by Nella Tyler
“I think this is going to be the last time I see you until after Christmas,” I told her.
“Oh?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Unless you want to come to my parent’s house with me,” I replied, “You know you’re always welcome.”
“When are you heading up there?”
“Tonight. I want to spend the holiday weekend with them, and besides, I think I need a consistent change of scenery.”
“I hear ya but do you think your parents’ house is the best place for that?”
“No, but I always spend Christmas Eve with them,” I answered honestly, “And it’s better than my apartment.”
“True, you haven’t screwed there,” she spoke quickly, but soon seemed slightly embarrassed. “I’m sorry…It’s just…Oh my God! Did you?”
“No!” I exclaimed, outraged, “I mean, TMI, but…you’re right. At least there are none of those memories there.” I made a face as the accusation fully sunk in. “Eww.”
“Sorry,” she offered, raising her shoulders quickly and without much conviction, “But, I mean, it’s true.”
I shook my head.
“Well, on that note,” I simpered as I gave her a hug. “Have a wonderful Christmas, and I’ll call you later. Are you going to your parents’ house?”
“Of course,” Laura nodded, obviously annoyed by the prospect, “If I didn’t, they might actually disown me.”
“Right?” I grinned, thinking how funny how perfectly the two of our families fit together with the opposite daughter. My parents understood being busy and making a life for yourself, so the only reason I go to see them on any holiday is because I want to. They never even ask. If I show up, great. If not, they know they’ll see me soon. I’m the sentimental one, while traditional family values are inherent in Laura’s family; while she has a busy life that isn’t concerned so much with ‘family time.'
She would much rather do what she wanted, instead of making time to go someplace she really didn’t want to be.
“I swear to God, though, if they ask me one more time when I am going to get married, or God help me if they skip right over that and ask when I’m going to have a baby, I might do the deed for them and disown myself.”
I chuckled, knowing that she was more blowing off steam than she was serious. After all, she said this every year, and in a way, I knew how she felt.
Even though my parents were comfortable with the idea of the working woman, as they’d gotten older, they had wondered about grandchildren from time to time.
After all, I’m a teacher and I’m around children all day, so shouldn’t my maternal cherry be engorged and ready to pop with one of my own?
If only… I thought, trying to disengage myself from the thought of Dexter.
“I mean, if I wanted to be Mrs. Suzy Homemaker, I certainly wouldn’t be working my ass off to make a name for myself in the corporate world,” she shook her head, but reconsidered her harsh retort to an unspoken argument, “But, I mean, it isn’t that I don’t want kids…I just don’t want them now. It would disrupt my groove. Not to mention my sexy figure,” she chuckled, jutting her hip in my direction.
“Yeah, children tend to do that. Your body and your groove will certainly never be the same again. My parents think I should be practically begging a man to have a child with me, but I’m around children all day. The only way I would want that is if I found a soulmate who I wanted to spend my life with. I wouldn’t want to have a child just for the sake of having a child.”
“Just when I thought you might be growing a set and becoming realistic…” Laura snorted a laugh.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
“Find a soulmate? Really? Just find a hot guy that you like to bang and you’ll be happier than you would with any soulmate,” she answered, obviously disagreeing with the idea of finding a lifelong love.
I didn’t respond.
Laura and I were best friends, but this was one difference that I didn’t bother to touch. She either didn’t believe in love, or she chose to believe it wasn’t for her. After all, as she had clearly stated, she had an image of fun, yet overly professional feminism going for her and she wasn’t about to give it up for something as quantifiably disastrous as children.
Thankfully, she didn’t press the matter, and I eventually was able to excuse myself.
We hugged, wished one another a Merry Christmas, and promised to call to secure our New Year’s Eve plans.
Afterward, I went straight to my parent’s house. I was emotionally drained when I got there. Although, my parents were happy to see me and beaming with the Christmas spirit, so that helped to boost my mood.
“I have meatloaf for dinner, since tomorrow we're going to have fish,” my mother explained, nearly ready to plate my dinner for me.
“That sounds great!” I answered, trying to fake joyfulness so that I didn’t have to answer a whole slew of questions. While I was close to my parents, this was one thing I didn’t feel like talking about.
Either I was successful in my pleasant deception or they chose not to sour the mood by inquiring about what was on my mind, because I was spared.
Dinner held no awkward conversation and admittedly, by the end of it, I seemed to find the ability to become more genuine in my pursuit.
After dinner, though, my thoughts traveled back to my troubles, and as soon as I could, I excused myself to walk outside, with my phone in my hand.
As though trying to keep the hope alive, I didn’t dare look at my phone until I was out on the balcony, away from peering eyes.
Yet, my disappointment was nearly palpable when the screen illuminated, but Dexter’s name was nowhere to be found among the notifications.
Still, for a few long, agonizing moments, I continued to stare at my phone, hoping that something would change.
Although, the only change was that of my heart sinking deeper into despair.
