Looking at him now, I couldn’t imagine not being in love with him.
I’d told myself it wasn’t going to happen, but even back then, I think I’d always known it was a lie. I’d just been determined to stay in denial because it was safer than admitting I needed him.
All I had to do now was find the courage to tell him. To say the three little words still sitting on my tongue out loud. I knew they’d change everything, and part of me was absolutely fucking terrified because we weren’t exactly dating. I didn’t know what we were doing if I was being honest.
Still, the fact that we’d slipped into this sort of dating twilight zone where we basically acted like a couple without saying it was like a tiny ray of hope in my mind. But that didn’t completely allay my fears. They were still there, circling my thoughts like sharks, waiting to strike. All I could do was ignore them, and hope they’d eventually go away. It was either that or face them, and I was too much of a coward to do that.
Simon sighed in his sleep, a little pouting smile on his lips. I wished we could stay here for hours, lost in each other, and forget the rest of the world existed. But that wasn’t going to happen. I needed to get back to my own room for a start. Otherwise I was going to have to do some explaining.
Since it was still early, nobody else was going to be up, so I figured it would be easy to sneak out of Simon’s bed, find my discarded pyjamas, and then sneak back into my room. As long as Connor hadn’t claimed the whole bed, I’d be able to slide in beside him and pretend I’d been there all night.
Except, like everything in my life, nothing ever went as smoothly as I imagined.
When I opened my bedroom door, the bedside lamp was on and Connor sat propped up on a stack of pillows, a mug of coffee in one hand and his Kindle in the other. He smirked at me as I entered, lowering the Kindle to his lap and fixing his gaze on me.
“Good morning.” There was an unmistakable note of glee in his voice, and I knew I’d been caught red handed. There was absolutely no way in hell I was going to get out of this alive. Fuck!
“Morning,” I said, still frozen in the doorway.
“Have a good night?” Connor asked sweetly. I made a non-committal noise and Connor continued. “Did you know these walls are thin? And neither you or Simon are as quiet as you think you are.”
“I, um… I…” Shit. What was I supposed to say? I couldn’t deny it. Connor had heard us. It wasn’t like I could pretend it hadn’t happened. I felt my face heating, my skin prickling uncomfortably.
“I knew you two were fucking,” Connor continued. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I, er, I asked Simon if we could keep it a secret. Since I’m not really sure what we’re doing.”
“It’s okay.” Connor’s dark eyes fixed on me, calculating behind his long lashes. “So, is it just fucking? Or are you two dating?”
“It’s… it’s just sex.” I shuffled uncomfortably. I wanted to tell Connor everything because maybe he would tell me what I should do. Knowing I loved Simon and actually telling him were completely different things, and I had no idea how to do the second. “Or at least it was.”
“Was? It’s not anymore?”
“No. At least it’s not for me.” I sighed. “I don’t know if it ever was really.” I rubbed my face, trying to sort my feelings into order. I’d thought about my feelings for Simon so many times, but I’d never actually spoken them out loud, and that was different because it felt like I was finally giving them a solid form. It meant they were real.
“I just… It was just supposed to be for fun. Simon is so fucking cute and sexy, and I couldn’t resist. I mean have you seen him? I thought I just wanted to fuck him because I was convinced it would help me get over my crush. I mean, nobody’s ever wanted more so why would Simon? I’ve never been the type that people want to date. I’m too… me.” My voice cracked, and I took a deep breath, trying to put a stopper in my emotions. But it was too late. They’d escaped from the Pandora’s box that was my brain. Connor was just staring at me and nodding.
“It didn’t work though. I mean, Simon’s the most perfect man I’ve ever met. And all I want is for him to see himself the way I see him. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, but I think it was inevitable really. Now I love him more than I ever thought possible, and he doesn’t even know it. And I just… I don’t know what to do.” The shark-like fears circled faster, ready to strike. “I’m so worried he won’t want me. That I love him, and he doesn’t feel the same. Nobody’s ever wanted me before, so why would Simon?”
