by C. R. Jane
"Are you sure?" I asked, and I was ashamed because I knew my lip was quivering.
Caiden studied me, a small frown on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but the bell chose to ring at that moment. "Meet me after class by the football bleachers before practice starts, Ly Ly," he said, then made me promise as he walked backward away from me. I agreed, of course, because I always agreed to whatever they wanted. But all I could think about was Jackson and the fact that it felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart.
Jackson texted me during class, but I ignored it, not ready to admit to myself why. My heart was still in my throat when the class ended, and I had no idea what the teacher had even said. I hurried outside, wanting to feel Caiden's sunshine to get me out of the mood I was in. He was texting someone when I got there, but he immediately pocketed his phone when he saw me. Caiden's smile lit up his whole face, and it was as if something settled inside of me.
"Hi," I said lamely, and he laughed and pulled me into his arms for a hug. Instead of letting me go afterward, he continued to hold me close.
"You've never been kissed, have you, Ly Ly?" he asked, a wicked grin on his too handsome face.
I shook my head, the question making me too shy to answer.
"You know, I could give you your first one. There's no use waiting around anymore, is there?"
I looked up at him, my cheeks flushing. He knew about my crush on Jackson?
"What do you say, Everly? Can I give you your first kiss?" Caiden asked as he lowered his lips to mine.
A nervous fluttering lit up my insides...along with a sense of wrongness that I shook off. This was my best friend. And it was just a kiss. And as I thought about the fact that Jackson had given his kiss away, I closed my eyes and leaned in as Caiden's lips met mine.
It was just one sweet kiss. There was only a slip of tongue even. But Caiden looked oddly triumphant as I pulled away from him. "Love you, Ly Ly," he told me like he always did.
It was just one kiss...
"Time's up," Professor Brady announced, and my hands oddly trembled as they pulled away from the keyboard.
"Go ahead and email them to me, and I'll look them over the next few days. There will be a sign-up sheet sent out this weekend for office hours Monday and Tuesday to discuss your writing. Have a good rest of the week!" he called out as a bell rang, and we all started to gather our things.
I got my stuff together like the room was on fire. I didn't dare look at Jackson, not breathing until I'd made my way out of the building and was safely ensconced on a bench hidden by a tree a few buildings down. I still had one class to go to, but I was shaking and needed a second to recover.
I still wasn't recovered when I settled into my bed that night.
A loud banging on the door had me bolting upright, my heart beating a million miles a minute.
"Who the fuck is that?" groaned Melanie as she pulled her pillow over her head. I'd been sleeping with one eye open the whole night since she was in the room tonight, and the rude awakening was not welcome.
"Everrrrrrrly," Jackson called through the door, and I didn't know it was possible, but my heart started racing even faster, until I was sure that I was going to have a heart attack.
"Open up," he sang. He was drunk.
The old Jackson was never drunk. He loathed losing control too much to have more than a few beers at a time.
He sounded trashed right now. I glanced at my phone, it was two in the morning.
I hurried to the door and opened it just a few inches.
"Little angel, let me in," he whispered loudly and my traitorous heart clenched at the nickname I hadn't heard since before the accident.
"Jackson, it's two in the morning," I said before reluctantly opening the door and letting him in.
"Is that Jackson Parker?" Melanie almost squealed as she sat up in bed looking far more alert than she had a second earlier. She immediately started to run her fingers through her hair like she had a chance of impressing him. I growled internally at the thought.
"Out, Loose Lips," he snarled drunkenly at her as soon as he noticed her, and she gasped, affronted. The derogatory way he said it made me think that he wasn't talking about the lips on her face when he called her that.
"Fuck you, Parker," she said halfheartedly, since we all knew she would fuck him in an instant if she could. She grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it over her as she darted past us. Melanie gave me an appraising look as she walked out, a look that spelled trouble for me. She pounded on the door two doors down, and a girl I'd seen her walking with sleepily opened the door and let her in.
"That wasn't nice, Jackson," I said quietly as he walked in and immediately made himself at home on my bed. He had an adorable look on his face as he sighed against my pillow. I closed the door and locked it behind me before staring again at the intruder who’d taken over my bed.
"Come here, little angel," he said seductively as he moved over to give me space on the bed.
Yes, he was drunk. Maybe drunk wasn't the right word. Wasted was probably a more apt description. But I couldn't stop myself from getting into that bed with him.
It was like a missing piece of myself slid into place as he pulled my back towards his chest and wrapped his arms around me. His chin fit perfectly tucked against the top of my head, and I had to take a deep breath to ward off the tears that were threatening from the familiar move.
"Why are you here, Jackson?" I finally asked quietly, and he groaned.
"Have you been thinking about that kiss since class too?" he slurred. And my heart stuttered.
"What kiss?" I pressed him, a terrible suspicion coming over me.
"When I kissed you at my birthday party. Your first kiss. It was the best kiss," he commented in a singsong voice.
Fuck, my heart hurt. Had he really thought this whole time that he'd been my first kiss?
