“Are you okay?” he asks.
I want to collapse into his arms and let him chase away what happened, but that’s something I have to do all on my own. Instead I hook my pinkie around his and look into his eyes. “I will be.”
And this time I actually believe it.
30
Neb
I’m not going to pretend to understand how Sage is feeling. Or imagine treating someone the way her ex treated her. But she’s here in my arms, not with him, so the only thing I can do is trust her and make her feel safe. My lips press against the top of her head and the scent of her shampoo throws me back to earlier this morning. “What can I do?”
“Promise me you won’t turn into him.”
Her words startle me, and I pull back to look her in the eyes. Hers shine with unshed tears and my heart clenches.
“I mean it. I’m not strong enough to go through that again, and if you’re gonna turn into this asshole who blows up my life, I’d rather know now.”
I cradle her head against my chest and hold her close. Her heart pounds, and I press a kiss to the top of her head. Her arms wrap around my waist and our breathing slows.
“That wasn’t exactly an answer,” she whispers.
It’s probably too soon to be making promises, but being with Sage has made me feel more like myself than I have in months. Since before my life fell apart. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”
Her arms tighten around me. “Thank you.”
My pulse quickens, and I’m filled with the need for a grand gesture. Something to make her believe that I’d never do whatever her ex put her through. Her hand slides to my chest and settles directly over my pendant. Last night it came off before she noticed it.
“What’s this?”
I lift the chain to show her.
“Is that the moon?”
A lump catches in my throat. Sharing this feels more personal than hooking up and I’m suddenly at a loss for words.
She flips the pendant over and reads the inscription. “This is really sweet. I’m guessing your dad gave it to you?”
I nod. Clear my throat. “I wasn’t exaggerating when I said we’ve been looking forward to today for a long time. It’s all he talked about.” My voice cracks and I swallow hard. “I kind of don’t know what to do now that it’s finally here.”
She drops the pendant inside my shirt and pushes to her toes. Her lips graze my cheek and she whispers, “I think we should go watch the eclipse.”
An hour later, we’re finally on the road. The total eclipse will be south of Portland and north of Eugene, so not far from the campsite. Mr. Mauro and Ms. Kim secured us spots at a high school that falls within the moon’s path and gave us strict instructions to drive directly there. Traffic’s barely moving and the twenty-minute drive turns into thirty, then forty.
Theo leans forward from the backseat. “I need to pee.”
Naomi swats him away without taking her eyes off the road. “No pit stops.”
“You’re telling me you don’t have to go?” he whines, dragging out the last word until she hits him for real.
“We’re like a mile away,” Sage says from next to him, behind me. “You can hold it.”
I imagine her smirk from the front seat, and let my gaze drift outside, my arm resting on the edge of the open window. The school’s at the edge of a small downtown packed with restaurants and one-of-a-kind shops. People fill every square inch of outdoor space, some with camp chairs and blankets, others sitting directly on the ground. An energy fills the air—the same excitement thrumming through my body—and I quietly wish the traffic to clear so we can get there.
Yoshi: dude u need to tell me some eclipse shit
Yoshi: i need to look smart
Me: you’re smart
Yoshi: but ur starlord
“Dude, stop!” Theo yells. I twist in my seat to see Kit poking Theo in his stomach.
“Do I need to pull this car over?” Naomi asks, suddenly sounding much older than she is.
“Yes!” Theo grabs both our seats and shakes them. “That’s the whole point.”
“We. Are. Almost. There,” she says through gritted teeth. The light changes to red and she slams on the brakes. “Great, now we’ve lost the rest of the caravan.”
“There’s still people behind us.” I hold up my phone. “And I know where we’re going.” I send Yoshi the links I already had open in my browser and drop my phone in my lap.
“Let me out,” Theo whispers loud enough for us to hear. The automatic locks click and Naomi reaches an arm between the seats. Theo yelps and she returns her hand to the wheel. We sit in silence until the light changes, and the car lurches forward.
