I had been glowering at the pile of floor planks several minutes before the burn of Xander’s stare made it through to my consciousness.
I lifted a brow.
Xander shrugged. “I mean, we could glare it into place.” He tossed a wrinkled sheet of paper onto the planks. “Or you could look at my sketch.”
Fatigue weighed on me like I’d been putting down flooring for the last week, twelve hours a day. Though if I had, I’d probably feel better than being parked behind a desk for twelve hours a day. I’d feel like I’d accomplished more.
“Your sketch is fine.”
He narrowed his eyes and propped his hands on his hips. “Or you could tell me what the hell has you spacing out.”
Questions. Doubts. Fears. I had a lot flipping around in my mind like a pinball. I didn’t want to talk about it, but the question escaped anyway. “Did you ever feel like you had to work at the company? Did Grams or DB ever talk to you?”
“No. Never.” He blew out a laugh. “I didn’t think for one moment Dad wanted me there.”
“Because he thought you could do better.”
Xander chuckled. “No. Because he thought the company could do better.”
“Ouch.”
“That was how I felt, but Dad and I have talked a lot more this last year, you know.” It was his turn to be captivated by the flooring. Maybe I needed a stack in my office to stare at. “You know what he told me?”
I shook my head. Dad had told me a lot lately, and he’d done it bluntly. Had my brothers had some eye-opening talks with him as well?
“He said Mama wanted to be a photographer.”
“She was one.” What was I missing?
“Professionally. I guess Grams was pissed Mama didn’t want to follow in her footsteps and work in the oil business. Then she got pregnant, and her and Dad’s fates were decided.”
And Dad got pushed into the company. “Mama loved ranching though.”
“She did. But she loved photography more. Dad said he never wanted me to give up what I was passionate about, he just wanted me to be smart about it. Build a good foundation, maybe get some business education so I could run a successful business in order to do photography as long as I wanted.” Xander sucked in a breath. “But you know how it was after Mama died. We were kind of shit at communication and I took everything he said incorrectly and personally.”
“I was told I was supposed to take over for Dad.”
“We all knew you would. Wait—you were told?”
“DB laid it out pretty clearly.” I looked at Xander. “What would you have done if he’d told you that?”
Xander frowned. He shifted his weight from one foot to another. “Well, he wouldn’t have, for one. He made some comment once, about me being soft. I left for a long ride after that and didn’t come back until after he was gone.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. I don’t remember DB very well. Just that he was always bitching about the Cartwrights, or telling you everything we weren’t doing good enough at the ranch. He wasn’t a happy man, but he didn’t deal with Mama’s death well.”
“None of us did.”
“You didn’t want to work at King Oil?”
“More like I didn’t realize I had a choice. Dad told me something similar. He worked hard so we wouldn’t be shuffled into a life that we didn’t get to choose, like him and Mama.”
“Yet that’s exactly what happened to you.”
“We are shit at communication.”
“So what now?”
I stooped and snagged the sketch of how we’d fit the planks into Savvy’s office. “We put a new floor in.”
“Aiden.” He paused until I met his grave gaze. “You tell me that you never wanted the job you worked so hard for and then you want to drop the subject?” Xander had been the aloof one, but he wasn’t letting this topic go. He wasn’t avoiding the conversation and doing his own thing.
“It’s done. I’m moving forward. We’re talking about adding new positions and I’m going to propose a reorganization.” Once that was done, Grams and the rest of the board willing, it’d get better. The demand on my time. The stress. The lack of enthusiasm for sitting through hours of meetings. I had no idea how long it would take, but I had to fix what I’d helped keep broken at King Oil. I had to do this for me and Kate.
Dad’s question kept ricocheting through my head. How long could I keep doing this?
Xander pushed a hand through his hair, his movements rigid. “Look. King Oil did everything Dad wanted for us. Beyond that, you don’t owe it anything.” His tone grew heated. “Not a damn thing. Look what it did to Grams and DB’s relationship with the Cartwrights.” They’d all been friends before Grams and DB had gotten greedy. “Yeah, Mama and Dad could build a nice house. Mama could stay at home and raise us, but we don’t know that she wouldn’t have chosen something else. Dad might’ve been able to ranch and be home more too. But he had to work at the company. Then you. You gave it half your life, Aiden. You almost lost your wife. Don’t let it keep taking. It’s just a company. You still have your health. You have Kate. You have money. A shit ton of money that was meant to give us the freedom Mama and Dad gave up.”
My skin tightened. What he said resonated so soundly it took me a moment to realize that my younger brother was giving me advice. He was looking out for me. Our roles had reversed. The kid I had always been a little bit envious of because he could just leave when he was upset? He wasn’t going anywhere now. He’d changed. He’d grown up. He was no longer stuck in the past and letting it decide his future. And he was telling me it was time I did the same.
Chapter 18
Kate
* * *
Violet hopped on the sidewalk. I opened my front door and she continued hopping like a bunny inside.
“Hey there, sweetie.”
“Hi, Aunt Kate.” She grinned at me and kicked her boots off. Bits of snow flew around her feet and a chunk landed on top of my socks.
