by Bailey Rock
Her eyes widen as we walk through the parking lot to my BMW. It’s a nice car, but I forget that some people have never been in one. Hers is probably a beater hidden among the other crappy cars here. I make a mental note to buy her a new car as soon as I get her out of this apartment.
“So, tell me about you.” As soon as we’re in the car, I want to hear everything. I already know that I love this curvy girl just from looking at her, and now I want to know more about her.
“Okay. I grew up here and went away for college but came back. I studied history, which was great then, but not so great for getting a job here. I couldn’t find anywhere else to work that would allow me to use my degree, so I ended up working at the Y. I check people in and out.”
“That’s where you met the ex.” It was obvious that he spends a ton of time working out and doesn’t spend much time doing anything else. He’s definitely not the brightest guy I’ve ever met.
“Yep. That’s where I met him. When I broke up with him I had to move out quickly, so I snagged one of those apartments. They’re…not the best.”
I know that she’s being careful because my sister lives down the hall from her, but she’s not offending me.
“No, they’re crap,” I agree. “That’s part of the reason I came to town – to help get Jessica back on her feet in a better place. Her husband works hard, but with two kids it’s hard to make ends meet.”
“You’re renting her a new apartment?” Her eyes are wide.
“No, I’m buying her a home.” I glance over at Alice and see the shock written on her face.
“You’re…buying her a home? That’s generous.”
I can tell that she wants to ask why I do but is trying not to be rude. “I own my own company,” I offer.
She nods. “Yeah, that must be pretty incredible. What do you do?”
This is something I know how to talk about, so for the rest of the short ride to get waffles, I tell her about starting my own company from scratch, what it was like going at it alone, and how my computer company now has offices across the US.
I want to tell her everything, so we talk about where I went to college and how I like to spend my free time.
There’s just one thing that I don’t tell Alice. It’s the one thing that I think would make her want to get out of the car and walk away right now.
I know that it’s stupid and it’s a much better idea to be honest with her now before we go any farther with this. It’s just that being honest in the past has often led to me being alone. It’s probably why I’m alone right now, in fact.
Well, being honest and making a stupid decision when I was younger.
But I made that stupid decision almost fifteen years ago – back when I was about her age. Surely I’ve grown up by now?
Even as I think that, I know that I’m going to wait. I want to spend as much time with Alice as possible to convince her that I’m the man she should marry before she finds out the truth.
Chapter 4
Alice
After Logan tells me about his company, we both fall silent. But it’s a comfortable silence, like the one that you enjoy with an old friend. We pull up to Jim’s and before I can get out of the car, he’s come around it and opened my door.
A gentleman. I could swoon.
We get seated and both order before we start really talking again. Now that he’s opened up some I can see how incredible he is. He works so hard and is willing to provide for his family, which is something that I’ve never had.
I never really had much a family to speak of. My parents were killed by a drunk driver when I was younger and, as an only child, that left me all alone for a long time, but not anymore. I wish that they could see me now and see how happy I finally am.
“So, did you start your company right out of college?” My waffles are crispy and thick, with tons of maple syrup, and I take a huge bite while I want for Logan to respond.
He pauses and takes a sip of coffee before he answers. “I didn’t. I have some business I had to take care of first.”
Before I can ask him anything else, a stranger walks up to our table. He looks about Logan’s age and I assume that they’re friends, but there’s nothing friendly in the way he’s staring. He has on an apron and looks like he came from the kitchen.
“Logan Baldwin. Fancy seeing you back here in town. What the hell made you decide to come back here?”
Even though I’m surprised by the way this guy’s treating him, Logan takes it in stride and stands up. Even from my seat in the booth I can see how much taller and broader Logan is than the stranger. It makes me feel safe, even though I don’t know what the problem is between the two of them.
“Who’s this?” The guy glances at me. When Logan doesn’t respond, I stand.
“I’m Alice. O’Neill.” I reach out to shake the guy’s hand be he doesn’t move.
“Alice O’Neill?” He turns to look at Logan. “You have got to be kidding me. What the hell are you thinking taking her out?”
I immediately become self-conscious about my curves. I was right – Logan and I don’t look like we belong together. Even this guy, who I’ve never met – can see that we don’t work. He can see that we’re a mistake.
“I’ll go.” I try to slide between the two of them, but the stranger reaches out and takes my shoulder.
“No, Alice, you should stay. Explain to me why you’re out to breakfast with this piece of trash.”
Wait, I’m not the problem? What the hell is going on here? Before I have a chance to ask, he continues.
“You do know who he is, right? Or were you so young that you really don’t remember?”
“I’ve never met this guy.” I look up at Logan, searching his face for something that would trigger a clue about who he is, but there’s nothing.
The stranger laughs. “Wow, fifteen years go by and suddenly everyone forgets what happens.”
Fifteen years?
