Owning Our Actions
Ereshkigal reminds us that to shed our ego and truly know ourselves requires we take ownership of our actions. We are human; we are going to fail at things at times and create messes in life. But how we deal with that fact is important. Do we, like Inanna, travel to Ereshkigal’s realm and make amends? If we see the sisters as two sides of the same goddess, can we forgive ourselves for our misdeeds? Perhaps the hardest lesson of all is to forgive ourselves. Can we judge ourselves, know we must act differently in the future, and know we are worthy of that forgiveness? To do so we must sacrifice a part of ourselves, shedding that which hinders our growth as Inanna must shed her clothes and regalia to stand before Ereshkigal’s throne. And to be Ereshkigal ourselves we must sit on that throne knowing we must judge ourselves as well. That is the price of escaping the underworld.
Devotional Work and Offerings for Ereshkigal
When I do devotional work with Ereshkigal, I offer her dark-colored wine or a plate of food with the first choices of the meal, as she was shown discourtesy during the feast of the gods. I wear my hair loose and do not wear any jewelry, as a symbolic sign that I come to her gates as I am, without regalia. Ereshkigal is a goddess to call on to move past guilt and to reclaim our shadow, the parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of and shun. She is also a deity to go to when we are mourning a loss or one who has passed. Even as the queen of the underworld she is powerless to prevent her husband’s death.
Invocation to Ereshkigal
You who sit enthroned in the underworld
You who sit in judgment
You strip us bare
You show us what we truly are
Without finery, raw in the knowledge of ourselves
Ereshkigal, lady of the darkness
May I know myself
May I see the truth of my spirit
As you see it
Invocation to Ereshkigal and Inanna
Ereshkigal, Inanna
Dark lady, heaven’s queen
May we be stripped bare before you
May we know our true worth
Ereshkigal, Inanna
Dark lady, heaven’s queen
That the crowns we wear have no worth
Compared to the mettle of our will
Ereshkigal, Inanna
Dark lady, heaven’s queen
Barefoot and bleeding we come to you
Grieving and in sorrow we come to you
Ereshkigal, Inanna
Dark lady, heaven’s queen
We lay our sorrows at your feet
We lay our fears at your feet
We lay the crown of heaven at your feet
Ereshkigal, Inanna
Dark lady, heaven’s queen
Be here now!
Making Things Right Spell
Sometimes we mess up. We aren’t perfect. Sometimes with the best intentions we burn bridges we never intended to set on fire. Owning our actions means when things like this happen, we have to take ownership of what we have done and attempt to fix things. Part of this, of course, has to be done in the practical everyday world, but we can use magick to help us pave the way and help foster the conditions for making a situation right again.
You Will Need:
Small jar
Picture (or item representing the person you wish to make peace with)
Bottle of honey
Take the small jar and put in it a picture or item of the person you want to make amends with. You could also take a piece of paper, write down the situation, and put it in the jar. Pour the honey over the item and fill the jar until it comes close to the lid. Then put the lid back on. Say,
Ereshkigal, I seek to make amends
I have acted wrongly
And take ownership of my actions
Help me make amends
Sweet honey to cool tempers
And open hearts
Help me right the rifts I have made
See the person or situation healing and both parties being open to listening to the other. Leave the jar in a hidden place in your home until the desired results have manifested.
Ritual to Connect with Our True Selves
There are times when we need to let things go or to forgive ourselves before we are able to heal or move on. In this ritual we will enact our own descent and stand before Ereshkigal’s throne in order to shed the baggage we hold on to and to see ourselves as we truly are.
To enter Ereshkigal’s realm we must, like her sister, stand before her bare. In this ritual we will do this in a figurative sense and strip ourselves of ego and pride, instead of clothing, to reveal our truest selves. You will need four items that represent aspects of your ego and pride. These can be things you create to represent these concepts or actual items, such as a diploma, a pay stub, a name badge from work, a picture of your child, and so on. We tell ourselves we are these things, but we forget that the core of who we are exists without those things and is not defined by them.
You Will Need:
Offering bowl
Red wine (or red juice)
4 items that represent things you are proud of or achievements you have made
In the bowl pour part of the wine as an offering to Ereshkigal, and then invoke her, saying,
Ereshkigal, lady of the underworld
I descend to your realm
To see my truest self
I pass through the gates of the underworld
I strip my spirit bare before you
Ereshkigal, hear my call
Ereshkigal, walk with me
That I may stand before your throne
And be renewed!