Connor was staring at me, wide eyed. I scrubbed my face again. I’d never known him to be this quiet before. Had I really messed up that badly?
“Say something. Please. I know I’ve fucked up, but I need your help. I don’t want to hurt him, but I… I can’t lose him.”
“Do you mean it?” Simon’s voice said from behind me, soft and full of hope. Fear rooted me to the spot. Holy fucking shit. I turned slowly. Simon stood behind me, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted, his pyjamas rumpled. I hadn’t even heard him come out of his room. I thought he’d still be asleep.
“How… how much did you hear?” I asked.
“Every single word.” Simon stepped closer to me, a hand reaching for me. His hazel eyes were filled with warmth, and all my fears melted away. “Did you mean it?”
“Y-yeah. Yeah, I did. I love you, Simon. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Simon said. He was so close I could count every single one of his eyelashes. “I love you too. I love you so fucking much it scares me. I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way. I’ve had a crush on you for ages, and I thought when we started hooking up it would be enough. But it wasn’t. You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met. You’re funny and sharp as a whip and sexy as fuck. I never thought you’d want someone like me, but you did. And you make me feel more alive than I’ve ever felt before. You’re incredible, Taylor. I love you.”
I heard my pulse in my ears as his lips met mine. Fireworks exploded in my chest, and all those ridiculous, cheesy clichés I’d always heard about falling in love—and always dismissed as stupid—suddenly felt so right.
Our kiss seemed to last for eternity. But it was also far too short. I whined when he broke away, and Simon chuckled, giving me a quick peck on the lips before pulling me against his chest. I rested my head against him as he wrapped his arms around me.
“Well,” said Connor, and I twisted my head around to look at him. I’d forgotten he was there and had accidentally given him a front row seat to my painful love confession. Not that I thought he’d mind. Connor was a sucker for drama and romance. “That feels like my cue to leave!”
“You don’t have to go,” I said, rotating in Simon’s arms. “Your workshop doesn’t start for hours.”
“True, but as much as I love you, I’m okay without listening to the live porno I think is about to go down. The first time was awkward enough, thanks. I’d rather not have to lie here and try to think unsexy thoughts while you two put on a performance to rival the world’s best porn stars. Do you realise how difficult it is not to get hard when there’re sexy noises coming from the next room? I had to think about your twenty-fifth birthday when you decided to drink an entire bottle of tequila and spent the entire night puking your guts up!”
I laughed, trying not to feel embarrassed about how much Connor had probably heard. It definitely could have been worse though. He grinned, hopped out of bed, and started rooting around for his clothes.
“Just give me ten minutes to get dressed, then you can fuck like bunnies for the rest of the day.”
“We’re not kicking you out,” Simon said, casually dancing around the subject. I knew he was trying to hide his embarrassment. My sweet boy was painfully shy about his body and our sex-life at the best of times, so being told my best friend had heard us was probably akin to the worst humiliation of his life. He was dealing with it very well though. “It’s still raini
ng.”
“But I wanna get laid,” I whined, pretending to pout and attempting to tease a smile out of Simon.
“I’m sure you can wait,” Simon said. “Besides, Steve is still here.”
“Ugh. Fucking Steve!”
“Did someone say my name?” Steve said, emerging from his room, blond hair sticking up around his head and a pair of pyjama bottoms sitting low across his hips. Simon and I froze. Steve looked at us and smiled. “Did you guys have a good night?”
“Yeah,” I said. I knew I should probably step away from Simon, but my whole body had stopped moving. “It was fun.”
“Awesome! I really need to take Olivia to Ruby’s.”
“You should. I think she’d like it.” I wondered if Steve was going to say anything about the fact that Simon and I were cuddling in the doorway to my bedroom.
“Yeah, me too. I’ll have to see if we can go next weekend.” Steve nodded as if he was thinking.
Apparently, he wasn’t going to say anything. That didn’t really bother me, but I wanted to spare Simon the worry. If Connor already knew everything, we might as well tell Steve and get it over with. Even if we were doing everything ass backwards and telling everyone before we’d had a chance to actually talk about it.
