by Maisey Yates
She just wished that she could do things half as effortlessly as he could. His body was a machine. Every muscle, every movement contributing to the other. She felt like she was all thumbs. That it took her five hits of the hammer to create the same kind of movement he got out of one. He was more efficient, more precise… It was frustrating. Maddening, even.
Though watching him was…
Well, she was learning a lot. She felt her cheeks get prickly. But she chose not to think too much about that and got into the cab of the truck with him as they drove to the barn.
He parked in front of the old, run-down building, and the two of them got out.
He walked over and pushed the door open, muscles straining. And yet again, she realized she was standing there gaping at the back of Jackson Cooper.
She mobilized herself, scampering through the open doorway as soon as it was wide enough for her to get through.
He came in behind her, and she could feel him. It was the strangest thing. Like there was energy crackling between them. It was more than just his body heat; it was something else.
She turned, and was looking up underneath his jaw. At the square line there, the stubble on his chin, his lips.
His lips were really very compelling. They were turned down slightly, naturally, which gave him a bit of a grim look. An intensity. That was one of the things that had always fascinated her about him. That quiet, brooding intensity. Something she did not have in common with him at all, because there was very little about her that was brooding. She wasn’t quiet, she just avoided things by choice.
She took a step away from him and moved deeper into the barn. “Well,” she said. “This is it.”
He made an amused sound. “Not much,” he said. “Is it?”
“No. I mean, all of it can be revamped.” She looked at him sharply. “I know that it costs money.”
“I know you do.”
“Well, you do a lot of lecturing. So I can’t exactly be sure.”
He walked past her, and she noticed, not for the first time, that he had a very particular scent to him. His skin and soap and the wild. The pine from the trees, and a bit of the earth. “This could be a decent facility, with some upkeep. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to discourage you. I promise.”
“Well, that’s good to know,” she said.
“There is a whole lot of moldy hay in here, though. We need to get it cleaned out. Why don’t you grab a shovel?”
“More chores?”
“Yes,” he said. “Actually, thinking of it as chores is kind of counterproductive. It’s part of the gig. Part of life. Everything in life that you care about, whether it’s your house or the land, has to be taken care of by somebody. I understand on the Maxfield family spread that somebody else does a lot of the caretaking. At our place, the Coopers do the caretaking.”
“And you’re currently caretaking your own ranch?”
“Obviously I have help,” he said. “Which is good for you. Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”
“Right, right.”
“Grab a shovel.”
That was how she found herself feeling sweaty and indignant, moving great piles of moldy hay out into the bed of his truck.
“It will make decent enough compost. But you don’t want it in here,” he said.
“It smells,” she said.
“A whole lot of things about ranch life smell.”
“I don’t mind it,” she said, resolute.
“Sure.”
“I really don’t. I was just saying.”
He arched a brow, half of his lips curving up into a smile. “You do a lot of questioning for somebody who just knows, and is fine with everything.”
Her cheeks burned. She didn’t really know why. “I’m fine,” she said, stepping into the corner and grabbing another shovelful of that vile hay.
“Yeah, you seem totally fine.”
“It’s just a lot to learn. I’m happy to. I want to. That really is why I…” Except that would be a lie. She was about to finish the sentence with it was why I wanted you here. But it wasn’t why. The words caught in her throat, and then her gaze caught his and held. She couldn’t seem to look away. And he didn’t look away either. He was close.
Closer than she had realized a moment ago. Or maybe the space around them had shrunk. She didn’t know which. Except, of course that was impossible. But there was something about his nearness that felt impossible all on its own. Like she had been dropped onto an alien planet, into an alien body.
But there was no guide for how this should feel. Living with this man who had captivated her for the better part of a decade. This man who was so unlike anyone she’d ever known, and who she didn’t really know, but who felt like he might be the answer to something all the same.
This was not what she’d dreamed about. But…she had to make what she was feeling something else because the only other option was for everything she’d suspected to be nothing and she couldn’t bear that either.
To have her life just be the same.
To have her whole self just be the same as she’d always been.
His gaze flickered downward, and she realized that he was looking at her mouth. And that was when the tension in her stomach twisted, making her organs roll. Causing her heart to stutter.
And suddenly, her mouth felt like it was on fire. She was just so very aware of it. Had never, in all her life, been quite so conscious of the fact that she had lips.
But she was now.
Because he had looked at them. Because he was standing there, so close. Because they were sharing this space, sharing the air. Because he fascinated her in a way no one else had.
Because he had the answers.
Her heart started racing.
No.
No.
