She whisked away, tea half-drunk, a jammy, creamy half-scone abandoned on her plate.
Was she upset about Kate taking over what had been her place in their lives since Maddie’s birth? Or with Cam for allowing it?
Cam was looking equally bemused by his mother’s abrupt departure, but rather then get involved with the family dynamic, Lauren told him about their conversation.
‘I’ve been talking to Madge about doing some voluntary bookwork for the Regional Fire Service,’ she said, as casually as she could to the man still standing in her kitchen with a kitten in one hand.
It was so good to see him, right there in front of her, and every atom in her being wanted to get up and walk over to him and hold him in her arms—kitten and all.
But the ghost of Kate hovered between them.
And, as if she’d conjured the woman up, Cam spoke her name.
* * *
‘I’ve asked Kate—again—to sign the divorce papers,’ he said, forcing his hands not to clench because of the kitten in one of them. ‘I sent her the papers over a year ago, and gave her another set when she came here. Now I’ve told her I want them signed before she goes.’
He watched Lauren study him for a moment.
‘Goes? Don’t you feel you should give it some time?’ she asked quietly, absentmindedly pushing half a scone around her plate—not looking at him. ‘I mean, with Maddie being so sick, and things only just getting back to normal, shouldn’t you at least try to see if it could work—for all your sakes?’
‘Not for mine,’ he said savagely. ‘Nor Maddie’s. Kate’s barely spent ten minutes with her since she’s been here, but she’s seen the house, and the sanctuary, and now she pictures herself as Lady Bountiful, lording it over the locals, having fundraising parties with any celebrities she can find and generally settling in.’ He paused, before adding, ‘She acts all the time—seeing herself in different scenarios and playing out different parts with no thought for anyone else.’
‘So what are you going to do?’ Lauren asked,
And Cam realised that was really what he’d come to her to ask, and he felt ashamed. Lauren was more to him than someone he went to for help, someone he’d trusted to sit with Maddie while he slept.
Lauren was his life, his future, but what could he offer her? Not even marriage, the way things were.
He turned around, gave the kitten back to its mother, scratched Henry’s ears and then slipped out through the back door, his arms aching with the longing to hold Lauren to him, his body aching to have her body pressed to his.
He’d walked over to give himself some breathing space—to smell the trees, as Maddie had said—but really to clear his mind of Kate’s incessant chatter about how ‘we’ could do this, and ‘we’ could do that—all the time talking about the house and using the plural ‘we’, as though their marriage was already mended, in spite of their sleeping in different rooms, and his pleas that she sign the divorce papers.
‘You’re only just back in time,’ Debbie chided him when he returned. ‘Local radio wants a chat with you—they’re phoning in a few minutes.’
‘What do they want to chat about?’ Cam demanded, not really in the mood for putting on a performance—although he had to admit Debbie’s efforts on his behalf had increased the number of people seeking his help with their various animals. Business was beginning to look good.
‘It’s not an “on air” chat. It’s what Lauren was talking to you about—you doing a regular question-and-answer thing. They can set it up so you can do it from home...or really wherever you are. Think how thrilled people would be if you stopped preg-testing a sheep, or something, to chat about their budgie!’
Debbie picked up the receiver on the ringing phone.
‘It’s them,’ she said. ‘Go through to your office and I’ll put it through there.’
Helplessly resigning himself to the force that was Debbie, he went through to his office.
* * *
Lauren had an afternoon shift at the sanctuary and, well aware she’d be as welcome as smallpox if she ran into Kate, she slipped in through the side gate. Helen was there, drawing up the roster for the next few weeks, frowning over the usually simple procedure.
‘Trouble?’ Lauren asked.
Helen uttered a few pithy swear words.
‘It’s that woman,’ she said in arctic tones when she looked up from her work. ‘Fair enough, Beth’s left—she was always going to stop about this time—but that woman has her absolutely terrified about childbirth, undoing all the good work in the antenatal classes Beth’s been going to. Claims she was hospitalised for months after Maddie’s birth, but Madge tells me she was offered a job in a play and took it—three days after she brought Maddie home.’
‘This is Kate you’re talking about.’
‘Who else?’ Helen demanded. ‘And even though Beth’s fairly level-headed she can’t help thinking about the things Kate told her. And then there’s this idea she’s got that we should be on the tourist map, with people coming in to cuddle the animals. Ever tried explaining the word “sanctuary” to an airhead? Because that’s what she is—a dangerous airhead. How someone as kind and understanding as Cam ever came to marry her beats me.’
‘Well, if you can fit them between my working hours, I’d be happy to do extra shifts, and I can easily come over in the evening to do night feeds and lock up.’
Helen sighed. ‘I know you would—I’m happy to do more myself—but we started this, your father and Henry and me, as a community project that everyone could be part of, and she’s disrupting it—popping in to grab an animal that doesn’t know her for a photo shoot. Wanting signs put up for tourists. That kind of thing... People won’t have it,’ Helen said, and Lauren understood.
The locals were proud of their sanctuary, and did whatever they could to help. But to turn it into a commercial venture—of course they’d buck at that.
