by Nella Tyler
She put on a face that was more amused than injured, her full lips pressing into a pout as her eyebrows slid together. “It didn’t sound like you meant that.” She shifted in her seat, tilting her shoulders forward so I got a better view of her cleavage. She clearly wasn’t wearing a bra. I didn’t let that faze me, only looking for a moment because it could hardly be helped with the way she was sitting. She had a smoking hot body — no one, man or woman, could deny that — but it wasn’t going to derail me this time. For once, I wasn’t interested.
I stepped closer to her, the heat in my blood rising even more at the teasing look in her dark eyes. She was playing the same fucking games she had the whole time we were dating. Even breaking up with her hadn’t changed her habit of treating me like I was some kind of moron who’d keep running back to her no matter what she did. I had myself to blame in that, I knew. I’d run back to her so many times it pissed me off to think about, but I was done with that.
“I don’t want you in my life,” I snapped, struggling to keep my voice just between us and failing miserably. People were openly staring at us now and not even trying to hide it. “Why in the ever loving fuck would I want you here?”
That got rid of that smug little grin, her dark eyes widening like she was seeing me clearly for the first time in two years, my clenched jaw and hands pulled into tight, trembling fists, the hot fury in my eyes. I caught sight of Hector staring at me from across the room, a concerned look on his face that I cut my eyes away from.
“Why would you say something like that?” she asked, chin trembling. Her eyes were getting shiny as I watched her. “After all we’ve been through?”
“You mean, you cheating? Or you not telling me about the cheating?”
She pressed her lips together, staring up at me with wide, glassy eyes. Playing the fucking victim, as usual, like it was me showing up uninvited to the New Year’s Eve party for her job and causing a scene in front of her coworkers and not the other way around.
“That’s not fair,” she whimpered, pouting even more.
“You’re right,” I agreed, cutting her off before she could continue with the woe as me bullshit. “It’s not fair. I was having a great time tonight until you showed up. The first good time I’ve had in weeks.”
At that, she burst into loud tears, drawing the eyes of the guests who hadn’t already noticed the tense conversation between us or Sami storming out. Lacey buried her face in her hands while I stood above her, frozen, acutely aware of how many people were watching us. I licked my lips nervously, trying to think of a way to end this train wreck of a situation before every goddamned person in the ballroom saw us.
“I was wrong!” Lacey cried, looking up at me, her eyes leaking tears and mouth drawn down so she truly looked pathetic. Her makeup was running down her face. She’d always prided herself in how put together she looked. I couldn’t believe she was doing this in front of a crowd of people. And, her theatrics were literally drawing a crowd. People not seated at tables were wandering closer to see what was going on. I shrank a little more as they watched us, my anger losing its sustaining heat as it deflated.
“I still love you, Blaze,” she said through her waterworks, her voice carrying halfway across the large room even with the loud music playing. “I think we made a horrible mistake!”
I tried to shush her, drawing closer so I could speak in a low voice. “Alright, there’s no reason to cry, Lacey.” The anger had dried up completely, like it had never been there to begin with. Now I just felt tired. “I’m sorry if I upset you.”
I clenched my jaw. Why was I always the one apologizing in this relationship? I shook my head, trying to keep my thoughts moving in a coherent line. We weren’t in a relationship — not anymore — but most of the firefighters I knew in the city were here tonight watching us. If apologizing got her to simmer down a little, it was worth it.
She reached for my hand, grabbing onto me with bald desperation. I wanted to tug it out of hers, but that might get her going again. Her skin was wet and clammy from her tears. It turned my already upset stomach to feel it. Though I’d never seen her do such a thing, I had a sudden vision of her dropping to the ground at my feet and begging me not to leave her, the tears running down her cheeks as everyone watched us. My stomach clenched even harder. I would do just about anything to avoid that level of humiliation. I had to work with these fucking people. I had to live in this goddamned city.
“Can’t we try again, Blaze?” she said, in a much quieter voice, staring up at me intently, the look in her dark eyes pleading. Makeup was running down her face, leaving dark tracks on her cheeks. She looked like she’d been crying black tears. It was off putting, but I didn’t back away or tug my hand out of her grasp.
“I didn’t break things off for no reason, Lacey,” I replied, furrowing my eyebrows as I stood over her. I could feel the eyes on us, but I kept my focus locked on her. That made it a little easier. “You didn’t seem interested in making a commitment to me, and even after we broke up, you didn’t seem too bothered by not being together anymore.”
She let go of me suddenly, her hands dropping into her lap, and I could breathe again. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until right then.
“I was only pretending not to care because I was so upset,” she said in a clipped tone, her eyes flashing. “Now, I’ve had some time to think all of that over. We made a mistake giving up so easily.”
My anger flared at that, as though I’d just unilaterally made the decision for some ridiculous reason, not because I found out she’d been cheating on me with multiple men. I didn’t know how many and, to be honest, I didn’t want to know. Just one was one too many in my opinion.
“I suppose that means you decided you wanted to commit to me and only me. No fucking other guys.”