Take the items you have gathered or created and place them around the center of your space near the offering bowl. Take some time to consider why these things are important to you or have been. Take one item at a time and walk over to each of the quarters of your sacred space. Hold the item up in that quarter and speak out loud about why this item has importance to you and why you are letting it go. It’s not that the thing isn’t actually an important part of you, just that you are more than just that thing. Before you go to get another item to leave at another quarter, say,
Ereshkigal, I release my ego, I descend to your realm
When all of the items have been distributed to the quarters, slowly begin walking counterclockwise around the circle. Take slow, deliberate steps and see yourself walking down, down, down into the vast underworld that Ereshkigal rules over, knowing you have shed your symbols of power and ego in order to travel to this place. As you do so, quietly chant Ereshkigal. This will be a walking meditation. Take your time, go slowly, and allow your mind to wander and be open to Ereshkigal’s presence and wisdom. See yourself standing before her throne. What does she say to you? What wisdom does she offer? See her holding up a large silver mirror and telling you to gaze at your reflection. What do you see? Who are you at the core of your being, stripped of all the things you thought made up yourself and your life?
When you are ready, come to the center of the space, pour another offering to Ereshkigal, and offer her your thanks. Then walk clockwise around the space three times, seeing yourself returning from the underworld.
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39. Jeremy Black, “Inana’s descent to the Underworld,” in The Literature of Ancient Sumer, ed. Jeremy Black, Graham Cunningham, Eleanor Robson, and Gábor Zólyomi, (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2006), p. 71, lines 190–94.
Part 4
Rebirth
The phoenix must burn to emerge.
—Janet Fitch, White Oleander
W e tend to think the story is over when the hero emerges from the underworld. When Inanna returns to the world of the living or Frodo returns to the Shire, the tale is done. Life returns to normal because the adventure, the danger, is over. But that isn’t true. While we return to our every
day lives, we are fundamentally different. And usually that means we start the long process of reshaping our lives and the world around us to fit the person we have become. After all, the rule of the underworld is that there is no guarantee of who we will be at the end of the process. If we are changed, then the life we once lived may not suit us anymore. What makes rebirth difficult is that we are creating it on the ashes of our old lives or our old selves. There are haunting reminders of our mistakes and the paths we have chosen in the past. It is easy to want to fall back into comfortable old patterns. It is easy once we are past a crisis point to forget the wisdom we sought from the gods during our most trying times. There is a good reason we do not remember our own births. The event is traumatic, and so is rebirth.
Once transformed, the process is not over any more than the hero’s journey is over when he or she escapes the underworld. Discovering who we have become takes time. Incorporating lessons the gods have shown us along the way into our lives does not happen overnight. As in Nietzsche’s analogy for change, we become the child, learning things with newfound eyes. Reshaping our lives and our inner landscapes is hard. Holding true to the knowledge we gain through surviving dark times is even harder. In the depths of the underworld we are confronted with our own personal demons, but when we return to everyday life we have to learn to live with them.
Admittedly, it took me a long time to come to terms with the idea of a shadow self. It had always been presented in a way that made it feel like some alien force that was supposed to be warring inside me with my conscious self, something akin to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, good Spock versus evil bearded Spock, or that point in the video game when the hero has to fight his shadowy mirror image. These of course are extremes of something that is far harder to distinguish from our everyday selves. Conceptually, we may visualize the shadows as separate from ourselves, but in the end they are our very selves. The shadow is the voice in your head that says you aren’t good enough or thinks something rude while you put on a smile and say the polite thing. We create our shadows bit by bit with the parts of ourselves we see as unacceptable, through pain that we bury within, and through our desire to have things we tell ourselves we either are not good enough to have or are forbidden to have for a myriad of reasons. The thing is our inner nature always wins. The parts of ourselves that make up our shadows have just as much force of will as the parts that make up the rest of us. If we feed our shadows the idea that we don’t deserve to be happy, then guess what? You never will be. Your own will, the same force that fuels your magick, is actively working and being fed the idea that you shouldn’t be happy, and then it manifests it. It’s a rather insidious kind of thing. Wrapping our arms around our shadows and singing “Kumbaya” isn’t going to fix anything. Seeing the shadow as something outside and separate from our everyday self is only a first step to acknowledging its existence. But it’s already something that is incorporated into the very fabric of who you are. To work with the shadow we have to be brutally honest with ourselves. What do we really want? The shadow isn’t rational, but it doesn’t need to be. It’s driven by emotions, which is part of what makes it so powerful. What do we really feel, under the politeness, under what is expected of us? What is the truth? And when we discover that, then we must act on it or come to terms with it. Otherwise, we will undermine the things we really want. And no matter how much we tell ourselves we don’t want them or can’t have them, at the end of the day we have to admit to ourselves that isn’t true. You aren’t worthy until you decide you are worthy.
In a modern age when we are taught to be polite, not get angry, and not make waves, there is a great value in our shadow, because it is where our most primal feelings are. Deep gut feelings, primal urges, and the will to fight and survive—the very things that see us through difficult times—all live in our shadow. Listening to your intuition is listening to your shadow, that part of yourself that is perhaps more honest than your conscious self and does not second guess. Ultimately, there is nothing to fear within the darkest parts of ourselves if we just turn and face it and actively listen to it. Doing so is what brings us independence and allows us to trust ourselves and our ability to make decisions that will benefit our lives.
