by Ellen Joy
“I can see why,” she said. “This is hard to beat, that’s for sure. I’ve never stopped thinking about this place.”
He almost asked why she never came back, but instead he steered Maggie Mae underneath the walking bridge and headed out toward the open waters.
Soon Camden Cove blended in with the other surroundings, its familiar landmarks fading into the landscape. Nothing but the rocky coast and ocean could be seen for miles. He couldn’t hold back a smile as she gazed out the window of the wheelhouse. He knew the look all too well. The magic of the open ocean took hold of her.
“Thank you for doing this for me, and for yesterday,” she said loudly over the engine.
He shook his head. “You don’t have to thank me.”
“I’m sure by now you’ve heard about everything.”
Matt made a face, then shrugged. “I know a little.”
Katie smiled. “You didn’t feel sorry for the pathetic woman who cried in a minivan?”
“Well, maybe a little.”
She bit her bottom lip, but he could see she was holding back a smile.
“What I really feel bad about is how you still don’t have any sense of balance. We’ll have to be extra careful. We don’t want you falling overboard.” This time she didn’t hold back, she closed her eyes and laughed.
And, she looked happy.
He shook his head, and with a turn of the wheel, headed north. He couldn’t help but wonder what kind of guy would leave a woman like Katie. Maybe if he had tried harder to keep her all those years ago, she would’ve come back like she promised. He shook his head, trying to break up his thoughts. He didn’t have time for make-believe.
“We’ll drop the first line up there.” He pointed to one of his favorite spots, an inlet between Black Rock Island and Perkin’s Beach. He maneuvered the boat closer to the coast, but stayed a mile or so away from shore.
“During the summer, these coves are filled with buoys.”
Matt’s were painted a bright orange and blue. Each one had MMW in big bold capital letters printed vertically down the center. He had decided on the design when he was a kid.
“How do you know where to drop the lobster traps?”
“I’ve been fishing out here for over twenty years. I could tell you the depths by just looking out at the shoreline, but I use the machines to help me, too.” Matt pointed to the fish finder, which not only provided the depth, but what fish were out there. “I mark the locations where I drop my lines.” With one hand, he pushed the throttle forward while keeping the other on the wheel, and slowed to a stop. “We’ll drop anchor here.”
He put the engine in neutral and waves lapped against the boat as it rocked from side to side.
“So, this is what you do every day?” she asked, looking around the boat.
Matt didn’t know how to read her. Was she not impressed? “Yeah, this is it.”
She looked out at the water, took in a deep breath and said, “It’s incredible.”
He wanted so badly to reach out and tangle his fingers in her hair and kiss her, but he just nodded. “It doesn’t get much better than this.”
KATE WRAPPED HER SCARF around her neck a second time, covering her nose and mouth. Even inside the wheelhouse, the cold snuck in from behind, but it didn’t stop the adrenaline from pumping through her body. She was at the helm of a lobster boat on the Atlantic Ocean.
The boat bobbed up and down in the water as the sun shone down on them.
He grabbed a pair of blue rubber gloves and handed them to her. “You ready?”
“Just tell me what to do.”
An anxious smile spread across her face as he left the wheelhouse for the stern.
“I use herring for my bait.” He grabbed a mesh bag and pulled the mouth open. He dunked his hand into a water tank, pulled out a handful of shiny, silvery fish, and stuffed them all inside. Then he closed the opening. “We’ll put the bait inside each pot, and then drop them into the water.”
He handed her a bag. She plunged her gloved hand into the slippery fish and managed to pull out only one at a time. The fish wouldn’t stay in her hands, slipping through her fingers. By the time she stuffed one bag, Matt had finished four.
“We’ll drop a dozen today.” He counted out the remaining bags and handed her another one.
Kate couldn’t help but pause to take in the scenery. Each time she looked up, Maine’s coastline called out to her, begging her to stop and admire its beauty. It was one of the most beautiful sights she’d ever seen. Granite coastlines were softened by pines, their shadows covering the white snow. Seagulls screeched overhead, pulling her attention back to the bait, and she finished her second bag as Matt finished the rest.
