by Debbie Behan
It was a good night with the casino in full swing and the room packed with gambling patrons. Flitting from one game table to the next, Cassie made sure the dealers were handling players tactfully and that they had their game faces on.
She stopped at one of her favourite tables. The patrons there were having a good night. She kidded around with a couple of the big players, soaking in their good mood before moving on. Then she felt the eyes on her again.
Why is it bothering me? Cassie was used to others watching her and she normally relied on the bouncers to keep a lookout for troublemakers and move them along for her. However, the eyes she felt on her were becoming disturbing. Scanning the gaming floor more carefully this time, she gasped as her eyes rested on a man from her past. Leaning against the railing with a drink in his hand and a slight grin on his face was Woody.
Oh my God! That was the only immediate thought Cassie’s brain could manage as she stood frozen to the spot, her hand up to her mouth, not taking her eyes off him as all the memories flooded back to her. Pain ripped across her chest, squeezing her fragile heart as if it were in a vice. The colour drained from her face and the room began to spin. An agonizing electric shock surged through her as all the emotions she had squashed deep inside her surfaced. She felt herself fighting her way through blackness, then nothing.
When she came around, Alex was talking to her. ‘Are you hurt anywhere, sweetie?’
Cassie frowned. The raw memories were tumbling into her new world while she fought to reseal the opened door within. She tried to get up, pushing everyone away from her. With one quick movement Alex had Cassie in his arms, looking overly worried as he carried her into the office and laid her on the couch.
‘You’ve just passed out and until I get you checked, Cassie, you do as you are told and rest,’ he said, getting a cold cloth and dabbing her forehead.
Cassie was being ungrateful so she let him fuss, glad there was no Woody in sight when she woke up. Facing him again just now would be unbearable to say the least. She didn’t like it that Alex seemed a little too concerned about her and realised his feelings for her were more than those of just a workmate.
‘I’ve called an ambulance, Cassie. Can you hear me?’ Cassie heard Alex say. She slowly opened the eyes that wanted to stay closed to hide her embarrassment over collapsing in front of everyone.
‘Please, no ambulance. I’ll be fine. I just need to rest a minute.’
Alex rinsed out the cloth in cold water again and let the coolness of it sit on her forehead. ‘I just want them to look at you. They’re here now. Please do not fight me on this, Cass,’ he said, still troubled.
The ambulance team came in with a bag and checked her vitals. They agreed that Cassie had just fainted and suggested that she should visit her local doctor for some tests as soon as it was convenient.
After they left, Cassie wondered if she really saw Woody or if she had just imagined it. She sat up, drinking the coffee Alex made for her and apologising for the embarrassing display in front of his patrons. ‘Sorry to scare you, Alex, I just …’ And it was then that Cassie realised how she still held her secret past sacred, as her voice even now would not allow her to whisper his name.
Alex sat next to her. ‘Did it have anything to do with that guy with the red hair who caught you before you fell? He put up a hell of a stink. He wanted to stay with you but I had him removed from the premises.’
Cassie couldn’t talk about it even to Alex who she considered to be a good friend. So she did what she had to and lied. ‘No, I don’t know who he was, I just felt dizzy. My fault totally. Not been sleeping well lately.’ She stood up. ‘I really would prefer to go home now. My shift’s over and I think I just need an early night.’
Alex smiled sweetly and patted her hand. ‘At least let me take you home so I know you got there safely.’
Cassie nodded, not really wanting to face walking outside alone and maybe running into any more of her past tonight. They walked out to the car park together and Alex kindly opened the car door for her and even did up the seat belt. Cassie lay back, letting him buckle her in. She was so exhausted she didn’t even protest when he insisted on walking her to the door and laid a goodnight kiss on her cheek before he headed back to work.
He was very sweet, she thought as she walked inside and flopped on her bed. He even offered to sit with her for a while. She frowned. Yes, sweet, but does he have ulterior motives? Unable to deal with thoughts of a future with any man Cassie had politely rejected his offer, preferring him to leave her alone to think.
Her cover was blown and the memories were now tearing her heart apart. All these months later she had to face up to the fact that she had not run away from him at all. She still kept her love for him deep inside and it was now killing her to even think his name. Kayden, the love of my life! How am I going to do it again?
She groaned, knowing how hard it was to forget the first time. Now, just seeing a friend of his had set her world upside down. What would she be like if it had been Kayden himself? She groaned again, punching her pillow. Damn him! Tossing herself over onto her stomach, she started to sob. She cried all night until there were no more tears left to cry, not getting out of bed until around midday when she felt a bit better.
Cassie rationalised the whole situation and decided that just because she had seen his mate, Woody, didn’t mean that Kayden would look for her. She kicked herself again as these memories alone showed her how innocent she had been, unable to see until now just how one-sided the relationship had been. She had practically thrown herself at him and today could almost feel sorry for the guy for having such a wimpy puppy begging for his love.
