by A. E. Radley
“No, I’m excited. I can’t wait to share a traditional Christmas meal with you and Hugo. I don’t often do things like this.”
Amber was almost afraid to ask, but she did. “What do you normally do on Christmas Day?”
“Eve.”
“Sorry?”
“Christmas Eve, we celebrate all the things you celebrate on Christmas Day on Christmas Eve, the twenty-fourth.”
“Oh, wow. So, what do you do on the twenty-fifth?”
Emilia shrugged. “Nothing much. Oh, we’ll need raisins for the glögg. I can get that here.”
Amber watched her hurry off to another stall. She realised she never got an answer to what Emilia did over Christmas. She suspected she already knew. Nothing. Or hanging out with Hugo.
Meanwhile, she had so many invites to do things at Christmas that she always ended up feeling guilty towards those she didn’t get time to see. As much as she enjoyed the holidays, they could be stressful and expensive. They often involved seeing around five to six different groups of people, at least three meals of some kind, and far too much drink.
The only good part about not being in communication with the outside world was that she knew friends and family were currently sending her texts inviting her to various events. Not receiving them meant that she might have a moment to herself over the festive period this year.
Most of the people she saw, she only saw once a year. Obligatory socialising. The worst kind.
A happy medium between her style of Christmas and Emilia’s would have been perfect for Amber. A few friends, one location, nice and quiet. No constantly looking at her watch and rushing to the next venue. No hauling bags and bags of gifts to be given and to carry home at the end of the day. The gifts she received were usually socks and toiletries from well-meaning friends who had panic-bought multiple identical items to distribute to all the women they would see over the holidays. She often noticed that her friends had exactly the same scent through to March.
She found that she was looking forward to this new style of Christmas with Emilia. In fact, she had to admit that she really enjoyed Emilia’s company. She was like a breath of fresh air, not at all what Amber had expected to feel. When she left London, she thought she had Emilia all figured out. To her mind, she was boring, predictable, and even to be pitied in some ways.
Amber’s life was full of social events. If she wanted to, she could attend a new party every night. Emilia never left the house. At first glance, Amber had shaken her head and thought Emilia’s life was something to be avoided.
But after a couple of days within the Emilia Lund bubble, she had a different perspective. It was calm and cosy in the Lund house. Evenings were warm and thoughtful. Cuddling up on the sofa with Emilia and just talking about life had been a revelation. She had laughed, reminisced, and engaged in deeper conversation over the last couple of days than she had in the last few months.
Just because she socialised a lot didn’t mean she was actually discussing anything worthwhile. After a while, questions and answers became formulaic.
How was work?
Good, thanks. You?
Did you see that new drama last night?
Isn’t the weather miserable?
Everything became the same. She spoke all the time without saying a word. Maybe it was because Emilia didn’t have anything boring to draw on that the conversations were so rich and invigorating.
There was no discussing television shows. No talking about the weather. No answering the same mindless questions time and time again.
Instead there were thought-provoking discussions about a world of things. While Emilia’s body rarely left the house, her mind was widely travelled due to her books.
Amber had to admit that snuggling up to the attractive woman played a large part in her enjoyment of those evenings. She assumed it was a Swedish thing to get under blankets in the winter months and sit closely together while whispering into the fire-lit room.
Emilia may have been unaffected by the closeness, but Amber certainly wasn’t. Of course, she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to upset the balance, or worse, offend Emilia.
Snow started to fall again. She took a deep breath and sucked in the crisp air. She would have to leave this magical wonderland soon. Go back to work and normal life. It wasn’t something she was looking forward to at all. The next year would bring a new job, new challenges, and more of the same in the way of hectic nightlife.
She had to talk to Emilia about the contract soon. The idea of sullying their wonderful time with talk of business wasn’t appealing, but she was there for a reason.
Obviously, she had gained Emilia’s trust. The woman had said she only did business with people she knew on a personal level. It was true that they knew each other well. In a short space of time, they had become friends, and despite Amber’s desperate attempts to push her feelings down, she knew that if the circumstances were different she would have happily been more than friends with Emilia.
She turned and sought out Emilia, quickly finding her chatting with another stallholder. Snowflakes were sticking to her woollen hat. She looked adorable. Amber had to stop herself from going to her and sweeping her into a warm hug.
Just keep it together for another couple of days, Amber told herself. You can make it through.
25
Hugo’s Mistake
Amber had repeatedly offered to help prepare dinner, only for Emilia to repeatedly tell her that she was a guest and should relax instead. She couldn’t sit and watch Emilia working so hard, so she decided to shower and freshen up before meeting Hugo.
He had returned Emilia’s text message with a large number of random upper and lowercase letters which made no sense to Emilia. Amber had tried to stop herself from laughing as she explained that those random symbols were probably emojis that Emilia’s phone wasn’t advanced enough to interpret.
After a quick text back and another reply from Hugo, it was clear that the man was excited to be invited to an early Christmas feast.