She had never been this close to him. And last night his hands had brushed hers and now he was standing right there. She knew she had to think of him differently now, and not as a man, like she’d always seen him. But she couldn’t make him that. She just couldn’t. Couldn’t force her body to acknowledge what her brain suspected, no matter what she’d tried to tell herself about their connection.
He was there. And she wanted.
It couldn’t be.
But then the light went on in those eyes, and even she could recognize the expression there, because she’d eaten dinner with the man last night.
Hunger.
And she felt it. She felt an answering appetite low and deep.
He moved, and she didn’t know if it was toward her or away from her, because she dropped her shovel and ran out of the barn.
Ran.
Like the devil and all of hell was coming after her. Ran and didn’t look back. Ran past his truck, through the fence, and out into the middle of the field. She stopped, panting, her forehead damp with sweat. She planted her hands on her knees, and only then did she realize what she’d done.
She had run from him.
He must think she was insane. She was acting insane. Except…
Why?
The word was more a groan in her soul than a real, actual word. A deep, enduring sadness that made her feel like she might be crushed with it.
It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. How in all the world was he…
The one man, the only man, that she had ever felt this for?
She was sick. There was something wrong with her.
You always knew there was something wrong with you.
Yes, but she hadn’t thought this.
She made a rough sound of distress. Out loud, and she didn’t care if it carried all the way back to the barn. She couldn’t care.
She looked around suddenly, wildly, to see if he was behind her. He wasn’t.
Why was this happening to her? She had thought s
he had finally been on her way to finding her place. She had been resolute in winning over Jackson, in getting to know him so she could approach him about their potential connection…
And what if he had been moving toward her? What if he had been about to kiss her?
Well, then everything was ruined. Absolutely everything.
Cricket wasn’t one to cry. She wasn’t one to give in to despair. But she wanted to now. Yes, she did. She wanted to now because she had thought she’d found a way out. She had thought she’d found a way to change her life. To change everything. But she hadn’t. She was just weird, awkward Cricket, who would never find a place that felt comfortable.
Because this certainly wasn’t comfortable. This was an abomination.
And you’re not a baby. You’re going to figure out how to face him, apologize and get your head on straight.
Yes, but she couldn’t face him now. So she spent about an hour picking through the field and ignoring the fact that she was going to have to face him eventually. And when she finally went back to the barn, his truck was gone, and so was he.
And it left Cricket to wonder if she had hallucinated the whole thing.
CHAPTER FOUR
Jackson had decided to go to town to get some things for the ranch, and check on his own spread. Anyway, a drive to town was good for a little bit of self castigation. Obviously, he had terrified Cricket earlier when he’d moved in on her. He could pretend that he hadn’t been about to kiss her. But he had been. And he knew better. Earlier, he had decided that he wouldn’t. But for a minute there, she had seemed like she wanted him to, and his reasoning had gotten lost.
He hadn’t felt like an ass for having ulterior motives for agreeing to the bet, knowing he’d lose. Knowing it would put him in a prime position to convince her to sell. Until now.
Because one thing he wouldn’t do was get into a personal relationship with her while trying to get her land.
That was a step too far.
He had thought about going after her, but he had figured it would only create more problems. She had run for a reason, after all. It was pretty clear she didn’t want him to go after her.
Now, of all the reactions he’d had from women he’d made a move on, running full tilt the other direction wasn’t one of them. Sure, sometimes they might decide they weren’t into it, and then all it took was a simple no thanks. He wasn’t a man to push himself on anyone. And anyway, he didn’t have to.
But Cricket had run like he might. And that made him wonder things about her. And he didn’t want to wonder about her. Not any more than he already did.
He also figured that while he was out, he should go and check in on his father. Honey still lived at the ranch, and he knew she took on a fair amount of responsibility. Probably more than she should. It suited him that she was relatively sheltered, he had to admit.
And that got him right back into guilty thoughts and feelings about Cricket. She and Honey were roughly the same age. And if a man his age made a move on Honey, she wouldn’t be the one running away. He would, with Jackson right after him.
He maneuvered his truck down the driveway, up to the winery show room. The place was no less grand to him now than it had been when he was a boy. It always would be. But he would also always picture his mother standing there, waiting with a smile. No matter how many years she was gone, that’s what he would see.
But she wasn’t there. It was Honey.
“What brings you around?” his sister asked, pushing the door open to the tasting room. “Aren’t you in indentured servitude to Cricket Maxfield currently?”
“Currently.”
“Honestly, I’m glad you lost the bet. I can’t imagine having her working the tasting room.”
“What do you have against Cricket?”
Honey shrugged. “I just don’t really know her. Anyway, she’s not all that friendly.”
He frowned. “She’s not particularly unfriendly.”
“I don’t know. She’s weird. Don’t you think?”
