by West, Everly
"I'm sorry, sir," he said.
Grief filled him, and he had to take deep breaths to quell the anger and frustration from overwhelming him. First, he lost his first wife and now their twins. All because Jennie insisted he take his boys with him once a week.
With a sigh, he began to roll up the map with the markings and the workers begin to leave. As they passed him, they didn't look at him as they quietly left. One team still searched, and then they would all leave for the night.
In the distance, he heard the last group of men walking toward them.
"Papa," the boys shouted and his heart leapt into his throat as he saw his sons.
Two men carried the boys, a big smile on their faces. Milton's heart soared with relief, and he ran to his sons.
"George, Paul," he cried as the miners set them down, and he wrapped his arms around them, his throat choking with tears.
"Papa, we went to find you and got lost," George said.
Paul's face had tear stains streaking through the dust. "It's dark back there, Papa."
As he hugged his boys to his chest, he couldn't say anything. His voice clogged with emotion.
"Papa. You were right. We should have stayed here," George said, a tear running down his face. "I thought we were going to die."
Milton's chest ached, and he squeezed his sons even tighter. "Did you thank these good men for finding you?"
Trying not to completely break down, he swallowed his fear, his tears, and held his boys tight. They were his boys, his ties to his first wife, and he loved them so very much. Today had been a reawakening of his love.
A show of how even though they could be the orneriest kids in town, he still loved them with all his heart.
"No," Paul said, and then he glanced up at them. "Thank you."
The men smiled and nodded and then walked away, headed toward their own families.
"Can we go home? I'm tired," Paul said. "And I want Jennie."
Milton sighed thinking never again would he listen to his wife about his children. These weren't her sons, and she was only their stepmother, their nanny.
"She's waiting outside. You've been lost a long time," he told them.
Glancing at his foreman. "Thank you. Pay everyone overtime and let them leave a couple of hours early tomorrow."
The man nodded. "Get some rest, Mr. Wardell."
As they loaded up in the crane, he watched as the workers pulled them up out of the deep shaft. "Boys, I don't think you're coming back into the mine until you're an adult."
"It's scary," Paul said.
When they reached the top, Jennie stood waiting for them. "Oh my," she said as she wrapped her arms around the twins. "I've been so worried about all of you."
Paul clung to her. "Jennie, I was so scared. All I could think about was that book you read to us, Tom Sawyer. I tried to be brave, like him."
"Our lights went out," George said. "We couldn't find our way back."
Milton stared at her and an anger he'd never felt consumed him like a swarm of buzzing bees. This was her fault. Jennie insisted he take the boys with him this evening. This would not have happened if they stayed home with their stepmother. She should be taking care of them. That was her responsibility.
Standing, she came over to him and touched his arm. It was all he could do to keep from repelling her hand. "Are you all right?"
"No, for the last eight hours, I believed my sons were dead."
She rubbed her hand on him, trying to give comfort, when all he wanted to do was scream at her. "Come on, let's go."
* * *
As soon as they arrived home, Jennie took the boys up to their room and prepared them for bed. Both were completely exhausted and when she went to tuck them in, Paul reached up and hugged her neck. "Thank you, Momma."
Her heart melted at his words, and she squeezed him back. "You're welcome, son. Now try to get some rest."
"Do I have to go back to that mine?" he asked.
"No, son, not if you don't want to go."
Paul sighed and rolled over. "I didn't like it down there."
"Goodnight, Paul," she whispered, knowing he was the more fragile of the two children. And yet, he touched her heart in ways that made her love him even more. She hoped when he became a man, he would still be the kindhearted soul he was now.
When she reached George, he lay there looking at the ceiling. "Papa told us not to move. I got tired of waiting and went in search of him, and then we got lost."
How could Milton go off and leave them alone in that mine? They were curious young boys, and they couldn't be trusted in such an unsafe environment.
"What did you learn from disobeying your father?"
The boy sighed. "If I stayed where he told me, we would have gone to dinner and been home in bed hours ago. Now he's mad and tomorrow we'll be punished."
"More than anything, your father was upset. Your father feared you were dead," she said softly. "His sons are so important to him, and he loves you very much. It would devastate him if he lost his boys."
When Milton came up from the mine after locating the boys, his face had been filled with fear, terror-stricken. And she knew he thought of Myra and losing her.
George sighed. "Will you tell him I'm sorry and I understand why he is going to whoop us tomorrow."
"I'll tell him. Now try to go to sleep. You've had a rough day," she said, pulling the covers up.
He gazed at her. "I'm glad you married Papa and became our mother."
Her heart overflowed with love and she hugged him. "Me too. Goodnight, George."
Ever the practical child who led his brother into trouble most of the time, she liked the way he accepted responsibility for not minding their father and his punishment. But she doubted their father would punish them. This experience taught them so much about the importance of obeying.
As she went down the stairs, she saw her husband drinking whiskey, gazing out the window.
"George said to tell you he's sorry, and he accepts his punishment."
