by Alana Khan
“No,” I practically stumble after him. “I...I was overwhelmed with all the choices.” One particular painting calls to me and I squat on the floor to get a better look where it’s leaned against a musical instrument of some kind. It’s not realistic, nor is it abstract in the Earth definition. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. But the colors, the swirling greens and blues, the splashes of gold, speak to me. I’m drawn to it and have trouble pulling my gaze away.
“I can’t imagine many things more challenging and fun than handling all of this fine art, discovering its value, and finding a buyer for it.”
For the first time in years, excitement, enthusiasm, and...optimism rush through my veins. I could have something to do other than count stones in the wall of my dungeon all day. I could be of use, have a purpose.
“Thank you!” I know enthusiasm hums in my voice. “I can see myself doing this. Being of help.” My face sweeps up into my first genuine smile in years.
“No rush, Tawny. We’ll start when you’re ready. I just want you to be happy. I want you and Dev to be happy.”
Devolose
I’m a selfish male. I see Tawny’s delight engaging with all of these stolen goods, her excitement at having productive work to do, and all I want is to touch her. As if her happiness could transfer to me. She’s so alive, so spirited. And I’m dead. Two days ago I longed to be physically dead to match my soul. I planned it. Now I want to be alive to be near her. It’s so selfish—I just want to steal her joy. She could have such a full life without me. I’m holding her back.
I see how she looks at me. Her need for me is measurable, look at what happened last night. She doesn’t have to say it out loud—I know she cares for me. And that’s a hindrance. Whether it’s that syndrome, or some magical fairytale spell, it doesn’t matter. She’s far too attached and dependent on me, and no matter how hard I try to convince her otherwise, it doesn’t change.
A plan develops in my mind. It creeps in unbidden, but arrives almost fully complete. Seneca, the medic, described the pool of water very well. A pool of azure blue at the base of a tall, rocky waterfall. It would be the work of a moment to climb to the top of the falls, stumble and fall to my death down below.
It would be much less difficult for her to tolerate than if I threw myself into the garbage jettison. That would be maudlin and sad and leave her with guilt. This would be a tragic accident—she would be able to mourn and then move on.
Thantose and I will go to the planet and sit in the pool to “cure his hangnail.” I’ll get restless, pick my way to the top of the falls, and accidentally plunge to my death—heartbreaking but unavoidable. He’ll go back on board and hold the grieving female against his muscular chest for comfort.
I know neither of them is aware of it, but I saw the energy spark between them—they have a connection. Before long, my cousin’s comforting hugs will become more intimate. They would be good for each other. Tawny already has a job aboard his ship. He’s a caring male; he’ll take care of her.
I nod to myself, satisfied with my plan. It has a happy ending for everyone. Well, except me. For me, there are no happy endings.
Tawny
Thantose dragged Dev off to show him every nook and cranny of this ship. I stayed behind to poke around. I don’t know what’s more fascinating: the art, the knick-knacks, or the sheer enormity and variety of all the booty down in this cavernous cargo hold.
This extensive assortment is mind-boggling. I breathe in and notice the air is rich with the smell of antiquity from around the galaxy. I can’t keep my fingers from touching a porcelain figurine here, a wooden frame there. I could enjoy playing with these artistic “toys” for a long time.
After an hour or so, I decide I’ll have to come back, because right now I need to talk to the medic. Dev said he was sincere, concerned, and helpful. I didn’t really trust the blue doctor on the Leaf. He was furious at Dev, and treated me like I would break if he touched me too hard. I have a compelling need to know something; it sounds like Seneca is a better choice.
“Do you have a moment?” My body lingers outside the door, only my head has crossed the threshold of medbay. I don’t want to intrude.
“You’re Devolose’s female,” he says warmly, then gives me a kindly smile as he gestures me in. The room is tiny and filled with medical equipment of all kinds. There are two medbot arms standing like silent sentinels in their holsters against the wall. Another wall is almost floor-to-ceiling drawers, and there’s a metal exam table in the middle. I see an even tinier private exam room connected to this one.
“Can I help you, Tawny?”
I realize I haven’t entered the room yet, so I slip through the doorway, then stand rooted where I am.
“I have a few questions?” I sound so tentative; this is going to be hard.
“I’d be happy to help. Have a seat.”
I’m relieved to see him gesture toward a small chair near the head of the exam table, and not the table itself. I sit there; he leans his hip against the metal table.
“I...I think you know the gist of what happened to me for the last three years.” I take a deep breath, and after he nods compassionately, I launch. “I never got pregnant despite...you know... I wonder if the emperor was sterile, or if…” I just run out of gas. Crap. I don’t want to have to say the rest.
I stare directly at him, tighten my fists, and continue with determination. “I wonder if all the awful things he did damaged me so badly that I’ll never get pregnant.” Deep breath. Done.
