by Anna White
“Gotta go gonna be late!” Literally my lecture started in 15 minutes… I watched as her shoulders rose and fell along with her chest.
“You are always late Avaya.” She muttered as she turned away from me. She can be such a cow sometimes… Her sarcasm never goes amiss and somehow her voice always seems tainted by a faint tone of it even when she is being serious. I rolled my eyes at the thought of her scolding me and started to jog towards the university campus. One more year Av. I ran. I knew if I ran I could make it in 10 minutes which would give me plenty of time to settle for the lecture. I could hear the faint sound of my mobile buzzing in my pocket. I went to reach for it and realised I didn’t have my lanyard around my neck.
“Oh christ sake where the hell did I put that!?” I muttered as my face scrunched. My phone eventually stopped buzzing.
I took my seat next to Nancy in the huge hall which was brimming with students. She flashed me her killer Hollywood smile and heard the guy sat next to us suck in his breath.
“Everytime you smile you give somebody a slight heart attack,” I paused “you know that right?” I watched as she shook her head and nudged me.
“Don’t be so ridiculous,” I leant down to gather my things from my bag. My notepad and a pen would be a great start. “Anyway where were you until now?” Her tone was teasing. “Did Mr. Mysterious come and meet you after we left?” The thought of the tall, dark and handsome man flashed in my brain and I could feel my face fill with blood.
“Oh piss off Nance.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me again and a sigh escaped my lips. I glanced towards the guy sat next to us. He was such a sweet and innocent looking young man. I swore he’d had a crush on Nance since we started taking this class 2 years ago. Part of me wished he’d say something. He wouldn’t. Only the cocky arseholes ever make the first move. I knew that all too well. Ben… I pushed my thoughts to one side and heard our lecturer,
“Everyone hear me okay up the back?” He shouted and a reverberating sound of miserable 19/20 year olds mumbled in reply.
“He’s hot…” Nance smirked as she looked at the professor at the front of the class. Honestly these girls had no filter. When would they stop?
I left the lecture completely lost in thought, my feet dragged me towards the large water fountain in the middle of the campus. I watched the water trickle and land in the pool beneath and took a large breath. Nancy had another lecture. I on the other hand had the afternoon free. The thought had crossed my mind about getting a coffee but I felt exhausted. A shiver ran through me as the breeze picked up. I took a seat on the side of the fountain and heard the familiar deep voice.
"Avaya Louree Holt". What the... I quickly turned in the direction the voice was coming from. My breath came to an immediate halt. It’s him! I knew the frown on my face was visible. How had he found me? How did he know my name? Was he some kind of stalker? Should I scream? I shook my thoughts away and stared up at him. "C'mon we are going for a coffee..." He reached out for my arm and I instantly snatched it away.
"How did you even?"
"What? Know where you were." His smile widened as he pulled out my uni lanyard from his pocket. My eyes studied it. "You should really be more careful where you leave things, they could fall into the wrong hands?" His dark eyes were gleaming and I quickly snatched my badge from his grip. The feeling of his fingertips brushing mine made my face fill with blood again.
"So that's how you knew where I was." The sarcasm in my voice made me cringe, stop Av just walk away, my head screamed. I decided that this was my best course of action. There was no way I was going anywhere with this creep. I stood quickly and started to walk towards the gates of the campus. I heard him jogging behind me and forced myself not to look in his direction. I was fucking smiling. I shook my head again before my feet stopped in their tracks.
“You know you’re not even supposed to be allowed in here with no badge?” I waved it in his face and watched as the corners of his arrow shaped lips turned upwards.
“I have my ways and anyway you weren’t wearing a badge this morning and you got in here?” I scoffed at his statement. He’s unbelievable. It was only now I noticed that there was a crowd of people staring in our direction.
"Okay so really, what do you want?" I snarled at him kind of shocking myself.
"To take you for coffee." He grined in my direction and flashed his brillliant whites in my direction, that coupled with his stupid muddy brown eyes maked it harder for em to say no. No, no and No! Don’t you dare say yes… are you an impulsive 16 year old Avaya!?.
"What's your name?" I snapped once again. "I'm not going for coffee with some random, nameless guy I met in a pub. Who may I add stalked me into my university campus!" - That’s it you tell him! My feet had once again stopped moving and I am now stood examining his muddy brown eyes like a puppy dog.
"Conway." He stated. A small smile crossed my face as I tried my hardest not to burst out laughing. Surely you’re not serious?
"Conway? Seriously?"
"Yes, and that's all you're ever going to find out if you don't agree to come for this coffee." I do quite like this lad. I sighed, it was heavier than I intended it to be.
"I don't drink coffee." I suppressed a smirk as he frowned.
"What kind of weirdo doesn’t like coffee?" He sounded exhausted as he spoke and I held in my grin. “Fucking hell fine a tea? Hot chocolate whatever you want?” I shook my head in utter disbelief in the remarkable way this 'Conway' had such a big ego.
"Fine I'll go." The ability to say no to anyone remained and I started walking again.