Matt handed over a backpack emblazoned with a yellow My Little Pony. He would head to his job delivering furniture after this. “Thanks, Katie. Telling her that she could hang with you all day helped her get over how upset she was that she couldn’t do the wrestling tournament this week.”
“She told me she wished she could practice more.”
Matt rolled his eyes and yanked his gloves out of his pockets. “She’s been bugging Randall. I’ve asked her to lay off. He’s exhausted after work and a week of running practices.”
“I’ll wear her out.” I would be the one worn out, but I’d looked forward to today as much as Violet. Once wrestling season and the endless tournaments were done, I would have the boys over. Then all three. I had lost time to make up for.
Matt stepped back like he was going to leave, but his gaze swept over the large picture windows, up to the roofline, then across the front yard. I knew the view he was seeing better than anyone, probably even Aiden. Gently rolling hills with scattered snow that was deeper than it looked. Dried brown broom grass sticking up through the white. The landscape was serene and peaceful with its own beauty in the winter.
“Damn,” he said. “I forgot how big this house was.”
Two of Matt’s houses could fit into this place. “Want to come in?”
“Nah. I feel like a runaway steer in a ceramics shop when I’m in there.”
“I don’t have anything that’s breakable. Why don’t you and Ada come over for supper when you’re both done with work?”
His light brows popped. “Seriously?”
I frowned. “Why would I be joking?”
“I’ve been to your place twice. Once when I helped you move and that one Thanksgiving when Mom brought all the pies.”
Mom brought baked goods to other people’s houses, said it helped her nerves when she was visiting a strange place. She’d brought five pies that Thanksgiving.
I lowered my voice. Only Matt could hear. “Hey, I’m not concerned about the house gettin
g dirty or things getting broken. And I’m not ashamed of you guys. I appreciate that your ‘fuck them’ attitude stops with me, but it’s not necessary.” I poked Matt in the chest. “And you need to quit making comments about what I have to do to get his attention, or I’ll go into graphic detail.”
His eyes flared. “Katie-bear, that would give me nightmares, and then I’d have to kick my brother-in-law’s ass. I ain’t been to jail in years; I don’t plan to go back.” He flashed an unrepentant grin. “But hey, congrats on figuring out what he’d rather look at than his phone.”
I swatted at his shoulder, but he danced out of the way.
“Ada’s mom invited us over, so we’ll have to come another time. Thanks again for taking Violet. I’m up for a promotion. If I get it, I’ll be on day shifts, in an office, and I won’t be bone weary at the end of the day. Then I can help her wrestle. I hate when she feels…” He lifted a burly shoulder.
He didn’t want to make Violet feel unwanted. Most shift-working parents didn’t have to worry about it, but they hadn’t grown up with a dad who’d rather work and fuck around than come home and spend time with his kids. “I get it.”
Matt nodded and trotted to his pickup.
I shut the door and went to find Violet. She was sprawled across the couch.
“Where’s Bud?” She hadn’t given up the nickname, and Aiden hadn’t discouraged her.
“He’s downstairs in the office. You can pop down and say hi, but you have to knock quietly in case he’s on the phone.” For the last month, he’d been wrapped up in work. More like the Aiden I had served with divorce papers. Only this time, we talked. He explained his vision for the company and how, eventually, it’d help him with work–-life balance.
He’d recommitted to the company, but he’d also recommitted to me.
I faced another weekend in a quiet house, but I’d take him lunch in the office. If Violet weren’t here, that lunch break might turn into a quickie. If Violet weren’t here, I’d find something to do. I’d been thinking about Aiden’s comment about pets. Maybe I should get a dog. I could even get two. And a cat. I could start by fostering, and then stop if I started keeping too many animals.
Violet bounded downstairs. Her knock wasn’t exactly quiet. Aiden answered right away. Even if he had been on a call, he’d mute it for her. He’d loosened up about the work he did at home. No more business wear in the home office. No more notifications, which I loved as much as he did. And he tried to arrange any virtual meetings during the week, claiming he could do desk work faster if he was uninterrupted.
Violet was already on his lap getting a tour of his desk by the time I entered. His office was as sparse as the one in the headquarters building. I’d put some of Xander’s pictures on the walls, next to his mother’s. But there were no shelves with trinkets. No photos on his desk. Just a computer and a second screen. He could play music from any of his devices but he never did. He worked in solitude, trying to make every second count.
I wished that it helped, but there was always more for him to do. Though I understood the pressure he was under better than I had before.
Violet’s blond pigtails fluttered as she craned her neck left and right. “Where’s the pictures of you and Aunt Kate?”
“Our wedding photo is upstairs,” I answered.
Aiden looked at me when he spoke to Violet. “I noticed that too. We don’t have enough pictures of us.” He beckoned me over and dug his phone out. “Go stand by Kate.”
Violet rushed me. I crouched and smoothed out her hair. Before I could look at Aiden, he snapped a picture.
“I wasn’t ready!” Violet stuffed her hands on her hips for a Wonder Woman pose. I dropped to my knees and did the same.
Violet giggled and struck a red-carpet pose next—turned to the side and looking over her shoulder. Again, I copied her.
