by Marie Force
She breaks down into heartbroken sobs that crush me. If she hurts, I hurt.
Just last night, we were floating on air, and now we’re being brought back to earth in the cruelest way possible.
“I don’t want you to make decisions based on me, Austin. That’d be crazy. You have such a huge opportunity to get everything you deserve. That’s what I want for you. It might be best if we, you know, take a break—”
“No. That’s not happening.”
“Please, Austin. Don’t make this harder than it already is. I have to be here, and your career is going to take you far away from me. It would make everything worse if I thought I kept you from realizing your full potential.”
“Do you honestly think I’ll be capable of realizing my full potential without you? I don’t want to hear any more about taking breaks or going forward without you. Not to mention how bad your mom will feel if she thinks she caused us to break up.” Desperation has me playing every card in my hand.
Sobs continue to echo through her body, but she doesn’t say anything else. I’m filled with dread just the same, knowing the conversation has only been postponed, not finished. If she thinks she can get rid of me when shit goes sideways, she’s going to find out otherwise. I’ll fight for her and us with everything I’ve got. After having found my soul mate, I can’t fathom life without her.
MARIA
It’s funny how life goes on all around you when you’re living your own private hell. The sun rises and sets, the days go by, you go to work, take your mom to doctor’s appointments, cook food, eat food that has no taste, take care of your parents and patients and see Austin and Everly, and through it all, you’re just numb. You feel nothing other than dread. It hangs over every breath you take, everything you do, every moment you’re awake.
I have a whole new appreciation for what Austin went through when Everly was sick. As bad as it is to see my mom go through this, I can’t for the life of me know how much harder it must be when your child is the one who is sick. My mom is suffering, and despite the support of our wonderful family and friends, there’s not much we can do for her except pray the treatment works.
Her surgery is scheduled for right after the first of the year, and we should know more about her prognosis by March, which is an interminable wait.
Austin officially becomes a free agent on Halloween, but stays focused on Everly that day as she tries to decide between dressing up as a mermaid, a unicorn or Elsa from Frozen. In the end, she chooses Elsa, and we take her trick-or-treating in Gable Estates and in my parents’ neighborhood. They make a big fuss over her and treat her like a grandchild, which is so sweet. I try not to think about whether my mom will live to see other grandchildren.
In early November, we find out Austin is a finalist for his fourth American League Cy Young Award, which goes to the best pitchers in both leagues.
When free agency officially begins in early November, Austin spends most of each day on the phone with Aaron, taking meetings with general managers and representatives from a variety of teams that’re interested in him.
I can’t keep it all straight, but from what he tells me, it’s still looking like Seattle will make the best offer and give him a great chance at playing for a championship team. There’s all kinds of other stuff happening behind the scenes, but Austin has told me nothing will be decided for certain until the middle of December, when the winter meetings are held and Aaron can talk to the general managers face-to-face to reach a deal.
So I try to tune it all out until it’s decision time, but the process only feeds the pervasive feeling of dread that hangs over me all the time. What does it matter where he ends up? He and Everly will be living so far from me that I’ll never get to see them.
In mid-November, Austin wins the American League Cy Young, while Joaquin Garcia with the Marlins is the National League winner. The award is a great boost for Austin at a time when the negotiations are really heating up. Aaron is apparently thrilled, because the award gives them even more firepower in the negotiations. I’m so proud of Austin and try to work up the required amount of enthusiasm, but even that falls flat.
As he has since I learned about my mother’s illness, he’s unwavering in his support of me and my family through these difficult times. He and Jason have taken over the yard work at my parents’ home and spent an entire recent Saturday replacing some sagging planks on their back deck.
He’s officially become the clinic’s chief benefactor. Miranda is beyond excited as she shops around for a larger building to house the new facility that Austin has promised to build for us. I’m thrilled for Miranda and the community we serve, but like everything else right now, I can’t work up the proper enthusiasm for even that.
Ridiculous numbers float around the baseball media and in conversations I overhear, but the one that keeps coming up is a hundred and twenty million for three years from Seattle.
As a longtime baseball fan, I’ve tried to picture making millions of dollars to work six months a year. But having spent time with Austin and witnessed how hard he works in the gym and the light throwing he does in the yard with his dad catching for him at least once a day to keep his arm limber, I believe he deserves whatever largesse is coming his way.
I’m well aware that our relationship has been different since the day I found out my mother is sick. I’ve been pulling away from him, preparing myself for life without him and Everly, and he knows it. He’s been super patient with me, and of course, that only makes me love him more.
By mid-December, I’ve slipped into my new routine of working, checking on my parents, cooking for them, spending time with Austin and Everly whenever I can and generally feeling as if I’m running in fifty different directions at the same time. Having Dee home has made a huge difference, as she’s staying with my parents, but I try to help as much as I can, too, so it doesn’t all fall to her. She’s the only reason I ever get to see Austin at all.