Amber had noticed that Emilia often spoke about ‘her friends’ but only ever mentioned one by name: Hugo. She’d already surmised that Hugo was her only friend and guessed that Emilia was embellishing her language to give the impression she had more. Not that she could blame her, she suspected she would do the same.
Amber was looking forward to meeting him. She knew he had gone to school with Emilia and they’d remained close ever since. She got the feeling that he was slowly drifting away from Emilia with his new job and work colleagues, though, something that Emilia had half-heartedly referenced a few times.
She hoped that wasn’t the case. It was obvious that he was all Emilia had and solely responsible for the tiny amount of socialising that she did. If he was no longer there, what would become of Emilia?
After her shower, Amber took longer than usual to choose an outfit to wear for dinner. She wanted to dress warmly, knowing that the snow had continued to fall and the short walk from the guesthouse would be cold. But she also wanted to wear her plunge-neck top. She tried to tell herself it was simply because it was comfortable, but she knew deep down she wanted to show off a little more skin to Emilia than she had in previous days.
It was hard to look sexy when you constantly wore at least four layers to keep the chill out.
I’m not dressing up for Emilia, I’m dressing up for me, she told herself for the sixth time.
“Is lying to yourself one of the first signs of madness?” she wondered aloud. “Or is it talking to yourself?”
She let out a breath and grabbed the plunge-neck top. She’d wear a scarf she had borrowed from Emilia when walking over to the main house. It smelt of Emilia’s cosy scent, and she’d kept hold of it when they had returned.
She got dressed, checking her reflection in the bathroom mirror one last time before heading downstairs to put on her winter boots. It seemed crazy to have to lace up heavy boots for a tiny journey to the house, but it was necessary. There were so many thin
gs about life in a snowy climate that she’d never taken into consideration before.
At first, she’d thought it was inconvenient, but now it was a fact of life. If it meant spending time with Emilia, then she’d happily lace up heavy boots for a thirty-second journey.
Bright lights lit up the courtyard, and she saw a car pulling up on the tarmac. She glanced at the clock on the wall and realised she had spent a little longer on her fashion crisis than she’d hoped.
She headed outside, shoving her hands into her pockets to protect them from the cold. The car engine shut off, and the lights dimmed.
“Hallo! You must be Amber?” Hugo stepped out of the car and greeted her with a big smile.
“I am. And you must be Hugo? I’ve heard a lot about you.”
They shook hands. Amber could instantly see why Emilia and Hugo were friends. He was lanky, what would be attractive to some in a wholly uncool, geeky way. His smile and his eyes were soft and kind. He instantly put her at ease.
“Have you been having a good time here in Sweden?” Hugo asked, his accent thick.
“Yes, it’s been so much fun. We were at the Christmas market this morning, that’s when Emilia decided to show me what a Swedish Christmas meal looks like.”
“Ja, I hope you brought a second stomach.” He laughed. “I’m glad you have had a good time, despite the business problems.”
“Problems?” Amber asked. She wondered if it was an error in translation or if he meant having to ruin a perfectly nice visit by talking about business.
Hugo hesitated. “Yes… Emilia and business, she won’t…” He stopped and looked towards the house, panic and realisation in his eyes. “I mean. We—we should probably go inside.”
All at once, Amber had a terrible suspicion she knew what Hugo was about to say. She also had a sinking feeling.
“Oh,” she attempted to sound casual, “you mean that Emilia won’t do business with us?”
“Precis.” He smiled, relieved that she knew. Or so he thought.
“Because she refuses to ever talk about business,” Amber guessed.
“Yes. She hates it so leaves it to her agent. But he doesn’t do anything either. And so, nothing ever happens.” Hugo chuckled, completely unaware that Amber’s mood was spiralling.
She lied to me. Amber felt all the breath from her lungs vanish. She’s been lying to me all along. She just wanted me here… for what? For friendship? For… a laugh?
“What are you two doing standing out here in the cold?” Emilia called from the porch.
Amber’s eyes were wet with unshed tears. She couldn’t believe she had been so stupid. And wasted so much time.
“When do you think you’ll be ready to talk about the contract, Emilia?” Amber shouted over to her. “Tonight? Tomorrow? Never?”
All the colour drained from Emilia’s face. It was all the confirmation she needed.
“Oh… I think I…” Hugo trailed off, realising his mistake.
“Did you ever have any intention of signing the contract?” Amber asked.
Emilia hesitated for a moment before shaking her head.
At least she’s honest, Amber thought.
The falling snow no longer felt cold. Amber didn’t know if it was because of her white-hot rage, or due to the fact she was numb with shock.
“Just so you know, I’ll be fired for this,” Amber said. “And, to be honest, I would have preferred spending this time trying to find a new job rather than being here. I… I don’t even know what to say.”
She turned around and stalked back towards the guesthouse.
“Wait!” Emilia called.
She heard Hugo say something in Swedish but didn’t turn around. She kicked off her boots once inside the kitchen and raced upstairs to her bedroom. After a few moments it was clear that neither of them were going to follow her, something to be thankful for.
