by Anna White
“We love you and we want you safe. You need to stay away from him? This needs to be believable or this won’t work?” I nodded at him as he took my hands in his softly. “You can still come around with us and come to Alfie’s Chlo will be with you too and so will I?” His grip tightened in my hands and my stomach twisted as my eyes started to fill up. I didn't want to do this anymore, I didn't want to keep hiding.
“Why is nothing straight forward?” My eyes were starting to fill with water and I watched as he shrugged in response to my question.
“Nothing ever is with us.” He laughed a little before he seemed to shake it off. They were both so young and had so much going for them and I couldn't understand why they got involved with a man like Rava in the first place.
"I've gotta go back to Alfies tonight I have works stuff there that I can't go in the office without." I began to speak and watched as he nodded.
"Just be careful?" I nodded and watched him release my hands. He hugged me softly and I did my best to hold in tears.
I ran home that afternoon and I was now sat in a steaming hot bath sobbing. I’d had enough. I was sick of hiding and running away from something I had no idea about. I didn’t know how bad bad actually was. I frowned at the thought and closed my eyes for a split second. Since we’d arrived back from holiday things had taken a proper shit turn for the worst. When was enough going to be enough? Would this be my life for the rest of it if we were to be together?
A warm feeling lingered against my cheek as I prized open my eyes. He was crouched down next to the bath. I must have fallen asleep. His eyes smiled before it hit his mouth. I placed my hand against his cheek and ran my fingers over his heart shaped lips that were still slightly tender looking.
“You looked so peaceful asleep in there.” His voice was husky, almost though he was coming down with something and I frowned.
“I’ve had a shit day.” I smiled softly at him, his gooey eyes examined me carefully and I sighed. “Are you not feeling well?” I questioned and watched him shrug.
“I’ve got a sore throat but I’ll be okay.” I nodded and stood from the now slightly luke warm water. He handed me a fluffy towel and wrapped me up in it and I smiled at him. He ran his lips over my cheek and down my neck and I instantly melted. I dropped my arms from holding my towel in place as I moved my hands to wrap them around his neck. It pooled around my feet and I watched him hold back a smirk. “We’re supposed to be on a break?” He questioned, the rasp in his voice made it even sexier and I felt my nipples harden. I swallowed hard and shook my head.
“Then don’t.” His lips trailed mine as he pressed me into him.
“Well he’s not gonna see us in here is he?” His words were whispers and I gulped. My fingers ran over his suit jacket and I opened my eyes to look at him. The look he gave me was smouldering and I shook my head softly.
“It’s killing me this is.” I admitted and watched him glance away from my eyes.
“Then run with me Av?” Then sadness possessed his eyes again and it hit me where it hurt. I bit my lip and shook my head as I leant to pick up my towel. I watched him pull his blazer off and start to unbutton his shirt. My eyes darted towards his before they wandered any further. “Why? What’s keeping you here?” I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream that this life on the run wasn’t a life I wanted for good. I wanted a nice home, full of our kids and a massive wedding with all our friends there. I didn’t want to sneak around and keep our relationship quiet over some drug dealing prick. But I couldn’t. Words didn’t leave my mouth. I simply turned on my heel to leave the bathroom. I wasn’t up for this argument again. I’d cried enough tonight. He chased after me and I shook my head as he blocked my entrance to his walk in where most of my clothes had ended up. He frowned deeply at me as I looked up at him.
“I’m too tired to argue with you Haz. I can’t argue with you over this.” I squeezed past him and placed on my nightwear over the top of my head. I watched his eyes wander over my attire and sighed. “Don’t.” I held my hand up to his chest as I pushed it softly. “Don’t look at me like you want to rip my clothes off.” His mouth opened and closed again. I frowned and made my way towards his bedroom door, holding my soaking wet towel. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” His eyes were sad and a look of defeat crossed his expression. I nodded and made my way to the spare room where I’d spent many drunken nights. I needed head space for this plan to work.
Wednesday
We had all planned to go out and get hammered. Well, Alfie had a student night, the final one of the year and we’d agreed that we’d all go. Harry was dressed in a loose fitted t-shirt and nice jeans that hugged him in all the right places. I swallowed as my eyes wandered over his figure and cleared my throat. It was loud in the Top Hat. His large hands gripped my hips as he muttered.
“Be careful in here tonight, I can’t see what’s going on?” He warned over the loud music and I nodded.
“I’ll try!” I shouted back and watched him frown a little. I smiled sweetly at him and watched him walk towards where Jay and Jamane were standing chatting to some people I’d never met before. I paced towards the ladies room. I was desperate for a wee again. This would be the third since this evening. Hands ran down the skin on my back that was on show and my heart stopped. They weren’t familiar hands and I instantly knew. It was him. I swallowed hard as he placed a hand over my mouth and shoved me against the brick wall of the toilets.
“Do no fucking scream.” I nodded, my eyes were wide and I knew they were. I placed my hand over his that was being held against my mouth and tried to pull it off. He released it and I felt as though I could breathe. My chest thudded uncomfortably as my anxiety levels peaked.