He grabbed them all and moved to the back of the boat where the traps sat. She followed him and watched as he opened the top of one of the traps. “Just toss the bait inside and close. Pretty simple.”
She took a bag and opened the trap, placing the bait where Matt placed his. Once they were done, he picked up a trap. “We drop them off the starboard side.”
She grunted as she grabbed the trap next to his. It was heavier than she expected, and it took her by surprise, making her stumble a bit. Just as she gained her sea legs, a swell dipped the boat and tipped it to the side. She staggered back, dropping the trap. It crashed onto the deck as she reached out to grab hold of something. Matt caught her in his arms. Her gloved hands wrapped around his neck as his arms cradled her back. Their eyes locked, and they stayed together through another large wave, dipping as the boat floated up and down. He stood solid against the motion, holding onto her. As the boat steadied itself, he gently settled her back on her feet.
“They’re heavier than they look,” he said.
“Yeah, I guess so.” The words barely came out. Like a photo evoking a long-lost memory, the look in his eyes brought back feelings she hadn’t felt for years. Her mind became fuzzy and light, the air around her making her a bit tipsy, as though she were floating. What was getting into her?
He picked up the trap and rested it on the edge of the railing. “We’ll drop one, and then move up a little before dropping another. It’s not the best time of year for catching lobsters, so we’ll have to soak them for a few days. I’ll hold the line while you drop the pot.”
“Okay.” She held onto the metal trap with both hands as it balanced on the side of the railing. He grabbed the rope attached to the trap. As he threw the buoy overboard, he nodded at her and she pushed the trap into the water. It splashed down and bobbed for a moment before being swallowed up.
“You’re now an official Maneiac,” he said.
She liked the sound of that.
He pointed to the wheelhouse with his thumb. “Let’s move up a little bit and drop another.” As they walked back inside, he asked, “How about taking the wheel?”
“Me?” She couldn’t believe he’d trust her with his boat. She certainly wouldn’t trust herself with her own boat, at this point.
“Who else?” He gestured to the captain’s wheel and let her step in front of him. She placed her hands on the wheel as he spoke into her ear. “Keep your eye on the compass.” He pointed in front of the wheel at a round dial. “Keep the needle on the “N” for north.”
She straightened her stance as Matt pushed the throttle and the boat moved forward. She took in a deep breath of the tangy air, squeezing her hands on the wheel.
“Let’s go a little faster,” he said. “You can take the throttle.”
The boat sped up, chopping through the waters. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t need to know what happened next. The need for control waned as she enjoyed watching the moment unfold before her. Her body quivered with exhilaration. She captained a boat on the Atlantic Ocean.
The rest of the day was a blur. It didn’t take long to drop the rest of the pots. After each one, with Matt’s help, she steered Maggie Mae up the coast with him close behind her. The thrill of each drop became stronger as she beca
me more comfortable with what she was doing. After the last drop, Matt leaned against the side of the boat and folded his arms against his chest as Maggie Mae floated up and down in the water.
“Of all the people to pull out of the ditch,” he said, fixing his cap to keep the sun from his eyes.
“I know, right?” She loosened her scarf, the winter air feeling warmer as they stayed still in the water.
Swirling above them, seagulls made shadows on the floor of the deck. The waves sparkled in the sun like millions of diamonds as far as she could see. White clouds billowed on the horizon as if they were sinking into the water. She had to imagine that even on the most miserable day, it beat her office.
“Do you love it?” She hoped he did.
Matt nodded. “It’s something my ex-wife never understood. She didn’t understand why I wanted to fish so badly. The weather is unpredictable and dangerous. The upkeep costs are expensive. The rules and regulations keep changing, and on and on.” Matt’s gaze focused out on the water. “She was right, of course.” Then he focused on her. “But there’s no way I wanted to work inside all day, waiting to get out here. It’s not just a job for me. It’s my life.”