She used the napkin that’d come with her drink to wipe her dripping eyes, smearing her makeup even more. Her shoulders were tense, and she was sitting up a little straighter in her chair. When she looked up at me again, all the pleading was gone from her dark eyes, leaving them cool as chips of glass. I knew that look. She could start screaming at me, though I doubted she’d do that in front of all these people. Crying was one thing — that made them feel sorry for her and judge me the asshole. But screaming would make her look unhinged.
“Get off your high horse, Blaze,” she said, her words sounding sweet, but the look in her eye sending icy daggers. “I said I was sorry.”
“You’re also not saying you want to commit,” I pointed out. Our back and forth was still drawing eyes. I just wanted to get the fuck out of here before anything else happened. There was no telling what she might do. I’d never really figured out what made her tick in all the time we’d dated. She, on the other hand, could read me like a picture book.
“Are you really saying you don’t miss me and want to get back together?” she asked, widening her eyes so there was less ice in them.
I rubbed my forehead, willing back a headache I could feel starting at the front of my skull. It was a combination of this bullshit, not eating all day, the hurt in Sami’s eyes, and that triple helping of scotch. “I need a few days to think about all this. We can’t talk about this shit here.”
“Blaze-”
“Give me a few days, Lacey,” I snapped, much louder than I’d intended. I could feel the eyes all over us, just waiting for the scene to get ugly. It might if she kept pushing me, which was exactly why I needed to leave. I spoke again, this time forcing myself to be calmer and my tone softer. “Let me think. We can talk after that.”
I walked off before she could say anything else, passing through tables full of people who’d been watching us go back and forth for the last several minutes. Their eyes scratched into me, removing skin as I hurried by, striding on my long legs, just wanting out of there. I expected Lacey to shout after me, twisting the dagger she’d dug into my back just by showing up here. But she let me go without a word. I didn’t know what her game was, but I wa
s sure letting me leave so easily would turn out to be part of it.
I was nearly running by the time I got out of the hotel. Sami was long gone. I’d held onto a foolish hope that she might’ve been out here waiting on me. I went to my truck, seeing her face, the hurt in her eyes, the disappointment. I cursed Lacey first and then myself for choosing her in the first place as I hauled myself into my truck and gunned the engine. I drove home, deciding to keep hitting the alcohol as soon as I got there. Anything to wash the taste of this shitty night out of my mouth.
Sami
Early January
I tucked my feet under my butt, snuggling into Amy’s squishy couch. She handed me a glass of white wine before sitting down next to me, tucking her legs under herself the same way I just had and swirling her wine. She took a long sniff, smiling at how nice it smelled. She’d opened some of the good stuff, knowing how much I needed it.
“I’m completely over men,” I concluded. I’d shared the whole sad tale of my night out with Blaze, how it’d started out amazingly only to come crashing down at the end when his fiancée showed up. Not girlfriend — fiancée. If it weren’t for bad luck, I seriously wouldn’t have any at all. You almost had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. Almost. I’d spent a solid hour crying over how badly the night had crashed and burned after leaving the ballroom. I actually rang in the New Year bawling like a three year old. It was great.
“I hear that,” Amy said, lifting her glass.
I lifted mine, too, and then took a sip. “This is good.”
She nodded in agreement. “You know, it doesn’t surprise me that he did something like this.”
I arched an eyebrow as she hurried to explain herself. We’d known each other for so long, we could read an entire comment in the slight twitching of the other person’s facial muscles. It was nice, that level of easy intimacy. We didn’t have to try so hard when we were together. It was a safe space in a world full of unsafe spaces. We could depend on each other’s support whenever we needed to lick our wounds or recharge after some serious shit had just gone down. I never worried about being judged around Amy or Lisa. We judged the hell out of other people — especially those who’d wronged us — but never each other.
“Not him in particular, but a guy in general.” She took a sip of her wine, in no hurry to get to her point. She had her hair loose today, circling her face so it looked like a fluffy halo. For our dorm building’s Halloween party one year, she’d picked it out as big as she could get it and dressed up in a shiny one piece jumpsuit and heels, going as Diana Ross. Her hair wasn’t quite that big today, but it was impressive.
“He probably wanted to take out some other girl for one last fling before he got married,” she concluded, her dark eyes blazing. She seemed angrier than I was over this. I was too exhausted to keep that level of anger blazing nonstop. I’d let it rage for a few days into the New Year, but now I just felt full of cooling ashes.
I let my shoulders sink glumly, staring hard at the wine in my glass and trying to stir up some of that burning hot anger I’d felt initially, but it was completely gone. “Things just seemed really good all night before his fucking fiancée showed up.” I had to smile at how bad that sounded. I’d never pictured myself saying anything even remotely close to that.
Amy smiled, too, but it didn’t reach her eyes. I could see she was worried about me. I’d called her as soon as I’d gotten home on the night of that horrible date and told her everything through pissed off tears, feeling so much better just by getting it off my chest. Right after I hung up with her, I got Lisa on the phone and did it all over again, this time raging without the tears.
