by Love Belvin
I scooped more of the ice cream for myself. “I have another fifteen minutes to torture you with sweets.”
That made her sit up and sober her humor. “Then I should kill the silliness, huhn?”
She made a show of straightening herself in her seat. Bilan was tipsy.
“I’ll have Lamont drive you home in your car. He can make sure you get in safe, and he’ll get a ride home.”
“Lamont will be boring. You know, I don’t think your security people like me. And I swear Rory heard us in the back of them on the jet that night. She rolls her eyes at me when I see her now. Even earlier when I was outside. I smiled at her and said hello. She didn’t even look my way while pointing me to the door.”
“I don’t need my security to like you, just to protect you.”
“Oh!” Her palms lifted in the air, wiggling. “Protect me from what? What do you need protection from? You’re completely legit. I’m sure of it now.”
My brows lifted in shock and piqued interest. I was glad to hear that.
I pulled her closer to me. “You, my sweets who loves sweets, will never need to know.” I nuzzled into her neck, kissing her. “I’ll talk to Rory about laying off the mean girl act.”
I fed her more, enjoying how she nestled under my arm again.
“And Bilan.”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t frequent clubs. Please don’t go to any looking for me.”
Her eyes shot open, and the typical timid and unsure Bilan returned. I didn’t prefer it, but if that’s what it took to get my point across, I’d have to be okay with it.
∞13∞
“Fuck, Ricardo, you flexin’ over that bullshit?” Randi shouted into the phone over the booming music streaming through the house. “I told you I thought it was money you left for me. You act like you ain’t did that before. Why would you do that? Why wouldn’t you do that?” She paused for his response. “Fuck it. I won’t touch another dollar in your place no more!”
Taking a deep breath, I scanned around the dining room. My home was pretty packed with so many I didn’t know, and others I couldn’t care less celebrating with. Tasche and Randi made sure to fill the place with bodies.
“Can we just talk about this shit when I get in?” Randi yelled to her boyfriend, Ricky. The way her eyes grew wide and wild gave me an idea of his equally spirited response, and I turned my head. “Don’t fuckin’ bother coming? The fuck that mean?”
That was my cue to walk away. When I passed the living room, I saw Tasche giving a lap dance to Ruben Kline, an associate professor from my school. I was beyond surprised to see him at my home. Randi reached out to Jason from my school, and he invited a few people from campus—professors included. Kline was the only staff who showed. He was given what Tasche’s coworker, who worked the bar in the kitchen, called Honesty Juice. I guessed his honesty was he enjoyed black erotic dancers because his pink face was buried in Tasche’s dark chocolate bosom as he gripped her hips around his lap.
Rolling my eyes, I decided I needed fresh air. On my way to the kitchen, I ran into the “bartender” in the hall.
“Oh, shit!” he trilled. Then he recognized me. “Oh, you! You sure you ain’t ready for this Honesty Juice yet? You done with school, so fuck it: let it all hang out.” He laughed.
I raised my plastic cup with a tight smile. “Still working on this Moscato.”
It was punch’ish. Too sweet for my taste, but I needed to look like I was attempting to loosen up.
“Okay. Well—” He raised a pitcher of purple liquid. “It’s ready when you are, shawtie.”
I continued on my way to the back door, where I was able to escape onto the back stairs. After closing the door behind me, I squatted on a step. My phone burned the pocket of my cropped blazer. I planted my cup on a step between my legs as I pulled out my cell. My hands tapped, now used to the new layout of the device, until I made it to his text thread. I scrolled until the image appeared. It was a picture of me on the stage at The Prudential Center, accepting my faux degree. The shot was pretty decent, capturing my smile as I shook hands with the provost.
He’d come. Sadik came to my graduation. By the time I’d made it back to my seat and checked my cell, there was a text waiting for me. It was the picture and a note.
Sadik: Congratulations, Ms. Asad-Yasin on your commencement ceremony! Glad I didn’t miss your moment.
