‘I know,’ he admitted freely. ‘And therein lay the problem.’ He shot her a crooked smile that rocked her from the inside out and made her pulses race, and her heart speed up just a little bit more.
The atmosphere between them was electric and she didn’t want to break it. Asking him to carry on because she was riveted risked breaking it so she remained silent, staring at him, eyes as wide as saucers.
‘I’ve never confided in anyone, and old habits die hard. David is about the only person on the face of the earth who has ever had the ability to make me do anything I may not have wanted to do.’
‘I know. I get that. He asked you to go to Argentina to check me out and I don’t suppose you ever really thought that you might turn down the request.’
‘He gave me purpose. My parents had no time for me. He did. I owe him.’ He shifted on his feet and slid his gaze over to the bed. ‘This is a...difficult conversation for me. Maybe difficult isn’t quite the right word. What I’m saying is that I’d rather we had it on more...neutral territory.’
‘Are you feeling all right?’ Sofia asked sharply. ‘If you have anything awkward to say to me then I’d rather you just come out and say it, although I can’t imagine there’s anything you could say that might bring on a fainting fit.’
She thought there was no place lower to where she could be tossed than the place she was currently occupying—a place where he would no longer be playing a part, leaving her to make her way forward on her own. She had thought that he would become dependent on her without realising it. She had failed to take into account that that was a plan that could work both ways and now, looking into an empty future, she realised that she was the one who had become increasingly dependent on him. She was the one who now felt as though they should be a team and, left on her own, had no idea how she was going to cope. She was the one who had become vulnerable and defenceless in the long run.
‘Let’s go downstairs. Aside from anything else, I need a stiff drink.’
‘I want to pack and leave.’
‘Please, Sofia.’
She wavered and then nodded. ‘Okay, but...’
‘I get it. But I need you to hear me out. Please.’ He spun on his heels and made for the door, then down the stairs into the sitting room, which was a sanctuary of cool shades, deep-pile carpet and comfortable sofas. No leather or glass or chrome in sight.
‘Well?’ She folded her arms and stared at him as he prowled through the room before sinking into one of the chairs and crossing his legs. He nodded to her, indicating that she should do likewise, and after a few seconds she did.
Instead of picking up where he had left off, however, Rafael stood up, choosing to join her on the chair, which was a generous two-seater. He couldn’t keep still. She had never seen him like that, as though he was at odds with his body, restless, fidgety and uncomfortable in his skin. It was enough to get past the rational part of her that was telling her to clear off as fast as she could.
‘I don’t want to talk to you across the width of this room. And what I was saying... Sofia, my darling, I should have told you about Gemma.’
‘Wife number one?’
Darling? Did he just call me ‘darling’ or did I mishear?
Sofia wasn’t sure she wanted the details, now that there was a chance that she could be given them. In fact, she wanted to place her hand firmly over his beautiful mouth and stop him from telling her about the one and only love of his life. ‘You don’t have to tell me anything,’ she protested weakly.
‘I do,’ Rafael said flatly. ‘Because it seems that you’ve got hold of the wrong end of the stick.’ He sighed and she could tell that he was trying to work out what to say, how to express feelings, how to emote. For a man as resolutely private and tight-lipped as he was, this was a huge step, and she couldn’t stop the skip of hope that filtered through the barriers she had busily been erecting.
What if...? What if...? What if...?
Silence, again, seemed the best way forward. Silence and focusing on her hands, which were resting limply on her lap. That way, there was no danger of him reading anything in her eyes.
‘My parents...’ He smiled crookedly, his expression acknowledging that he was about to break the mould and go where he had never gone before. ‘They were unbelievably irresponsible. You know that, though, because you seem to know all there is to know about me. I must have been blind not to have seen the signs and that’s a very big one. But at the risk of boring you with repetition...’
‘You could never do that,’ she whispered under her breath, eyes finally locking to his, because she just had to see his face, had to try and gauge what he was thinking from his expression, which was as open as she had ever seen.
‘They couldn’t cope with having a kid and they were never really interested in trying. To their credit, they made sure not to have more than one, but my childhood was a peripatetic one. I wanted for nothing, because I was the product of two enormously wealthy families, but on an emotional level David was the only person ever to be there for me. Boarding school rescued me from a nomadic life but there were obvious downsides.’
He grimaced. ‘I learned to be independent from a very young age, to rely on no one. My parents flitted in and out of my life but by the time I hit my teens I knew better than to ever think that I could bank on them. Promises were made but never kept and anything and everything seemed a better option than being stuck with the grind of parental duties.’
Sofia wasn’t aware of reaching out to cover his hand with hers, nor was she aware of him allowing her hand to remain there, accepting the show of sympathy without biting sarcasm and instant rejection. Yes, over time David had confided, and without even realising it so had Rafael, but this was different. This was Rafael communicating on a level he had always sworn was beyond his reach.