“I understand how hard this must be for you. First I’ll do a medscan, see if that gives us the information we need. I’ll do an internal exam as a last resort. I haven’t had a female under my care in many decades, Tawny, but I’ll be gentle and respectful. If at any time you want to stop, just know we can finish this another day. Perhaps you’d like to come back with Devolose?”
“I’m a free agent, Doc. This is between you and me, okay?”
“Absolutely.” He pats the table and I hop up and lie down, fully clothed. He uses his fancy medscan, which looks a hell of a lot like a computer pad from Earth. He purses his lips and shakes his head. “Nothing definitive. I’m afraid I’ll have to take a look.”
He steps out of the room after handing me a thin blanket and returns when I call softly. I put my feet in the stirrups and focus on a speck of dried blood on the ceiling. I calm myself by deciding it’s probably decades old. By the time I’m done with this little tangent, he’s already inserted a flexible tube the circumference of a coffee stir stick into my vagina.
“This will send pictures and info back to the medpad and,” he removes the probe and helps me sit up, “we’ll have our information as soon as I…” He looks at the pad, frowns, then his fingers fly over its surface, his brow furrowing deeper with every passing second.
“Sorry, Tawny. I…There’s a lot of internal damage. There are many things that could be repaired. But when you add them all together there’s too much damage. I couldn’t repair enough for you to carry a child to term.”
He looks away, not wanting to intrude on the thoughts flying through my mind. I’m not sure what my face expresses—to be honest, I’m not even sure what I’m feeling.
He reaches out and grasps my hand in a fatherly way. “Sorry.”
I shrug and wipe the corners of my eyes before any tears spill out. “I’d be a crappy Mom. No loss, really.” I hadn’t thought I really wanted a child, but the tightness in my chest tells another story.
“You don’t need to keep up a brave front for me.” His piercing look is so compassionate. “This must be doubly difficult after finding out Devolose can sire children. What a blow, knowing your two species are compatible to produce offspring.”
“What?”
“Drack!” His mouth quirks down and to the side in costernation. “Devolose didn’t tell you, did he?”
“No. No, Dev did not mention he got any important news from you.”
His eyes flar
e wide for a moment, then resume their normal shape. Is he hiding something else?
I don’t even wait for him to step out of the room before I pull on my panties and leggings. I’m not sure which is the most upsetting news: that I can’t have kids, or that Dev can. Now that he knows he can father a child, would he even want to be with a woman who couldn’t conceive?
It’s too crazy and confusing—I should have never even bothered to find out.
“Thanks, Seneca.”
“I’m sorry to have to deliver such bad news.”
“The truth is the truth. You can’t change it.” I sound strong and nonchalant as I casually shrug my shoulders. Inside I’m cracking apart.
I slip out and hurry through the corridors to my room, hoping the whole way that Dev is still exploring the ship with Thantose. It’s my lucky day, my cabin’s empty. I kick my flip flops off and lie down. My thoughts are flying around so fast I can’t even think straight. Slowly, I calm myself enough to keep a train of thought.
A week ago I knew with certainty I’d die in a dungeon on planet Emirus. I had no hope of being rescued, or ever having a semblance of a normal relationship with the male I care about. I’m in such a better place than I dreamed possible. I have Dev, we’re safe and we even have a place to live—a new place to call home.
I look around me at our little room. At first glance, it could pass for a college dorm back on Earth. Just a few things are different, like the bright lighting and metallic walls.
I feel the vibration and distant thrum of the engines. If I walk to the bridge I’ll see a vast array of stars scattered across the galaxy. I’m not on Earth anymore. Any semblance of a “normal” life was lost three years ago when I was abducted by aliens. I’ve known for a long time there would be no picket fence or 2.2 children in my future.
Breathing in a deep, calming sigh, I nod my head and sit up. I’m full of determination. I’m going to choose to look at the glass as half full. I’m alive. I’m safe. I’ll have meaningful work if I want it. And I have Dev. My Dev. That’s all I need.
~.~
I couldn’t bear to hang out in my room all day with nothing to do—I had three years of that and I don’t want one more day of it. I wander to the kitchen—the core of the ship. Young Destin is there. Destin’s not a Primian, he’s humanoid with expressive feline eyes. Since everyone calls him “young Destin,” I wonder exactly what that means.
I’m helping him make a stew-like dish to go over the ubiquitous noodles we seem to eat for every meal on this ship. He has me chopping what passes for a vegetable on board the Tranquility.
“So, everybody calls you ‘Young Destin,’ how old are you?” I ask as I use a knife to push the green stick-like veggies I just cut into the pot.
“Thirty annums.” He grabs four orange oblong, waxy vegetables from the cold box and tosses them to me one at a time. “Cut these drenels into pieces this big.” He indicates his thumbnail. “How old are you?”
“Twenty-five.” These things may look a bit like bell peppers, but they are tough as nails. I rummage in a drawer for a bigger, sharper knife.
