by Abby Jimenez
“Tomorrow.”
Ahhhhhhh. Fuck.
“I know what you’re gonna say, and I already have a plan.”
I shook my head. “I can’t fly. You know that.” And Lord knows I couldn’t afford to miss any more work.
“I know you think you can’t fly. But hear me out,” she said. “I put a lot of thought into this. We have dinner at the airport tonight. We get there three hours before our flight. There’s a place I love to eat in the terminal and we can get nice and sloshed and watch the planes on the tarmac like a little dose of immersion therapy. It’s only a three-hour flight and I got us first-class tickets. We’ll be in our seats with drinks in our hands and plenty of time to get comfortable and used to the plane before it even taxis from the gate. I downloaded season five of The Office to watch while we’re in the air and I had Yoga Lady make you a lavender-and-eucalyptus essential oil roller for your anxiety. And then, when we get there, we’re staying in an amazing five-star hotel on the beach and having dinner at Badger Den. It’s the ultimate motivation to overcome your fear.”
I dragged a hand down my mouth. “And if I can’t get on the plane?”
She shrugged. “Then you can’t get on the plane. All I’m asking is that you try.”
I blew a breath out through my nose. I guess I’d have to figure this shit out eventually. My girlfriend was a travel vlogger. We’d need to fly to places. If I couldn’t fly, it meant I couldn’t come to her even when I could get away for a few days. And she was right, Badger Den was a pretty amazing reward—even if it was for three hours of what I was sure would be pure hell.
“Who’s watching Grace?” I asked grimly.
She smiled in that bubbly excited way she had. “Dad and Sonja. Sonja says it’s good for him to see that his efforts reap rewards.”
“And Harry Puppins?”
“Becky. I already texted her.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You text my assistant?”
“I text your everyone. All your people are my people now, remember?”
I snorted.
“Come on. Pleeeeease?” She wiggled.
I took another moment. “All right. Let’s try it.”
She clapped animatedly. “Okay, so I have a tip for you. A little life coaching.”
I let out a grim breath. “What?”
“Don’t think about it yet. Don’t think about it until it’s happening.”
I rubbed my forehead. “Yeah, I have a feeling that’s not going to be possible.”
“You know how when you’re running late, you’re all stressed? I don’t do that. Ever. If I’m supposed to be somewhere at two and I know I’m not getting there until two fifteen, I don’t let myself be stressed until two. Because until then, I’m not actually late yet. All I’m doing is feeling the stress of a thing that hasn’t even happened.”
“Yeah, but you know it’s coming. You know it’s going to happen.”
“That’s just looking at the sun, Adrian. Fuck what’s coming. Don’t focus on what’s going to happen. Or in this case, what might happen. Because who knows, you might get there and realize that you’ve built this whole thing up in your head. You might get on that plane and find out that you’re stronger than you think and you’re capable of anything.” She smiled at me. “And you are. I’ve never known anyone as capable as you.”
She kissed me gently. Then she leapt off the bed and went to the bathroom. I watched her go and waited for the door to click closed before I clutched a hand over my racing heart. The fact that I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath and we hadn’t even left the apartment yet should have been an indication.
My day didn’t go well. I couldn’t focus at work. I kept thinking about the plane ride. It was ridiculous, and I was getting pissed off at myself.
What was the big deal? It was three hours. That’s it. I could do anything for three hours. I’d sat in a prison for a week interviewing a client who’d chopped his neighbor up with an ax. I couldn’t get on a fucking airplane?
I tried to push it from my mind like she said. She was right. Maybe if I didn’t let myself dwell on it, I could just show up and tear the Band-Aid off. I’d walk onto that plane and just do it.
Ten hours later we were in the airport parking lot. Grace had been dropped off. Our bags were in the trunk. We’d checked in online and Vanessa had rolled essential oils on my pressure points and held my hand the whole way there.
I had a panic attack before I even got out of the car.