“What do you want?” I watched him smirk, his narrow lips were turned upwards a little and I gulped.
“I need you to come to my office at the end of the month. Before you graduate.” He tilted his head to one side and a wave of sickness hit me full force. “I have a proposition for you. Before your graduation princess.” He pulled my phone from the bag that was in my grasp, he messed with it for a short period of time and placed it back before he planted a kiss against my cheek. “I’ll text you the address.” He whispered and laughed a little as he left me standing, pinned to the wall and it wasn’t because he was holding me there anymore. It was because of the fear that rippled through my body. I straightened out my dress and held my bag tightly in my hand before I made my way back towards our group at the bar.
“Av what’s up?” Chlo nudged me and I shook my head. She knew something had happened.
“I,” I was struggling to find my words and shook my head again “I’m alright Chlo.” I gave her a sharp smile and watched her frown.
“No, you’re not? What’s happened?” She pushed again and I almost grimaced.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I snapped and glanced at Haz who was actually laughing for a change. I looked back towards Chlo who was giving me the death stare. I studied my shaking hands and made my way away from where they were all congregating. I was screaming inside.
September
Monday
I adored the bloke. I’d never loved another human being as much as I loved him. He was laying over me, stroking my cheek, desperately trying to catch his breath. I smiled widely at him and ran my nose over his.
“Do you have to leave?” I nodded, wishing that I didn’t have to go to the meeting with Rava. But I was scared. I was scared stiff that if I didn’t go he’d hurt either of us. Maybe even both of us. I placed a longing kiss against his lips and ruffled his hair. “Time will you be home?” He raised his brow and I winked at him as I pulled my dress over my head and grabbed my blazer from the back of the door. This would be the second attempt of me leaving for work this morning. I watched him smirk as I stepped into my heels. I heard him whistle and rolled my eyes at his advances before I ran my hand over the dress, smoothing it out over my stomach and thighs.
“I won’t be back late. I’ll be a c
ouple of hours?” I bent down and planted a kiss against his soft lips. He held me in place and grinned against my lips.
“Quick leave now or I’ll shag you again.” I scoffed a laugh and slapped his chest. It was hard beneath my touch.
“Filth you are Vens.” He winked at me and blew me an air kiss. “Can I borrow the Merc please?” I watched the cheeky young handsome man disappear in front of where I was standing and he frowned.
“Oh Av do you have to?” I chuckled and shrugged.
“I could take the Audi?” He hated the thought of me driving either of his cars. Sometimes I wondered if he loved his cars more than he loved me. I suppressed a smirk and nodded. “You said you were gonna take mine to the garage?” I reminded him softly and he sat up slightly.
“It needs scrapping. Can I get you a new one?” I frowned and threw a sock at him. He caught it and rolled his eyes at me. “Fine, use the Merc. Don’t scratch her though.” I laughed as he threw me the keys and winked at him as I closed the bedroom door behind me. I clutched the keys in my hand softly and took a deep breath inwardly.
I used my phones sat nav. I guessed that would probably be wiser than using the cars. I gripped the steering wheel once I’d made it to the underground car park to the old industrial offices. I placed my phone in my coat pocket and walked towards the lift out of the carpark, making sure I locked the Merc behind me. As I stood in the lift I suddenly felt less brave. The offices looked legitimate which scared me even further. I wondered if I would bump into Anya here. I hadn’t heard from her since our fight earlier on in the year. I entered the old offices and was greeted by a girl with dark hair, with eyes that matched. She smiled politely.
“Who are you here to see?” She questioned. She was examining me with intent and I cleared my throat before I spoke. I needed to find my voice.
“Rava.” I swallowed the second I said his name and I watched her eyes glaze over.
“Take a seat.” She gestured toward some old looking seats and I wandered over towards them doing as she asked. She picked up the phone and dialed through. Her voice was hushed as I gripped my fingers together. “Somebody will be with you shortly.” She didn’t look towards me again. She just continued typing something on the computer screen in front of where she sat. I looked around the walls where there were paintings hanging off them. They looked expensive.
“Avaya Holt?” I snapped out of my day dream and looked over towards the voice. The young lad looked younger than me and my gut twisted. I stood to my feet.
“Yup that’s me.” He offered me a look, not a smile and I cleared my throat.
“Follow me.” I did just that. I followed him down an extremely thin hallway and entered an office. It smelt of man. Aftershave. Expensive aftershave. I turned my nose up and watched the door close.
“You made it here in one peice then?” I looked at him. He was relaxed and chilled. The complete opposite of how I felt. “I need you to leave him. Completely leave him. I need him on my team.” My mouth was now dry. “I need him back.” His voice left goosebumps on my arms and I shook my head. He rose from his chair and made his way behind me. “Do you understand?” He snapped and I nodded. “Good.” He squeezed my shoulders and I flinched away from him. I was trembling.
“How am I gonna do this?” I muttered.