‘By the time they died, I was completely self-sufficient but still young and suddenly I was in charge of what was left of their fortune. A great deal had been squandered, and investments had been made that had further drained the coffers, but I was rich and a target. Too young to be as cynical as I should have been. I was just in my early twenties and fell for a woman who was ten years older than me. I thought it was love. In retrospect, I was obviously searching for someone or something to take me through the bleak period after my parents died. Gemma slotted into that spot and she knew just how to stack the deck.’
Just the thought of Rafael imagining himself to be in love was hurtful and Sofia felt the muscles in her face stiffen and tense as she tried to control her expression.
‘How did you meet her?’ Sofia eventually asked.
‘She was a teacher—and don’t look so shocked. I’m not as shallow as you like to imagine. We met in a pub. She was there with a group of her friends and I was there on my own, staring down into a whisky, if memory serves me, and dwelling on a past I wished had been different. Dark thoughts.
‘She approached me. I was a regular there. I’ll never know if she asked Joe behind the bar who I was, or if it was just fortuitous, an opportunity that arose and one she couldn’t resist. Certainly afterwards I remember thinking that she’d sized me up pretty quickly...asked all the right questions...knew that I wasn’t just another kid who had to do weekend jobs to afford a pint on the weekend.’
‘You’re so cautious now...so guarded and defensive. It’s hard to imagine...’
‘That I was young enough to be stupid?’ He smiled. ‘I was. But she came with all the right qualities and she knew how to enhance them to her advantage. Compassionate, understanding and...hot. She was the archetypal teenage boy’s dream woman, and I was barely out of my teens and ripe for the picking, given what I was going through at the time. I never stopped to look any deeper than what I saw on the outside. David warned me, as it happens...’
‘He met her?’
‘Of course, and he told me that I should be careful
, but I wisely chose to ignore his advice.’ Rafael looked at her ruefully. ‘To my cost. I married her and the whole sorry episode lasted under six months. Would have lasted longer and cost a lot more if David hadn’t taken it upon himself to have her comprehensively checked out.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘He was still very much on the ball in those days and he always put my best interests ahead of everything. He didn’t tell me what he was up to, just had her checked out and presented me with the findings. Turned out she had never stopped sleeping with the boyfriend she’d had when she met me. I was a good catch. Young, rich and, at the time, emotionally unstable. I fell straight into her honey trap.’
‘You of all people.’ Sofia imagined a vulnerable young Rafael and wished that she had known him then, wished that she had known the boy who had become the man.
‘I’m taking that as a compliment. As it turns out, by the time I was presented with all the facts, including the fact that the boyfriend was very much still a presence in her life, I had already realised that love was the last thing I felt for the woman. I got rid of her but it was an ugly, drawn-out business that ended up costing me a fortune—but not, as I’ve said, nearly as much as it would have done if David hadn’t decided to be proactive and take the bull by the horns.’
‘No wonder you’re so attached to him. He’s always had your back.’
‘The only one to. Sofia...’ He paused and their eyes tangled, and she released a little sigh of helplessness.
‘I thought I’d learned how to protect myself. I thought I was immune to the dangers of getting in too deep with any woman, but I didn’t know what love was, and I should have had the courage to tell you that when you asked instead of letting you believe that my marriage was something it most certainly was not. I didn’t know what love was, and after Gemma I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to trust emotions again. Wherever I looked, bloody emotions were always letting the side down. It wasn’t just me and my nightmare foray into wedded bliss. My parents were highly emotional, couldn’t seem to get the balance right, and David...well... David never recovered from your mother and, as I incorrectly assumed, her desertion. I toughened up and I never thought that the day would come when I would revisit my decision to lock the door on my feelings and throw away the key.’
Sofia found that breathing was becoming difficult. She stared, willing him to continue, and not daring to trust what her eyes and her ears were telling her.
‘And you have?’ she whispered into the ever-lengthening silence.
‘You came along,’ Rafael said gravely. ‘My convenient wife. Everything changed for me and I didn’t even realise that things were changing. Or maybe I did and I subconsciously decided to turn a blind eye because turning a blind eye was the safer option. What started as a sensible arrangement with a timeline turned into the very last thing I expected. I fell in love with you, my darling.’
Sofia closed her eyes. She felt as if she was actually swooning, like a Victorian maiden. When she looked at him, her eyes were bright, although hope was still at war with caution.
‘You’re not kidding, are you, Rafael?’
‘I’m not kidding. I love you. I don’t know when it happened. Was it a gradual process? Or did it happen the very instant I first laid eyes on you? All I know is that my life changed the second you entered it. And yet, when you cornered me this evening, all I could do was fall back on the tired old routine of avoiding direct questioning because it was what I had always done. You walked out of that door earlier, cara, and I could feel my world falling apart.’
‘So was mine.’ Her heart was singing. She was giddy with joy. She almost had to pinch herself to believe that the fairy tales she had spun in her head were coming true. Since when did that happen?
‘I love you too,’ she said softly and he smiled.
‘I know.’
‘You know?’
