by Eden Fortae
“You said you’ve been together for two years. That you wanted to get married. The two of you would not have lasted this long if he thought that. Why would you say—”
“Because it’s true. I’m damaged, and he knows it. I joke about marriage, but I’ve always thought that he would leave me one day when he realized it, but he stayed because of his bond with Tony. He’s going to feel trapped now and realize the mistake he made.”
“Rina—”
“He knows,” she dropped her hands and looked up, completely broken. “He saw me,” she paused to regain her composure, wiping her drenched face with her palms. “I was supposed to go home with my friend Ariel after school. I did that every day until Tony came to get me. She was always kind of… fast. Her older brother hung around a lot of guys, and they used to tell her how pretty she was and joke about marrying her when she got older. When she told me her brother, David, said those things about me, I laughed it off. I was a kid and boys were still gross to me.”
She paused again, trying to laugh and failed. The sorrow and fear were still present. Knowing where the conversation was headed, Kya remained silent. She did not want Karrina to know that she already knew the bones of the story. It was Karrina’s story to tell, and she did not want to cause problems with Antonio.
“We were walking home one day when we saw her brother and a few guys. She wanted to stop and talk to them, but I needed to get to her place to wait for Antonio. Even if I had to sit outside by myself, I had to be there. Her brother offered to walk me home, and like an idiot, I accepted. He kept complimenting me. I was ‘so pretty’ and ‘already a heartbreaker’ according to him. I also wasn’t smart enough to realize what he was doing. It started with him touching my hair, and then him holding my hand. The next thing I know, he stopped me and had me against the wall of an apartment building in a dark alley, kissing me. I was scared to fight him. He was like eighteen or nineteen and much stronger, but as he pushed me to the ground and put his hands in my panties, I had no choice, but to fight.”
With each word, Karrina’s voice shook. She was having a hard time with this and Kya was ready to stop her. It hurt her to see Karrina like that and to hear the anguish in her tone, but as a friend, she knew her job was to listen.
“No matter what I did, I could not stop him. Especially after the pain of him forcing himself inside me. I cried and screamed. He covered my mouth with one of his hands and just… he just took it. I don’t know where the burst of energy came from, but I twisted and turned until I could get to his fingers and bit him. I screamed as loud as I could after that, and he started slapping me. I gave up. I laid there crying behind his hand praying that God would send an angel, Tony, or foolishly, my dad to save me. He sent me Chris, instead. Christian, a boy, damned near half David’s size, was strong enough to get him off of me and brave enough to fight for a little girl he didn’t know. I didn’t realize that he had literally fought David for me until he took me to his apartment in the building we were behind and I saw his nose was bloody.”
She paused again, shaking her head. “It was so stupid of me to go with him, Kya. After what had just happened, I was so stupid and still, I let him lead me there and believed his promise to walk me home after he cleaned me up. Tony found me on the way and thanked him after they knocked the hell out of each other. Chris has kept my secret for years despite his friendship with my brother. Despite me being too much of a coward to even go to the police. He knows I’m dirty, but his love and respect for Antonio has kept him here.”
“His love and respect for you, too, Rina.”
“No!” She shook her head so wildly that Kya caught of glimpse of the little girl; a small child defiant and unable to comprehend. “No, he feels bad for me, and he respects my brother. Do you know how we ended up together?”
This time, Kya shook her head. In the back of her mind, she wondered after hearing the story the first time but chose not to ask her brother.
“We had a party for Julie’s birthday. Mom made that damned punch, and I felt like I had too much to drive. I wasn’t drunk, but I did not want to risk my life or anyone else’s. Christian offered to take me home since he didn’t live far from me. I went to hug him and tell him to let me know he made it to his place safely and kissed him by accident. It felt so good. I mean, I’ve never kissed anyone and felt so… warm. I invited him in, tried to have sex with him and instead of him taking advantage of me, he slept beside me innocently. The next morning, he kissed me, and that time it led to sex. He’s been putting up with my shit since.”
Kya wanted to smile. Behind all of the ugliness in that story was something beautiful. A girl was saved by a brave boy who became a friend. Later in life, the same friend refused to take advantage of her vulnerability and waited to show her what he felt. Karrina just needed to see that.
“And given the fact that he has been here, you don’t think he’ll be happy about this baby?” It was cemented in Kya’s mind. Karrina was pregnant. Test results or no results.
“No. Chris saw me. He saw what David did, and he knows I’m dirty. He’s with me because we started something that night and he doesn’t want to mess up his friendship with my brother. That’s it. If I am pregnant, he’s going to realize his mistake, and everything is going to fall apart. At any time, he could just walk away from me. A baby will force him to stay.”
The tears started up again until she was sobbing in her hands, once more. Kya had never seen Rina so distraught. Before Antonio told his version of the story, Kya never envisioned Karrina as a victim. Most women and even men that experienced that kind of trauma showed it in the way they carried themselves or through their interactions with others. Her friend was always bubbly and full of life. Now, She saw the signs Antonio spoke of. Now, she was seeing what years of keeping such a dark secret could do to someone.