“Hey,” I said, looking at Steve over Simon’s arm. “So, um, I just wanted to tell you that Simon and I, we’re, um, we’re dating?” I said, looking at Simon to double-check it was okay I’d shared and relaxing as he smiled, tilting his head in a tiny nod.
“Oh, it’s okay. I already knew,” Steve said. “I just didn’t say anything ’cos I didn’t think you guys were making a big deal out of it.”
“You knew?”
Steve shrugged. “It was kinda obvious. You’re always cuddled up on the sofa and in each other’s rooms. And you’re not really as quiet as you think you are.”
“Right?” Connor chimed in. “They’re really not!”
“Has everyone heard us having sex?” Simon whispered. He sounded absolutely mortified, and his face was an interesting shade of cherry-red.
“Apparently,” I said, reaching up to kiss his cheek. “Don’t worry about it. At least we didn’t get caught having sex on the sofa.” I looked at Steve with a raised eyebrow and he laughed, holding his hands up.
“Yeah, yeah. I know.” He paused, squinting at us, and I could see his brain whirring. “What do you mean caught?”
“Well,” said Connor, interrupting at the most perfect time possible. “Since you’ve effectively been cockblocked for the next couple of hours, can I have some breakfast?”
“Ugh, fine, fine. I’ll feed you. Fucking leech,” I said. In truth, I’d give him whatever he wanted to get out of lying to Steve about the time Simon and I had fucked on the sofa. I wasn’t convinced Simon’s face wouldn’t give us away.
“I’m a very loveable leech,” Connor said. “And if there’s going to be breakfast, I’m going to grab a shower first.” He began rummaging through his stuff, pulling out a giant bag of toiletries. One person did not need that many products, I was sure of it.
“Be nice,” Simon said, kissing the side of my head as I made vague grumbling noises. “Get dressed, then you can give me a hand. I’ll make pancakes. Do you want some, Steve?”
“Sure. Just let me grab a hoodie,” he said, shuffling back into his room.
“You’re so sweet,” I said, twisting my head and finding Simon’s lips for a deep kiss. “I’m definitely going to show you how sweet you are as soon as these idiots leave.”
“I heard that!” Connor said.
“You were meant to!”
Several hours later, after many chocolate chip pancakes, Connor and Steve both left for their respective Saturday plans, finally giving Simon and I the privacy I’d desperately wanted since I’d accidentally spilled my heart out.
I’d been worried this would suddenly change everything between us. That now I’d said the words, Simon would want nothing to do with me. But as soon as the front door closed behind Steve, Simon held out his hand and pulled me towards his room. He shut the door behind us before drawing me in for a kiss.
“Thank you,” he said quietly between kisses.
“What for?”
“For saying it first. I was so sure you’d never want me the way I wanted you.”
“I’m sorry.” I stroked his jaw with one hand, a little ache in my chest. “I’m sorry I was too scared to realise it sooner. Or to talk to you about how I felt.”
“If you’re sorry about that, then I should be too,” he said. Then he chuckled. “We’re kinda stupid, aren’t we? We’ve basically been dating without the “date” part, haven’t we?”
“Yeah. A little bit. Don’t worry. We can remedy the date part.” I snorted and shook my head. “I’m glad we got here though.”
“Me too.”
I kissed him again, slow and deep, letting my tongue caress his lips. Simon groaned, his hands tightening around my waist, fingers caressing the bottom of my back. I pulled him closer to me, a rumble escaping my chest as his cock brushed up against mine through the thin material of his pyjamas.
“I love you,” I said. “So fucking much.”
“I love you too. Will you… will you make love to me?”
I smiled, heat flaring in my gut. It was such a simple request, and yet it was so different than anything we’d ever done before. We’d fucked more times than I could count, but we’d never done anything as romantic as making love. That would have been too much for my poor emotions to handle. But now? Now it was what I wanted more than anything else.
“Of course,” I said, giving him one final kiss before stepping back. “Strip for me, baby. I want to see your gorgeous body.”