"Tell me it was the best kiss, Everly," he ordered as his voice shifted into an almost dream-like state. His hands caressed my throat, and it was like I'd forgotten how to breathe.
"It was the best kiss, Jackson," I answered softly.
But he was already snoring. So he couldn't hear how badly he had broken my heart once again.
In a better world, he would have been my first kiss.
In a better world, I would have answered that text of his and never met Caiden under the bleachers.
In my dreams, that kiss at his sixteenth birthday party had been my first kiss.
I fell into a deep sleep despite my best efforts to stay awake.
And when I woke up, Jackson was gone.
And I'd never felt more alone.
CHAPTER NINE
THEN
It was never a good omen when there was a full moon and Friday the thirteenth all in the same week. I blamed that for the unease that was trickling down my spine as I walked out to the car where the twins waited for me. Now that they were sixteen and could drive, we were all looking forward to our first summer of them not having to convince their parents to pick me up when we wanted to hang out, or me having to take a bus, ride my bike, or walk to get to wherever they were.
They both were spoiled brats and had been given brand new cars for the day after their birthday party. Jackson had picked a black, lifted F150 while Caiden had chosen a yellow Jeep.
I'd snorted when I'd seen their cars. They couldn't have more stereotypically described them if they tried.
Jackson had already warned me that they were going to take turns picking me up during the summer because they both wanted to drive their cars. But today, they had both ridden in Jackson's truck for the beginning of our last week of school. They both knew how hard the end of the school year always was for me.
As much as I hated school and the continuous taunting I experienced there, at least it meant I spent all day away from my mother. The end of school also meant that we would be a few months closer to me being alone at school. Next year, the twins would be attending their junior year at Rutherford Acade
my, an exclusive school that only had junior and senior grades in the high school portion of the school, so even though I’d been admitted as well on scholarship, I couldn’t attend until the next year. It felt like complete bullshit that the twin’s May birthday had allowed them to be a whole grade ahead of my September birthday, but maybe that was my fear talking. After so many years with them by my side, I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle next year.
The twin's parents, however, were probably relieved we were done attending the same school for at least a year. Jackson and Caiden had both been sent to the principal's office a dozen times at least this year, trying to defend me from the crap that our classmates continued to throw my way.
You would think after years of being called every name in the book, some of them exceptionally original might I add, that I would have been numb to it before now. Unfortunately, that hadn't been the case, and the guys weren't willing to let me just try and ignore it.
I had a lot of toughening up to do this summer.
"There's my girl," said Caiden as he hopped out and opened the door for me. Before I could get in, he pulled me into his arms and wrapped me in a tight hug. I savored it, breathing in the spicy bergamot and citrus scent of his cologne. Caiden reached inside the front seat and handed me the mocha latte they'd picked up for me, and I grinned at him, immediately taking a sip of the chocolatey goodness.
I hopped in the back seat and caught Jackson's sunglasses-covered stare in the rearview mirror. "Hey, Eves," he said with a slow smile that belied the intensity I could feel, even without being able to see his actual eyes. Something...was happening between us. Something I couldn't quite describe. Ever since the twin's birthday party two weeks earlier…
Caiden started to chatter about something as Jackson and I continued to stare at each other.
"Guys?" Caiden asked with a frown when Jackson still hadn't made a move to head to school. He noticed what Jackson's attention was caught on, and his frown deepened. "We're going to be late," he growled, a reaction that caught both of our attention. Caiden didn't growl.
Jackson cleared his throat and shot his brother a look, but chose not to say anything. The truck was weirdly silent for the rest of the drive, a strange tension threaded between the three of us.
We parked, and Caiden got out of the truck and rushed to open the door for me, still sulking for some reason.
"You okay?" I asked softly, hating when either of them was mad at me.
He stared at me for a moment, and for the first time since I'd known him, I felt uncomfortable. Caiden must have noticed, because he gave me a half-smile and put his arm around my waist, slamming Jackson's truck door shut behind us. Jackson glared at him for doing it, he babied that truck, and then started walking on my other side.
Jackson was wearing a tight navy V-neck shirt that showed off all the muscle he'd put on in spring training for football. He’d made Varsity as a freshman, the first guy to do that in five years, but then he'd sat the bench behind one of the seniors for most of the season, only getting some playing time the last two games when Christian, the senior receiver, had twisted his ankle. Jackson had kicked ass, and he'd had a fire lit under him to never sit the bench again. The results of that determination had been something to behold. He’d helped lead the team to a State Championship, and I knew Rutherford was chomping at the bit for him and Caiden to get there and start for their team.
I couldn’t look away from the tan skin that was peeking out above his collar. The unbuttoned grey denim button-down he'd thrown on over his V-neck was pushed to his elbows, exposing thick forearms as if he was more professional athlete than sixteen-year-old boy. My heart started doing somersaults in my chest.
"Are you listening to me?" Caiden asked, a frustrated tinge to his tone. My cheeks flushed, and I quickly dragged my eyes away from Jackson to where Caiden's equally beautiful face waited impatiently for me to pay him attention.