Cassie stood in front of the full-length mirror. If he never came to you before, girl, he won’t now. Get it together and forget him. She scowled at herself. Now, stop being stupid. He never loved you and it’s time you faced up to it and started a new life. Cassie smiled at her grumpy face and knew this time she had no intentions of squashing the memories she held. She was older, more self-assured and deserved respect. It is time you opened up your heart, woman, and found a new love. Cassie kissed her fingers and pressed them to her reflection in the mirror. ‘You deserve better than to allow yourself to be treated so poorly,’ she whispered, feeling energised with the talk she had given to herself. Yes, today I may give Alex a chance to fill the emptiness I carry.
Cassie picked up her jacket and handbag and headed for the door with a new spring in her step. She had been just an immature girl when Kayden found her and she had let him be mean to her, just as she had allowed her parents to be mean to her. But not anymore! She had friends now, a good job and a nice place to live with a loving couple who genuinely cared for her. Thinking this, she felt strong as she set off for work. If she was ever to see them again she would be polite but that was all they deserved from her. My time living with hurt is over.
Alex was happy to see Cassie although he frowned at the dark rings under her eyes. ‘Maybe you should take a couple of days off, Cassie. We can manage around here.’
Cassie opened her purse and dotted powder around her eyes. ‘There, good as new. I’ll be fine.’
He shook his head and laughed. ‘You’re worse than me. Just remember the job’s not worth your health. If you change your mind, just come see me.’
Over the next few weeks Cassie worked hard and for many hours a day. It took her mind off the reality that had finally sunk in: she realised she had been right in her thinking that if Kayden had any feelings for her he would have come for her long before this. She viewed her options: one being to go and face him, kick him in the shins, maybe yell at him for being so damned hard to forget. The more level-headed option was to settle contently back into her job and the new world she had created for herself. She chose the second as the more sensible.
Cassie relaxed a little more around Alex, allowing him to be more attentive than usual. One night after
work as Alex walked her to the car she let her guard down and threw caution to the wind. They had become very good friends over the months and walking arm-in-arm with him felt very natural to Cassie. She started to think that maybe giving Alex a go wasn’t such a bad idea. She certainly felt comfortable around him. Cassie chattered and laughed with him and knew that tonight, if he asked her on a date, she had every intention of accepting. They stood by the car against which Alex would usually lean, talking to her. Only tonight without warning, he took her in his arms and kissed her.
It was unexpected and at first, Cassie tensed. He nearly pulled away but she put her arms around him so he would stay. His lips were warm and the kiss was different from what she remembered a kiss felt like but she didn’t hate it. She lingered, letting herself relax to give him every opportunity to make her feel the passion she had once felt. After a few minutes it felt sweet: not passionate, just sweet. He pulled away and looked at her through loving eyes and she felt sad, knowing her feelings weren’t the same. She wondered if she would ever feel true emotion again.
‘Alex, please,’ she said. ‘I just can’t. I’m not ready yet.’ Tears sprang to her eyes.
His heart sunk because she didn’t feel the same way he did. But he felt worse because he had upset her. ‘I’m sorry, Cassie. I shouldn’t have forced you.’
She blushed. ‘We won’t act all funny next time we see each other, will we? I’d hate this to change things between us. You’re my best friend.’
Alex kissed her forehead. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll get over the rejection.’ He grinned, trying to lighten the moment.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow. However, I won’t be wiping it from my memory banks, Cassie. If you think I’m giving up on us any time soon you’d better think again. Just the fact you let me kiss you makes me know you care about me and that’s enough for now,’ he said, sounding like he always did and making her grin. He stuck his hands in his pockets and headed back to the casino.
Cassie watched him walk away and wiped more tears from her face. ‘What is wrong with you, girl?’ she said, annoyed with herself. She went to open the car door when a hand closed it and a familiar arm wrapped around her waist.
‘You still love me, don’t you?’ She heard Kayden’s voice.
Cassie tried to wiggle out of his grip and hit his chests with her fists but he held her firmly, bringing his head down to claim her lips with the passion she so remembered. Within seconds her body stopped fighting and betrayed her. It melted into him with unleashed lust.
He pulled back and held her, looking into her love-soaked eyes. She tried to pull herself together and speak but no words came out. How does he do this? After all this time, he thinks he can waltz back into my life and reclaim my body. She lingered, viewing him through the stupid eyes she knew must surely be giving away the feelings she still kept for him deep in her very soul.
He took her hand. ‘We need to talk.’
Feeling her surrender, he placed his arm around her as they walked in silence: two lovers who had run out of words and were waiting until the minute they could be back in each other’s arms. Cassie followed like a lamb to the slaughter as if she had no will of her own. His power over her was making it obvious that if he hadn’t come to take her home she would surely die from a broken heart if they parted this time.
He took her back to his suite at the casino. Here he sat her down on the bed before pouring them a drink. She swallowed it and savoured the burning sensation as it ran down her throat, trying desperately to bring herself back to her senses. Neither of them seemed able to do what they should have been doing—talking.