Simon smirked before pulling his t-shirt off and sliding his pyjama bottoms over his thighs. I sighed happily. “Fuck, you’re sexy. I know I say it a lot, but seriously you’re the hottest guy on the planet.”
“Thanks,” he said, his cheeks flushing. “Your turn, or I’ll start without you.”
“Don’t get bossy with me.” I grinned, stripping off my own clothes. “Just because we’re in love now doesn’t mean I won’t spank that perfect ass of yours.” Simon whimpered, his cock thickening. I loved that he couldn’t hide his reactions, and I loved how responsive he was to my words. “Or maybe I just won’t let you come. I’ll just leave you begging and desperate, plugged full of my cum so I can keep you slick and open for me.”
“Please,” Simon said. Then he paused, chewing his lip. “Do you want to get tested?”
“So I can fill you up?” I teased. Simon flushed, but then he nodded. I groaned. “I’d love to. We can make some appointments on Monday.” The idea of going bare with him and feeling the hot, tight heat of his channel around me was something I’d been dreaming about for weeks. I’d never thought I’d actually get to have it.
I reached out and put my hand on his chest, sliding my fingers over the firm muscle and squeezing it. Leaning in for a kiss, I let my hands explore his body. I loved that I knew how to play him like a finely tuned instrument, but that didn’t mean I’d ever want to stop exploring.
Pushing his chest gently, I guided him backwards to the bed. Simon took the hint and spread himself out in the middle, his skin beautifully flushed in anticipation. I followed him, leaning over him as I began to kiss down his chest, toying with his nipples and sucking them until each nub was hard and Simon was gasping.
My mouth moved lower, tracing over the soft skin of his stomach and down to his hips. I pushed his legs a little wider, and sucked marks into the inside of his thighs, deliberately bypassing his cock, which was leaking precum onto Simon’s stomach. Simon whined as I ran my finger across the swollen head, collecting his salty precum on my fingers and sucking them into my mouth.
“You taste so good, baby,” I said, savoring the taste of him on my tongue.
“Please.” He was close to begging already, and I was tempted to give in and fuck him. But I had a plan, and I was goin
g to stick to it, no matter how many pretty noises fell from his lips. Even if it was really fucking hard to ignore them.
“Not yet.” I resumed kissing down his thighs, pushing them even wider as I moved my mouth towards his tight hole.
“Fuck!” Simon gasped out as I ran my tongue down his taint and began to tease the tight ring of furled muscle. I chuckled to myself as I ran my tongue over his hole. I loved eating him out and feeling him relax around me, listening to him whine and moan and beg for more. I moved my finger to press against him as my tongue pushed into him. Simon cried out, his hips desperately chasing my touch.
“More, Taylor. Please. I need more.”
“Can you reach the lube?” I asked, lifting my head and kissing his thigh. Simon already looked half-wrecked, chest heaving and sweat beading on his skin. He nodded and stretched out his fingers for the bottle on the bedside table. I took it from him, squeezing some onto my fingers and circling his entrance. His cock throbbed, leaking more precum onto his stomach as I gently pressed a finger inside him.
“Oh God. More,” Simon said, biting his lip. “Please.”
I gave him a minute to adjust, slowly kissing down his thigh towards his cock. Then I pushed a second finger in and wrapped my lips around his dick.
“Shit! Fuck yes!” Simon cried out as I sucked him into my mouth, swirling my tongue around his shaft as I pressed my fingers deeper into him. I fucking loved working him open like this, and it didn’t take long to reduce Simon to nothing more than a whimpering, begging mess, desperate for my cock.
Slowly, I pulled my fingers away and released his cock with a wet pop. Reaching for a condom, I quickly rolled one on, pumping my cock lazily as I looked at Simon spread out beneath me. He was so fucking perfect, and I still couldn’t believe he was mine now.
“I love you,” I said, leaning down to take his mouth as I lined my cock up. “So fucking much. I can’t believe you’re mine.”
“Yes,” Simon moaned as I pushed into him. “All yours. I always was. Love you.”
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