‘Can you talk to Cam?’ Helen asked.
Lauren shrugged. From what she’d seen, Kate took little notice of anyone else’s ideas or opinions—probably least of all Cam’s.
The man himself appeared at that moment.
‘Debbie’s talked the local radio station into giving me a talk-back session once a week,’ he said, in such morose tones that both women laughed.
‘It will be good for business,’ Helen told him, ‘and Henry did it—how hard can it be?’
‘I’m more worried about sounding pathetic than having any difficulty with it.’
‘You could never sound pathetic,’ Helen assured him. ‘Did you want something?’
‘Sane company?’ he said hopefully, and they laughed again. ‘Actually, I saw Lauren sneaking into the sanctuary and I wanted her to look at some drone pictures I’ve been taking. I’m not certain I’ve got the knack yet. Can you spare her?’
Helen smiled at him. ‘I can if you put in a plug for some volunteers for the sanctuary on your first broadcast,’ she said, and Lauren was glad she didn’t blame him for his wife chasing so many away.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CAM LED THE WAY—not back into his rooms, but out to the shed, where he proudly displayed a drone, sitting on a table by a computer monitor.
‘I found Henry’s drone and fixed it up, and I’ve been practising with it. I’ve flown it over the burnt-out bush, checking for any wildlife, but apart from a couple of wallabies in the regrowth beneath the trees there’s not much.’
‘You’ve done well to get the pictures as clear as they are.’
‘I’ve had plenty of spare time,’ he said, and the hoarseness in his voice told her more than the words.
She leaned closer as she flicked through the images, stopping at one that was less clear. He caught her hand and helped direct it to another shot in the corner of the screen. His fingers tightened on hers, spirals of desire swirling through her at his touc
h.
Then they were gone, as he released her hand and tapped the picture in the corner, enlarging it to show the distinctive diamond shapes on the skin of a large snake. She knew it was a python of some kind.
Cam straightened up and stepped aside so she could study what he’d found. He moved a little distance from her, facing the front of the shed.
‘It’s killing me...this,’ he said. ‘Not being able to see you properly, to sit and talk with you—’
‘Of course you can—we’re friends, remember? And that’s what friends do. Not too much, though, while you’re trying to make a go of your marriage.’
‘Marriage!’ he snorted. ‘It’s hardly that.’ He paused, before adding in a voice that had a hint of a tremor in it, ‘It’s Maddie, you see. I just can’t let Kate take the divorce to court when there’s even the slightest chance of her getting custody. You’ve seen enough of Kate to know what Maddie’s life would be like.’
‘Oh, Cam...’ Lauren sighed as she spoke, then stood up and slipped her arms around him from behind, clasping her hands around his waist, pressing her body against his in a friendly there-there kind of hug.
They both turned towards the door now, and Lauren peered over Cam’s shoulder, aware that he’d been looking out for Kate all along. And totally aware of the loss he dreaded.
The big black saloon that drove up caught both of them by surprise.
A smallish, very well-dressed man got out and strode towards the house.
‘Is he from the radio station, do you know?’ Cam asked.
Lauren, after a final hug, let go of him and came to stand beside him. ‘He’s not a local, I’m sure. Unless he’s a fairly new arrival,’ she said.
Cam shook his head. ‘He doesn’t look like a lakesider to me. Anyway, Debbie knows I’m here if I’m needed. Let’s get back to the snake—do you know what it is?’
He sat down in front of the computer and Lauren stood behind him, not touching him, although she was aware of every line of his body, every breath he took...
They heard the visitor coming before he reached the shed, and his, ‘Good afternoon,’ came to them from the door.
‘What is it you’re looking at?’ he asked, crossing to where they were, peering at the screen. ‘Python of some kind from the look of it,’ the man said. ‘Harmless, of course, but nice to see one in the burnt-out area. Shows good regeneration.’
He straightened up.
‘I’m Russell Blair, by the way,’ he said, looking at Cam, ‘and I’ve got your divorce papers here. Kate’s signed them and I’ve witnessed them, along with that lass from your office.’
He handed the papers to Cam, who looked from the papers to the man in disbelief.
‘She’s packing now—Kate. I’m sorry I wasn’t in the country when your little girl got sick. I’d have come down with Kate and fixed up the paperwork then. I’m going to marry her, you see. It’s just that she likes the drama—stringing me along, dashing off on the slightest excuse, trying out different roles she might fancy living... But you probably know that! Anyway, it’s all settled now.’
He turned from Cam, glanced at Lauren, then looked back at Cam.
‘I guess you’ll be glad to have it done with.’
Lauren could feel the heat climbing into her cheeks, so she fiddled with the picture on the computer, not sure that she could identify one python from another.
* * *
Cam followed Russell Blair back to his car, where Kate, with Debbie’s help, was installing what seemed like masses of luggage into the boot.
‘Never one to travel light,’ Russell remarked, but he made no move to help.
Cam walked around the vehicle to where his wife stood at the open front door. ‘Did you tell Maddie you were going?’ he asked.
