by Alana Khan
My heart is breaking, my chest squeezes. I’ve never seen him look sad before, but his shoulders are stooped, he’s avoiding my gaze. This, more than anything, convinces me that he cares for me, too.
“I don’t need that, Devi. After what the emperor did to me, do you think I want anything shoved inside me again? I don’t care what you lack. I care what you have. You protected me on Emirus as best you could. You kept me alive. I don’t want to live without you.”
“The females are right, Tawny. You have that syndrome. You bonded to your abuser. It will fade with time—if you stay here with them.”
We have five minutes. If we don’t hurry, that asshole from the other ship just might change his mind about taking Devi back to his home planet. I don’t want to stay here. I want to go with him—wherever that is. I have no time to argue.
“I saved your life today, Devolose Marris Thenious III. In my culture, that means you are indebted to me for the rest of your life.” There’s steel in my voice. I straighten to my full height, my back ramrod stiff. I feel like an Army general. I will brook no argument. “I demand it, Devi. I demand you take me with you.” My index finger stabs at his chest.
“This is true?” He cocks his head and stares at me unwaveringly as if he’s trying to discern the truth from a lie.
I heard it once on a TV show, and it should be true—therefore it is. I’m fully believing my little lie so that he’ll believe it too.
“Yes. You owe me your life. I’m not asking for your life. I just want to follow you onto that pirate ship.”
“You’ll regret this, Tawny. You’ll regret this to your dying day.” He steps toward me and turns, so we’re both facing the same direction. He places his forearm next to mine. His black with white tribal markings, mine burnished mahogany. “We’re not the same, Tawny. We don’t look alike. We’re from different worlds. Your heart still beats, and mine is dead. You’re making the biggest mistake of your life.”
“Devolose?” Zar sticks his head through the doorway, then approaches followed by five burly gladiators. “You certain you want to do this? We could find another way.”
“I’m certain, but she’s insisting on coming with me. Help me convince her otherwise.”
“Tawny, they’re taking you somewhere you know nothing about. We don’t know if he can keep you safe.” Zar looks at Dev skeptically, eyebrows raised. “Stay here; we can protect you.”
“You’re running under a false name, and that little pirate ship figured it out in five minutes flat. I don’t think staying with you is so safe either. I will never say this again,” I cross my arms in front of my chest and almost scream, “I. Do. Not. Have. Stockholm. Syndrome. I know what I want. I’m going with Devi.”
Zar’s sharp-toothed mouth snaps closed, and he accompanies us to the exit doors. TheTranquility’s gangway has connected to us and we’re aboard their ship before I can doubt my decision.
Chapter Three
Devolose
As soon as the ship’s doors slide closed between us and the Leaf on the Wind, Thantose reaches out and pulls me to him in a solid hug. He tries to touch his forehead to mine, a gesture of kinship on my planet, but I manage to wrest myself away from him. I lean back in distrust.
He pulls away, his hands grasping my upper arms. This male who seemed to enjoy toying with us for the last two hoaras looks filled with emotion, his eyes bright with tears.
“My name is Thantose Aberre Marris. We’re cousins, Devolose. I grew up hearing about you my entire childhood. Every spring during the week of the Mranteen holy days, we said prayers for you. When I was young, I prayed fervently for your safe return. I sadly admit we all gave up many annums ago.
“You wouldn’t remember me. I was born after you were stolen.” He leans forward again and presses his forehead to mine. It’s a sign of love and connection on Primus, reserved for the closest lovers and kinsmen. I allow it this time. What do I care? It means nothing to my dead heart.
“I didn’t contact your family, Devolose. That will be your choice. Your sire crossed over two decades ago. Your mother has the failing sickness. The last I saw her she didn’t remember me. I doubt she would remember you, although you never know.”
He glances at Tawny as if he hadn’t noticed her until now. “This female? Is this your mate, Devolose? I am honored to meet you.” He bows low, then moves to grasp her shoulders, to press his forehead to hers. His movement must have been too swift. She retreats and hides behind my back.
“Sorry. You’re just so big,” she says from behind me. I feel her body shiver.
“I apologize. I think I’ve been too brash for both of you.”
He looks me up and down, perhaps taking in the dirty rag of a loincloth around my hips, the lean muscle under my skin that screams I haven’t been well fed in decades. I’m certain he must see the remnants of a thousand lash marks on my skin.
When Tawny edges out from behind me, he has to see the bruising apparent on her lovely brown skin, and the healing lash marks on the exposed flesh of her lower arms. I watch his face as awareness dawns.
“My cousin, do you need to see a medic? Seneca has been trained as a healer. Were you abused on the Leaf on the Wind?”
Tawny and I shake our heads. “We saw the doctor aboard that ship. Everything has been done that can be done.”
He cocks an eyebrow in inquiry. I should have phrased that differently. I’m certain he must be questioning what I meant by that. I wonder how he would react if he knew I wear a rag in my loincloth to hide the fact the fabric covers no cock. Would he show me the trash chute in disgust?
