“I’ve heard about it.”
“Well, it’s actually true.”
“I didn’t travel towards a bright light. One moment I was dying, the next I woke up in bed.”
“Ah, that’s because you were really badly injured. They needed to reconstruct you. I don’t think there’s much left of your original body. It took a while before the Doctors could see you because so many people arrive every day. It’s 1954.”
Kat looked around. “Great, I’ve been dead for six years, and I wake-up in Hell. Maybe I shoulda stayed in bed.” Her eyes focused on the smiling young woman serving behind the counter. She hadn’t seen her since before the war, but she was the spitting image of Jean Harlow. “Hey! Is that who I think it is?”
Giselle glanced at the woman and then shrugged. “She doesn’t ring a bell, but I don’t come to this area very often. Why? Is she familiar?”
“She certainly is. She looks like a famous actress, but she died in 1937.”
“I don’t know much about your era. I’ve heard of Hollywood, of course. Who hasn’t? But as I said, I’ve been here for two hundred years.”
“But you look so young.”
“No one gets old here. Not that it means much. No one can have a love life. You can fall in love, but it’s very frustrating. I’ve fallen in love with a few young men, but we could never show our affections very easily, and they always got reincarnated. It’s a real bummer. I can tell you; I’ve had enough of all this. I didn’t even do anything very bad.”
Intrigued by what Giselle might have done to send her to Hell, Kat came right out and asked her.
Giselle shook her head. “It wasn’t that bad, really. I thought I deserved a medal. The traveling dance troupe where I worked had a horrible boss. He really was revolting. He wanted to marry me, but I was already happily married, so he made life hell for my husband. It was so bad; I finally decided to hurt him so bad he couldn’t work again. My boss had a high-wire act. He was a trapeze artist, although not a very good one. So I fixed the trapeze, hoping he’d just get hurt. Unfortunately, he died.”
She stared at Giselle. She was still quite young, her long blonde hair falling in waves around her neck. “What happened?”
Giselle winced. “They hung me.”
“Sounds dreadful.”
“It wasn’t as bad as your death.”
“Yeah, well, going out as a match stick wasn’t my first choice on ways I’d like to die… Well, life’s a bitch, then you die, and go to Hell.”
Ordering more coffee, Giselle opened the file she’d been carrying and became more serious. “So, let’s take a look at what you have been assigned to do. According to my records, you were a sort of spy/assassin, one of Hell’s biggest clients, in fact.”
Kat laughed. “I was a client?”
“Yep. You sent hundreds of NAZIs here. As a matter of fact, we were all running bets on Hitler, but apparently, you didn’t kill him.”
“Yeah, that was really frustrating; the guy was a monster, but I was ordered not to.”
Giselle let out one of her tinkling laughs. “You were ordered not to kill Hitler? By who?”
“The British prime minister Winston Churchill.”
“Wow! You moved in rarefied circles.”
“I didn’t know him. He told me on a field phone when I was in Eastern Poland. Never did get his autograph.”
Giselle turned a page in the file and squinted at it. “Well, you certainly lived one hell of a life. Now let’s see what they decided what your job will be.” Running a finger down the page, she stopped at a large pink asterisk. “It says you are now a police officer… Cool!”
Kat’s eyes widened. “The police? You have a police force in Hell?”
“We certainly do.” Giselle looked at Kat with a mischievous grin and said, “you can only imagine the kind of riff-raff we get down here… It’s positively scandalous!” Giselle’s face turned more serious and continued, “in fact, we’ve got two police forces. Demons run the main force.”
“What on Earth is a demon? They sound horrible.”
“Oh, they’re not that bad. Demons look a bit scary, but they’re supposed to. They look a little like human lizards, but they’re very tall and, I hate to use the word… ugly. You’ll see them when we leave Denny’s. They are in charge of quite a few things. They’re the police, security guards, accountants, the bureaucrats. They organize traffic, administer fines, and run the justice system. There are higher demons and lower demons.”