We made our way, in awkward silence a short distance across the campus to Costa. The awkward silence not ending as we arrived. I took a seat as did he, he was smiling now. Probably thinking that he’d won. Big headed idiot. I glanced over at a pretty middle aged blonde lady stumbling around with cups staring in our direction, he too glanced over and I watched as he smirked at her. A small laugh escaped my mouth.
"You are unbelievable..." I muttered, more to myself that to him.
"What do you mean?" His face seemed more serious now and the same glare from the night before returned to his handsome face. He was not so carefree now...
"Nothing never mind." I cleared my throat and pointed at what I wanted from the small drinks menu, he simply nodded and walked off to order. What are you doing? Why do you find this cocky, sure of himself guy sort of attractive? My bra burning attitude towards men should have been kicking in by now. Please kick in, please, please, please! My eyes followed him as he worked his magic on the middle aged blonde behind the counter. I watched as she moved her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. She had the same look on her face that Nancy had the night before when she had seen him. Her face grew redder the more she spoke to him. I examined his attire. He had relaxed jeans on and a navy jumper. He looked way too casual to be a university tutor. Shit! He’s not is he? I gulped down the lump growing in my throat and tried to look anywhere but at him as he carried the cups of hot chocolate over towards us. He moves so easily. He perched himself on the chair opposite me and leaned across the table.
"So I'd like to know about you Miss Holt." I watched as he ran his long fingers through the front of his hair and suppressed a smile. I watched his expression change. His mud brown eyes were dancing but I didn’t understand why.
"I'm sure you already know enough about me... Mr Conway? I'd like to know about you... What do you do?" I watched as his smile turned into a glare once more. My body instantly reacted, he made me uncomfortable, really uncomfortable... And awkward. I shook the shiver off as I met his harsh glare again, after what seemed like an eternity he let out a sigh and his expression softened, much to my delight.
"I own a... business..." He said it with a certain confidence yet uncertainty, I raised my eyebrow and in this moment I knew there was more to this man than I first thought.
"Enough about me." He stated sharply and I instantly turned back to being uncomfortable. There w
as so much more to this man than I know, I could feel my frustrations bubbling over. I wanted to know more but before I could ask any questions his phone began to ring. I stopped dead in my tracks as his hand raised. He stood and walked away from me slightly.
“Conway.” He answered all business like and I frowned to myself. What the actual fuck is going on? I could feel my frustration turning into anger. My blood felt hot in my veins. I wanted to walk out of the small coffee shop where friends and lovers were gathered but the other half of me was too curious. What did a businessman want with a university student? I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it. Before I could stand he was back. Sat in front of me again sipping from his coffee cup. I scowled and crossed my arms.
“You know you really aren’t observant at all Miss Holt.” He was now dangling my mobile phone in front of us. My mouth dropped. The urge to tip his coffee over him was growing.
“Or maybe you’re a thief? Or a psychopath?” I raised my brow and watched as he laughed. He too crossed his arms once he’d dropped my phone on the table.
"Well sweet cheeks I need to get going..." He stood from his seat and winked down at me. "It's been a pleasure." and just like that, the idiot disappears. Gone.
“So have you called him yet?” Soph sat in my living room scrolling through her tinder profile. I shook my head.
“Nope and I don’t intend to.” I grinned over towards Nancy who was typing into a laptop, completely spaced out.
“I say you call him and tell him Nancy wants a shag. That’ll get him off your back.” I watched as Soph glanced up from her phone and Nance glared at her.
“I mean I wouldn’t mind you doing that to be honest Av.” She grinned and I shook my head.
“Have you thought about this situation though? We had a weird conversation after the gig, he stole my lanyard, he stalked me to my university and then hijacked me and brought me a costa?” They were both looking at me like I had completely lost my mind. It was clear that they saw absolutely nothing weird about this situation but I did. I had a strange feeling. “Don’t either of you think it’s weird?” I was hoping for some sort of back up and I watched as Soph shrugged.
“Not really, to be honest I’d feel really flattered if somebody went into that much effort to find me?” Soph admitted.
“And he is right you're not observant.” Nance added. I threw the remote for the television her way and watched as she caught it and frowned deeply. Even when frowning she looked faultless. “Maybe you should just text him. Find out what he’s all about?” I grimaced at the thought.
“Nance he isn’t my type…” my words faded.
“Ben.” They both stated in unison.
“Fuck you! It’s got nothing to do with Ben!” I exclaimed. They were impossible.
“Look Av, you just need to forget about him and give somebody else a shot. You always do this, you’re forever turning good guys away.” I shook my head in protest.
“Ah ah no way! Nobody ever approaches me!” My voice was higher pitched than I intended it to be.
“They do, you’re just too wrapped up in Ben to realise.” Soph was now siding with Nancy and I knew that there was absolutely no point in arguing with either of them. I wasn’t going to win this evening. There was no way. I threw myself down on the sofa next to Soph and leant for the remote. She shook her head and pointed at the tv show The Chase.
“I love this show.” I rolled my eyes.
“Soph you’re not even watching it you’re swiping right to every guy you see on Tinder.” I pointed down towards her phone and watched as she winked at me. I couldn’t help but laugh.