She paced the room, wondering how her entire mood could be reversed in a matter of seconds. Emilia had no intention of ever signing the contract. Even Hugo knew that. It was only Amber who was stupid enough to think that it was a possibility. She’d been played. She didn’t know why, but she knew that much.
She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand. There was no way she was going to sit down and eat dinner with Emilia now. She was too angry, and she didn’t know what to say. She had a hundred questions but also didn’t want to hear a single answer. Nothing Emilia could say could make it better.
She paused her pacing.
It was clear what she needed to do. There was no reason to stay. The best course of action was to put as much distance as possible between herself and Emilia.
She opened the wardrobe and started grabbing handfuls of clothes and throwing them onto the bed. She didn’t know if there were any flights back to London, but she’d sleep in the airport if needed. Anything to be away from Emilia.
As soon as she told Bronwyn that she’d not only failed to get the contract signed but had also enjoyed an all-expenses paid holiday to Sweden on the company’s time and money. She was a goner. She needed to get home and start looking for jobs.
She took a mental inventory of personal belongings on her desk at work, knowing that security would be called to accompany her out of the office the moment after Bronwyn had finished screaming.
It took Amber less than ten minutes to pack everything into her suitcase and get changed for travelling to the airport. The front door to the main house swung open just as she was putting her suitcase into the boot of her car.
“Amber, wait,” Emilia pleaded.
“No, I have a flight to catch.” She didn’t know if that was true or not. For all she knew there could be no flights for the next twenty-four hours. It didn’t matter, she needed to be away from the cosy little farmhouse that had been a home for the last couple of days. She was struck by the contrast between how little time she had spent at the Lund residence and how it already felt like a home away from home.
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” Emilia said. She walked down the steps from the porch and towards the car.
“Look, Emilia, I really don’t care right now. I need to go and try to save my job. People in the real world need those to have a roof over their head and to pay for food to live. I don’t expect you to understand.” Amber slammed the boot closed.
“I’m sorry, I just… I can’t give my grandmother’s work to some… some faceless corporation!” Emilia cried.
Amber stopped dead in her tracks to the car door. She stared coldly at Emilia.
“I’m not a faceless corporation. I thought I was your friend.”
She got in the car and quickly reversed out of the courtyard and away from Emilia Lund forever.
26
A Realisation
As Amber’s tail lights vanished in the distance, Hugo guided her back into the house. Emilia couldn’t see where she was going through the tears filling her eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” Hugo said. “I didn’t know that she didn’t know. I thought you were going to tell her.”
“There was never a good time,” Emilia heaved. “We… we were having so much fun. I didn’t want to ruin that. I should have told her. I just… I just couldn’t.”
Hugo walked them over to the sofa and sat Emilia down. He sat beside her and put his arm around her. Emilia appreciated the gesture but couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t as comforting as when Amber did the same.
Nothing felt the same now that Amber had left, especially because Emilia knew that she had left and would never return.
“She was here for work, Em,” Hugo whispered.
“Maybe at first,” Emilia agreed, “but then we connected. We were friends.”
“Maybe you thought so.”
Emilia turned her face into his chest and let the tears flow freely. She was sure that Amber was her friend. What other explanation could there be for the last couple of days? Why did things have to be business or friendship? Why couldn’t business become friendship i
nstead?
Did people who weren’t friends cuddle on the sofa? She didn’t think so. But then there was so much about Amber that was still a mystery to her. Now it seemed it would forever be a mystery.
“I’m never going to see her again,” Emilia whispered, the realisation of the fact crashing over her again and again.
“I’m sure she’ll calm down,” Hugo tried to reassure her. “She’s just upset because she thinks you lied to her.”
“I did,” Emilia confessed. “I wanted a friend so badly that I lied to get her here. And then carried on lying to her to keep her here. I’m a horrible, terrible person.”
Hugo’s arm around her tightened. “You’re not either of those things. She’ll come around.”
“She won’t.” Emilia shook her head and pulled back. “She won’t. I lied to her, and now she will be so angry at me. She said she was going to lose her job. Because of me.”
A fresh wave of tears overcame her at that thought. She’d ruined Amber’s career just because she wanted a friend. Because she was incapable of making friends in the conventional way, she’d had to con Amber to come and stay with her and befriend her.
“Maybe you could… sign that contract?” Hugo suggested.
She shook her head vigorously. “No. I couldn’t do that to my grandmother. They will ruin the books. And I don’t know enough about business to stop them. I could be signing my life away. I… I can’t trust them.”
“But you trust Amber, right?” he asked.
“Yes. But Amber isn’t the boss. No. I could never sign that contract.”
Hugo nodded. “I understand.”
He looked at a loss, like someone wanting to offer comfort but unable to find any to give. She couldn’t blame him. She’d made a complete mess of things, and there was no redemption to be had.
Amber would never want to talk to her again. Even if she did, the distance between them wasn’t an easy thing to overcome. It’s not like they would happen to see each other out shopping one day.