The goddesses in this section all rule over independence and transformation, and accepting our shadow. Each in her own way has the ability to teach us to own our own skin. The process of transformation is not over when we leave the underworld behind. The underworld is where we face trials and shed the parts of ourselves that need to be let go of, and when we emerge changed, it is just the beginning. Leaving the underworld is when we have to live the new truths we have discovered, to make them an active, vital part of our lives.
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13
Blodeuwedd
You find yourself walking on a grassy path. It is dusk and the light is quickly fading in the sky. In the distance you hear the cry of an owl. You look up but see nothing. Then it calls out again, this time louder. You look above and see a beautiful owl crying out as it circles above you. It is snowy white with areas of light brown in its feathers.
It cries out once more, and you begin to feel yourself changing. Your body begins to get smaller, and your arms expand until they become wings. Your feet become claws, and when you cry out, it is the cry of an owl that comes out. Eagerly, you flap your wings and glide into the night air. The night is no longer dark but brightly illuminated to your sharp eyes. The other owl swoops next to you and then flies ahead as if leading you somewhere.
You fly for some time, until the trees of the forest give way to glistening water, and you continue to fly onward. The crescent of the moon shines brightly in the sky and illuminates the water. Your eyes can see the ripples and waves as it moves below. Soon you can see the shape of a small island in the water below. It is no more than a small hill or two rising from the water, yet it is covered with lush apple trees, and there is a mound at its summit with a ring of standing stones.
The owl leads you to the stones, and silently, you land on the top of a gray stone. The owl lands in the center of the mound, and as it touches the ground, it changes. Its white feathers become long limbs and pale blond, almost silver, hair. The woman’s face is beautiful yet angled in a way that resembles an owl. Her eyes are the same dark color as the owl’s, and you are sure they miss nothing. On her brow rests a wreath of woven flowers, almost like a crown. And you know this must be Blodeuwedd—“Flower Face,” they called her—created by magick from May flowers. Transformed by the spells of the magician Gwydion and her own husband. A twinge of sadness runs through you. Is she cursed? Is that why she was in owl form? And you think of how sad her story is.
She laughs, and you realize she is able to read your thoughts. “One person’s curse is another’s freedom,” she says. “I was not content living in my cage. I was a wife, a queen, and was admired by many. But I was not happy.” She looks out at the forest. “A gilded cage is still a cage, and I longed for freedom. But there are some who would say I threw away a good thing, that I should have been content. I tell you that no one can choose your own happiness but you. No one but you can know the shape of it, even when others insist they know better than yourself. Hold true to what will fulfill you, and you will always have your freedom”
You think then of what parts of your own happiness you have given up for others or have neglected. You speak with Blodeuwedd and ask her to help you reclaim them. You listen as the goddess gives you some parting wisdom and you know whenever you need her guidance you can return to this place.
Not realizing you have spent the whole night on the isle you see the sun rising in the distance, and as the first rays of dawn touch you, you begin to change back into your own self, and as you do the isle fades away.
Throughout her stories Blodeuwedd must not only fight to discover who she truly is beyond the definitions of others, but must also undergo transformation and ultimately exile to claim her freedom. Usually portra
yed as Lleu Llaw Gyffes’s plotting, unfaithful wife, Blodeuwedd reminds us to hold true to our own selves.
Blodeuwedd is not born so much as created by the magic of Math and Gwydion, both central figures in the fourth branch of the Welsh Mabinogi. From flowers the magicians create a beautiful woman for a singular purpose, to be the wife of the hero Lleu Llaw Gyffes: “The flowers of the oak, and the flowers of the broom, and the flowers of the meadowsweet, and from those they conjured up the fairest and most beautiful maiden anyone had ever seen. And they baptized her in the way that they did at that time, and named her Blodeuwedd.” 40 Lleu’s own birth is rather magical, and his mother, Arianrod, refuses to recognize him. As a consequence, Gwydion raises the boy and goes about tricking his mother into giving him both a name and weapons. Angered at being tricked, Arianrod curses Lleu to never have a wife born on the earth. Gwydion again thwarts Arianrod by using her words against her, instead creating Lleu a wife out of flowers.
From the very beginning Blodeuwedd is never given a choice. She is thrust into a role someone else has crafted for her, not caring if she wished to fill it or not. At first all seems well. Lleu has overcome all the obstacles his divine mother had put in his path, and Math and Gwydion have shown their cunning. But what no one seems to anticipate is that Blodeuwedd soon grows unhappy with the cage others have placed around her. She meets the hunter Gronw Pebyr in the woods and takes him as her lover while her husband is away. And soon the lovers conspire to win Blodeuwedd’s freedom from her imposed marriage by killing Lleu. This does pose a problem, though, since Lleu could only be killed under certain circumstances: with a thrown spear made over the course of a year and while everyone is attending Sunday mass, and he “cannot be killed in a house, nor outside; neither on a horse nor on foot.” 41
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