Kat blinked. It was hard to imagine a demon running the justice system. She had always thought that demons had horns and long tails, but when she suggested this to Giselle, the young woman laughed.
“They don’t have a tail, but male demons have horns. Female demons do not. There’s quite a variety of them. The police look a bit like scaly cats, but the bureaucrats and judges look more like giant frogs.”
Kat made a face. “Sounds disgusting. Why would I be suited for the police force?”
“I meant the Elite police. The Elites are humans and believe it or not; they’re scarier than the demons. They wear special uniforms and carry weapons that can kill. Even the demons fear them.”
“Why do you think I’d be suited for the Elites?”
“I don’t know. The file just says the Elite Police Commissioner requested you. While you’ve been in hospital, which you probably don’t remember, the bureaucrats have been processing your file. You’ve got quite a record, so your file was probably sent to Hades at some point. It was probably his suggestion.”
Kat tried to imagine Hades reading her file. If the police looked like scary lizards, she shuddered to think what Hades looked like. Maybe some enormous creature that breathed fire and smelled of brimstone. If she’d been reincarnated, perhaps she’d met Hades at some point. Or perhaps nobody met Hades. Maybe he was like God, no one ever actually saw him.
“So, what happens next?”
“We have to go to the police station in New York City and let them know you’re up and about.”
“There’s a place called New York City?”
“Of course, there is. This part of Hell is just like the USA. All the cities are the same. They look a bit different because Hell is more advanced than Earth. All the new technologies on Earth were invented ages ago in Hell. We’ve had color television for a long time, but they only transmit old earthly programs. We’ve got a supersonic passenger plane that people on Earth won’t get for another quarter of a century. We’ve got electric cars because Hades didn’t want the pollution of gasoline. We’ve got cell phones, although the public isn’t allowed to have them anymore. People tended to stare at the damn things for hours on end like zombies, talking on them or playing on the internet when they should have been focusing on their jobs or their surroundings. So now Hades only lets a few who actually need the things, have them.”
“What’s a cell phone? What’s an internet?”
“A cell phone is a phone you can carry in your pocket. And the internet, well, that is something you have to see to believe. It shows you the world you never thought existed. Trouble is, it’s addicting. Once you log onto the internet, it’s hard to get out, and Hades hates the thing.”
Kat listened patiently to Giselle explain about the internet, but without a point of reference, Giselle was just talking gibberish.
The waitress came over with more coffee, but Giselle waved her away and closed the file. “We should get moving. It’ll take an hour to get into the city.”
Kat followed her out to the parking lot, where they climbed into a small car that looked much like a British Morris Minor, except that it was electric and had no gearshift. It seemed to suit Giselle, and she hummed to herself as they drove towards the city. In the distance, Kat could see tall skyscrapers that seemed to glisten in the sunshine. After a while, they joined a highway, and she felt more at home. She didn’t recognize the other cars. They were smaller than the American cars she was used to, and their paintwork was more silve
ry than colorful.
When they finally left the highway and entered the city, Kat gazed around in awe. The yellow taxis looked familiar, and so did the buses, but the architecture was astonishing. There were a few iconic buildings, such as the Chrysler Building and the Empire State Building, but the skyscrapers built of black glass and chrome, and some were so tall, they seemed to reach into the clouds. Otherwise, it was like any other American city. The sidewalks were heaving with people, cars and taxis crowded the streets, and shop windows glowed in the afternoon sunlight.
The police station was on a side street off 42nd Street. Like some skyscrapers, it was a tall building covered in black glass, and its entrance lined with dark blue police cars. And then she saw a group of policemen. Her mouth fell open. Giselle had accurately described the police, but nothing could have prepared her for the reality of how scary they looked. As she had been warned, demons had small curved horns growing on either side of their temples, their skin was lizard-like, and their eyes were a bright amber, but their faces were weird. They looked more like frogs than lizards. Their eyes were slightly bulbous, and when they laughed, she saw that their teeth were small and pointy.