I knew I shouldn’t feel so out of sorts over a guy, especially Dexter of all people, but I couldn’t help it.
I wanted so much to forget about the time we shared together, like he had so obviously forgotten about me, but it wasn’t that easy.
After a few moments, I heard shuffling behind me before my father’s voice called my name.
“Mazie? What are you doing out here? Is everything alright?”
I turned, instinctively hiding my phone behind my back, for what purpose, I really didn’t know, and grinned, trying to feign happiness.
“Yeah, everything is fine,” I answered with a grin I hoped he didn’t know was phony.
“As much as I would like to believe you, I think I know my daughter better than that. Something is different. It has been for a while,” he replied, in a gentle, non-judgmental manner.
Even though I knew he was pressing me for an explanation, the way he went about it was almost comforting.
Still, I thought about how I wanted to proceed.
Finally, I decided that there was no point in hiding it and thus, I ended up explaining an abbreviated version of what had gone on with Dexter.
He listened carefully until I finished with, “I didn’t want to say anything because I knew that it could be detrimental to your business. Especially with the tension between Dex and his father.” I sighed as a quake of guilt erupted in my stomach, remembering the reason he had stopped speaking to me. “But, I guess, since nothing came out of it, none of that matters anymore.”
My father shook his head in understanding and thought before speaking.
“Well, while I had wished you told me, I understand your reasoning, and I appreciate it,” he huffed before connecting his eyes with my gaze seriously, “However, I never want the business…or anything else, to get in the way of your happiness.”
I grinned at him, though I was still saddened by the outcome of events.
“Dexter is a good man, and you have known him your entire life. I understand how you fell for him,” he chuckled, “Believe me, I’v
e had my suspicions about the two of you for a while. I always wondered if you had ever gotten together.”
“But, the politics of it…if the relationship got serious and then failed…”
My father scoffed and shook his head, causing me to stop and stare at him in confusion.
“The business and the politics that come along with it aren’t your concern. Even if Dexter ends up owning his father’s business, the fact that the two of you are dating is still none of your concern. This isn’t your business, and if you decide that Dexter makes you happy, I would never want to come between that.”
“Thank you,” I answered honestly, “But it doesn’t matter all that much now. He’s angry with me, and he won’t even talk to me. He thinks I betrayed him.”
“Well, I am sorry. If I had known that Dexter hadn’t told his father yet…”
“No, Dad…It’s not your fault,” I insisted. “I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with. I knew what a big deal it was…”
“You were proud of him. Even though he’s angry now, I’m sure he’ll come to appreciate that, at least. There is no way I believe that he thinks you did it for any spiteful reasons,” my father stopped to beam at me pointedly. “If he believes that, then he doesn’t know you at all.”
“I don’t think he believes that either but he is extremely guarded.”
“Well, unfortunately, his father has never been one to help him with his personal relationship skills. Mr. Myers has never been able to figure that one out himself,” he chuckled.
I didn’t have any solid response and so a moment of silence passed between us.
“Come on,” my father urged, placing a hand on my shoulder, leading me back in the house, “Your mother is getting desert ready, and you know how impatient she can be when it comes to desert.”
“How impatient Mom can be?” I teased, raising my eyebrows at my father, who was notorious for his sweet tooth.
“Okay, maybe I’ve heard that pie call my name once or twice since we’ve been out here,” he admitted as we reached the door. “But, Mazie?”
I stopped and turned toward him.
“Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. I believe everything will be okay.”
“Thanks,” I offered, trying to find solace in his attempt to help but was unable to be completely genuine. Realizing this, I groaned, “You probably don’t have to worry about any of it anyway, because he hasn’t tried to get in contact with me since everything happened. He probably won’t, even if he does conclude that I was only saying anything because I was proud of him.”
My father didn’t verbally respond. He simply nodded his head and ushered me back into the house, wearing a small smile on his face. I didn’t have any idea what that was about but didn’t bother to ask.
After all, that conversation had gone far better than I had expected, and ultimately, it had made me feel much better. Although, it took me a while to admit it.
I still didn’t want to let go, but not having to keep such a secret, when what happened with Dexter was the only thing consuming my mind, relieved the burden slightly.
For the moment, I assumed, that was going to have to be enough to get me through the holiday.
Dexter
There was nothing more torturous than going to Christmas dinner with my father.
After losing my mother, spending the holiday at my father’s house made Scrooge seem like father Christmas himself.
My father was miserable. He hated the whole tradition, probably because it reminded him of my mother.
Ironically, that also likely had a lot to do with why my father didn’t simply say to hell with it: in order to honor my mother’s memory.
Even though he never said that, or much else throughout this mutually painful process, that was the only reason I could ever fathom. Anything else, such as trying to rekindle a relationship, or, God forbid, showing goodwill towards man was not the least bit indicative of my father.
It simply wasn’t in his nature, and if it wasn’t for my mother’s influence, I was fairly certain it wouldn’t be in my nature either.
However, I still couldn’t help but wonder if my father would even notice if I didn’t show up.