Inching forward, Kya pulled Karrina down until she was laying with her head in her lap. As she stroked her face, she wiped it free of tears.
“I don’t know Chris as well as you do, obviously, but I do know what I see from the outside. He loves you and not the fact that you are his best friend’s sister. You. You’re not dirty or damaged. You are not now, nor will you ever be at fault for what happened and he knows that. Just think, he could have left after you kissed him that night or after you had sex and kept that as a secret, as well. But, he didn’t. The two of you became more because he saw more. I’ve seen his love for you, and I’m willing to bet that love will grow when he hears that you are going to have a baby.”
Karrina sat up, her eyes wide and aligned with tears. Again, she took on the look of her nephew, calling to Kya’s heart with the innocence she saw.
“You really think he’ll be happy?”
“I know he’ll be happy.”
“How do I tell him?”
Finally able to smile, Kya reached between them and held up the test, “Take this first, and we’ll go from there.”
To help get the process started, Kya opened the box, hanging off one of the packets inside. With much reluctance, her friend eased off the bed and went into the bathroom. There, Kya waited for what she already knew, and although her friend wasn’t as happy about it, she was ecstatic.
His feet weren’t moving fast enough. The stairs just kept going and going. Her music was so loud that she had not heard him calling her name, but she saw him the moment he stormed into the kitchen. Kya looked to Antonio’s face first, then her eyes fell to the box in his hand. He was going to wait for her to explain, but her smiling smirk pissed him off too much to give her a chance.
“What the fuck is this?”
Her smile grew, “A pregnancy test, Tony. It says so clear as day on the box.”
“I know it’s a pregnancy test, but why the fuck would you go about it this way? Letting me find the box instead of telling me yourself? What kind of shit is that? You can tell me everything else, but you can’t tell me that?”He was beyond pissed. Livid was the best way to describe it.
K
ya smiled once again. She placed the knife down on the center island and leaned against the counter behind her. Her smile morphed into laughter, getting beneath his skin.
“I did not tell you myself, Tony, because I did not take that test.”
Antonio paused. He looked her over for a second, mainly eyeing her stomach and then it hit him. Right in his own gut, her words hit him.
“Karrina?”
“Yes, and I’m sure she did not mean for you to find out this way so until she or Chris tells you about it, you know nothing. Got that?”
He did not respond, because he couldn’t. The relief that swarmed him had him braced against the counter, palms flat. His breathing slowly returned to normal and the urge to kiss her increased. When he saw that box in the trash, the image of a woman swollen with child struck him. Panic ran through his veins and internally, he was all over the place. On the outside, it translated as anger directed at her when he really blamed himself for the possibility of pregnancy.
“You know, if I were pregnant and you reacted like that, I would have packed as much shit as I could carry on my back and walked away from you.”
“Thankfully you’re not, and we don’t have to worry about that. No more slip-ups.”
Kya went back to slicing the vegetables she was adding to her stir fry with a roll of her eyes. “When I told you I think you’re going to be a great father someday and you declined my compliment, I thought you were telling me that you didn’t agree, not that you didn’t want kids.”
“That was both. I’m not father material. Kids were never in the cards for me.” Kya stopped chopping for a second. The look on her face was a mixture of things. She wanted to say something but was obviously refraining for whatever reason. “You want kids.” It was a statement. An observation rather than the question he intended it to be.
“Of course.”
“Why?”
“Why don’t you?”
“Because, like I said, I’m not father material. I didn’t really have one to show me how a father is supposed to be and I’m not going to make a child suffer through my trial and error.”
Kya chuckled, shaking her head. “Life is trial and error, Tony. No one is born knowing how to handle challenges right away. Do you think your mother knew what she was doing before she had Julie? Do you think she just knew how to raise three children on her own? She didn’t, but she learned. Just like Julie did with Anthony. If you want to be real, you’re the one that’s at an advantage, because you have Anthony to show you what fatherhood is like.”
“Having a nephew is completely different from having your own kid. Anthony is my responsibility, but not like my own child would be. My life is not a direct reflection of his. My mistakes won’t be his.”
“Your mistakes would not be your child’s either.” She replied over her shoulder while cooking. She should have been trying to get in a nap before work, but instead, she was making sure he was taken care of with a home-cooked meal. That was something he appreciated about her and one of the reasons he was so selfish. “Would you blame me for anything my father did or blame yourself for anything your father did?”
“No. You are nothing like you Rich.”
“Exactly. So, you need to come up with a new excuse, because that one is bullshit.”
Antonio watched her move about the kitchen, filling the space with such a delicious scent that it was breathtaking. If they had a kid, that sight would be no more. Kya would be too tired for most things that he took pleasure from, such as this one. It wasn’t the fact that she was keeping him well fed or sexually sated, but something he could not really put into words.
“You never answered me. Why do you want kids?”
