by Nella Tyler
I grabbed my luggage from the carousel and then picked up my keys to the rental car. As soon as I stepped outside, the full force of the winter wind slammed me right in the face, nearly sending me staggering against the outside wall of the airport. I’d put on a winter coat, hat, scarf, gloves, and boots from my checked bag before walking out here, but the icy air still caught me by surprise.
I had to steel myself against the wind, hunching my shoulders as I walked out to the covered garage where I’d find the rental car that the woman behind the counter assured me had been fitted with snow tires. Dirty snow was clumped on the curbs and sidewalks, pushed hastily out of the way in an attempt to clear and salt the streets. I wasn’t too worried about driving in the ice and snow. I’d learned to drive these same streets as a teenager and knew they were well plowed and salted during the icy months.
I didn’t wait for the car to start warming up before I put it in reverse. Being in the garage made it unnecessary to pause while the windows defrosted, as there was no ice on them. Getting the car going would warm it up faster than sitting in the garage.
And now that I was here, I was anxious to just get the reunion with Sophia over with so I could stop worrying nonstop about how it would go. It would be painful, I was sure, but with both of our parents there, I doubted we’d get into what had happened between us nearly three years ago.
Dad’s house was about forty minutes away from the airport, in a quiet suburb where Ms. Ray also lived. I couldn’t get over my initial disbelief at the news that Dad was going to marry the mother of my former best friend, meaning the girl I was still mostly in love with was now going to be my stepsister and forever off limits. Not that she was even a little bit interested in me. She’d made that perfectly clear, I told myself.
After what had gone down between him and Mom, it was surprising that Dad would even consider getting married again, even to someone as nice as Ms. Ray. Things got so nasty during the divorce itself and the two years leading up to it that I barely spoke to Mom anymore. We talked occasionally, but only when she called me, which wasn’t often. We hadn’t seen each other since she left when I was still in high school. She’d treated Dad and me both so poorly, screaming and accusing us of all sorts of things before she finally just stormed out of town without saying goodbye. I found out she wasn’t coming back via a curt text message.
Maybe that was why it hurt so much when Sophia cut ties without so much as a word. She knew how things had gone down with my mom and how painful that had been. I never understood why she’d chosen to do the same thing to me. It was hard to believe that the problem didn’t somehow rest on my shoulders. Moms didn’t just walk away from their kids. Best friends didn’t just leave you on your own without a word. I was the common denominator in both of those situations. It was hard to believe that something wasn’t wrong with me, that maybe I just wasn’t worth the trouble of keeping me around.
I was getting jittery again. Thoughts of Sophia always did that to me, leaving me unable to sit still, like I’d had way too much caffeine. Inside me, emotions were battling it out, making it difficult to pay attention to the road.
I was terrified of seeing her again. But, at the same time, I couldn’t help the exhilaration fluttering inside me at the thought of us being in the same room after all these years. It seemed extra sweet that the involuntary reunion was happening in the place we’d grown up together.
I couldn’t believe how long it had been since we’d last seen each other. It was Christmas break of our sophomore year in college. Something had seemed off with her as the break had gone on. When we went back to our separate schools, I’d heard from her sporadically after I pushed the issue by piling on the messages, calls, and texts, and then, suddenly, never again. My hands tightened on the steering wheel the more I thought about what had happened all those years ago. Before I knew it, I was furious. She had no right to treat me that way, like I was nothing and no one to her, not after everything we’d been through. She dropped me on social media, never answered my emails, and ignored my calls and texts. She’d even told friends not to mention what she was up to when they spoke to me, like I was some kind of stalker; one of our mutual friends had told me that after I asked about her, which made me feel such intense shame. I’d left the party where we’d both been immediately.
I didn’t know what Sophia had been thinking, doing all this, talking behind my back to our friends and making it sound like I’d done something horrible to her. She had to know we’d run into each other sooner or later. We were from the same damned town and had all the same damned friends. What a rotten twist of fate that our parents were going to end up as husband and wife. Now we’d never be able to avoid each other the way we had over the last few years.
I pulled up to Dad’s house, my stomach knotted in at least ten places, the anxious energy buzzing underneath my skin so I just wanted to run screaming down the street until it dissipated. But I needed to go inside. Dad was waiting for me…and Sophia. When I called him from the airport in California, he told me she’d arrived last night. I wasn’t sure if I’d explode in a fit of anger or burst into tears at the sight of her.
I grabbed my bags and walked to the door, going inside without knocking, just wanting the hell out of this weather. I stood in the foyer, listening for signs of the women who were about to become part of my family — Ms. Ray, Sophia, and her younger sister Lacey. But I didn’t hear anything at all.
“Dad?” I called.
He came walking out of the door leading into the formal dining room, a big smile on his face. “Carter,” he cried. “You made it!”
I put my bags down as he approached me so I could embrace him when he reached out for a hug. He clapped me enthusiastically on the back the way he always did at the end of a hug going back as far as I could remember. It was one of those nice things that made me feel like I was home, no matter how worried I was about what was going to happen next.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he said, pushing his glasses back into place after the hug had knocked them off the bridge of his nose.