The only thing that I can really remember that happened that long ago is that my parents were killed. I look up at Logan. He looks guilty and I feel a throb in my chest.
“Were you the drunk driver?” My voice is barely a whisper, but they both hear me.
Neither of them answer.
“Were you the drunk driver?” I’m shouting now and the whole restaurant has turned to look at me, but I don’t care. I have to know the truth about the man who was just promising to spend the rest of his life with me.
How the hell can I ever have feelings for the guy who took my parents from me?
Logan doesn’t answer at first, but after a moment, he nods. “I’m so sorry, Alice. I was going to tell you, but I wasn’t sure how you would act. I…was young and dumb and – ”
I cut him off. “You were about my age, weren’t you? That’s not very young.” Tears are pricking my eyes but I refuse to cry in front of him. I feel my chest flushing with anger and the low throbbing in my stomach of me wanting him has been replaced by blind rage.
“I – ”
“You’re an asshole.” I push past the two guys and stumble through the restaurant to get outside. I need fresh air and to get as far away as possible.
I have to clear my head.
I have to breathe.
I’m gasping for breath when the restaurant doors close behind me.
There’s a bench by the parking lot, and if I can just make it…
If I can stay upright…
I trip and fall, unable to keep my balance. There’s a loud crack and then everything goes black.
Logan
“What the hell was that?”
Justin, my old friend from high school, grins at me. We fell out after I went to college and he stayed home. When I had the brilliant idea for my computer company after graduation he got me drunk so I would tell him all about it.
I didn’t tell him all about it.
I did drink too much, though.
And that’s the night that I hit Alice’s parents. That’s the n
ight I went to jail for years. That’s the night that everything changed for me.
“I figured that she would want to know who the hell she was about to sleep with. I can’t believe that you didn’t tell her you were her parent’s killer. That’s cold, man.”
He laughs and I feel my fists ball up. I want to hit him over and over and bring him to his knees, but instead I take a deep breath.
There’s something much more important at stake here, and if I get involved with Justin then I’ll let her walk out of my life forever.
As it is, I already have a lot of damage control to do to make sure that she won’t leave me, but she’s worth it.
“You don’t want to talk about it? I hear you’re a big shot now, Logan! Let’s grab a beer, you want to?” His laugh follows me as I walk through the restaurant towards the main door.
He knows that I won’t.
That I shouldn’t.
He’s mocking me but right now I can’t care.
Everyone is silent and staring, but I don’t give a shit. I want to find Alice. I have to explain what happened, how I’ve changed, and how truly sorry I am.
If she’ll listen.
She’s not right outside the restaurant. Shit. She couldn’t have gotten far.
Maybe she’s walking through the parking lot to get back to her place? It’ll take her a while, but that means that I’ll have some time to catch up with her.
I’m halfway to the parking lot when I see her.
She’s faceup on the sidewalk by a bench. Her hair is sprawled out around her body and she’s not moving.
“Alice!” I scream her name and run to her, dropping to my knees by her head. My heart is pounding. Her eyes don’t open.
“Hey, Alice,” I’m quieter now and touch her shoulder to try to wake her. When she doesn’t move, I pull my phone from my pocket and dial 911.
She’s breathing, but slowly, and the dispatcher tells me to wait with her, but not to move her. We don’t know how hard she hit her head. We don’t know if there will be damage.
Taking her hand in mine, I squeeze it. “Alice, I’m so sorry. I should have been honest with you from the beginning, but I was scared. I was scared that I would lose you. I didn’t come back to town looking for you – but when I saw you, I knew I couldn’t leave without you.”
If I prick my ears I can hear the sirens getting closer and I will them to hurry up.
“I was young and stupid and I made a mistake that destroyed your life. There’s nothing that I wouldn’t give up to take it all back. I’d change everything in a heartbeat if I could. I need you to hear me, Alice. I need you to wake up so you can forgive me.”
Tears are pouring down my cheeks now but I don’t even bother to wipe them away. I can’t believe that I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and she may be taken from me so quickly.
Just like I took her parents.
“Alice,” I try again, squeezing her hand tighter, “EMS is here. We’re going to a hospital and I’m not going to let you out of my sight. I love you Alice.”
Then I have to step to the side as the paramedics load her onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. One of them turns to me. “You the husband?”
I think for a moment. “Fiancé,” I lie.
She nods. “You can ride with us or follow us there, your choice, but we’re going now.”
I hop into the back of the ambulance without any hesitation. When I turn around and look at the restaurant I see lots of people pressed up against the windows, watching. No Justin.
“Is she going to be okay?” The paramedic glances up at me but doesn’t say anything. She’s taking Alice’s blood pressure and starts an IV before she talks to me.
“Did you see what happened?”
“No. She went out to the parking lot and fell. When I came to look for her I found her and called for help.”
“Any past history of fainting? Low blood pressure? Low blood sugar? Anything that we need to know before we treat her?”