“You were rescued from Emirus only five days ago, cousin? I hope the Leaf treated you well.” He shrugs then smiles, not the smarmy smile we saw on the screens of the bridge when he was taunting us, but a genuine smile, full of honest affection. “You’re here now. We’ll feed you and give you time to heal. You both look like you could use rest and caretaking. I can only imagine you were not treated well in your captivity. That’s over. The time you spend on the Tranquility can be considered your rebirth.
“You don’t know me, cousin, but I’ve felt a kinship with you my whole life. Indulge me; let me care for you and…?”
“Tawny. We’ve been held in the same cell for three annums,” I tell him.
“Do you prefer one room or two?”
I say, “Two,” at the same moment Tawny firmly says, “One.”
Thantose looks between us, awaiting further instruction.
“Devi, please don’t leave me alone. Not on this ship, with all these new people.” She glances down the hallway at the three males standing there, weapons at the ready in case Tawny and I aren’t what we appeared.
“One room,” I acquiesce.
Thantose escorts us to a small cabin about twelve fiertos square. It’s clean and sparsely furnished.
“I wish I could offer you better accommodations,” Thantose offers.
“I haven’t slept in a room with a door in almost a century. This is a boon. Thank you.”
“I’m sure you’d like food? Clothes? Shall I bring them by? Would you like to join us in our small kitchen for a meal?”
I glance at Tawny, her eyes are still wide in fear; she’s tense. I doubt she’ll want to mingle with a bunch of large alien males.
“You could bring us food, nutrition bars are fine; don’t go to any trouble. I think we’ll bathe and sleep. Tomorrow you can shower us with your hospitality, feed us, and impress us with your ship.”
“As you wish. I’ll bring food. Out your door and to the left when you wake up in the morning, you’ll find the bridge and kitchen.” He clasps my shoulder, then leaves.
The room is still and quiet without my boisterous cousin. Tawny, who’d been almost hiding behind me, steps to my front and hugs me hard, her face nestling against my chest.
“I thought they were going to put you to death, Dev. That tribunal was awful.”
I want to scold her for speaking up for me. I’d begged h
er not to. I’ve lived long enough, had enough pain for ten lifetimes. My people live another eighty to one hundred annums on average. I don’t think I can stomach that.
“You’ll regret following me onto this vessel, Tawny.” I shake my head. “This was the biggest mistake of your life. The people on the Leaf would have taken care of you. I have nothing to give you.”
“I’m not arguing with you, Dev. I’m taking a shower and going to bed.” She turns on her heel and strides to the tiny, adjoining bathroom.
This room has two small beds and two closet/dresser combinations. The beds have been pushed together. I separate them. There’s no reason for us to lie side by side anymore. For the first time since she met me, Tawny will be safe where she sleeps. I take a calm breath, pleased that at least I provided that for her.
Tawny
I know water’s a commodity on any space vessel, but I allow myself a few extra minutes under the warm spray. Better than Disneyland!
As I’m toweling off, I’m thankful the humidity has fogged the mirror. I haven’t had a moment to really look at myself in three years. They let me leave my cell on the Leaf to take a shower, but it was rushed, and frankly, I wasn’t ready. I guess now’s as good a time as any.
I wipe the condensation off the mirror, take a deep breath, and lean in to see my face. I immediately move back, out of range of my reflection. Dear God, it looks like a heavy-handed makeup artist was tasked with aging me twenty years.
The tears sliding down my cheeks have a will of their own. I have no business crying—it is what it is. It’s just that...wow, I didn’t expect it to be that bad.
I edge to the mirror again and tolerate it better this time. I’d only been twenty-two when I was abducted. I guess three years of daily torture, living in an underground cell, and wondering if you’ll live to see the next day will do that to you.
Now that I’m really looking, I take it back; I really haven’t aged twenty years. Well, my eyes have. My young-woman eyes are gone; they do look twenty years older. That’s only fair, they’ve certainly seen twenty years worth of pain.
I can see why everyone hated Devi. My dark skin doesn’t show discoloration as obviously as if I were white, but even now, almost a week after my rescue, my face is a patchwork of bruises in various stages of healing.
It’s silly, but I feel bad for Dev; he has to look at me and know he did this. It must kill him a little every time he sees this. Oh well, my bruises will fade. The scars are simply...scars—a roadmap of my life, which has been pretty fucked up. Until now. Today changes everything.
I pull on the oversized t-shirt and panties they gave me on the Leaf and enter the bedroom. Dev stalks into the bathroom and starts his shower.
Silly male, did he really think I wouldn’t notice he pulled the beds apart from one to two, each on its own side of the small room? And did he really think I wouldn’t put them right back the way they were? It’s the work of a moment to connect them into one again and climb in.
Devolose
Drack! I’m not surprised she pushed the beds back together. After three annums in captivity, you wouldn’t think she’d be so willful, but Tawny has a mind of her own. Having no desire to argue, I crawl in and lie on the far edge.