“Me, too,” I lied easily, though I felt a little like I might vomit. I hadn’t eaten anything in a day and a half. I just didn’t trust my stomach to keep down anything but water, which I’d guzzled over the last thirty six hours like it was the last consumable substance on Earth.
“I can’t believe you’re getting married again.” It was hard to keep a light, conversational tone, but I managed. There was a treadmill downstairs in the basement. I promised myself a long run later that night, just to get rid of the anxiety before it built to a fever pitch.
Dad’s smile got even wider. I could see how happy he was, which only solidified the decision not to mention a damned thing about my feelings concerning Sophia. There was no way I’d be the one to bring him down. He’d taken a real hit after all that stuff with Mom. As far as I knew, he’d never dated anyone prior to Ms. Ray.
“I know it seems fast, but I’ve known Alice your whole life. When I ran into her, it just felt right, you know?”
I nodded, though I really didn’t.
“We hadn’t seen each other in years, but it was like we’d never stopped talking. The more I spent with her, the more I realized I wanted this woman in my life permanently. So, I popped the question. I think I was more surprised by it than she was.”
I forced a laugh when he did, my eyes darting to the doors and up the stairs. I kept expecting Sophia to appear at any moment with that gorgeous smile, the one that had made me melt even back in middle school. But I didn’t hear anyone else in the house.
“Where is Ms. Ray?” I asked.
Dad hooked his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans. He looked a lot younger than I remembered, his hazel eyes bright and full of energy, his smile barely restrained whenever he tried on a more serious expression. He was wearing a sweater I’d never seen before, and I wondered if that was something Ms. Ray had bought for him. It looked brand new.
“She’s pretty much m
oved in here.” He gave me a sheepish grin when I lifted my eyebrows in surprise, but kept rolling right along, not giving me a chance to respond. “But she thought it would be best to stay at her house now that Sophia and Lacey are in town. They’re at a dress fitting right now. Our tux fittings are tomorrow morning at the bridal store. We’ll meet up with the ladies tonight for dinner as soon as they call to tell us they’re back at home. Alice is cooking something nice for all of us at her place. She’s really excited about it. That’ll be nice, huh?”
He clapped me on the back again, his smile too bright to look at for long, especially with the way my stomach was twisting, like a snake working hard to consume its own tail. “Getting the old gang back together?”
“I have plans for tonight,” I blurted.
Dad’s smile dimmed, his eyes narrowing a little behind the lenses of his glasses. “What?”
Now that I’d brought it up, it seemed like the perfect way to put off the inevitable. We were going to be in our parents’ wedding together, so there was no way I was going to be able to avoid seeing Sophia forever, but the least I could do was wait until tomorrow when I was more prepared. Travel always threw me off my game. I needed to eat something and get actual sleep tonight. That would help.
“I told some of the guys that I’d be back in town, and they invited me out,” I explained, thinking of just who I’d call as soon as I got a moment to myself.
“Does it have to be tonight?” he asked. “Alice and I really wanted to get you three kids together. I thought you’d be excited to see Sophia again. I know it’s been a while.”
Yeah, so excited I wanted to throw up. Or scream. Or both.
“I can hang out with you guys tomorrow. It would be pretty rude to cancel these plans. I made them right after I booked my plane ticket.”
Dad looked disappointed, but I knew he wouldn’t push the issue. He never gave me much of a hard time after Mom left, even when I deserved it. We’d treated each other with kid gloves for a long time after that, and he still did it to some degree, as though if he pushed me harder, I might leave him too.
“Alright. I’ll let Alice know you won’t be there tonight.”
I could tell he wanted to say more, but I didn’t want to get into it any further now that I had my way out. I hefted my bags up off of the floor.
“I’ll take these up to my room and come back down to hang out before I meet up with Jake and them.”
Dad nodded, and I took off before he could say another word. I climbed the stairs and went to my room at the end of the hall, closing the door behind me after I put my bags down. I pulled out my phone and dialed Jake’s number. If he was busy, I’d just drive around, checking out the ways Madison had changed since the last time I’d been here. Anything to avoid seeing Sophia.
But, as it turned out, he was available and excited to get together for dinner. We agreed on a time and hung up. I felt lighter, knowing I was going to at least get through the rest of today without a major breakdown.
The rest of the trip was a different story.
Sighing, I went downstairs to hang out with Dad until six o’clock.
Sophia
Later That Same Evening
I was restless and miles away from being tired after a day spent trying on dresses and standing still while the necessary alterations were marked off. So a few hours after dinner, I left Mom’s place, climbed into Lacey’s cute little Prius, and drove over to the grocery store around the corner, the same one Lace and I had ridden our bikes to whenever the weather wasn’t cold enough to freeze our noses off our faces and we wanted something sweet to eat or drink that wasn’t already in the house.
I had a hankering for some snacks I couldn’t get my hands on in New York City. From the moment I booked my ticket, I’d been wanting a bottle of ice cold Baumeister root beer and several different kinds of kringles to munch on — one for now and one for breakfast with a boiling hot mug of coffee. There were definitely perks to coming home again.