“I don’t care. Just make it authentic.” He was now standing by the window of the room and I shook my head. “It’s in your best interests to do this Avaya.” His eyes were so dark and I nodded. “There will be trouble if you don’t and I’ll know.” I couldn’t find my words so I stayed quiet. “You can leave now. You’ve got until after your graduation.” My chest felt like it was about to explode and as I stood to leave he smiled at me. My eyes began to fill with tears and as I left the building and climbed in the car I let them out. Tears streamed down my face as I gripped the wheel.
“Fuck!” I screamed as I punched it. The tears continued to fall.
Chapter Thirteen
Vens - Friday
Her graduation rolled around pretty quick. She'd worked fucking hard to graduate today and no matter who was out to get us I was gonna be there. I’d never realised how hard staying away from her would be. I’d found her in the bath asleep a month prior and that was the night the wall went up. It felt like after that night a switch had been flicked and the lights had gone off. She had no spark in her eyes. She was almost a shell. It was really as though we’d broken up. I couldn’t recall the last time she’d let me kiss her. I mean really kiss her. I missed her. I’d tried to get her alone but she’d been spending more and more time away from Alfie’s and more time at work and at home with her mum. Which was where she was now. She was at home with her mum and Nance and Soph getting ready. I sighed as I held my leg and scrolled through the Facebook feed on my phone. Chlo cleared her throat as she stared at me.
“Hey handsome.” She teased. Her blonde hair had grown considerably over the last couple of months and she’d toned down with the bleach, she almost looked natural. I smiled at her and watched her take a seat next to me. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?” I shrugged. She’d taken this situation hard too. Av had put blockers in place and she wasn’t breaking them. She’d almost shut Chlo out too.
“Av,” I whispered and watched her muddy brown eyes sadden.
“Are you going to her graduation? Jay said it’d be a pretty bad idea?” I chuckled. It was a false chuckle. I remembered that argument clearly. He’d said that the second I saw her all dressed up and fancy and felt proud of her, our fake break up would be evidently fake. I disagreed. He didn’t know the levels she’d put up and the wall she’d built between us. I huffed and shook my head before I looked at her.
“We've invested in the uni and their students with the law degrees and taking some of them on it made sense that we'd be there? Other board members are going too." She looked at me as though she saw straight through me and she cleared her throat.
"That's not what I meant Haz." I knew what she meant. She was thinking the same way as her brother and I couldn't blame her. They were both probably right. She was dressed smart too and I raised my brow. "I'm going too? Nance invited me. Said that Av wanted me there and so did she but she's kinda only done it for Av I think. She's a good best friend." She was chatting shit now. Rambling. She did it when she got nervous. I swiped my phone and looked at the time when I heard Chlo gasp. She ripped my phone from my hands and her eyes widened. "Oh my fuck! You've kept that picture of her on your lock screen!?" She frowned as I snatched my phone back.
"Course I fucking have! She won't come near me!" I glanced at the picture of her in sexy white lace underwear, smirking and my heart thudded. "She looks relaxed and happy in those pictures. I miss her looking like that." She rubbed my shoulder softly and nodded.
"She was fucking shitting herself the whole time she was having them taken. She said she would never do anything like it again." I laughed and rolled my eyes as I watched Chlo stand and offer her hand to me. "No honestly she was nearly sick on the way there. She begged me not to leave her." She shook her head as though she was trying her best to stop reliving the memory.
"Well she looked phenomenal." I added as I hauled myself up and straightened my grey suit jacket.
"She fucking did. I'd have gone gay for her." I pushed her softly and caught her as she wobbled on her heel. She laughed a pure laugh which forced me to crack a smile. A real smile.
There were speeches made and I'd watched her walk across that stage to receive her certificate. She was flushed in colour and Jay was right. In that moment I idolised her. I adored her. I clapped along with the crowd but all I wanted to do was pick her up and kiss her. Tell her I was proud, ridiculously so. I watched from a distance as other board members congratulated her on her 2.1 first class honours degree. I watched her mum cry and homed out to listen to their conversation.
"Smile girls!" Her mum was ushering them in closer together as she tried to take a picture. I glanced at her and her eyes met mine. She offere
d me a small closed smile and I tilted my head slightly. She pulled her eyes away from mine and smiled wider for a picture with her best friends in her uni cap and gown.
"Christ sake Lena hurry up!" Soph winged. Their parents were all there admiring their daughters. Jay and I recognised Sophs dad. He'd been involved with business dealings in the law firm. He was a good man and his daughter was the image of him. From what I'd overheard Nancy's mum and dad worked away a lot. Usually in the states. Her dad constantly kept leaving mid way through conversations and Nance never batted an eyelid. Jay placed his hand on my shoulder and nodded at me. I'd got a lump in my throat that was rising higher every time I looked at her.
"What's happened with you two?" He questioned and I shook my head. I didn't know.
"We had a tiff over her leaving to run with me and since that night she ent been the same." I muttered as I watched her friends snap pictures of her. She looked every bit classy. Her emerald green long sleeved gown and wrapped bottom hugged her in the best way. Her hair draped over her shoulders and fell perfectly and I heard Jay sigh.