“Because,” she placed the lid on the pan and faced him, “I grew up with just one family member who’s no longer here. I want a family again, and I want to be the creator of it. I want to experience what it’s like to grow life inside of me and then watch that life grow outside of my body. Most of all, Tony, I want to own one of the most important titles in the world, Mommy.”
The more she spoke, the more he felt his heart twist.
“I’m never going to be able to give you that, Kya.”
“Not being able to and not wanting to are two different things.”
“No, you’re not hearing me. I will never be able to give you that because it has been set in my mind damned near all my life. I never wanted kids, and although I get your reason why you do, I’m not secretly considering a change of heart.”
Kya’s face was a mixture of things, yet again. Before everything, he saw pain and anger. “Don’t you think that’s something we should have discussed before you moved me in here two weeks ago or before we agreed to stop using condoms? You should have told me that just like we should have discussed what the hell this is between us.”
Yeah, she was angry and rightfully so. “Yes. I should have told you that, but at the same time, would it have changed things? As far as what we are, I thought it was clear. You’re the only one I’m with, and I better be the only one you’re with.”
Her laughter was everything but genuine. “Oh, you better be the only one? And if you’re not?”
Antonio froze, his eyes growing dark, frown deepening, “Don’t play with me. You wanted me to contain myself, but you’re pushing me in the direction of insanity saying shit like that. Fuck with me if you want and I will follow you to work, hold the fucking place hostage, and shoot whatever pendejo was ever close enough to count the small patch of freckles on your nose.”
So quickly, the mood shifted. They went from talking casually to a heated conversation, turning up with each second. Kya switched off the stove, taking on the position of a woman that was hurt and trying to hold it in.
“Shoot them, why? Oh, that’s right! Because I’m your property. I’m just here to do everything you want and wish and for what? — Because we obviously don’t have a future together. You and I want two different things, and according to you, your mind isn’t going to change so that means, once again, I will be bending to your will to do what you want like I did when you wanted me to give you another chance and then when it came to my apartment. And for the record,” she moved around the counter preparing to leave the kitchen, “You didn’t have a father to show you how to be one just like I did not have one to show me how a man is supposed to treat me, but that has not stopped me from trying with you. That has not stopped me from facing all of my fears in not only giving my heart to you, but to someone that initially wanted to make it stop beating. So you know what, Tony? You should be questioning who else I might be with just like you should be questioning why you’re with me if our end goals are not the same.”
Antonio started to grab Kya as she walked away from him. He began to pull her into him and say something—anything to make her happy again. Yet, he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed his keys and left. For hours, he drove with no destination, but everything on his mind.
An argument and hurt feelings all because of a pregnancy test that was not hers. An argument and hurt feelings all because he was selfish.
The first business complex Antonio saw, he pulled in and sat in his truck thinking. Kya was right. All of this time he had been molding their situation to suit himself. He hoped with everything that those moves were things she wanted as well, but still. His control issues were still alive and well. In every other situation, he had been able to fix it. This time, he was at a loss. The idea of being a father was something he could not come to terms with. The concept of letting Kya be with someone who could, he could not face, yet it seemed like the only option.
Before the store ahead of him could close, Antonio made a mad dash into it. Instead of roses, he grabbed a bright bouquet to aide his apology. Nothing he could say would change what was already said. Nothing they could do would quiet the voice inside of him counting the days until she was no longer his.
All hopes of taking a small nap before work went out the window after Antonio’s overreaction and the co
nversation that ensued. On the outside, she managed to mimic him, a picture of calm, bothered by nothing. On the inside, she was anything but. After a quick call for an Uber, Kya neatly folded her work uniform and put it in her bag and left his home without having to utter another word. He’d asked enough questions as far as she was concerned, and they were done talking for the day if she could help it.
She pulled up at the club just as Jermaine did. The look on his face as she exited the car spoke of rare concern that was not voiced until she came back from the bathroom dressed in the tight white tee with the club name stretched across her chest and a pair of fitted black jeans.
“Are you going to tell me why you’re here so early or should I not care?”
Typical Jermaine just could not be helpful without being an asshole. Kya refrained from rolling her eyes as she moved behind the bar to do inventory. Bottles that were less than half full were backed up by new ones just in case and whatever could be consolidated, was. Thirty minutes before opening she would slice fresh fruit for garnish and wipe down the bars. Until then, there was nothing to ignore Jermaine with. So, with a heavy sigh, Kya continued to check her supply.
“Tony and I had a disagreement.”
“You had a disagreement, and it made you come here? I might have to put a bug in his ear to piss you off more often.” She looked up with a deep frown, clearly not amused. “That was my attempt at a joke.”
“I noticed.”
Another rarity came with light chuckles. “Alright,” he leaned against the bar, hands clasped in front of him, “this is where I’m supposed to ask if you want to talk about it.”
"Why would you? You're his friend, and as far as I know, you've never been too fond of me."
“True, but it was never personal. I'm not fond of most people. Antonio is my brother. What he cares about, I care about and based on recent events, he cares about you enough for me to listen if you need an ear. Besides, no one is around to witness this… this..."