A guy waves at us from the sidewalk as we pass. “Rooftop tickets! A hundred bucks each!”
“Do people really pay that?” Kit ask. “Can’t you watch it from the ground like a normal person?”
“Unobstructed view,” I reply under my breath. Kit seems to have relaxed since we’ve been camping, and he knows I’m a self-proclaimed science geek, but I’m not in the mood for teasing. Not today.
A group of women step into the street and Naomi slams on the brakes. The seatbelt digs into my chest and everything lurches forward, including Theo’s head. The women wave and point at their T-shirts with a cartoon of the moon photobombing the sun.
“Ooh, that’s better than Tara and Ariana’s,” Kit says.
I mentally punch Kit for bringing her up. After whatever the hell happened with Pax, I’ll be happy if I never hear her name again. It’s bad enough she tried to get between me and Sage, but it seems like something’s going on with her and Pax, too.
Naomi flexes her hands on the steering wheel. “Omigod, we are never going to get there.” If smoke could come out of her ears, it would.
“Deep breath,” Theo says, and to my surprise, she inhales deeply.
Then the light turns red and she screams out the window. Frustration at wanting to be there mounts in my chest and I lean my head out my window and yell. Then the backseat joins in, and by the time the light turns green, we’re all laughing.
It takes ten minutes to get to the parking lot, and another ten to walk to the front gate. The air practically hums with the energy of the people crowding every open space. Vendors selling T-shirts and space paraphernalia line the fence that circles the football field, and everywhere people are dressed like it’s a carnival, sitting in the beds of pickup trucks and the open hatches of SUVs, drinking and eating and making a party of the day. While the scientist in me can’t help but wonder how many of them truly appreciate the spectacle we’re about to witness, the rest of me thrills that so many people are here. That they care enough about the slow-moving dance between the moon and the sun to be here for it.
I didn’t realize I’d stopped walking until Sage turns and calls my name. “You coming?” she asks, waving me to her. I hurry to catch up and grab her hand. The rest of our group is standing around the teachers awaiting further instructions, and I take that moment to catch my breath. To push away the intense longing that’s making it hard to breathe. Dad has barely left my thoughts since he died, but it’s like all my emotions are on overdrive and memories of his soothing voice whisper in my head. The first time he told me about an eclipse, the hours we spent watching videos online and reading about them in textbooks far too advanced for me. When he gave me my pendant.
My fingers instinctively touch the flattened moon. The metal is warm from my skin and it calms me like nothing else can.
“… same rules as in Portland,” Mr. Mauro says. “No wandering by yourself. Everyone has a buddy. We’ll meet back here half an hour after I send the group text.”
Sage squeezes my hand. “I’m counting on you to tell me when he texts.”
“Of course.” I kiss the top of her head and wonder for what feels like the millionth time how she stumbled into my life.
Naomi bounces on her toes next to us. “Sorry to make this bicycle a tricycle, but I�
�m buddying with you two.”
Sage drops my hand and loops her arm through Naomi’s. “You will never be a tricycle.” They exchange a private look, to which Sage nods, then she grabs my hand and we walk through the gates of the football field together.
The chaos from the parking lot is amplified inside. Camp chairs and blankets cover the field, and little kids run circles around the adults. There are enough eclipse viewing contraptions made from cereal boxes to feed everyone here. A booth near the entrance has balloons shaped like the moon and the sun tied to the poles, and the scent of fried food and popcorn from food trucks near the bleachers fill the air—even though it’s still morning.
“Where do you want to go?” Sage asks.
“Should we claim a spot in the middle of the field?” Naomi asks.
“I’m cool walking around,” Theo says. “Grab some food or whatever.”
Kit rubs the back of his neck. If I didn’t know him better I’d swear he looks uncomfortable. “I, uh… need to get some glasses.”
Naomi crosses her arms and scowls. “What did you do with the ones I gave you?”