Milton whirled around to her, his face twisted in anger. "This is all your fault."
Stunned, she took a step back. "My fault? Why is that?"
"You insisted I spend time with the boys. If they hadn't been with me today, this would not have happened."
Why could their lives never seem to find an even keel? The twins called her momma and mother tonight and yet her husband appeared angry with her. No matter what, if someone wasn't mad at something she'd done, then she was in the wrong home.
"Excuse me. Did you walk away and leave them alone? They're five-year-olds, and they need to be watched every second. The last I heard, you weren't going to take them down in the mine because they were too young? So how can this be my fault."
His face appeared red and his hand shook. Never had she seen him so furious.
"Your job as their stepmother, their keeper, is to protect them. Not coerce me into spending time and watching over them."
An explosion of anger filled her and once again her husband made her think the only reason he married her was for her to care for his twins. Not because he was interested, or he could possibly fall in love with her. Only his sons.
"I'm not their father. I'm not the parent they so desperately want to be with. They're your boys and need your attention. How can they become men if you don't spend time with them showing them how a man behaves? How can they follow your example if you don't play and show them you love them?"
Jennie took a deep breath and then continued. "In the six weeks we've been married, you devote more time at that mine office working than being with your boys."
Milton glared at her and the doubts washed over her. All the happiness she felt since their night together vanished and like a beaten rag doll, she sagged. How could they continue if he blamed her for not taking care of his children when she had done her best. In some areas, they needed a man.
"You know why I've been spending so much time at the office," he said.
That seemed li
ke a slap in the face.
"So, we're back to that are we. You're avoiding me so I won't force you into making love to me and possibly getting me pregnant," she took a deep breath.
"It's obvious that no matter what I do, I cannot create the loving home I hoped for. Your boys show me more love than you do and yet the other night I was so hopeful that finally we would be happy together. But I'm sure that's my fault as well."
The glare he gave her only made her angrier.
Turning on her heel, she started up the stairs.
"Where are you going?"
She didn't need to answer him, but she wanted him to feel her loneliness.
"To bed, alone, without you, so I can dream of the man I played cards with. The man I laughed and drank with. The man I thought I married. Not the asshole I see standing in front of me," she said.
"Jennie," he called.
"Goodnight, Milton. Sleep well."
* * *
The next day, Jennie went out to the ranch to see her mother. Hattie had gone to lunch with some friends and her father was out working with the horses.
When she walked in the door, her mother glanced up from her needlepoint. "Where are the twins?"
"Mrs. Barton agreed to sit with them. Since getting lost in the mine, they are on their best behavior," she said. "They're afraid their father will remember the spanking he threatened them with."
The boys weren't the problem in their home. Their father was, and she was at her wits’ end as to how to make this union work.
"Poor Milton. As a parent, I can't imagine thinking my sons wandered lost in a mine. But you've done a remarkable job with them."
"Thank you," she said with a sigh. "I never thought they would be the easy part of my marriage."
A worried look crossed her mother's face. "What do you mean?"
For the next ten minutes, she told her mother everything. All about how her husband refused to sleep with her and now he blamed her for what happened to the boys. The only thing she left out was their first time was in a whorehouse. That would have sent her mother to the grave.
"That's ridiculous," she said, laying down her needlepoint. "Your father spent every evening with you girls. Children grow up so fast and soon they'll be young men. Now is the time for him to become close with them and help them learn to make the right decisions. Just like you're doing."
A tear escaped down Jennie's face. "The worst thing is he doesn't want more babies. His way of keeping that from happening is to avoid me. You and Papa always appeared so loving in front of us girls. My husband avoids my touch."
Glancing around her home, she longed to return and be the girl who snuck out the window and rode her horse in the night and played cards in the gambling hall. Somehow she'd lost her need for fun and let her situation suck the pleasure right out of her.
Her mother stood and walked over and hugged her. "I'm so sorry, Jennie."
"Every time I think we're going to grow close, he pulls away from me," she said. "Until last week, the marriage could’ve been annulled, but now, we finally had sex, and once again he's pulled away. We sleep in separate rooms. What he wants from me, he could get from a nanny."
She watched as her mother tensed and sat in her chair. "Oh, Jennie, I've done you a terrible disservice. Instead of the perfect husband, I hurt my own daughter."
"What do you mean?" Jennie said, a tingling sensation spiraling up her spine.
What was her mother hiding from her? What did she know about Milton that Jennie hadn't learned?
Licking her lips, her mother shook her head. "When he asked to meet me, he offered you a job as a nanny. I told him none of my daughters would ever live or work as a servant in a man's house. If he wanted help with his boys, he would need to marry you."
Stunned, she stared at her mother, shock filling all the empty holes in her soul. "So he didn't want me for his wife. He only wanted a servant to watch his kids."
Everything she feared about Milton was true.
Wringing her hands, her mother said softly, "I should never have insisted on you marrying him. But when the two of you came out of that gambling hall, I believed you were in love. That he truly wanted you for you."
