Until I Kissed You

by Nicole Vidal

  “Morning. I could have done that.”

  “I don’t mind. You got up with her at three; plus you were sound asleep. Do you prefer to do it all yourself?” She tries to keep the tone of her question even.

  “Yes. No. Can we talk about this over breakfast?”

  “Sure.” Savannah sets Emme in the swing before joining me in the kitchen. “What can I do?”

  “Coffee please,” I reply, throwing veggies into the pan with the eggs. I plate the scrambles and set them on the table. Turning back I almost crash into Savannah. I grip her waist to steady myself and her. I kiss her softy before guiding her to the right. I gaze over at Emme before taking a seat at the table.

  “I need you to clarify what you meant?”

  Setting my fork down, I take her hand in mine. “You’re my girlfriend. I don’t want you to feel forced to care for Emme like you did for Scarlett.”

  “Do you think that little of me?” She pulls her hand from mine.

  “Of course not!”

  “She’s part of you. I can’t ignore her existence.”

  “I don’t want you to feel obligated to be her mother figure too.”

  “Don’t I get to choose what I want or don’t want?”

  I start to speak, but my words fail me. I have no answer for her.

  “I care about you. I wanted you long before you learned about your daughter. It took us awhile to go on a proper date that wasn’t a business event, but still. I don’t feel obligated to care for her; I want to. Like I want to take care of you. Please don’t push me away again.”

  “I care about you too. I’m not ungrateful; however, I didn’t plan on Emme. My life plan was strictly conventional. She flipped everything in my life on its head. Can you promise me one thing?”

  She tips her head forward slightly before meeting my gaze.

  “If you ever feel like I’m taking advantage of you concerning Emerson, I need you to tell me.”

  “I promise. It won’t happen, but I promise.”

  I cup her face, drawing her lips to mine. Pulling away, I glance over at Emme who is fussing in her swing. Gulping down my cold coffee, I unbuckle her and hold her at the table.

  “What time is Maria-Luisa coming over? How do you want to handle it?”

  I gather my thoughts before answering her. “She’ll be here at nine, so we should get dressed. I want to talk with her about Marisol and the money before I introduce her to Emme. Would you mind keeping her in the nursery while we talk?”

  “No, I don’t mind. Do you plan to tell her about me?”

  “Savannah, the only opinion about you that matters are mine and Emme’s. I don’t care what Maria-Luisa, Margaux, or anyone else thinks.”

  She smiles, kisses me lightly, and rises from the table with our dishes in hand. Buckling Emme in her chair, we finish the dishes and hurry to get ready.

  Jimmy announces that our guest arrives precisely at nine. I wait for her by the elevator.

  “Good morning, Maria-Luisa. How are you?”

  She steps into my home, taking in the space. Considering she was my nanny, the luxury of it shouldn’t faze her in the slightest. Although I suppose knowing her granddaughter will live here at least for the time being makes her curious.

  “Morning, Samson. I’m doing the best I can. I apologize for the awkwardness. I’m not sure how to handle this.”

  “You’re fine. Would you like some coffee?”

  “No, thank you.”

  I lead her to the couch, offering her a seat.

  “There isn’t an uncomplicated way for me to handle this. Did you know about the money?”

  “No.” Her answer is emphatic and unwavering. “I learned about the money from Ramon after my Marisol….” Tears fall from her eyes. “I would’ve told you if I knew sooner.”

  She has no reason to lie to me. While I could keep Emme away from her if she knew, I wouldn’t. Maria-Luisa knows I wouldn’t do that. Her, Henry, and Salma raised me better than that.

  “I have spoken with Margaux. Eventually she came clean. She isn’t welcome here, my office, near me, my daughter, or Savannah.”

  Maria-Luisa nods, still blotting the tears falling from her eyes.

  “Would you like to meet your granddaughter?”

  “Yes, very much.”

  “I’ll bring you to her.” I guide her to the nursery. Savannah is changing her diaper.

  Maria’s face lights up as we step into the room. I kiss Savannah’s temple and wait for her to finish. I cradle Emme and turn to Maria-Luisa.

  “Maria-Luisa, this is my girlfriend, Savannah.”

  They shake hands.

  “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

  Savannah replies, “You as well.”

  “This is your granddaughter, Emerson.”

  She steps closer to me and gently touches Emme’s fingers. “Can I hold her?”

  “Of course. Have a seat.”

  She removes her sweater before sitting in the chair. I set Emme in her arms and step back.

  “We’ll be in the living room.”

  “Thank you, Samson.”

  I nod and follow Savannah out of the room. The moment we’re alone, I draw her against me, pressing my lips to her head.

  Lifting her head, she asks, “How are you?”

  “She didn’t know about Margaux or that Emme could have been mine. I believe her. She has no reason to lie. Even if she did know, I wouldn’t make her pay for Marisol’s choices.”

  “I wouldn’t think you could. Keeping Emme from Margaux is one thing, but Maria-Luisa is something else. Do we need to do anything else before leaving?”

  “I packed more than enough clothes, even though I’m certain Cash and Noelle have a washing machine. The only other thing is to prepare some bottles for the flight.”

  I’m looking forward to seeing my family in Maine. Unfortunately, Auggie can’t join us because of the late notice. I move to the kitchen and prepare the bottles with water while Savannah fills the formula container for her diaper bag. The rest will go in our luggage. Once we finish, we curl up on the couch to wait for Maria-Luisa. Shortly after we sit, I hear the familiar tune of a Spanish lullaby that she sang to my siblings and me when we were young.