She studied one of the nearest policemen. He was wearing a shiny black uniform that reminded Kat of an ancient Chinese warrior, but sleeker and more dangerous looking, with big black boots and a nasty looking device strapped to his waist. It wasn’t a gun exactly, but it was definitely a weapon.
“Do the police carry guns?” she asked.
“Yes, of course, they do. They’re not like guns on Earth, but they can put you in hospital. We do have guns. The inmates at the mines make them. If you ever go out to the mines, it’s like the Wild West out there.” She laughed. “You’d probably feel quite at home.”
“You have criminals in Hell?”
“Oh yes.” Giselle said, sarcastically “criminals in Hell… Who’d of thought… Anyway, we try to control them, but some of them are incorrigible. Sometimes the Elites have to kill them. Killing is a terrible punishment because they cease to exist, which is really saying something if you’re in Hell. Everyone’s afraid of being killed. It’s not like on Earth, where you go to Heaven or Hell if you die. Here, you are erased from existence.”
“How horrible.”
Pulling into a parking space, Giselle turned off the engine. “Yes, it is. Even the demons are afraid of being erased from existence.”
CHAPTER SIX
T he police station was like any inner-city police station. There was a reception desk manned by a burly, seven-foot-tall police Sergeant and his secretary, a lizard-like woman with no horns. Beyond them, a large room that was full of desks and ringing telephones. Police officers in their shirtsleeves talked on phones or interviewed humans, some of whom looked terrified. There was the usual commotion caused by an unruly human in handcuffs, who yelled and swore that it wasn’t his fault. And just like any other large police station, some demons looked bored and hung around the coffee machine.
Kat stood silently behind Giselle, as the diminutive blonde guide explained to the duty Sergeant why they were here. The Sergeant growled and typed Kat’s name into a keypad, giving her suspicious glances. She studied the demon’s hands. She’d expected them to have vicious talons, but apart from their scaly texture, they looked very similar to human hands, only bigger and more muscular.
Following Giselle to a hard bench where they were obviously supposed to wait, she studied the main office and noticed a human prisoner handcuffed to a pole in the middle of the room. He had long dark hair and a proud expression on his face. He was waiting without talking to anyone. And then another demon came into the room, but he wasn’t just any demon, he was extremely tall and particularly evil-looking, even his horns looked longer than most.
“Who’s that?” Kat asked, feeling a shiver run down her spine.
“That’s Captain Jacobs,” Giselle whispered. “Stay clear of him. He’s a nasty piece of work.”
“And the guy handcuffed to the pole?”
“Would you believe he used to be Achilles?” Giselle said. “He’s always in here for one offense or the other, usually fighting.”
“Achilles was a real person?”
“He certainly was, and he’s really pushing his luck. He’s been here for a very long time, and he simply won’t do as he’s told. They sent him to the mines a few times, but he just creates mayhem. Persephone wanted to kill him, but Hades won’t let her. He does stupid things, like ramming police cars or stealing airplanes that he doesn’t know how to fly. He’s been reincarnated so many times it’s becoming a joke.”
“Can Persephone actually kill people?”
“She sure can. She doesn’t need a gun, though, and neither does Hades. God gave them the power to kill with just a thought. But only in Hell. Persephone doesn’t like killing, so she usually just turns them into cherry trees. One of her favorite cherry trees used to be Vlad the Impaler. At one stage, he was relegated to the mines, but he was so violent, Persephone thought he would make a better tree than a human. Persephone is very nice, just don’t get on her bad side. She has to go back to Earth every six months to stop it freezing over.”
“Is that really true? I thought it was a myth.”
Giselle gave her a sly grin. “I don’t know how true it is, but I do know she loves Hollywood. When she goes back to Earth, she can go in any body form she chooses. It wouldn’t surprise me if she goes back as an actress.”