“There was something in his eyes.” Even as I said it, it sounded dumb as hell, but I still felt the pull of his emerald stare. Just thinking about that infuriated and saddened me at the same time. I always trusted my gut, but this time it had duped me into going out on a date with some asshole who was cheating on his fiancée. “I saw it the night of the fire. It’s the only reason I agreed to go out with him so quickly. It was even stronger the night of the ball. I couldn’t believe how well things were going. We really had a connection, you know?”
Amy nodded sympathetically, though this was at least the fifth time I’d said exactly this over the last few days since the party. I loved her even more for letting me repeat myself. Getting through all this bullshit was a process. I had to talk it out.
“And then he goes and pulls this shit.” I downed the rest of my wine.
“Do you want another refill?” she asked, lifting her perfect eyebrows.
“Not this second. I need to cool it a little.” It was my third glass, but we had been snacking all afternoon too, so it wasn’t hitting me that hard yet. One more glass would tip me over the edge if I wasn’t careful, though. I leaned to set my glass down on the coffee table.
“You’re no fun,” she said, but she put her glass down, too.
I snuggled into the back of the couch. Amy had great furniture, velvety soft upholstery and plush, full cushions. Sitting down here always made me want to take a nap.
“Have you seen him since the other night?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Hell no. If I saw him out and about, I’d turn and run in the other direction.” She smiled, and I was quick to say, “I’m not kidding! I don’t want to speak to him ever again.” I sighed deeply. “He called and texted me a few times, though. I saved his number the night of the fire. I asked him not to contact me again via text, but he messaged right back, asking me to speak with him on the phone, to let him explain, and blah, blah, blah.”
“When was this?”
“A day after the ball.”
“And, what did you do?”
I leaned my head onto the rear cushion of the couch, pressing my face into it as the tense muscles in my body relaxed. “I blocked his damned number.”
She burst into a fit of raucous giggles that tugged a smile out of me, even though the last thing I felt like doing was laughing or grinning.
“Did you really block him?” she asked through her laughter.
“I sure did,” I replied, nodding fiercely. The shit that had gone down with Blaze had really affected me. Every time it felt like I was over it, I’d have another thought that rose up and sucker punched me in the stomach.
I’d thought Blaze and I were building on the connection I’d felt with him the moment our eyes met on my front lawn on Christmas Day. Instead, he was just trying to have some last minute fun before his wedding and was using me to do that.
It was my own fault for letting myself buy into the whole we were meant to meet crap after Amy suggested it. So I’d seen him at a bar right before he saved my house from being burned down. He was a step away from being married. I should have known something like that would end up being the case. I had zero luck when it came to men, always had. I’d been too busy celebrating how lucky I was to have a hunky firefighter like Blaze Simmers show up on my doorstep and completely forgot to think about what was likely to happen. Of course he was taken. I was foolish to think someone who looked like him would be single.
I was glad I’d found out before I kissed him or, even worse, went to bed with him. Even the thought of that turned my stomach. I told myself I never would have done that the night of the ball, but the heat of our connection had been strong. Who knew how far I might have let the evening go if the temperature between us kept rising? I could still feel it moving over my skin as I sat curled on Amy’s couch.
I’d never felt that way with anyone before. That was part of why this was so upsetting. I felt used and stupid. Thank God I hadn’t told Mom about my date with my firefighter Christmas present. She would never let this go. I’d have to go over every second of the date for weeks while she scrutinized everything I’d done and said. At least once I got over all this, Amy and Lisa would let it die a permanent death behind me.
“I’m sorry this happened,” Amy whispered, her dark eyes wide. I could see how disappointed she was for
me, and that helped.
I smiled weakly. “Me, too. I really thought we had a good beginning to something. Who knows what might’ve happened.”
“At least, you found all this out before things went too far,” she said, reading my mind in that way we all had with each other. “Imagine if you’d had sex with him first.”
I stuck out my tongue at the thought. “Yeah, I’m not interested in being anyone’s mistress. That’s way too much drama for me.” Not to mention it was disgusting and wrong, but that went without saying.
“You did the right thing, Sami. It’s hard now, but you’ll bounce back from it soon.” The way her dark eyes sparkled, I could tell she was leading up to something. “As soon as you feel better, we can burn down another part of your place to summon a bunch more hot firemen.”
I grinned as she giggled. “Too soon, Amy, oh my God.” But I started giggling, too.
Blaze
Afternoon of the Same Day
I got to the coffee shop early, wanting time to order a drink and settle into a table before Lacey arrived. I sat down with my coffee, too keyed up to really enjoy it, but needing something to occupy myself. I hadn’t eaten much the day before and left my apartment without making anything for breakfast. It was still an hour or so away from lunch, but I didn’t order a pastry with my coffee. My stomach just hadn’t felt right since the night of the New Year’s party.
Lacey showed up ten minutes after I did. I’d started to think maybe she’d stand me up, which I welcomed, but here she was, dressed for a day at the gym in spandex shorts and a loose fitting tank top that covered a matching sports bra. Her face lit up when she saw me, and she strode over to the table, foregoing ordering coffee all together. She’d demolish some sugar and carbs, but she didn’t do caffeine at all, preferring to drink water most of the day and wine at night if the mood struck her.