His cheeks pinken. He’s actually blushing. “It’s possible they ended up in the fire.”
Naomi rolls her eyes. “You’re an idiot.”
He shrugs, and Theo nudges him with his elbow. “Let’s go find you a pair of $50 glasses and I can get a snack.”
“And then you can piss,” Kit says.
Sage looks up at me. “Are you cool walking around, or do you want to pick a spot?”
I toggle between my two eclipse apps to check how long we have. One only works if you’re in the path of totality, like we are, and the other has more general information. “The full eclipse won’t be for at least an hour. We should have plenty of time.”
Theo jabs his fist in the air. “Onward!” He and Kit lead the rest of us toward the rows of ten-by-ten tents on the track that circles the football field. Several of them have the same brand of paper glasses I bought months ago, but Theo wasn’t joking about the price. The cheapest pair—the same ones I bought online for ten bucks—are fifty dollars.
“Dude, I can’t pay that much,” Kit says.
“It’s okay,” Theo says softly. “We can share.”
“You sure?”
Theo nods and they wander toward a booth with T-shirts and headbands with bobbling suns and moons.
“See what I mean?” Naomi says. “Theo practically kisses his ass. I don’t get it.”
“I don’t know,” Sage says. “He actually seemed upset.”
Naomi scoffs. “Yeah, I’d be upset if I was a dumbass and ruined the one thing that’s pretty crucial to enjoy the whole reason we’re here.”
Her tone startles me. Until now she’s always seemed pretty easygoing. I don’t know what Kit did to get on her bad side, but I make a mental note to not piss her off.
Sage loops her arm through mine. “Let’s keep walking.” Something about her tone makes me pull her closer to my side, like I need to protect her. To keep anything bad from happening to her.
I finger my pendant through my shirt. I don’t know if I’m hyperaware of my pendant since the eclipse is finally here, but I swear it feels warm against my skin. Almost like Dad is trying to communicate with me. To tell me he’s glad I’m here, carrying on his interest in all things extraterrestrial, and that I’m sharing it with Sage.
A lump tightens my throat and I cough to clear it away.
“You okay?” Sage’s wide brown eyes look at me in a way I didn’t think I’d ever see again. Full of caring and concern and something more.
I try to smile, but the tightnesss gets worse because now I don’t just wish Dad were still alive to watch the eclipse with me, I wish he could meet Sage.
31
Sage
“I miss my dad,” Neb says. His voice sounds rough and scratchy like it did when we woke up this morning and I swear he has tears in his eyes.
“He’d be really glad you’re here.”
“I wish you could meet him.”
“So tell me about him.”
He glances at Naomi, who’s pointedly looking at a T-shirt I know she would never wear in a million years. “We’ve got time for that later.”
It feels like another layer to the pile of promises he’s been making since we arrived at the campsite. My heart wants to leap into the pile and accept them at face value, but I still can’t fully trust myself to make the right decision. As Pax keeps reminding me, I am not the best judge of character, and even though everything Neb’s done has proven he’s legit—and the fact that Naomi has given him her approval—I can’t seem to fully jump in.
We wander past booths filled with bizarre crap that’ll be useless after today. Hats and flags and overly complex cardboard viewers, all branded for the eclipse. A thousand songs drift through the air, adding to the party atmosphere.
“Ooh, I think I need this!” Naomi holds up a pair of sunglasses that say ‘Throwin’ Shade’ on the sides, her eyes as wide as her smile. When I laugh, her smile drops. “Not so much?”
“Don’t let me stop you.”
“But they aren’t blackout glasses,” Neb says.
“No, but they’re totally on brand.” She pulls out a twenty and hands it to the woman sitting in a camp chair under the tent. Once she has her change, she puts them on with a huge smile. “Perfect. Now should we find the boys and get snacks?”
“You hungry?” I ask Neb.
His stomach growls in response and we both laugh. “I guess I didn’t eat enough at breakfast.”