As I drove slowly through the darkened winter wonderland that was Madison in December, I went over the dinner we’d hosted for Mr. Mills. John. I was supposed to call him by his first name now, which was all kinds of weird. But I guessed I did it for Willem, so I could do it for Carter’s dad, too.
I’d been a little disappointed that Carter hadn’t show up for dinner, but it was also a relief. I had no idea what to say to him when I finally saw him. It had been years since we’d laid eyes on each other or corresponded electronically. I’d rather pretend nothing had happened back then and just move forward as distant stepsiblings, but I had no idea how he planned to play things. That might throw a monkey wrench in the admittedly shitty plan I’d come up with.
But I’d been in a virtual panic at the thought of seeing him again after Mom broke the news of her engagement and quickie wedding. Pretending nothing had happened was the best plan I’d been able to come up with on such short notice.
I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store and hurried inside, stamping my feet on the rubber mat just inside the entrance to knock the ice and snow from my boots. Luckily, I still fit in all my winter clothes from high school, including my snow pants and heavy duty boots. It got cold in Manhattan, but nothing like this.
I went to find my kringles first, salivating at the sight of the familiar packaging. I picked up several, piling them into the shopping basket hanging from my arm. That way Mom and Lace could have some if they wanted without cutting into my stash. I planned to start eating one of the soft, flavorful pastries in the car, that was how much I’d missed them. Now I needed my root beer. I went a few aisles down to where they kept the drinks.
Carter was standing in the middle of the aisle, right in front of the Baumeisters, but he was looking at the opposite side of the aisle at the large selection of potato chips.
I skidded to a stop, the sound of my boots on the tile bringing his eyes over to my direction. He froze, too, his eyebrows twitching before lying as still as the rest of him. The moment seemed to stretch on for an eternity, and in that time, I had an ample opportunity to assess him from head to foot, my eyes drinking him in the way I would water after wandering the desert.
He’d been well over six feet tall since junior year in high school, but he’d been gangly, with long skinny limbs that reminded people of a newborn foal. He’d filled out nicely since the last time we’d seen each other, the muscles giving definition to his broad shoulders and chest, which I could see through his open jacket. His arms and legs looked built, as well, the jeans tight over his thighs in a way that drew my discerning eye right to his crotch. I looked away, my cheeks burning, only to get caught up in his hazel eyes as he continued to stare wordlessly at me. His wheat blond hair was trim, and he was clean shaven, his square chin set in a severe expression.
My body reacted to the sight of him without consulting my head, the heat stirring between my legs at how attractive he looked standing there, just as stunned by the sight of me as I was by him. I wanted desperately to put my hands on him, to just feel the muscles under his tight t-shirt in a way I never had before. We hadn’t even kissed when we were kids and now that was all I could think about — his full, rosy lips pressing against mine as his tongue pushed into my mouth. My cheeks were on fire.
I was sure he could read my thoughts from the heated look on my face. I tried to beat these feelings back, my frustration only increasing at how intensely I wanted him after all this time. I could only let those feelings wash over me as my mind raced with all the dirty things we could do together now that we were all grown up.
Except he probably hated me.
“Hi,” he said, finally. Now that he’d spoken, I found that I could speak, too. His voice was much deeper than I’d remembered.
“Hi,” I replied. My voice seemed to be coming from a great distance beneath me, like I was dragging it up from a well near where my stomach kept falling. And, the tingling feelings weren’t stopping between my legs. I could feel the crotch
of my panties moistening at the sight of him. If he suggested we go out to his car and do something about the passion building inside me, I didn’t think I’d be able to say no, even with all that had happened. I wiped at my forehead, sure sweat was pouring from my hairline, but my skin was completely dry. It just felt like I was burning up the longer I looked at him.
Carter buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket, his hazel eyes moving over my face, the look in them completely indecipherable.
“It’s good to see you,” he said, the tone of his voice not giving me a clue as to whether he really meant what he’d just said. He was polite — always had been — so he could just be acting the way he was raised to when seeing someone he knew after a long while.
“You, too.” I couldn’t force more out than that. I was just so stunned at the sight of him, so tall, strapping, and blond. He wasn’t the boy I remembered from high school and that first year of college. He looked like a man now, and I couldn’t looking at how delicious his full lips looked as they parted and began speaking again. Scenes of an erotic encounter involving the two of us kept flashing before my eyes, which wasn’t helpful at all.
“My dad says you came in yesterday.”
I nodded dumbly. “I work in New York. At a museum.” I sounded like a complete moron, but I couldn’t help it. Just being in Carter’s presence again was throwing me for one hell of a loop. I desperately needed to find a way to cleave to my equilibrium again.
“I’m in San Francisco,” he replied. I already knew that because Mom kept bringing it up over dinner, along with every other damned thing Carter had been up to over the last forty-eight months, like she’d been studying to get her stepmother license or something. “I work in Silicon Valley as a computer programmer.”