‘Thanks for the drink today and thank you for returning my lanyard. Nancy and Sophia think you are right about me being completely oblivious. A :)’
I hit the send button on the message and sighed. I looked up at them both staring at me.
“Shall we stalk him on Facebook?” Nance began to move from her chair at the table and wondered the short distance across my living room towards me, “you know he might be married with kids and that's why he’s being so evasive?” I stifled my laugh and shook my head.
“I give up.” I shook my head and took in the questions on the television programme.
“I like the Vixen on this. She kicks ass.” Nance settled next to me. I placed my head on top of hers that was resting on my shoulder. My phone buzzed and I looked down to see a text.
‘Don’t worry about it. Anytime you need a coffee let me know. I’d be happy to take you out. ;)’
I grinned widely and showed Nance. A huge smirk crossed her face.
“So you’re not gonna tell him I want him? I’m so fucking jealous right now.” I giggled and shrugged.
“Maybe he liked my singing voice. Alfie wants me to gig there again at some point.” Soph chuckled as she placed her feet on my lap.
“We will have to go there again so you can see him again. Maybe then you can get under him and Nance can get on Conway?” I slapped her feet and heard her cackle. Hearing the door creak I looked to see my mother in the living room doorway. She looked completely exhausted and my heart began to swell.
“Hey girls,” her voice was small. So small and it killed me. Her large hazel eyes looked completely drained. I hated what her job did to her. I felt my frown re-appear. “I’m just going to see what we have to eat then can I join you?” She questioned and I nodded towards her.
“Of course Lana. Av made cottage pie I think there’s still some left.” Soph smiled towards her. It was a warm smile, not one many of us got very often.
“Great I’ll go and warm it through and I’ll be back, is the Vixen on?” I shook my head in disbelief. She had no time for anything however she still found the time to watch this shit on television. A small laugh escaped my lips and I shook my head.
Holt - Tuesday
There was no way I was going anywhere today. I was too tired. I had no lectures and I needed just five minutes to myself. There was no buzz in the house, my mother wasn’t throwing pans in the kitchen, there was no smell of a cooked breakfast, there was just a sense of peace. Over the last few years I had noticed the strain of working a full time job on my mother. She was beginning to look completely worn down. My heart thudded against my chest and I placed my hand against it. I looked around my familiar surroundings in my bedroom. My old white wash wardrobe that I had brought from Ikea was partially blocking out the light from my bedroom window. My mother had warned me that it would be far too large for my tiny room, but as I normally do I ignored her. I let my fingers swipe my phone to unlock it and I stared at my back screen image. It was of our old dog Bently. I smiled at the memory of the day that photo was taken. It seemed like a lifetime ago, when things were much more straightforward. I remembered that photo being taken. Mum had just shouted at him for chewing up a pair of her shoes. I chuckled to myself and rose from my extremely comfortable bed and wandered across the landing towards my bathroom.
‘Fancy taking me for a coffee?’
I hit send. I had no idea what had possessed me to send him that message. I tiptoed to reach the shower and screamed as the cold water splashed off the floor. Soon enough the water had warmed through and I stepped in. The warm sensation ran through me and I instantly felt relaxed. A quick shower fixed everything and once I’d climbed out I examined my body again. My hips were wider than Soph’s and Nancy’s. They swore to me that my stomach was just as flat but I didn’t agree. I frowned deeply at the girl stood looking back at me. I would never be as petite as them. I reached across to my bra staring at the sizing in the back 32D. I frowned again. This was an attribute I acquired from my mother, only hers were a lot bigger than mine. I heard my phone buzz and I jumped slightly. My heart began to race.
‘There’s a dance class on tomorrow evening? I know street isn’t your thing but please come with me? Please please please!? Xxxxx’
A wave of disappointment hit me like a brick as the realisation it was Nance and not Conway hit. I typed back.
‘Sure I’ll be there, you owe me one x’
I could picture her smiling from ear to ear. My phone buzzed again.
‘I can meet you in an hour? Starbucks is better though meet me there if you’re still up for it?’
The small teenage girl in me jumped for joy. Maybe I wasn’t that fat. Maybe I was attractive. Yeah Ben, kiss my ass. I chuckled at my thoughts and began to pull my skinny jeans up my legs.
I had walked to the Starbucks on Range Avenue quicker than I ever had before. It was cooler today, I looked down at my long camel coloured coat and exhaled. I was nervous. So fucking nervous. Dating had never been my strong point. This was probably why I was still a virgin. Virgin on the ridiculous, you’ll be a 40 year old virgin. I remembered Soph had said this to me once. I pushed the memory aside and took my seat. I glanced at the time, it was 11.30. I was late only by 5 minutes. I had done this on purpose, not one part of me wanted to show I was eager to see him again. The air of mystery around him intrigued me. I wanted to know why he was so up for meeting again for coffee. I felt as though time was going by with a snail's pace. There was a large exhale and as I looked up I saw him smiling down at me.
“Sorry I was late, I had a phone call to make.” I could see the strained look on his face and he looked older today. Shit maybe Soph was right maybe he is like 30.
“How old are you?” I questioned. I watched his face twist and noticed the corners of his mouth turned upwards.