I'm on my way home from checking in on my parents after a frantically busy day at the clinic. Thursdays are always our busiest days because Jason is there in the afternoons. My goal tonight is to finish the laundry I started last night, do some cooking so that my parents and Dee are covered for the weekend and go to bed early.
I’ve got my radio tuned to Power 96, and I’m zoned out as I always am when battling Miami’s rush-hour traffic. An announcer comes on between songs and gets my attention when he says, “There’s big news for Miami Marlins fans! Cy Young Award-winning pitcher Austin Jacobs has just inked a four-year, eighty-million-dollar deal to play for the Marlins! As one of the most sought-after free agents in this off-season, no one saw this coming. When asked why Jacobs chose Miami, his agent would only say he has personal ties to the city. On behalf of all Marlins fans, let me be the first to welcome Austin Jacobs to Miami! With two Cy Young Award winners in the pitching rotation, look for Miami to be on fire next season!”
I’m so shocked, I nearly drive off the road. He was supposed to go to Seattle for a hundred and twenty million! What the hell is he doing?
The first chance I get, I make a U-turn and head for Gable Estates.
AUSTIN
So the deal is done, and Aaron is absolutely furious with me. He even threatened to drop me as a client if I took the Miami deal. I told him to do what he needs to, which is what I did. Maria needs to be in Miami, I need to be with Maria, so really, there was no decision to make. I did what was best for our family, the new family she and I are going to create together.
Only my parents and brothers knew ahead of time what I was planning to do, and having spent time with Maria and her family, my parents wholeheartedly approved and understood what I was doing and why. They sold it to my brothers, who were more skeptical at first. They came around when they understood that I love her too much to live without her, even for half the year. And with Everly two years from starting school, spending winters in Miami soon won’t be an option.
This was the only way I could have everything I want and n
eed, and I’m very pleased with how it worked out.
After I get Ev down for the night, I plan to go over to Maria’s and talk to her about it. For now, I’m completely focused on Everly, while ignoring my incessantly ringing phone. Every baseball reporter I’ve ever talked to is trying to reach me, along with Miami media and others who want more info about why I took a lesser deal to play in Miami.
They’ll know soon enough.
Everly and I are playing tea party in the living room after dinner when Maria comes in hot. Uh-oh. It appears she’s already heard the news and doesn’t seem happy. That’s okay. I’m ready for her. For now, I stare at my gorgeous nurse in the light blue scrubs she wears to work. She makes scrubs look almost as sexy as that bridesmaid dress was.
“Rie! Tea! Party!” Everly runs for her, like she always does.
Maria picks her up and gives her a hug and kiss. “Hi, pumpkin.”
“Play tea, Rie!”
“We’re graduating to sentences,” she says, keeping her attention on Everly.
“But the exclamation mark is still in full effect.”
She rubs noses with Everly, who is delighted by her, as per usual. “We wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Though I can tell Maria is pissed with me, she sits and has tea and cookies with Everly before I tell my daughter it’s time for bed. While she runs off to say good night to my parents, who are out by the pool, I take a long leisurely look at Maria.
She’s glaring at me, and I love her madly. “What the hell did you do?”
“I’ll tell you all about it after we get Ev to bed.”
Everly comes back inside, and we oversee the brushing of teeth and the reading of stories and the bedtime snuggling we all love so much.
We tiptoe out of Everly’s room nearly forty-five minutes after Maria first arrived. I take her hand and lead her into my bedroom and close the door. “First things first.” I put my hands on her shoulders, noting they’re tight with tension, and kiss her. “Hi.”
She turns away from my kiss. “Start talking. Right now.”
“I signed with Miami.”
“I know that! How could you do that? You were going to make a hundred and twenty million with Seattle!”
I shrug, which only further infuriates her. “What’s the difference between eighty and a hundred and twenty?”
Her gorgeous eyes shoot fire at me. “Forty million!”
I smile at her outrage. “That’s how much you’re worth to me, my sweet Maria. I don’t need the forty million, but I do need you, and so does Everly. The thought of being three thousand miles from you was simply unbearable. And if anyone understands the need to be close by while a loved one battles a serious illness, it’s me. In the end, Miami was the only team I considered.”
“Aaron must be pissed.”
“He threatened to dump me as a client if I took the Miami deal. I told him to do whatever he needs to.”
She drops her head to my chest. “I cannot believe you did this.”
“Really? You can’t? You must have no idea how much I love you if you can’t believe I want to be wherever you are.”
“You could’ve gotten a much bigger deal! This is your season…”
“And you are my reason. Mine and Everly’s. She loves you as much as I do. How could I take her away from her Rie, the only mother she’ll ever know?”
She breaks down into sobs as I tighten my arms around her.
“Hang on to me, sweet Maria. I’ve got you. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” I run my fingers through her long curls. “We’re going to get married and live in this ridiculous house that I’m going to buy for us and make a home and a family and a life right here in your town. I’ll still have to travel with the team during the season, but maybe you guys can come with me.”
She shakes her head.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
Raising her head, she looks up at me, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She takes my breath away. “I do want to.”