Hell, he might even be happy about it, given that he took the time to give a shit, I thought as I cooked breakfast on the morning of Christmas Eve.
Intermingled with plots to escape having to endure another yuletide torture session, without my father saying a word to me, I thought about my mother.
She was the only reason our house ever had any kind of genuine, merry spirit.
Every year, she would host a party and invite all her friends. While it was a social affair that looked good for my father, it wasn’t actually a business engagement. Therefore, it did end up being more fun.
After my mother died, my father continued to have the party, and everyone continued to show up.
Therefore, it was reasonable that no one would notice my absence; least of all my father.
Still, every time I was able to feel comfortable with the idea that I wouldn’t be missed, there was a nagging in my gut that reminded me I should go. I knew it was the right thing to do, but since my father wasn’t exactly leading by example in that department, I wondered how bad I would really feel.
I was nearly finished preparing my breakfast when I heard a knock at my door.
I stopped dead in my tracks, listening until there was another knock, to be sure I had heard it right.
I couldn’t help being co confused. It was far too early for Garrett to be at my door and if my father was there, it was only because he was gravely injured.
A hell of a way to start Christmas, I mused as I sauntered to the door.
When I finally answered the door, I was even more confused to see Brent Lawson standing there.
“Hello, Mr. Lawson,” I greeted him strangely, now slightly concerned that the thought I had about my father’s health was more of a premonition than a jab at my father’s character.
“Hi, Dexter,” Brent grinned, which helped assure me he wasn’t bringing grim news.
“Come in, please,” I insisted, stepping aside so that he could pass.
“Thank you,” he replied, “It’s freezing out there…But I suppose it is Christmas Eve, so I can’t complain too much.”
I shook my head in agreement as I shut the door but stared at him oddly, trying to resist the urge to ask him what the hell he was doing here.
Even though he was in casual clothing, I still felt slightly underdressed in my sweatpants and old t-shirt. However, this was my house, at nine in the morning on Christmas Eve, so that helped stave off the embarrassment.
“Is…everything okay?” I finally asked, unable to hold my curiosity any longer.
“Oh, yes. Everything is fine!” Brent insisted as though he suddenly realized how this must have seemed with him showing up unannounced like he did. “I…I’m sorry to barge in like this.”
“No, don’t worry about it,” I replied, feeling relieved.
For as much as my father and I disagreed on, I couldn’t stand the idea that he had died alone a day before a major holiday, especially considering our last conversation.
“Would you like something to drink? Breakfast?”
“Do you have coffee? That would be great!” Brent answered, and I agreed, immediately walking toward the kitchen.
“Sure thing, Mr. Lawson,” I answered over my shoulder.
“Call me Brent, please,” he offered earnestly. “I am coming to you…as a friend.”
“Okay…” I answered, feeling stranger than ever. However, I didn’t dare say anything more until we both had our coffee and were sitting across from one another. “Brent, is everything alright? Are you okay? Mazie?”
“Yes…yes,” he chuckled, grinning at the mention of Mazie. “Everyone is fine.” He took a sip of his coffee and drew in a deep breath before continuing. “The truth is, I’m a little nervous about coming here. I’m embarrassed.”
“Why?” I couldn’t help but inquire, growing more confused by the second.
“I owe you an apology, Dexter. I was the one who told your father about you closing the deal. Of course, I thought you had already told him, in the same way that Mazie thought that I already knew. She was simply trying to make conversation with me, without telling me the biggest thing that was going on in her life.”
I narrowed my eyes slightly, trying to read between the lines; though, the look he shot me eventually made it clear that what I suspected was the truth.
I couldn’t help but simper slightly, “So, I guess Mazie had another conversation with you, too?”
“Yes, but it isn’t what you think. She had no intention of betraying you, or telling your secret. She was simply trying to make conversation, so she chose something that she thought was safe.”
I nodded, wondering if this was the true reason for him being here. It was strange, to think that her father, of all people, was vouching for his daughter. Normally, if a father showed up at his doorstep because of his daughter, he would be carrying a shotgun.
However, Mazie was different, and I realized at that moment that Brent was too.
“Listen, Dex, your relationship, or lack thereof, is none of my business. All I told Mazie is that I want her to be happy and I want the same for you. Whether that is with her or without her, you two are adults. I’m simply here on my own behalf, apologizing for my part in this…misunderstanding,” he insisted.
Again, I shook my head in acknowledgment.
“Brent, you’re a wonderful gentleman, and I appreciate your apology, but it isn’t necessary. You didn’t do anything wrong, and I hate to think that you came out here in the cold, on Christmas Eve no less, to deliver it,” I grinned. “Although, it is nice to see you, especially in such a casual atmosphere.”
“Well, I do have a life outside the office,” he chuckled, but his expression eluded to another meaning that I read loud and clear.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I offered, tired of beating around the bush. “It’s not like my father would be proud either way. He’s too caught up in his own shit to worry about giving me any credit.”