“Or maybe you burned a lot of calories last night,” Naomi says over her shoulder.
“Omigod!” Heat flames my cheeks. Neb surely knows that girls talk, but I don’t want him to think I told her all the details. “Extra calories were not burned. He’s a growing man and… and…”
“Mmm-hmmmm,” she drawls.
“Well, maybe a few extra calories,” Neb whispers close to my ear. A chill races down my back and I lean into his body. His lips connect with mine and I push to my toes to get closer, to feel more of him.
“That wasn’t a green light for PDA!” Naomi shouts. “Keep it in your pants while I’m here.”
Neb and I disentangle ourselves and I can’t help but laugh. “Sorry not sorry.”
She covers her eyes. “Sorry not sorry, my ass.”
Neb clears his throat and glances at the sky. The difference in brightness is subtle, but it’s definitely getting darker. “Let’s grab some food, then find a spot on the field.”
We find Theo and Kit loading up with popcorn and sodas, and once everyone has their favorite carnival food—because that’s totally what this has become—we head for the center of the field. Mr. Mauro and part of the group are spread out on the grass, and he waves as we approach.
“Just in time! Grab a spot.” He folds his long legs beneath him and gestures to the center of the group. “Ms. Kim is at the other end of the field with everyone else.”
We settle into the grass and I lean against Neb’s arm, trying to ignore the oppressive feeling of thousands of people crammed into the space. Yes, we’re outside and are surrounded by fresh air, but we’re fenced in with limited exits and the easy-going party could quickly turn into a stampede.
Naomi stretches her arm toward me, offering popcorn. “Eat more, worry less.”
“I’m not worried,” I say.
She rolls her eyes. “They’d revoke my best-friend card if I didn’t know you hate this.”
Neb shifts to look at me. “How are you doing?”
“This isn’t my favorite.”
His brows furrow. “Would you rather sit closer to the edge of the field so we’re not in the middle of everyone?”
I shake my head. “I thought maybe it’d be okay since we’re with a group.”
Naomi shoves a handful of popcorn into her mouth and nods as she chews. “I was shocked she agreed to come to this.”
I don’t want to admit that t
he anticipation of finally meeting Neb—and not just meeting him, spending three days in the woods with him—may have clouded my judgment.
My smile feels unconvincing, but I wave at the sky with as much enthusiasm as I can manage. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Neb runs a finger over my arm. “What if we were closer to an exit?”
My heart melts that he seems to understand what makes this so hard, but I shake my head. “No, really. I’ll be fine.” The unsteady gallop of my heart says that no, I won’t be fine, but lucky for me no one else can tell how much I’m freaking out internally.
Theo digs into his bag and pulls out several pairs of paper eclipse glasses. “When are we supposed to put these on?” The frames are shaped like regular glasses, but the lenses are made of heavy black plastic that are nearly impossible to see through. He holds one to his face and squints at the sky. “This is a rip-off. You can’t see anything.”
Neb laughs under his breath. “You’ll be able to see the sun as it moves behind the moon. It’s dark so you don’t burn your retinas.”
Theo tosses the glasses onto the grass. “Well, that’s no fun.”
“I will not let you blind yourself, little brother.”
“As for when we wear them,” Neb says. “Any time you’re looking at the sun, you should have something protecting your eyes.”
“Tell us more, Science Boy.” Kit’s tone bites more than usual, and Naomi and I both gape at him.
“Don’t be a dick, Kit,” Naomi says.
He holds up his hands. “I was being serious. I don’t know this shit. He does. I was just asking for more.”
“Right.” She pushes to her feet and bats her lashes at me. “Go to the bathroom with me?”
“Already?”
“This way we’ll be back in time for the show.”
“Valid point.” I kiss Neb’s cheek as I stand. “We’ll be back.” He starts to stand and I stop him with a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll be fine.” Part of me wants him at my side, but I’ve been navigating crowds without him long before today. And Naomi will be with me.
Chasing the Sun Page 20