"Hi," I whispered with a tentative smile, and his whole face softened as he flicked his gaze over my face, almost devouring my features. Something had changed between Caiden and I as well lately, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
The front of the school teemed with students who were all enjoying the warm weather. Everyone knew the last week of school was nothing but a way for the school to hit its state-mandated requirement for how many days we were supposed to attend, and it showed by the fact that half the school was still outside, even though the bell was going to ring at any minute.
The twins ignored everyone who was trying to get their attention, and we walked inside. Jackson took off his sunglasses once we got through the doors. It took me a minute before I saw his face, due to the distraction his perfectly muscled forearms gave me. When I did look at his face, a hot rush of disappointment mixed with fear crashed over me. Jackson's blue eyes were starting to darken. He was getting speedy.
I looked away from him quickly, not wanting to make him self-conscious. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed it in the car. Now that I was beside him, it was impossible not to notice all the signs I'd memorized over the years. His hand was beating a loud rhythm against his pants, and his attention was darting from one thing to another as we walked, not able to focus on anything for any length of time. There was even an extra skip in his step, and I had to walk faster to keep up with him.
When Jackson walked over to his locker, I pulled Caiden aside.
“He’s speedy,” I told him in a worried voice. Caiden looked over at Jackson as he hit his locker loudly after it wouldn’t open.
“I know. But school should be chill this week. I’ll watch him,” he assured me. I nodded my head, a steady drum of unease nevertheless building up inside of me. I didn’t want anything to ruin Jackson’s summer or his chances at Rutherford. I knew his parents hadn’t put bipolar down on Rutherford’s medical form.
The twins both walked me to class before leaving for their own classes. Jackson had grabbed my hand as we were walking, and he gave it a squeeze and then me a wink as he walked away.
Donovan Tyler was on a tear today. Unfortunately, by some bad luck, he sat by me in most of my classes. Donovan happened to love to talk trash to everyone around him, and his favorite target was me. I hadn’t told the guys about how bad it was getting. They were just words. I could handle them. I’d been through far worse.
Or at least, that was what my pep talk consisted of everyday as I listened to him.
“Heard your mama was sucking cock to keep a roof over your head, James,” he whispered to me while the teacher was taking roll.
I studiously ignored him and began to read the next chapter of my history book.
“I bet she brings you in when her jaw gets tired,” he continued.
I gazed even more intently at my history book, even as his words burned inside of me.
This continued throughout class, until I was at the point that if he said one more thing, I was going to throw my history book at his stupid, ugly face.
The bell saved us before my baser urges took over.
I hurried out of class, almost running into Jackson as he stood outside of my class, waiting for me while talking to some of his football buddies. They had been trying to get him to change his mind about Rutherford for months, even trying to get me to talk to him. Unfortunately for them, there wasn’t any way on Earth that I would ever try and hold him back.
Jackson was bouncing on the balls of his feet, his features much more animated due to how speedy he was getting. Other people got excited when “social” Jackson came out to play, I only got ulcers.
“Wow, what’s the rush, little angel?” he asked as he threw an arm around my waist, pulling me close. I took a moment to savor his smell, a mix of sandalwood and frankincense from the cologne he’d been using since he was twelve. Opening my eyes, I tried to play it cool, knowing that if anyone was paying close attention they would think I was a freak...well, more of a freak than usual at least.
“Everything’s fine,” I squeaked, even as
Donovan walked past us, throwing me a smirk.
Jackson happened to catch the look, and he glared hard at him, his left fist clenched as if he was holding himself back. “Is he bothering you, Eves?” he asked.
“It’s nothing,” I tried to say casually, but Jackson threw me a glance that let me know he could see right through me.
Caiden walked up to us just then, his lips pursing as he looked to where Jackson’s arm was around me.
“Your girlfriend was looking pissy in class today, Jackson,” Caiden said with a cruel grin. I stiffened.
Jackson rolled his eyes, indicating he knew exactly who Caiden was talking about. I was sure it was Veronica. “I’m surprised she wasn’t all over you in class then, bro. You know how she likes brunettes,” Jackson threw back, a warning in his voice.
There it was again, that strange tension that I’d noticed between the twins the last few weeks. What was going on with them?
Jackson’s hand began to stroke the strip of skin that was peeking out between my shirt and my pants from my shirt riding up when I put my backpack on. Shivers cascaded down my spine, and Caiden definitely seemed to notice my reaction. His eyes darkened.
“See you guys later,” he muttered before stalking off, making sure to smile sweetly at a group of junior cheerleaders as he did so.
I shook my head and watched him leave with a frown.
Jackson walked me to my next class by picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder, ignoring my weak outrage when he did so. He sat me down in front of the door to my classroom and kissed my forehead. I was confident that butterflies were about to erupt out of my stomach. “See you at lunch, Eves,” he smirked, before he walked away.
Psychology again had me sitting near Donovan, and he started the insults as soon as I walked in, asking me about all the dirty things I did with the twins. My nerves were shot by the time class ended and I was even tempted to say I was sick and go home, despite the hell that waited for me there.