Kate shook her head. ‘She won’t care,’ she said. ‘She doesn’t know me at all. No one really does—except for Russell.’
Well, good luck to him, Cam thought. I’ve never had a clue. And not to say goodbye to Maddie showed how little she cared about the child she’d brought into the world.
Lauren had remained in the shed, although she came to the door as the car drove off.
Cam turned towards her, face alight with joy. ‘Now we can get married!’ he said, excitement filling his body.
But the woman in the doorway shook her head.
‘It was never Kate or your marriage stopping us, Cam,’ she said softly—and, he thought, sadly. ‘Although while you were still married it was impossible...which made it easier to pretend for a bit. But the real problem remains—and that’s your age. I’m too old for you. You need someone young and vibrant—someone who can give you sisters or brothers for Maddie—someone to make a family with. You need to get out and meet people, go to the pub...whatever. Get a life outside your work—for Maddie’s sake as well as your own.’
She reached out, took his hand, and looked into his eyes.
‘Don’t make it hard for me, Cam,’ she said.
And then he saw the pain she’d hidden in her practical words, only too evident in her eyes.
She slipped away through the scrub that stood between their houses, somehow making a wall of it—a no-man’s-land—and cutting herself off from him.
He’d give her time to get home and then phone her, he thought, certain she wasn’t really at all convinced that whatever it was between them couldn’t...wouldn’t...shouldn’t continue.
But Lauren wasn’t available.
She was working hard, Janet told him when he tried to phone her. She had a lot of lost time to make up with her paperwork and accounting. And a big meeting for the Regional Fire Service was approaching, and she was secretary of that. Such a lot to do...
Janet made it all sound utterly reasonable—even mostly true—so he could hardly go crashing over there.
Except...
Wasn’t Madge talking about joining the RFS—hadn’t there been talk of her doing the book work?
He’d get Debbie to babysit Maddie and take Madge to the meeting himself.
He sat down at the computer to check when and where the meeting was to be held. He wasn’t giving up just yet.
* * *
Lauren hadn’t been lying when she’d said she had a lot to do. The end of the financial year was coming up, and all her income and expenditure had to be made ready for her accountant.
Plus, there was the RFS stuff. And the work that would involve this year was going to be mammoth, as all the donations they’d received in the aftermath of the bush fires had to be listed, and then another list made of what these generous gifts—even the smallest ones—had been put towards.
And on top of that the members had to discuss a new way forward—start thinking of a plan to be better prepared than they had been. She knew one of the main projects had to be finding a way to improve communication. Not just between the different fire services, but between them and the people on outlying properties, who relied solely on the radio or their telephones—on power being connected, when often it was the first service lost.
All this busy thinking had brought her home, the scents of the scrub passing unnoticed. But she knew all her thoughts had, in part, been a way of avoiding thinking of Cam completely—just for a little while...or perhaps a bit longer than a little while...hoping avoidance would help her accept that this was how it should be.
And if even contemplating a future of seeing less of Cam caused a deep, physical ache, then she’d just have to learn to live with it.
You have to think ahead, in situations like this, she told herself as she headed upstairs to shower and change for her evening clinic.
Her at sixty when he’d be in the prime of life at fifty. Not that sixty was old...but the age difference would be more marked—especially if she did develop dementia...
Standing in the shower, warm water cascading over her, she
let her thoughts continue to run riot.
All Cam-based.
It had been not just lust—she hoped—but probably also a need for closeness with a woman that had made her appealing to him. After all, she’d been there, and available, hadn’t she?
But rationalising all this—and what had happened between them—didn’t make her heart any less sore, or the pain of love any less overwhelming.
Not that he’d ever know.
No word of love had ever passed between them.
She was keeping the sudden revelation of her feelings to herself, while as for Cam—from their first meeting he’d been obsessed with marriage, which was probably what he needed from a practical point of view. He could hardly expect his mother to go on taking care of his household for ever.
Enough! Get dry, get dressed, concentrate on her patients, then get on with work for the RFS.
She had to find out if they could use some of the donations they’d received to put overhead powerlines underground. At the height of the fires they’d had thousands of people without power for weeks, and it hadn’t been good enough.
Her session was busy, and she was late making her way back to the sanctuary, where she was on the late shift.
She snuck in through the outside gate—she could do this. Carry on as usual, get back into her old routines—her old life.
And if her heart ached with the pain of something that could never be... Well, that was for her to know—not others—and definitely not Cam.
* * *
Cam had watched her go, had heard the note of finality in her words, and thought maybe she was right—although he did wonder if she just plain didn’t love him, but hadn’t wanted to hurt him by saying so.
He decided it was useless to keep thinking about it and went off to see what the tireless Debbie had thought up for him now.
‘We could sell products,’ she announced as he went in. ‘Special dog and cat food, and seeds that attract native birds. Just as an extra...you know. And I’ve had an email from a young man whose budgie isn’t very well. It’s on a self-feeder and he thinks it might be eating too much. That would be a good first question for your column.’
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