Jennie sat speechless. Her husband didn't and would never love her. All he wanted her for was a servant. How did she deal with something like that? How could they remain together?
Standing, she turned and glanced at her mother. "You always wanted the best for your daughters. And I understand, but, Mother, this time you ruined my life. Married to a man who only wants me as a nanny. No wonder he didn't want marital relations with me."
Turning, she walked out the door, her heart shattered, not knowing what to do.
* * *
As Jennie rode toward town, her chest ached from the hurt and anger rushing through her like an avalanche. A tear slipped down her cheek at the thought of how she had grown to love Milton.
Yes, he could be a very cold man, but she'd also seen the laughing man who liked to have a good time. Who hadn't known how to relate to his children, who until the mining incident, had been learning to spend time with them.
No, he was not a perfect man, but someone who suffered a tremendous loss, and he wanted to protect her from suffering the way his first wife died. His intentions were often well intended, but poorly executed. Somehow he reminded her of her father.
Now, all the disillusionment from the time they married seemed to swell and overwhelm her. If he wanted a nanny, he should have hired one and not said I do with her.
Entering town, she pulled on the reins slowing her mare, her heart pounding as she rode down Main Street. How could she stay here any longer? Her sister would soon be having her first child and maybe she needed help. No matter what time the next stage left, she would be a passenger heading out of Laramie.
Time for Milton to hire a nanny and loose a wife.
Pulling up in front of his mining company, she slid off her horse, tied the reins to the hitching post and marched toward the fight. The poor man had no clue what was about to slam straight into him.
Like a whirlwind, she blew into his building and his secretary tried to stop her. "Mrs. Wardell, he's in a meeting."
With a flick of her wrist, she held up her hand. "Don't care if he's in a meeting with the pope. He's seeing me."
Pushing the door, she entered the office smiling at the man sitting and talking to Milton, whose brows lifted in surprise. "Excuse us. I must speak to my husband, alone."
"Stanton, get our guest some coffee while I talk to my wife," Milton said, his eyes flashing with irritation.
The secretary's face showed curiousness as he closed the door behind the man.
"Jennie, I will not tolerate this kind of interruption."
That's when her anger exploded. "Too bad, it can't wait. Tell me the truth. Did you only marry me because you were looking for a nanny?"
Milton swallowed and sighed as he leaned back in his chair. As she watched his face carefully, the painful realization it was true started an eruption of emotions. He didn't want her but for someone to babysit the twins.
"When I met with your mother, yes, I searched for a nanny. Your mother said no daughter of hers would live under a man's roof without being married to him. So I offered to marry you."
All the hurt and the rage swelled inside Jennie. Leaning over his desk, her face came within inches of his.
"You knew I didn't want to get married. You knew I wanted to join a man for love. And yet somehow when I showed up at the gambling hall that night, there you sat. Did you know my parents would be waiting outside? Did you tell them where I was going?"
"No," he said.
"But you didn't marry me for love?" she said. "Were you so desperate, you married me to watch your sons. To use me as your house manager, your babysitter. No wonder you didn't want sex with me. I'm just the hired help."
"No, it's not like that," he tried to interject, but she wouldn't let him talk.
"You're not interest
ed in a real marriage, you only want me as your servant. Well, guess what? I'm no man's servant, do you understand?"
With a sigh, he gazed at her. "I'll admit, I made some mistakes."
A laugh resounded from her that sounded close to hysterical. "Oh yes. Because I would have been a wonderful wife for you. I fell in love with the kind man I married, but he turned out to be a cold-hearted bastard who only wanted me to care for his boys."
"Jennie, it wasn't like that," he said. "Both of us understood we weren't in love when we said I do."
That was true, but she had such high hopes, and now they were completely dashed.
With disbelief, she stared at him trying to come up with another reason why he wed her. Hate overwhelmed her, causing her blood to rush with pure anguish.
Shaking her head, she leaned back. "Yes, I understood you didn't love me when we said our vows, but I believed what my mother said. That eventually love would come and it did for one of us, just not both. Oh, how I wish this marriage could be annulled. Goodbye, Milton."
Tears began the moment, she stepped out of his office and climbed on her horse. All her dreams of a happy life dashed. Wiping her cheeks, she sighed and tried to pull herself together. After all, she was the wild child. The woman who took chances, who did outrageous things and didn't care what society thought.
She would start her life over. She didn't need a man.
Chapter Ten
As soon as Milton could get out of the office, he hurried home to try to mend his marriage, knowing he was wrong. After she left, he couldn't concentrate, and he understood this dynamic woman had entered his world and shaken it up for the better.
Somewhere along the way, he fell in love with her outspoken, outrageous, ways. The night they made love, he should have realized it then, but instead he let his foolish selfish pride get in the way once again.
Since the day they married, he'd been afraid. Afraid of letting her too close, because what if he lost her like his first wife? What if he told her he loved her, and then she died? How could he go through losing someone again?