He thought about all the things Cricket had said. About feeling out of place. And that his sister’s take, that she was weird, made him feel…
Sorry for her, he supposed.
“That’s not a very nice thing to say.”
“Since when do you care?”
“I don’t.”
“You must, a little.”
He shrugged. “She’s a nice kid. Anyway, I feel bad for all of them.”
“Maybe someday I’ll get there. I still can’t believe Creed married Wren.”
“You like Wren.”
“I know. But… Isn’t it weird? Switching allegiance like that.”
“The problem was James.”
“I don’t know. I think it’s deeper than that. Dad really…”
“Dad’s not perfect,” he said. “Dad’s feelings on something don’t have to be the final say.”
“I know that.”
Poor Honey had only been a teenager when their mother had died. And Jackson felt like she had thrown herself in a relationship with their dad even deeper, trying to please him much more than she would have if that hadn’t happened. There was no gray area with Honey when it came to Cash Cooper. While Jackson’s relationship with him came with about fifty shades of it.
“Speaking of Dad,” Jackson said. “Is he around?”
“Yeah, he’s just back in the office.”
The main office for the winery was at the back of the tasting room.
“You have any groups coming today?”
“A couple. Stick around, it’s a bachelorette party.”
And he found he had no interest at all. He found he was soured on the thought of it. Maybe his reaction had something to do with a woman running flat away from him not that long ago.
Or maybe it had something to do with Cricket herself, and her deep, seeking eyes. And that pretty mouth of hers.
Well.
He waved a hand toward his sister, then walked back to the office, his boots making a hard sound against the reclaimed barn wood floor. He knocked once, then opened the door without waiting for his dad to respond.
“The prodigal has returned,” Cash said.
“Just to check in,” Jackson grunted.
“Jericho came by yesterday and made it sound like you are pretty busy with your new boss.”
“Yeah,” Jackson said. “Jericho can shut it.” Jericho was basically another brother to Jackson. They had grown up thick as thieves, and had started their own ranches about the same time. Like a brother, Jericho could also be a spectacular pain in his butt.
“Why exactly are you here?”
“I came to check in on you. I don’t like being away for so long.”
“You don’t sound happy about it.”
“What’s going on, Dad? Look, I’ve never called you out. Not once. Not in front of Creed, and not in front of Honey, and I won’t. Not even in front of Jericho. You might not be his dad, but he looks up to you. But I was closer to Mom, and I know that… I know that you’re grieving. I believe that. But I don’t get exactly what you’re grieving. Because I don’t think she was the love of your life.”
“Jackson…”
“I know that things weren’t always great with you.”
“I loved your mother.”
Jackson paused, a muscle jumping in his jaw. He wasn’t going to argue with his dad about what he felt or didn’t. “I’m sure you did. But enough that you’re still nonfunctional five years later?”
He sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“You’ve never loved a woman in all your life, Jackson, let alone two. So what would you know about the kinds of things that I’ve been through?”
Jackson’s senses sharpened. “Two?”
“I’m not g
oing to discuss it with you. All I can tell you is nothing in my life has been right since I lost your mother. There are a variety of reasons for it. And maybe you’re right, but to me it’s not so simple. And maybe you don’t think I deserve to have the grief and regret that I do. But I do. You know what’s worse than grieving the love of your life? I think it might be grieving a person you wronged.”
“What exactly…”
“Not up for discussion. Why don’t you get on back to the Maxfield property? Used to be you were all so against them.”
“You were against them,” Jackson said.
His father cleared his throat. “Yeah. I was.”
“Not anymore?”
“James was the problem.”
“I figured as much.”
“Turns out he was a problem for everyone.”
“Again, not a surprise.”
Though, Jackson wondered if her dad’s problems had been a bigger surprise to Cricket than she let on, and if that was maybe part of her problem.
He had no idea what his problem was. Why was he overthinking every interaction with Cricket? He didn’t overthink anything. If anything, he tended to underthink. He was a man of action. If there was something to be done, he liked to get it done. But maybe that was the problem. He couldn’t quite figure out Cricket’s aim in having him work at the ranch. Yes, she needed some guidance, but she often seemed to bristle beneath it, and she seemed more interested in him as a person then she did in his ranching expertise half the time.
But then, when he’d nearly kissed her, she’d run away. He would have thought that if there was a motivation, her having a crush would make sense.
Still, he preferred to take his chances with Cricket than trying to stand here and reason with his father. Trying to understand his father. “I’ll see you around. Just… Why don’t you go to the bar tonight or something? Do something. Honey shouldn’t have to cook you dinner every night.”
“She doesn’t have to. I could easily get food from the winery.”