Even reading it again—for the fortieth time—my belly fluttered. I closed my eyes, frustrated by my feelings. I found the man wildly attractive, could sense darkness around him, and had been downright angry with him since we met. All of this, and I wanted more of him. Sadik wanted to go away together. That scared and thrilled me at the same time.
And he fed me at DiFillippo’s…
I now understood what sexual frustration felt like. I wanted him so bad and didn’t know what exactly I wanted at the same time. I wanted to have sex with Sadik, but didn’t understand why or what I’d gain from it. It made no sense, and yet I wanted it anyway. And now, he was away—again—and I didn’t have the opportunity of his time. Taking a deep after dark, spring breeze breath, I blackened the face of the phone.
Then my nose spreading, I sniffled.
Is that…
I turned to my right and in the darkness of the shadow, next to the staircase, the flame of a cigarette glowed from a deep pull. Only it wasn’t a cigarette.
“Who is that?” I grated.
Stepping out of the shadow was Jason from school.
My neck whipped. “You’re back here?”
He blew out a string of smoke. “Yup. Me, Mary, and Honesty Juice.” He lifted a blunt and a plastic cup.
My brows met. “I had no idea you blew trees, Jason.”
He didn’t seem like that type—or did he? Jason was tall, at least six foot. His almond skin wasn’t as blemish-free as someone else I’d grown partial to, nor was Jason’s glow like his. But Jason was handsome in his own right. His light skin, and coiled hair worked for him. He always sported a door-to-door salesman look: khakis and plaid button-up or polo shirts. He’d typically tote a black IT utility duffle bag around campus. Jason was articulate and engaging in the few classes we’d shared over the years. He was typically reserved, but attentive.
He snorted with tight eyes. “I’ve done better at not letting it be a part of my identity. Back in high school, I’d smoke a “L” before school, at lunch, and at least two more before going to bed at night.”
“Just when you think you know someone.” With one hand, I slipped the phone back into my blazer, and I used the other to lift my cup to my face.
“My Somali queen has her Honesty Juice!” he joked over the muzzled music pouring from the house. “This can be fun.”
Swallowing, I shook my head. “No Honesty Juice for me. That stuff is probably lethal. He works at a legit bar in Paterson.”
Jason heaved from his blunt and spoke without breathing. “Nah. It won’t have you talking to the wall or ready to jump off the roof, but it is potent.” He blew out the musky smoke. “This is your graduation party. You gotta get shit-faced, Bilan.”
I shook my head, smiling. Embarrassingly, I had no idea why I was so uptight. Having people in my, otherwise, empty house didn’t bother me. I was growing numb to the memory of what the place used to be since the foreclosure letters began. I was powerless to the process of losing the house. Maybe it was because I wasn’t used to being here so long. Over the years, since losing my mother, I only seemed to have slept and washed here, never resting. Shoot, I was scared to sleep here. To be here. So, having the house full was okay. Still, I had no idea the cause of my unease.
“Loosen up, Bilan,” Jason demanded while casually passing me the blunt. I hadn’t smoked weed in some time. It was something I’d do on occasion with Tasche, and even Randi. But that wasn’t something I was prepared to do with Jason.
I shook my head, declining. “I have to get up early tomorrow. Can’t afford to get messed up tonight.�
�
His arm recoiled. “Get up early? This is something I’ve wondered for four years. You only talk about work—either on campus, for the department, or at the diner. You don’t have kids, don’t belong to a sorority, don’t go to campus parties.” His shoulders dropped, exhausted of his points. I worked out. That was my leisure, I guessed. I was too old for all that other crap he named: a non-traditional student. Those things didn’t appeal to me. “What do you do for fun, girl?”
My brows and lips drew up as I pondered how to take that on.
“Me,” a thick, velvety alto proclaimed.
My head whipped up to find a suited, russet bald head with yellowish cat eyes.
Sadik…
I shot to my feet. “Hey,” I could hardly produce.
Sadik dropped down a few steps, eyes behind me on Jason. His hand cupped the back of my neck and he pulled me into him, brushing those soft lips across mine. A pocket of air pushed from my nostrils when my brain registered his scent and heat.
“Hey,” he murmured closed to my face.