‘On some level, I think I’ve known for quite a while—which was probably why I was so spooked when you tried to pin me down. I knew that it was a crunch moment. I had to make a choice to take what we had beyond the level of just sex, but sex was all I’d ever known when it came to women, and going past that was...bloody terrifying. It didn’t matter that I’d crossed that line a long time ago with you.’
Sofia laughed, caressed the side of his face and then leant forward, tugging him towards her so that she could kiss him. It was somehow different this time. The uncertainty that had plagued her, the hopes and half-formed dreams waiting to be dashed, had been replaced by shining certainty.
‘Meeting you was like a bolt from the blue as well for me,’ she confessed on a sigh. ‘You had your life in order and so did I and I guess both of us, in our own different ways and for our own different reasons, were sceptical about the whole business of falling in love. I definitely never expected to fall for a guy like you. Good-looking, self-assured, alpha male...’
‘So many weedy men out there waiting in the wings...’ He yanked her towards him and she toppled against him, laughing, loving the feel of his hands moving over her body. ‘You’d have eaten them alive.’
‘Not sure that’s a compliment!’
‘It is. Trust me. You’re strong and have a mind of your own and it’s just one of the many things I love about you.’
‘So I guess you could say,’ Sofia mused dreamily, sinking into his arms, ‘that the marriage of convenience is over?’
‘Very definitely over,’ Rafael assured her. ‘From here on, this marriage is very much for real, and I think we should do something to celebrate that. We did what was necessary at a register office. Now, let’s do something more meaningful.’ He grinned at her and then kissed the top of her head. ‘I’ll get David working on that. He’s been complaining recently about being bored.’
‘I’m sure he’ll love planning a fancy meal somewhere!’
‘And a blessing. This time round, when I look at you, you’re going to know that what we have is for now and for ever. David won’t just have gained a long-lost daughter, he will, I very much hope, my darling, be able to look forward to adding to the family tree.’
‘I’d like kids.’
‘Good. Then I suggest, cara, that we get going...right about now...’
* * * * *
Coming next month
A PASSIONATE REUNION IN FIJI
Michelle Smart
‘Hiding away?’ Livia asked.
‘Taking a breather.’
Dark brown eyes studied him, a combination of sympathy and amusement in them. Livia knew well how social situations made him feel.
She caught the barman’s attention and ordered herself a bourbon too. ‘This is a great party.’
‘People are enjoying it?’
‘Very much.’ She nudged him with her elbow and pointed at one of the sofas. Two of the small children he’d almost tripped over earlier were fast asleep on it. A third, who’d gone a pale green colour, was eating a large scoop of ice cream, utter determination etched on her face. ‘Someone needs to get that girl a sick bag.’
He laughed and was immediately thrown back to his sister’s wedding again.
He’d approached Livia at the bar. She’d said something inane that had made him laugh. He wished he could remember what it was but it had slipped away the moment she’d said it, his attention too transfixed on her for words to stick.
She’d blown him away.
Those same feelings…
Had they ever really left him?
The music had slowed in tempo. The dance floor had filled, the children making way for the adults.
‘We should dance,’ he murmured.
Her chest rose, head tilted, teeth grazing over her bottom lip. ‘I suppose we should…for appearances’ sake.’
He breathed deeply and slowly held his hand out.
Equally slowly, she stretched hers out to meet his. The pads of her fingers pressed i
nto his palm. Tingles shot through his skin. His fingers closed over them.
On the crowded dance floor, he placed his hands loosely on her hips. Her hands rested lightly on his shoulders. A delicate waft of her perfume filtered through his airwaves.
He clenched his jaw and purposely kept his gaze focused above her head.
They moved slowly in tempo with the music, their bodies a whisper away from touching…
‘When did you take your tie off?’ Livia murmured when she couldn’t take the tension that had sprung between them any longer.
She’d been trying very hard not to breathe. Every inhalation sent Massimo’s familiar musky heat and the citrus undertones of his cologne darting into her airwaves. Her skin vibrated with awareness, her senses uncoiling, tiny springs straining towards the man whose hands hardly touched her hips. She could feel the weight in them though, piercing through her skin.
Caramel eyes slowly drifted down to meet her gaze.
The music beating around them reduced to a burr.
The breath of space between them closed. The tips of her breasts brushed against the top of his flat stomach. The weight of his hands increased in pressure.
Heat pulsed deep in her pelvis.
Her hands crept without conscious thought over his shoulder blades. Heart beating hard, her fingers found his neck…her palms pressed against it.
His right hand caressed slowly up her back. She shivered at the darts of sensation rippling through her.
Distantly, she was aware the song they were dancing to had finished.
His left hand drew across her lower back and gradually pulled her so close their bodies became flush.
Her cheek pressed into his shoulder. She could feel the heavy thuds of his heart. They matched the beats of hers.
His mouth pressed into the top of her head. The warmth of his ragged breath whispered in the strands of her hair. Her lungs had stopped functioning. Not a hitch of air went into them.
A finger brushed a lock of her hair.
Shock Marriage For The Powerful Spaniard (Mills & Boon Modern) (Passion in Paradise, Book 5) Page 16
