each other.
Her legs go up on my shoulders, I knead her ass in my hands, using my strength to bounce her off and on, helping her ride my cock. I let one finger slide down to gather the wetness I need and start to stroke her tight ring. Fuck. The way she clenches around me gives me the knowledge she wants my finger pumping in and out the same way my cock is treating her pussy.
One of her legs slide down to balance herself, our fucking becoming rougher. One of my hands leaves her ass to slide up and around her throat. My thumb pushes her chin up to connect our gaze at the same time I let my finger slide into her ass. Lust overflows her eyes and a sexy whimper escapes her. She doesn’t falter but keeps riding my cock and finger.
A long moan slides over her lips as she lets herself fall down and starts to grind her hips, fully absorbing every ripple her pussy can squeeze out of my hard cock as it begins to pulse. I lose all my senses and slide my finger out of her ass when my own pleasure starts to shoot out as freely as the emotions this woman brings out inside me. I use both hands to drag her against my chest and hold her close as each of us tries to catch our breath.
Heartbeat against heartbeat between our heated bodies. “I love you.” I give her the words freely and no, it didn’t take me twelve damn years to say it.
Yeah, maybe it took me months to know she wouldn’t leave this world if I said them to the one person I love with every inch of me. And I can’t even explain what went through my body when she gave me those exact same words in return.
Even if we had our special meaning, the ‘you and me’ we used instead...saying the actual words in a special moment holds all the magic one needs to tell the very person who makes life worth living.
Even if our fence is purple—not fucking kidding about that shit either—or if we have a huge ass lizard instead of a dog. It’s our normal to the standards society pushes in front of our noses. It’s the way a person makes you feel and crave, the full understanding that makes you tick as she falls in rhythm along with you.
That’s the shit you need to cherish and crave in life. And I’m damn thankful I got my head straightened out in time to allow myself to open up to this magnificent woman I share my life with.
“I love you,
” she breathes and sinks her teeth into my earlobe, “but I had this whole dance routine I wanted to show off.”
“Well, sometimes you’ve got to grab what’s in front of you, enjoy it to the fullest, knowing how good it is so you can sit back and savor every second with the extended version. Now move that ass, baby, because I’m going to savor you in a way I’ve been doing for the last twelve years, and will still do so until my last breath, and in eternity ever after.”
“In eternity ever after, huh?” Another bite to my earlobe makes my cock twitch that’s still inside her.
“After sharing over twelve years of my life with you, I damn well claim first dibs on eternity with you, woman,” I growl and wrap her hair around my fist to claim her mouth, preventing her from throwing words of love to me because the way she kisses me is giving me all the love we need to forget about dance moves or anything around us.
Consumed with one another, living in the now, together; living, loving, to do the things your heart says and follow into the love that makes life complete.
Thank you for reading Lochlan’s story. Gaining exposure as an independent author relies mostly on word-of-mouth, so if you have the time and inclination, please consider leaving a short review wherever you can. Even a short message on social media would be greatly appreciated.
Other books in this series:
Deeds Broken Deeds MC #1
Broke Broken Deeds MC #2
Depay Broken Deeds MC #3
Unforgiving Broken Deeds MC #4
Chopper Broken Deeds MC #4.5
Lochlan Broken Deeds MC #5
Be sure to check out all my other MC, Mafia, Paranormal MC,
and Contemporary Romance series!
Signup for Esther’s newsletter:
esthereschmidt.nl/newsletter
Special Thanks:
My beta team; Neringa, Tracy, Judy, Tammi,
my pimp team, and to you, as my reader...
Thanks so much! You guys rock!
Lochlan (Broken Deeds MC, #5) Page 14