“I—” I cleared my throat and licked my tingling lips. “You were out of town.”
He snorted softly in my face. “I guess I found a way to sneak off to be with the graduated…again.”
“You’re here for my party?” That was so dumb!
“Am I not invited to this, too?”
My forehead stretched and brows tightened. “Yeah—”
“Bilan,” my neighbor, Rashida, called from the backdoor. This time, I heard the blast of music pushing from it. Oddly, I didn’t when Sadik came out that same door. “Somebody spilled a bunch of shit in the dining room. Randi cleaned it up with towels, but don’t wanna go put them in the washing machine because that big ass dog is down there.”
I rolled my eyes, remembering Dog. He was probably down there going crazy with all the noise over his head.
“I’ll take them.” I nodded toward Rashida before she went back inside. Then I turned to Sadik. “I’ll be right back. Okay?”
“What’s this?” He grabbed the cup from my hand possessively.
“Nasty punch.”
“Punch?”
I shook my head. “Moscato. I’ll be right back.”
Without waiting for his response, I went into the house. Cutting through bodies in the kitchen, I made it to the hall for the dining room when I saw Randi standing in suspension. She held soiled towels in her hand as she stood motionless.
I rounded her to see her face. “You okay?”
She tossed her chin behind me. “What the fuck they doing here?”
I craned my neck to look behind me first, then my body shifted. Lamont and Rory stood at the front door, heads swinging left to right, absorbing the place. They couldn’t have been more polar in appearance. Rory’s tiny frame stood lax in a black suit, resting on one hip with her right hand clasped onto the belt like in the movies. Was she carrying a gun? Her buggy eyes had a permanent animated look to them. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail. Lamont wore all black, too: a button-up shirt and slacks with his hands entangled at his pelvis.
Sadik’s accessories…
They looked so out of place. So sinister and somehow, I preferred their presence over every other one in the house because theirs came with their boss’.
“You’re fuckin’ Sadik Ellis.”
I grabbed the towels, ignoring her stuck presentation. “I’ll take these. Didn’t Tasche say there was a cake to be cut?”
Quickly, I hurried to the back of the house for the basement. Dog was barking non-stop from his cage. He only quieted when I came into his view near the washing machine.
“Would you simmer the heck down! I have company.” He whined, sitting back on his hind. “Thank you!”
I tossed the towels in the machine and jogged back up the stairs, hearing dog bark behind me. Sadik was in the kitchen when I made it up. His feline eyes were on me while several in the room were on him, one could argue because of the suit he wore and the formal aura he possessed in a room full of tipsy people. But I knew it was because the women appreciated the view. Their goofy smiles and excessively blinking eyes confirmed it.
Like being drawn to a magnet, I glided straight to him.
“You have a dog?” he asked when I sidled to his side.
A wry smile stretched on my lips. “More like security.” My face hardened when a thought hit. “You want a drink? I doubt if we have Mauve here, but I can see about a brandy.”
Sadik glanced at his wristwatch and considered the time for half a second. “I’ll take a beer.”
“Oh, okay.” I went to the fridge where there were a few brands. “Corona good?”
Sadik’s gaze on my ass was heated as he took his time to shift it to my face. He nodded.
“Thanks for stopping by.” I handed him the bottle.
“You’re welcome.”
“And for the graduation pop up,” I added.
Sadik opened the bottle like a pro. “My pleasure.”
“How were you able to pull that off?”
He snorted before taking a sip of the beer. “Conducting a conference meeting on mute and hoping I wouldn’t be asked a question while I was listening for your name.” My hand flew to my mouth, eyes went wild. “The timing was perfect. Rory told me when they were near your name and I zoned out of the meeting so I could hear it. Thank God you’re an ‘A.’ I thought I was good until I was walking out and was asked a question appropriate for only me to answer. I sent a text to my staff, telling her to stall a minute. I was good once outside in the parking lot.”
I couldn’t fight a smile. “Must be nice to be the boss,” I teased. Sadik smiled as he shook his head. “I saw you checking for the time. What are you off to do next?”