Matt’s eyes were thoughtful, but intense. She wondered if she felt so passionately about anything in her life. Willing to lose everything for it.
“I always thought I’d love my job.” Kate shrugged. Her voice lacked any of the enthusiasm Matt’s had. She thought of the design firm. It was everything she had wanted in a career, but now, she wanted something else. Something more. “But it’s just a job.”
And the only thing she could count on in her life. How terribly depressing.
“I remember what an amazing artist you were back then.”
Matt couldn’t possibly remember her silly drawings and paintings, could he? She couldn’t remember the last time she had picked up her sketch pad, or did anything creative for that matter.
“What’s he like?” he asked, snapping her out of her thoughts when she realized he was talking to her. “You don’t have to answer that.”
He must’ve mistaken her confusion.
“Who? Eric?” She pulled back a loose strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. It had been days since she had seen or spoken to him. The longest amount of time they’d been apart since they were first together. She missed him. And she wished with everything she had, that she didn’t miss him, because getting on with life would be so much easier.
“Smart. Ambitious. He’s a gentleman. He’s cautious.” She blew out. “He comes from a really great family.”
She stood up straighter, feeling her shoulders tense up. All morning, she had been avoiding the thought of Eric.
“I’m sorry.” Matt held up his hands. “It’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s not that.” The truth was, she had to face the fact that Eric was now just a memory. Her love story had turned out to be a fake. For all she knew, he had moved on, found someone else, or was happy to be on his own. He was no longer hers. “We were together almost five years. He’s a lot like me. Plans everything out. Doesn’t like risks. He’d never go fishing.”
Matt smirked.
Kate focused on the horizon before admitting the truth. “I think I probably bored him.”
Matt straightened up, his eyes digging into hers. “You’re the furthest thing from boring.”
Kate’s cheeks warmed, even in the chill of the winter’s day.
The day before her treasure hunt of sea glass, Matt had stolen her attention. They had been at church, and in the quiet of a service, when the congregation was listening to the minister, she noticed the cute boy from Maine. Even though most people were dressed in their Sunday best, Matt wore shorts and flip-flops, with a Red Sox cap tucked underneath his arm. Then, from the middle of his hymnal, he pulled up a comic book and read during the service. He was the only kid Vivi ever excused for bad behavior in church.
“As long as he sits and is respectful, there’s no harm in letting the boy read,” Vivi had said, when Kate questioned his actions. “Sarah and John have done a fine job with their children.”
But it wasn’t until she was sixteen, the summer she came out alone, one afternoon, on one of her walks home from the library, he pulled his car over to the sidewalk and offered her a ride home. When he dropped her off, he asked her to go surfing.
She couldn’t believe a guy like Matt wanted to spend time with her. He had total confidence. He didn’t even hesitate when he asked her out. He probably knew she’d say yes. And standing here on the boat with him, she could still feel that magnetism. It was hard not to admire his self-assurance and carefree personality.
But truth be told, the teenage relationship was a stroke of luck. Back home, a Matt Williams would’ve been unattainable for a girl like Kate. He was adventurous, exciting, and outgoing. She was shy, cautious, and a book worm. He never had the chance to figure out, that summer, that she wasn’t anything close to exciting or adventurous.
She lived safe. That’s why she and Eric were so compatible. He was cautious, careful, and level-headed. He didn’t believe in fate.
Off along the horizon, clouds rolled across its surface, coming closer. It looked as though they would soon surround the boat. “Is that a storm approaching?”
“That’s a snow squall.” Matt didn’t appear worried about the change in weather. “It’ll probably pass as quickly as it comes.” Matt pushed himself off the railing. “But we should probably head back, anyhow.”