Kat frowned. It had never occurred to her that she might have been reincarnated.
“Giselle,” she said, cautiously, “have I ever been here before?”
“I wasn’t going to mention it, but yes, you have. In your last life, you were Belle Starr.”
“Belle Starr?” she exclaimed, in astonishment. “You mean from the Wild West?”
“That’s the one.”
Kat screwed up her face, but no memory of her life as Belle Starr came to her. All she could remember was her childhood in England and Germany and then being sucked into the war and becoming one of Kat’s Commandos. She wondered if her stepfather was still alive. In all likelihood, he’d done a bunk to South America with a whole hoard of NAZI gold.
“Wow! What happened to Belle Starr’s husband?”
“He’s still here. He’s working in the mines because he keeps robbing people. Crime is very frowned upon in Hell.”
“What sort of crimes do people commit in Hell?”
Giselle shook her head. “You’d be amazed. Apart from all the regular stuff, like gang warfare, embezzlement, and stuff like identity theft, people try to get back to Earth. Some long-term inmates get fed up with being here for such a long time, so they try to escape, which is a serious crime.”
“You can escape from Hell?” Kat asked, more with a sense of hope than astonishment.
“You sure can. There are three ways to escape from Hell. You either reincarnate naturally, which can take an untold length of time, or you can steal someone’s identity to get reincarnated, or you can steal an artifact and escape through one of the portals.”
The very thought that she might be able to escape shot through Kat like a bolt of electricity. “What’s an artifact?”
“It’s a weird device, and there are many types. Some look like a regular TV remote control, and some look like modern cell phones with navigators. The cell phone types are the most popular because you can dial in the date you want to arrive on Earth. Many people like these because they can go into the past and hide. Although Gypsies can locate them.”
“What the hell’s a Gypsy.”
“They’re travelers. They know more about the other side than anyone in Hell, apart from Hades and Persephone, of course. The Elites send them to find people and bring them back. Trouble is, there are so many escapees and so few Gypsies able to leave… They could use some help.”
“And the Gypsies are the only people who have artifacts?”
“Some police have them, and they’re very carefully guarded,
but some humans are incredibly clever. They always find ways of stealing things, and artifacts are highly sought after.”
“Do demons ever try to escape?”
Giselle glanced at the desk Sergeant and returned his grin. He’d been listening to their conversation. “Well, you can see what they look like. It’s not very easy for them. They don’t exactly blend in on Earth. If they do try to escape, they hide in remote areas, which makes them easy to find, which is why the most powerful people are the Elites and the Gypsies. They can hunt for escapees anonymously.”
The duty Sergeant made a growling sound and waved to them, so they got up and approached the desk. Kat hadn’t noticed when they arrived, but the desk was unusual. It was a kind of counter, like most reception desks, but it was made of varnished wood, enhancing the grain pattern, and she couldn’t help wondering why would a police station want something so artistic.
“I found your file.” the Sergeant growled, “Now registered. You’re wanted at the palace.”
“Why is she wanted at the palace?” Giselle asked. “She’s only just got here.”
“Yeah. The next time Hades tells me to do something, I’ll demand an explanation… before he erases my ass…” the Sergeant snapped. “You’ve been given two days to get there, and I need a signature.”
“Whose signature?” Giselle asked, getting up to peer at what looked like an immigration card the Sergeant had slid across the counter. “Mine, or Miss. Wolfram’s?”
The Sergeant gave her a snarky scowl. “We obviously don’t want yours, now do we, Giselle…”
“Dear me, we are grumpy today. Have you been eating curry again?”
The Sergeant gave her a snarling smile, which revealed an unpleasant row of stained, pointy teeth. “Stupid questions do that to me, and I’m fed up with all the human scum we get in here. It’s really annoying.”
“Where do I sign?” Kat asked, peering at the card, which seemed to have no obvious place for a signature.
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