“Then what?”
“I still can’t believe you gave up forty million dollars for me.”
“I did it for me, too, and for Ev. I did it for all of us, Maria. Before I took this deal, I already had everything I need, everything I’ll ever need. I’ve been smart with the money I’ve already made. If I never play another game, I’m set. We’re set. Eighty million is a king’s ransom. Twenty million a year to do what I love while living with the woman I love? Sign me up.”
“You should’ve talked to me about it first.”
With my hands framing her face, I gaze down at her. “So you could talk me out of it or break up with me in some misguided attempt to do what was best for me? No, thanks. You’re what’s best for me. Miami is what’s best for me. In case you haven’t noticed, I love it here. I love being with your family. I love Sunday brunch at the restaurant and visiting you there when you’re working. I love the clinic and the important work we’re doing there. I love the golf and the sun and the pool and the beach. I even love the palm trees. But more than anything else, I love you.”
“You signed with Miami.”
Smiling, I nod. “I signed with Miami.”
“You’re insane.”
“Maybe so, but insanity has never felt so good.”
“You could’ve been the ace in Seattle.”
Again, I shrug. “Who cares about that? Joaquin will force me to up my game and not get lazy and slovenly.”
“You’d never do either of those things.”
“Still, it’ll be nice to have healthy competition for the top spot on the roster, and the Marlins are thrilled to have both of this year’s Cy Young Award winners in their rotation. That greatly improves our chances of going deep into the off-season, which was another of my goals for choosing a new team. It’s all good, babe.”
She releases a deep breath. “I can’t believe you did this.”
That makes me laugh, as I realize it’s going to take her a while to wrap her head around what I did and why I did it. That’s fine. We’ve got all the time in the world to spend together and with Everly, and that’s what makes me happier than anything else.
“Let’s get married this winter. We’ll go somewhere awesome. Take everyone with us. What do you think?”
“I, uh…”
I kiss her. “You’re cute when you’re speechless. But then again, you’re always cute.” I help her out of her scrubs, pull off my T-shirt and shorts and follow her into bed. When we’re wrapped up in each other, I brush the wild curls back from her face. “I know these last few weeks have been awful for you. Between your mom’s illness and waiting for me to figure out my plan, you’ve been caught in the middle of it all.”
“I’ve been trying to prepare myself for you guys to leave.”
“I know, and you have no idea how often I wanted to put your mind at ease and tell you I was negotiating with Miami, but until it was a done deal, I didn’t want to say anything. I was afraid it would fall apart at the last minute or something.”
“I can’t believe you did this.”
Smiling, I kiss her. “Believe it. I’m here to stay, and the only thing that’s ever made me happier than I am right now was hearing that Everly was in remission.”
“You aren’t going to hate me someday for costing you forty million, are you?”
“Never.” I kiss her some more, and for the first time in weeks, she kisses me back like she used to before her world imploded. “Want to know something else?”
“I’m almost afraid to ask…”
“I would’ve signed for sixty.”
Epilogue
MARIA
My mom has her surgery in January. It’s a long day because she had a double mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. That’s a bitch of a surgery, but she wanted to get it over with all at once rather than, as she said, dragging it out indefinitely. Her fortitude and courage have been inspiring to everyone who loves her. She refuses to wallo
w in self-pity and has put all her energy toward a return to full health.
I stay at my parents’ house for the first two weeks she’s home so I can tend to her personally while working as much as I can at the clinic. Dee helps with everything, and my brothers are in and out every day, bringing groceries, wine, prescriptions and anything else we want or need. It’s been a team effort, and our family has more than risen to the occasion.
Austin and Everly come to visit me every day, but we don’t get much time alone together because the house is always full of relatives and friends, who bring food and much-needed good cheer. Despite being surrounded by loved ones, I’ve never been lonelier as I yearn for time with Austin and a return to normalcy.
I keep telling myself it’s not about me, it’s about whatever my mother needs and my dad by extension. It’s about using my nursing skills to make her as comfortable as possible and to care for her the way she’s always cared for me.
However, even though I see Austin every day, I miss my love and our time alone together desperately, not to mention how much I miss Everly.
When she’s not sleeping, the only thing my mom wants to talk about is my wedding. She quickly scuttled our plan to go somewhere this winter to get married. “I don’t want to look sick in the pictures,” she said, and that was that. I don’t want that for her, either. So we set a date for early November, when Austin’s season will be over and my mother will hopefully be through the worst of the treatment.
I spend much of every day with Dee, which has been a bright spot in an otherwise difficult time. We haven’t had this much time together in years, and it reminds me of how much fun we had growing up thick as thieves, as Nona would say. Dee refuses to talk about Marcus or whether she’s spoken to him, so we avoid that topic studiously, even if I can tell that something is up with her.
She’s not talking about it.
The family brought brunch to our house today so Mom could participate without having to go anywhere. They just left a short time ago, and after we clean up the kitchen, Dee and I escape to the patio for some sun, fresh air and sister time.