Kate nodded, but wished they could stay out on the water forever. As the engine rumbled, she moved to the stern of the boat. Even with the squall brewing off in the distance, the waves were as calm as she felt inside. Not once had she thought about life while she hauled those traps. That was the mystique of lobstering. She was dragged into the process like the water dragging the traps down.
As she became hypnotized by the sea, a vibration snapped her back to reality. Her phone pulsated in her coat pocket. She lost the rhythm of her breath and the creeping warmth of anxiety brewed in her legs, climbing up to her chest. The familiar noose wrapped itself around her ribcage and began to tighten. The phone continued to pulse. She struggled with what to do. She didn’t want to know who was on the other end. Matt stood in the wheelhouse, his attention on the shoreline ahead. Not a worry on his mind.
Her phone stopped, and her heart slowed down. She took a breath, but the pulsation started right back up again. Before she could regret it, she pulled the phone from her pocket, and without looking, threw it as far into the ocean as she could. She didn’t want to know who was calling her anymore. She needed to stop worrying and compulsively thinking when or why not. She needed to dump her old life in the ocean, just like the lobster pots, and start over.
Eight
Elizabeth ate leftover Christmas dinner as she watched television from her parents’ kitchen island. Her dad read in his chair. That was his happy place, reading in front of a whispering fire with their dog, Maggie Mae. He read a Tom Clancy novel. Ms. Lisa, Camden Cove’s librarian, always put together a bundle for him at this time of year.
Her thoughts kept going back to Matt as her mom walked through the kitchen door.
“Well, isn’t this a nice surprise,” Sarah said. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought I’d stop by and say hi.” Elizabeth leaned over the counter to kiss her mother on the cheek. “I just finished a surgery with Mrs. Wilson’s dog, and I have a teeth cleaning this afternoon. I didn’t want to drive all the way home and back.”
Elizabeth set her plate on the counter, then looked back inside the fridge. “Don’t you have more leftovers?”
Sarah pulled out containers from the fridge. “Have you talked to Lauren about last night?”
Elizabeth shook her head, but wondered if Sarah was thinking the same thing she was. Lauren came home late last night. She met up with Kyle, her on-again, off-again boyfriend, after Christmas dinner. Elizabeth hated the idea of Lauren being involve
d with a Harrington. Especially now, with Justine’s engagement, not to mention everything with the divorce, she didn’t understand why Lauren got herself involved.
“Where is Lauren?”
“Sleeping.”
Elizabeth could tell that Sarah was trying everything she could to bite her tongue, but she couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“She was out last night until one in the morning.”
“Mom.” Elizabeth’s tone was stern. “Stay out of it. Kyle is not Freddy, and it’s not like Lauren and Justine are swapping recipes.”
“Her relationship with Kyle changes like the wind.”
“Mom.” Her tone was stern. “You really need to let this one go.”
“But with Matt dealing with the divorce...”
“Mom.”
“I just worry that she’s—”
“Don’t get involved.” Elizabeth wasn’t going to talk about it.
Sarah tapped her fingernails against the counter, trying hard to hold in the rest of what she wanted to say. She changed the subject. “Frank called this morning. Apparently, Matt took Kate O’Neil out on his boat.”
Elizabeth smiled. Kate being back in town after all this time was incredible. It was either the best timing, or the worst. “Today? He’s with her again?”
Sarah shrugged. She seemed pleased that Elizabeth wasn’t scolding her about this new topic. “Matt agreed to take her out.”
Elizabeth contemplated the news for a moment. “I hope this doesn’t end up like the last time she left.”
Elizabeth had forgotten about Matt moping around the house. For months he waited by the phone for her to call. “Luckily, he’s no longer a teenager.”
“I don’t know,” Elizabeth said, taking a bite of cold lobster claw. “The way he was looking at her the other night reminded me of the sixteen-year-old Matt.”
Sarah waved her hand dismissively at Elizabeth, but she knew she was pretending. Frank agreed that Matt appeared happier the past few days, since Kate arrived.
“Whatever makes him happy,” Sarah said.