A few more shots and Violet stopped the show. “You need to be in the pictures too, Uncle Aiden.”
I thought he’d refuse, but he spun his chair around and held the phone out to take a selfie. We crowded behind him until all of our faces were in the shot. He managed to get one with all of us smiling among all the silly-face shots—mostly from Violet.
“Okay.” I took Violet’s hand. “Let’s let him get back to work. I brought some craft kits home from the library. Want to see what we can make?”
“Sure!”
“You gonna have lunch with me, Petal?” Aiden asked before we left the office.
“Sammiches. Right, Aunt Kate?”
“That’s the plan.” I smiled at Aiden on the way out. He returned it, but I didn’t miss the loss in his eyes. He wanted to come with us, make some crafts, and help prepare sandwiches.
I’d seen that look more often. When I picked up the boys from practice when both Jason and Sophie were working. When I let him know I was running errands on the weekend. When I went to bed and he stayed up late.
He claimed that his efforts would get him to a place where he could have a life, not that he’d described it like that. What would our life look like in another four years? And would I be okay if it looked the same?
Aiden
* * *
My mind was burned out from creating three different restructuring models to present to the board, all while keeping Grams’s anticipated arguments in mind. All three of the models didn’t include the founder of the company sticking around to make progress a pain in the ass.
It was late. Kate had to work in the morning. I had to work in the morning, and for the first time, I was considering skipping my morning workout. But if I did that, sitting at my desk would aggravate my back and make my sciatica flare up. Because that was what happened when I worked so damn much.
Violet had left hours ago. Kate had brought me supper, and I’d plugged through the rest of the evening. I left the office and slogged upstairs.
Kate was on the couch, her face lit by the light flickering from the TV. When she noticed me, she shut it off. She might be in her fluffy pajama pants and her sleep shirt, but I forgot about my fatigue when my gaze stuck on her pert nipples poking through the shirt.
Her breathing picked up. She’d noticed.
“You didn’t have to wait up,” I said as I slumped in the recliner. I was glad she had. I’d been home all damn day and hardly seen her.
“I know it’s late, but I thought we should finish the conversation we started the last time Violet was here.”
It only took a moment for me to recall what had been interrupted. “Kids.”
She nodded. Her expression wasn’t neutral, but it was guarded. “Kids. Do you want them?”
I scrubbed my face. “Yeah, I mean of course. It’s just…a bad time.” I winced. “God, I know I’ve said this before, but I’m working on it. I really am. If this goes through, if we can restructure the company, then it’ll be different. It’ll be different.” Would saying it twice make it true?
Her gaze intensified, and her jaw worked like she was chewing the inside of her cheek. She could claim nothing had changed and she’d be right. I still worked long hours. I still hardly saw her. We talked more when I was around. That was about it.
I’d asked her for time once. She’d given it to me. And I was asking for more time again.
Her jaw quit moving. She’d come to a decision and her multifaceted eyes filled with resolve.
This was it. She had every right to issue an ultimatum. This relationship had been one-sided since the beginning, and I was asking her to stay the course.
But she didn’t say anything. Instead, she eased off the couch to her knees and prowled toward me.
“Kate?”
She stopped at my feet. The heaviness of our conversation kept my body from fully reacting to her proximity, and especially her position. “I like where we’re at. It’s enough, Aiden. It’s enough.” She ran her hands up my legs and my restraint was obliterated. My erection went from a few extra pumps of blood to a raging hard-on. “I’ve been wanting to do this. Just this,
just because.”
She didn’t initiate sex. I’d realized it, but I’d never wanted her to feel uncomfortable, so I’d never mentioned it. If she needed me to make the first move, I’d happily do it. She was my wife, of course she’d sucked my dick before, but it’d been during sex, as if she felt like returning the favor after I’d made her come on my tongue. I hadn’t thought that she enjoyed it. I’d never asked for her to suck me off, and I hadn’t dared let myself dream in case blow jobs were on her I’d-rather-not list.
And here I’d thought she’d call me out for requesting more time, again. This was special. Just like her.
I kept my hands on the armrests, afraid sudden movement would turn her boldness into embarrassment. “I’m all yours.”
She pulled her glasses off and set them on the end table. This was the sexiest foreplay of my life. When she curled her fingers under my waistband, I couldn’t remember looking forward to something so much.
She yanked my waistband down. Cool air wafted over my rigid cock as it sprang free. The thing didn’t bob though. I was too fucking hard for that.
Her hands hadn’t left my waistband. She eyed my erection like she was afraid it’d bite back.
“Are you sure you want to, Kate?”
Her gaze popped up to mine. It wasn’t trepidation I saw, but anticipation. “Yes,” she breathed. “I want to. I just… I’m not good at it.”
“The fuck you aren’t.”
Her brows lifted. “But I haven’t really done anything like that for you.”
The whole time we’d been together, she’d been afraid of disappointing me. I realized that now. “Kate.” I ran my hands through her hair, letting the silky strands cool my fingers when the rest of me was a furnace.
“I figured you’d had”—she grimaced like she hated taking a highlighter to her perceived shortcomings—“better.”
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