“My brother invited me over.”
“Yeah?” I guessed that was normal, non-illegal behavior. “Like, to just hang out?”
Sadik nodded, his eyes on the room. “I told him I’d come as soon as my flight got in.”
“Well, aren’t I special,” I joked.
Sadik turned to me, face implacable and eyes intense. That knocked the sail out of my boat.
“So, this party tonight and next weekend, the beach with family?”
It took a moment for me to catch his reference.
“Oh.” I shook my head. “Got canceled—well, pushed back until next month. My aunt wants to invite her in-laws in upstate New York, who won’t be available until then.”
But she didn’t ask when Abshir would be home. I hated that it bothered me.
I hadn’t realized Sadik’s body completely turned to face me. His scowl-like expression set when he murmured, “So, you don’t have plans for next weekend?”
Lost in those eyes, I shook my head.
“Bilan,” Tasche’s raspy voice called across the kitchen. I turned to see her waving me to her. “Let’s cut this cake. Everybody in the dining room.”
I turned to Sadik, and his expression lightened. “Cake time!”
I chuckled before following the crowd into the hallway. It took a little time, but we were able to pack it in there, and I weaved through bodies to the head of the table, where the cake was. Randi and Tasche were there waiting on me, too.
“I guess this the part where we say how proud of you we are, shawtie,” Tasche rasped. “Y’all, I only met this bitch a few years ago in the diner when I moved here from Harlem. She was cute with them freckles and bad as hell with the Halle Berry cut.” I rolled my eyes. “And smart. Bilan is so smart…she different, yo. Cut from a different cloth. She innocent, but she ain’t. She sweet, but ain’t the one to sleep on.” Tasche was getting emotional. “I remember thinking, after I told her I was dancer, that she wouldn’t be nice to me and kick it no more when I came in after my shift. She told me she was in college and all. But I swear, Bilan ain’t never act funny style with me. She started inviting me to chill with her friends, and shit. Now, I still don’t know ‘bout them!” She rolled her eyes dramatically as people laughed.
“Nah, I’m just fuckin’ with you, Randi.” No, she wasn’t. “But here’s to a real one. May God give you the bag, the bread to put in it, and the boo to fuck you right!”
My head reared as I hooted.
Sooooo Tasche!
I wrapped my arms around her for a tight hug. That was so sweet and kind of her to do. Tasche never failed to surprise me with her heart. I loved her so much and was sure to tell her so.
Someone clearing their throat caught my attention as I was pulling away from Tasche.
“Now, from her day one,” Randi embellished. I’d met her right after high school. She rolled her eyes, but I accepted that, too. Tasche and Randi hung out with me very amicably, but did not claim each other as friends. Being able to chill together and plan a party for me spoke to their level of maturity. Women have been unable to accomplish less together. “Bilan, I’m happy you got this shit done. I know it wasn’t easy, busting ya ass to go to class and work after your moms passed away. There was a few times I thought you was gonna burn out, but you proved me wrong. We been through a lot of shit together. A lot of shit.” My brows met, and simultaneously, my eyes rolled up and landed on honeyed ones who mirrored my expression. I didn’t know he’d come into the room. “And we still friends till the very day. Not many can say they go through so much together and still be friends with the same bitch. So…I ‘on’t know what you gonna do with this degree, but I know you gone be great, ‘cause that’s what we do!”
Her cup was in the air as she ended that totally embroidered speech.
“Hold the fuck up!” someone shouted. When bodies began to move, I noticed it was the bartender headed to the front of the room with his pitcher and cups. “This the graduation girl. She ain’t have the house punch yet!”
As a few cheered, I rolled my eyes. Tasche and Randi encouraged me to do it as I laughed. This time, I did look at Sadik and caught the smile in his eyes. It was almost like approval. Oddly, for the first time tonight, I felt comfortable enough—secured—to let my guard down.
“Fuck that!” Tasche shouted. “Take a shot first.”
The bartender pulled out a bottle of tequila from his apron pocket and poured what had to be more than a shot’s worth into a plastic cup.