She cuddles up against me, her front to my back. I’ve never slept nude with her before, but my loincloth was filthy, and I didn’t want to wear it into this delightfully clean bed. We shared a cell for three annums; she knows there’s nothing under my loincloth. Why do I still wish to hide myself from her?
“Devi,” she whispers as she hitches her leg over my hip. “Please don’t be mad at me for coming with you. You’re the only person in the universe I trust.”
I want to push her away, tell her she doesn’t really know me, but that would be a lie. She knows me better than anyone has ever known me. She knows my weaknesses as well as my strengths—which is a short list.
“I was giving it some thought in the shower. Wondering why I was so desperate to stay with you,” she tells me. “We’re connected, you and I. We spent a thousand days living through something no one else in the universe could understand. When I’m not with you, my life turns into a dream—a horrific, surreal dream that feels meaningless.
“When I’m with you, my life is real. What I lived through, however grim, is my reality, and maybe it has meaning. No one could understand what happened behind those bars but you.”
I turn to face her and immediately realize the error of that decision. Her knee rests on my hip, her core inches from where my cock would be if I had one. I hiss involuntarily. She pulls her leg off of me, eyes wide. Is she fearful of me? Of my anger? Of course she is. Her head may know I never hurt her of my own volition, but her body remembers every lash of my whip.
A very clear thought arrows into my brain. I need to apologize to her. I know it might sound hollow. I know she has that syndrome. But I need to say it. I hope she can hear, really hear, even a small part of it.
“Tawny.” I know she immediately grasps my serious tone. Her gaze connects with mine. “We both know there wasn’t one thing I did to you in that dungeon that was of my own free will. Not one. Well, except every night when I apologized for what I’d been forced to do.
“I understand you know this on some level, but I have to say it now. Out loud, when we’re both calm and safe. I am deeply sorry for every hurt or pain or abuse I inflicted on you—”
“Dev, I know.” Her beautiful brown eyes are swimming in tears as she looks at me with her exquisitely expressive gaze.
“I know you do. You said these things at the tribunal. But I have to say them, Tawny. I have to tell you I felt every lash of the whip, every slap of flesh on flesh, every hurtful word and phrase. Every single abuse I heaped on you in that dungeon I felt on my skin and in my heart and all the way down to the depths of my soul.”
“I forgive you, Devi. I understand.”
“Please,” my voice is rough with emotion. “Please don’t forgive me. I have no right to ask for that. No matter what you told that jury, my actions were unforgivable.” I feel a tight fist around my heart. Not only should this beautiful female never forgive my actions, but I know I’ll never be able to forgive myself—nor should I.
“Of course you didn’t ask, Dev. But I do forgive you. I forgave you every night as we laid on the floor of our cell when you whispered your apology.”
There’s nothing else I can say without arguing, which is the last thing I want to do. If forgiving me makes her feel better, then so be it. I’ll leave it hanging in the air between us. What I won’t do is accept it. I won’t allow my heart to feel the soothing balm her words could provide. It would just be that syndrome talking. I deserve no forgiveness. Especially not from her.
“Let’s get some sleep, Tawny. Tomorrow we’ll talk to Thantose and see if he can take you back to Earth. We’ve never talked about your family. I didn’t bring up the topic, didn't want you to get sad as you thought of everything you'd lost. But I’m certain you have people who love you there. Let’s get you home.”
“Earth wasn’t a great place for me, Dev. There’s nothing there for me. Perhaps you didn't understand what I told you a moment ago—you’re my home Devolose.” She turns her back on me and scoots away.
~.~
I wake before Tawny in the morning and pull on my dirty loincloth. I’ll find Thantose and borrow some clothes, maybe grab Tawny a snack.
I turn left out of our room and follow my nose and ears to the kitchen. Three males are congregating there, making sumra, a traditional noodle porridge dish popular on many planets. Smelling it, nostalgia squeezes my heart. Pictures flash in my head of when I was a tot, watching my mom cook it while I sat at our kitchen table enjoying the smell, awaiting the taste.
I’ve tried for decades not to think of home, my family. I’d assumed my parents died long ago. Now I’m a free male, flying on a swift ship. I guess I could go home. I shake my head, knowing there’s nothing there for me.
The ma
les in the room nod to me, welcoming me. “Want some sumra, sir?” the youngest asks.
“It smells good. I’ll come back later with the female to have some. Thanks.” Did I almost say my female? I need to control my thoughts. She is not my female. I need to figure out how to get her out of my room. I have to sever our relationship; she’s far too dependent on me.
When I ask, the males point me toward Thantose’s room five doors down. He immediately opens his door to my knock. He’s nude.
“Come in, cuz.”
His cabin is slightly larger than my own and in complete disarray. There are what look like fine paintings hanging everywhere. Fancy wooden tables of the highest quality are shoved up against every wall. Ornate figurines and sculptures cover almost every flat surface.