CHAPTER 24
7 SMALL TOWNS YOU MUST VISIT IN YOUR LIFETIME (YOU’LL LOVE #1)
VANESSA
We drove down a tiny main street with an enormous MERRY CHRISTMAS garland draped over the entrance. It was Christmas Eve and we’d just arrived in Nebraska to spend the holiday with Adrian’s mom and dad.
All the businesses were decked out for the holiday with Christmas lights and wreaths. It was snowing gently and people in parkas were bustling up and down the sidewalks with bags on their arms.
“This town looks like a Hallmark movie,” I said, petting Harry Puppins in my lap. “I feel like a big-city girl who’s about to learn the spirit of Christmas from a handsome local bachelor in a chunky reindeer sweater.”
Adrian laughed. “I hope not, since I don’t own that sweater.” Then his smile fell a little. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I wish we could have flown here.”
The airport panic attack had been four days ago, and he was still apologizing for it. He didn’t have to.
“It’s okay,” I said again. “I told you I appreciated you even trying.”
His jaw flexed. “It’s not okay.”
“When I have to do overseas stuff, I’ll just go without you,” I said. “I’ll come back as fast as I can.”
The lines in his forehead got deeper. This suggestion obviously wasn’t helping.
I put a hand on his arm. “Or, we can do local stuff so I can stay with you. We can do a weekend series on the best bed-and-breakfasts in Minnesota. And then when you get time off we’ll do cruise ships and road trips like this one. Rent an RV and explore all the cool campgrounds. We’ll figure it out. It’s not a big deal.”
But I could see in the set of his body that it was.
He was disappointed in himself. This wasn’t a man who was used to failing. At anything.
“I kinda thought it might happen,” I admitted. “I have a backup Christmas gift for you and everything.”
He glanced at me with a weak smile.
I think on top of this, he was stressed out about this weekend, about seeing his dad again. I fully planned on greasing this entire situation. I was going to make sure he had a good time no matter what. I’d pull him into broom closets for blow jobs if the circumstances required it.
I sorta hoped the circumstances required it.
We drove another two minutes and then turned down a tree-lined drive to a beautiful Victorian house. Adrian pulled up behind an old beater truck and put the car in park. He didn’t move to get out.
“Is this it?” I asked, looking over at him.
He sat there, staring at the house. “I haven’t been here in almost two decades,” he said quietly.
“How’s it look?”
“Good. It looks really good. He’s been taking care of it.”
I peered back out through the windshield. It looked like the kind of house that smelled like cinnamon inside. There were white Christmas lights along the eaves and a huge wreath on the front door. It reminded me of the inside of a Christmas snow globe or something.
“Why haven’t you been here?” I asked.
He put an elbow on the ledge of his window and rubbed his forehead. “I used to come every summer. We all did. All the cousins. It was my grandparents’ house. I stopped coming when my dad left.”
“Why?”
He shook his head a little, still staring out the windshield. “I didn’t want to run the risk of seeing him. And Mom fell apart. I couldn’t leave her.”
I scoffed. “Yup. I k
now what that’s like. Being the only one who has their shit together,” I mumbled. I looked back at the front door. It was flanked by small lighted pine trees. Very tasteful. All the windows were lit and warm. “It’s a cool house.”
“It’s been in the family for as long as I can remember. My uncle bought it when my granddad died. Then he retired to Florida. Sold it to Richard earlier this year.” He paused a few heartbeats. “I’m glad Mom gets to live in it. She likes houses like this. She always loved coming here.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Is that a snowplow on the front of his truck?” I asked, squinting at the old Ford parked in front of us between the house and the garage.
“If you live here, you have to help out. They don’t have much infrastructure. Mom said he’s on the town council too.”
“Wow. And here you are with only one job and no political aspirations. I’m sorta disappointed in you.”
He smiled, but he didn’t make any move to get out of the car. We sat there, silently looking at the house.