I shake my head, but I have no idea. “I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so? Or there’s nothing I need to know?”
She doesn’t sound happy and I wonder if she suspects that we’re not really engaged.
“I don’t think so.”
The look on her face tells me that she’s unhappy, but she’s much too professional to say anything. Instead, she turns back to Alice, pushing a strand of hair off of her face.
“She hit her head pretty hard when she fell. As soon as we get her to the hospital and can do some scans we’ll have a better idea of what we’re dealing with. You should be prepared for a long day of waiting.”
I nod. Waiting I can do. I learned how to wait when I was in jail. I’ve waited my whole life to find Alice. I may hate it, and I may wish that I was taking action in some way to make things better, but I can wait.
I’ll wait for her for the rest of my life if I need to.
Hell, I may have to wait that long to get her to forgive me.
Chapter 5
Alice
Everything hurts.
Once, when I was little, I fell out of a tree I’d been climbing and knocked the air out of me when I landed flat on my back. That hurt, but that’s nothing compared to this.
This is a full-body ache with a throbbing head that won’t stop pounding. Every bone in my body hurts, like they’ve all been broken.
Even my heart hurts. What the hell is that about?
I’m trying to remember what happened when I hear a steady beeping and whooshing and I open my eyes. Instantly I regret it and I slam them shut again, but it’s too late.
He saw me.
Logan Baldwin, the man who ruined my life when I was seven and took my parents from me, is sitting at my side, staring at me. He saw me open my eyes, and now he knows that I’m awake.
It hardly seems fair.
I didn’t get enough time to be angry at him, to hate him, and to mourn the fact that I can’t be with my parent’s killer, and now I’m stuck in a hospital bed and I can’t get away.
And, of course, he looks damn good.
“Alice? I saw you open your eyes. How are you feeling?” His voice is full of concern and I feel a longing in me. I’m so torn – I want him to disappear forever and, at the same time, I want him to pull me into his arms and hold me.
I want him to take away all of the pain I’ve felt for the past decade and a half.
Sighing, I open my eyes again. Yep, he’s still there, and yep, he looks incredible.
“What time is it?” My stomach rumbles and I remember that I only had a few bites of my waffle before…well, before.
“It’s six pm. You just missed the dinner cart, but from what I could smell, you should be glad.” He smiles at me and reaches out to take my hand.
I stiffen under his touch but don’t pull away.
“Why are you here?” I know what he’s going to say. He’s going to tell me that he loves me, and he made a huge mistake fifteen years ago. He needs me to forgive him and he’s done his time. He’ll probably tell me that it wasn’t really his fault. I read the papers. I know how the story was spun and how he was made out to be almost as big a victim as I was. Almost.
But he doesn’t do any of that.
“I had to make sure that you’re okay.”
“That’s it? No ulterior motives?”
He shakes his head. “I know what I want, Alice, but I also know that it’s not fair to expect you to drop everything in your life and give it to me. I should have been honest about who I was as soon as I realized who you are.”
I’m shocked. This is not what I expected. He moves to stand up, but I grab his hand tighter, lacing our fingers together so he can’t pull away.
The surprise on his face mirrors what I’m feeling.
Why should I want him to stay?
Why would I want him anywhere near me after everything that’s happened?
I don’t really know, but I do know
that I’m ready to stop being angry. I went to therapy for years after the accident.
And, honestly, I heard him.
I heard him when he was waiting for 911. I heard what he said to me and the emotion in his voice. I even felt the tears drip from his chin onto my face as he leaned over me.
I was stuck behind a wall of water and I couldn’t respond to him, but I heard him.
“I heard you.”
“When?” He leans forward and I get a little dizzy looking at him.
Is this crazy of me?
“When you found me. I heard you.”
“Do you want to hear it again?”
I shake my head. “Not right now. Maybe later. Right now I want to get something to eat. I want to go home. Well, not home…I want to go somewhere safe.”
“Where do you want me to take you?”
There are certain times in your life when you make a decision that completely alters the course of the rest of your life. This is one of those times, and I know it.
“Wherever you are. You said that you’d keep me safe.”
He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “I’ll do anything for you, Alice.”
“Okay. Then get me out of here. Keep me safe.”
Logan
Getting Alice out of here is easier said than done. The hospital isn’t sure about letting her go when she still may need some extra care, but I’m persuasive. She isn’t showing signs of a head injury and she even ate some of the hospital food they brought by, even though she made a face at me while she did it.
She’s fine, and when the doctor agrees that she’s good to go, I waste no time in scooping her up and carrying her out of there.
They want me to use a wheelchair. She wants to walk. I call it a compromise.
Feeling her soft curves pressed up against my body is heaven and I sigh.
“Am I too heavy for you?” The question is serious but there’s a lightness to how she asks it and, for the first time, I realize that we’re going to be okay.
“You are perfect for me. You know that. Or do you want me to show you?”