“Great!” he crows. “I’m not the youngest on the ship anymore. I’ll be happy to inform everyone of that fact.” He does a little happy dance as he pulls spices from the cabinet.
Dev and Thantose choose this moment to join us, sitting down on the overstuffed couch in the little attached alcove. It definitely looks like the most comfortable piece of furniture on the ship even though it’s battered and smudged with dirt.
I glance over at Dev and look him up and down. He’s so handsome. His body is big and muscular. He has those broad shoulders that narrow in a “v” to his waist. I’ve only seen him nude or in a loincloth for the past three years, but wearing black cargo-type pants and a tight black t-shirt accentuates his sexuality. My face flushes, and heat blooms in my loins as I think about last night. That was amazing.
I drag my eyes back to my work. I’ll never tire of looking at his tribal-type markings. They usually look so fierce, but today his face is calmer; the markings appear less threatening. It must feel wonderful for him to be safe and with people who care about him after so many years as a slave.
While struggling with this stubborn vegetable, I accidentally cut a deep slice into my left index finger.
“Shit!” I drip blood all over the floor as I hurry to the sink to run it under water,
Dev is up and at my side in a heartbeat, looking at my finger with concern. He pulls it out from under the stream of water just long enough to see it’s still bleeding heavily.
He lifts me up and appears about to run toward medbay.
“Dev, stop!” I consider accusing him of being a drama queen, but I say nothing. How good it must feel for him to finally, after all he’s watched me go through, be able to get me the help I need.
He has me pressed against his chest like I’m the most cherished commodity on this ship full of costly and precious items. I like the feeling of being taken care of—I could get used to this.
“It’s just a cut.” I don’t verbalize the obvious, which is that one week ago, this wouldn’t have warranted a second thought.
“Let’s get this fixed, Sprout.” His brow is furrowed with concern.
Seneca saunters in for dinner, sees my hand dripping blood, and checks me out.
“Looks like it will be fine if you just keep pressure on it,” the doc announces, then snatches a piece of drenel and pops it in his mouth.
“Did you do that on purpose?” Thantose teases. He purses his lips and shoots me a questioning look with his eyebrow cocked. He looks mischievous like he did when he had us in his web and was tormenting us on the bridge of the Leaf on the Wind.
“I assure you, I can be clumsy without trying. Besides, why would I do that on purpose?”
“I thought you were just trying to maneuver a free trip to Paradise.”
“A trip to Paradise, Thantose? On Earth that would sound vaguely dirty.”
“A trip to planet Paradise,” he amends, “with Devolose and me. Were you jealous that we were getting a dip in the planet’s healing waters and you weren’t invited?” He cocks his head, still teasing, until his face sobers incrementally, probably mirroring my own increasingly clenched jaw and flared nostrils.
“Trip to Paradise? Healing waters?” I’m staring directly at Devolose now. I got the vibe from the medic earlier that I’d been kept out of a secret. Now I know that’s true.
“Shit!” Thantose’s voice is quiet and serious. “I’ve dracked something up, cuz.”
Seneca stands, grabs Thantose’s arm, and they’re halfway out of the room when he says, “Thantose and I have urgent matters to attend to down the hall.” He tosses a glance at Destin that, if I read it right, told the young male to save himself and figure out a reason to leave the room, too.
“Yeah, me too,” Destin mumbles and leaves at a jog.
Dev sets me down, but keeps his hands on my shoulders. “Sorry. I should have told you.”
“Yeah, I guess. So what’s the secret?” My jaw is tight. I’m holding back tears. I thought Dev and I were a team. The idea that he kept a huge secret from me makes my chest ache.
He explains about the alleged healing properties of the water on this mysterious planet, and the possible cure for his amputation. I’m trying to figure out how to tell him that although I like the medic, I think Seneca and this whole idea are utter bullshit. He interrupts my thoughts by saying, “I think it’s complete drack.”
“Okay, so we’re both agreed on that. Why didn’t you tell me, though?”
Grabbing my good hand in both of his, he leans his face near mine. He takes a deep breath, “I think...if I had told you it would somehow make it real, give the idea legitimacy. I didn’t want either of us to get our hopes up.
“Because you have that syndrome, I wanted to help you discover you can do better, so much better than me. I didn’t want you to think there was even the slightest chance...anything good could
come from us.”
My anger flares, I can feel my cheeks heat. “How many times do I need to tell you I’m not confused about this? I’ve had a front-row seat to observe your character for three years. I know who you are. You’re a good male—with or without a dick.
“And I know who I am, too. I went to Emirus an angry young woman. Emirus annihilated my spirit, and crushed the anger out of me—it left a sad, pathetic shell. But I still know what I want. I don’t have Stockholm Syndrome.
“Oh, and by the way—last night exceeded expectations.” I give him a tight smile, still waiting for an apology from him for leaving me out of the loop.
The tension in his face vanishes and is replaced by an almost imperceptible smile, then a frown.