“I used to tell everyone I hated coming here,” he said quietly.
“Why?”
“Because I couldn’t. It was easier to pretend that I didn’t want to. I didn’t want Mom to feel bad that I was staying to take care of her. And I didn’t want to even admit to myself how much I missed this house.” He paused. “I guess if the decision not to come was mine, it made it something I was in control of. Even if I wasn’t.”
I sighed. “Coping mechanisms. Isn’t it amazing the things we do to be okay? At least you get to come home again,” I said. “And hey, maybe your old room won’t be filled with rusting bikes.”
He laughed.
Grace made a noise from the back seat and it was our cue to get out. She’d need a diaper change and a bottle soon.
Adrian took a deep breath and pushed open his car door. The second he did, the door to the house opened too and a man jogged down the steps to greet us. It had to be Adrian’s dad because he looked exactly like him. And any worries I had about weirdness between these two was instantly put to rest. His dad went right in for a hug.
It took Adrian a second. Like old reflexes were still at work. But then he hugged his dad back and within a few moments, both men were crying.
Adrian’s mom stood at the top of the steps watching this with her hands over her mouth. She was crying too.
“I missed you, son,” Richard rasped.
Adrian paused. “I missed you too.”
* * *
When we made it inside the house, Adrian set Grace down in her car seat and hugged his mom. When he let go, he turned to me, beaming. “Mom, this is Vanessa. Vanessa this is my mom, Robin, and my dad, Richard.”
Richard was hanging up our jackets on a coat hook as an old woman in a pink housecoat shuffled around the corner.
“Adrian! You’re home!” she said, lifting her thin arms to hug him.
Adrian kissed her cheek and then turned her to me by the shoulders. “Grandma, this is my girlfriend, Vanessa. Vanessa, this is Audrey.”
The small woman lit up like a Christmas tree. “Adrian! A girlfriend?” She put her hands over her mouth and looked up at her tall grandson, her green eyes almost childlike. “Are you going to marry her?” The question was so innocent and sweet.
“I promised I’d marry her on her thirtieth birthday.” Adrian winked.
She inched forward and hugged me. “Oh, bless your heart.” She let me go and patted my cheek. “She’s a beauty, a real catch. Robin, he’s getting married! It’s a Christmas miracle!”
She padded back into the living room and I had to cover my laugh with a hand.
Adrian leaned over and whispered, “I think she likes you.”
“Are we just going to ignore the Christmas miracle thing or…?”
He laughed. “I’ve never introduced her to anyone before.”
Adrian was looking around the entryway. “The place looks amazing. Wood floors!” he laughed, looking down.
Robin smiled. “They were under the shag.” She shuddered.
The house looked like a photo in Good Housekeeping. And yes, it did smell like cinnamon.
There was a gorgeous dark wood staircase off the entryway with a fresh pine garland wrapped around it. The living room had a huge fireplace with a blazing fire in it and a glittering Christmas tree decorated like one in the lobby of a five-star hotel.
Every inch of the house looked meticulously restored.
“I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re here,” Robin said.
Richard smiled. “We picked up a special bottle of wine just for you. Boone’s Farm.”
Adrian blanched and Richard laughed. “I’m kidding.”
Richard grabbed our bags, smiling. “Come on, let me show you to your room. You kids can get situated. We’ll have dinner when you’re ready.”
Our room had a mahogany four-poster bed and private bathroom with a claw-foot tub. There was already a fire burning in our fireplace, logs shifting. It was super romantic. This weekend was going to be epic.
We had dinner and then drinks in the living room. Both Robin and Richard were great, and Adrian spent a good hour just catching up with his dad. Adrian’s grandma got tired and went to bed early. She took a liking to Harry Puppins and brought him to her room with her when she left. Adrian and I stayed chatting with Richard and Robin a little longer. At midnight we called it and went to bed.
Back in our room, Adrian set Grace in her Pack ’n Play.