Kayden moved to Cassie. He took her empty glass and tossed it aside. He scooped her up into his arms and kissed her again. This time there was so much love in that kiss that tears ran from her eyes. Kayden felt them and lay down with her on the bed, letting her cry it out in his arms. He held her close while she let the hurt of what he did to her leak from her eyes, one tear at a time.
Calming finally, she lay quietly, feeling how very nice it was to be back in his warm and comfortable arms. The feeling of belonging made her realise she had been so childish, running away and not trying to work it out with him. She must have hurt him terribly too. Why he was here with her now was beyond her.
Finding her voice, she looked up at him and saw that his cheeks were wet from the emotions she had shed. ‘I’m sorry. I was just a girl and too inexperienced to understand. I thought your indifference meant you did not care enough for me and had just used me. I can feel now that wasn’t true. Was it? How have you been able to forgive me?’
He looked so emotionally distraught with his bloodshot sad eyes and miserable expression that her heart broke for the ordeal they had both put each other through. ‘Cassie, I did treat you terribly and because I slept with you once I expected you to be grown up enough to feel and know that meant I loved you. I was a fool. Only recently someone made me realise that you had been locked up all your life and had no experience with men or any kind of love at all. I scared you away and deserved every bit of hatred you threw at me. Even so, I love you with all my heart. I have come here today to beg your forgiveness and to ask you to come home with me. I promise I have learned my lesson and I will never be so careless with your love again. If you send me away I will go. But I beg you, give me another chance?’
Cassie searched his face for any kind of trick. All she could see was raw love and feelings. ‘I’ve made a new life for myself here, Kayden. People respect me and I enjoy having my own money to do with as I please without having to ask for it.’ She shook her head and sat up.
His arms dropped from her as if he were unable to hear the rejection and needed them to hold himself together.
Cassie moved from him and walked into the bathroom to splash her face and think. When she came out she had made her decision and smiled at him. ‘But all this means nothing without you.’
Kayden jumped up and swung her back up into his arms. ‘You little sneak! I thought you were telling me it was over. My heart was in my throat and I could hardly breathe.’ He swung her around. ‘I feel so happy I don’t know what to do with myself.’ He was laughing and placing little kisses all over her face and neck.
Cassie laughed with him and hugged him back. ‘Let’s go do something together. Build a new memory—a good first one. Let’s go on a real date. I’ll take you to my favourite spot.’ She grinned, wanting to pinch herself to check that he was actually there.
Kayden wanted nothing more than to take her on a date and as he slid her down he kissed her one last time before getting himself in check and taking her hand. ‘So, this is our very first date? I like that. I am all yours.’ He bowed and gestured for her to lead the way.
As they arrived at Kings Park, Cassie explained about the nights she had spent there with her friends. She pointed out the beautiful views of the city to the left, South Bank to the right and positioned in the middle, the casino where she worked. Cassie pulled up and getting out of the car, walked arm-in-arm along the path she had walked many times while dreaming of this very moment.
She took Kayden to the Whispering Wall and after sitting him at one end she walked all the way to the other. Kayden eyed the size of the seat that was shaped like a horseshoe and his fear of losing her nearly caused him to move from where he was told to stay and go to her. Cassie called out to him, distracting him from his thoughts. ‘The distance is so far you will not be able to hear a quiet voice but by leaning your ear against the wall just a whisper carries. Try it, just lean in,’ she called to him. Pressing her own cheek to the wall she whispered. ‘I love you.’
Kayden whispered back, ‘I love you, too. God, how I love you, honey.’ His voice broke and Cassie could hear him breathing heavily, trying to pull it together. Then pressing his face to the wall again he said, ‘Please, come to me. I can’t stand you to be so far away from me. Never again, Cass.’
They both stood up and began walking, meeting halfway and signifying how they were going to be in their relationship this time round. They strolled over to the wishing well where Kayden poured his heart out and bent down on one knee, kissing her hands, promising never to make her feel unimportant to him again. Her spirits lifted at his heartfelt confession and lifted again further along at the lookout where he wrapped his lovely big arms around her as she was pointing out all the fun places she’d been.
‘You must have had many men take you on dates here. I get jealous just thinking about it,’ he said, a little quiet and sullen.
Cassie didn’t answer him. She too, was feeling resentful of the many women who had frequented his arms since she’d been gone. She changed the subject, not wanting to spoil their night with silly jealousies. Instead they sat and revealed harmless scattered details of their past few months without each other. Wrapped in each other they sat on the soft grass watching the sun come up.
‘You know, Cassie, we never went out on a real date. This is perfect!’ He grinned, pulling her up from the grass and into his arms. ‘I had a great time, princess.’ He held her close.
She felt the power of his feelings. ‘I did too.’ She grinned back at him.
‘I was your first kiss, your first love and I know this sounds selfish, but I wish I had been your first date as well,’ he said as they strolled back to the car.
* * * *
Cassie said, ‘Just one more stop for coffee before our date ends. There is someone I want you to meet.’ They pulled up at her home and he looked at her with eyebrows furrowed so close together by a frown that she almost giggled at him. ‘Come inside, I want you to meet the two people who have been my dates to all the lovely places I’ve told you about.’