As soon as his hands were free, he cleared the space between us and pulled me into a kiss. It was more passionate than usual, and I didn’t expect it.
“Wow,” I said against his lips.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“For what?” I said breathlessly.
“For coming. For making me come. For making me see things differently.” His eyes moved back and forth between mine. “The holidays never meant much to me. But this one does.”
“Why?” I smiled.
“Because it’s our first one. Because everything with you is better. Because I’ve found the person I can’t live without.”
My lips fell a little. “Don’t say that.”
“Don’t say what?” he whispered.
“That you can’t live without me.”
He shook his head. “Why?”
“Because it’s a fucked-up thing to say. I don’t want to know that you won’t want to live if I’m not here. That’s not a compliment. That’s sort of my worst nightmare, actually.”
He smiled at me. “Okay. I’ve found the person I want to share everything with. Better?”
I nodded. “Yes. Better.”
He grinned.
I nodded up at him. “Hey, what do you think of giving Harry Puppins to your grandma?”
He pulled his face back. “You want to give our dog away?”
I shrugged. “Well, he’s not actually our dog. We’re fostering him. And our lifestyles aren’t conducive to long-term dog ownership when you really think about it. Your grandma really likes him. And you notice how he hasn’t bitten her?”
He scoffed. “God, can you imagine that dog with teeth?”
“Can you imagine that dog as a dragon?”
Adrian barked out a laugh.
“I’ll bet your grandma reminds him of his previous owner or something. We could arrange it with the rescue, pay the adoption fee for her as a gift.”
He seemed to mull this over. “I guess you’re right. He probably would be happier here. There’s always someone home. I’m going to miss that little asshole.”
I laughed. “We could foster another dog if you miss having one. Save another life.”
He smiled at me. “I like that you’re such a good person. You make me want to be a better person too.”
I rubbed my nose on his. “You already are a better person.”
His eyes moved to my lips and then came back up. “Are you ready for your Christmas gift?”
I cocked my head. “You do
n’t want to wait until tomorrow?”
“It’s midnight. It’s Christmas.”
“Is it your dick in a box? Because if it is, I’m very excited to open it.”
He laughed. “No. Though feel free to open that gift as often as you’d like.”
I snorted.
He pulled something out of his pocket and put it in my hand. A small, flat package wrapped in candy cane wrapping paper.
“Is it a gift card?” I asked, prying the paper open.
It was an Altoids tin.
“I didn’t want you to have any idea what’s in it until you saw it,” he said.
I smiled and shook it next to my ear and it made a rattling sound. Then I opened the lid and sucked in a gulp of air. I blinked at it a moment, not believing what I was seeing.
It was Mom’s ring.
I put a shaking hand out to touch it like it might not be real. “How did you…?” I breathed.
“I started looking for it right after you told me it was stolen.”
A choking sob burst from my mouth.
“Adrian…this is…” I shook my head and looked up at him with tears in my eyes. “This is the best Christmas gift anyone has ever given me,” I whispered.
He smiled. Then he took the ring out of the tin, slid it onto my finger, and bent to kiss me. When he came back up, I stood there, looking at my hand, blinking back tears.
“Thank you,” I breathed, peering up at him.
His green eyes held mine. “I would give you the whole world if I could.” He studied me for a moment. “You had all of this planned, didn’t you?”
“What?” I sniffed.
“You knew I was going to fall for you. That I didn’t stand a chance.”
I smiled. “I’d like to take more credit. But to be honest, with all my problems, I didn’t think you’d even want me.”
He shook his head. “Did you know my grandparents lived their whole life in this house? They were the happiest couple I’ve ever known. My grandma married my grandpa a month after they met. I never understood it. I never imagined that I’d ever feel that sure about anyone that soon. Or ever. Until you.”
He put his warm hands on my cheeks.
“You are the flood, Vanessa. You pour into me, washing away everything that I used to think mattered and then filling me up to the top until I’m drowned in nothing but you.”