  She steps out of the nursery, leaving the door ajar. “Do you have a monitor?” she asks as she approaches.

  I feel Savannah tense like we’re doing something wrong.

  “I’ll get it.” As Savannah rises from the couch, I grasp her wrist. Catching her gaze I remind her without words that I don’t care about Maria-Luisa’s opinion. She nods before walking away.

  “Samson, thank you for allowing me to spend time with her.”

  “Of course. Are you still working?”

  “No, I only volunteer a few days a week. Can I come back soon?”

  “Absolutely. We’re going to see Cash and Billie for the weekend. Does Wednesday afternoon work?”

  She throws her arms around me and hugs me tight. “Thank you.”

  Savannah returns with the monitor in her hand.

  “It was a pleasure meeting you, Savannah.”

  “You as well.”

  “Have a safe trip.”

  I escort her to the elevator and wait for the doors to close. That went well overall. I knew the woman who effectively raised me would never keep something so monumental quiet, even for her own daughter.

  Chapter 20

  Savannah

  The flight to Maine is largely uneventful other than some hilarious moments attempting to secure Emme into the plane seat. The ride to Cash and Noelle’s is picturesque. The streets are lined with large, mature trees. Once we get close to the village, the ocean appears to our right.

  “It’s beautiful here.”

  “It is.” Sam returns his gaze out the window.

  I reach over and take his hand in mine. He looks down at our hands but says nothing.

  “Where are you?” I hope he’ll share his thoughts. Imagining the things that might be going t
hrough his head is a minefield.

  “Sorry. I’m working through what I need to do for Emerson in the next week or so. I want to get back to the office.”

  “Anything I can help with?”

  “Not really. You have been nothing short of amazing about handling the office. I sincerely appreciate you going beyond what you’re required to do.”

  “It’s no problem. Your life is topsy-turvy right now.” Doesn’t he realize that I want to help him with the office and Emerson? Perhaps he needs more time to see I’m in this with him.

  Turning onto a narrow side road, we approach a gorgeous house with a large front porch. Just past the house, I can see the shoreline. Cash, Noelle, and a dog, dutifully sitting by her feet, wait on the front porch. As I tug lightly on Sam’s hand, he turns to look at me.

  “Maybe you should take the time while we’re here to relax a bit too.”

  “I’ll try.” He leans forward to kiss me. Unfortunately, the door swings open before he can.

  I exhale slowly and follow Sam toward the house. The dog, named Titan, looks like a fluffy German Shephard and walks beside Noelle as we approach.

  “Savannah, it’s so good to see you again,” Noelle says, pulling me into a hug. Her belly brushes mine.

  Did we already know she’s pregnant? I think to myself. Maybe Sam does. “You too! It feels like forever ago.”

  “Hi, Savannah,” Cash says while gushing over Emerson. He’s touching her hair, her nose, and squeezing her toes.

  “Do you and Sam have any plans for tonight?” Noelle asks as we move into the house.

  “Not that I know of.”

  “Good, you’re coming to girls’ night in with me. I’m excited for you to meet everyone.”

  “Sure.” I’m only reluctant because I’m unsure if this trip is for simply visiting or…. “Your home is lovely.”

  “Thank you. Let’s get your stuff to the guest suite.” Noelle leads me to a large guest suite with adjoining bathroom and balcony.

  “I’ll let you get settled. I need to steal my niece away from her father and my husband for a bit.” Noelle smiles and leaves the room.

  I slide open the balcony door and step outside instead of unpacking. The left side of the property abuts a wooded preserve with hiking trails. Across a small private lane is a beach that only the four houses on the street have access too. It’s beautiful.

  My only concern until recently was Scarlett. Where I work and live revolved around her. Now I suppose it revolves around Sam. Spending the night at his place was amazing. Not only is the view spectacular, but I got more time with him. Vivid memories of last night crash through my mind. Aside from his stellar kissing, I’ve never shattered before him, and we didn’t even—

  “Cara mia,” Sam calls from inside the bedroom. “There you are.” He slides his arms around me from the side, pressing a kiss to my temple.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I feel out of sorts. My intention isn’t to make you angry, but I might. What does ‘trying’ mean to you?”

  Releasing me, he scrubs his hand down his face. “I’m still figuring out how to be her father. As you already know, I haven’t had a girlfriend in years. Clearly, I’m failing at the boyfriend part.”

  “Not necessarily. I need to know what my boundaries are because I feel like I’m failing too.”

  “You aren’t. This is solely on me. Before Emme, I had an idea how to handle a new relationship with you. Now, I don’t even know where my boundaries are. I refuse to let you resent me because I ask too much of you for her.” He guides me into his lap on the patio chair.

  “That’s where we don’t agree. Being with you and Emme isn’t the same thing as caring for Scarlett. It’s my choice this time. I want you. Emme is part of you.”

  “Savannah….”

  The look in his eyes nearly tears my heart out. He’s scared out of his mind at the prospect of fatherhood and a relationship with me despite his insistence to try.

  “I want to be your sounding board. To help you figure out what you need for us and for Emme. Will you let me in? If it’s too much, I assure you, I will tell you.”

  “Yes.”

  Lowering my head, I pull his lower lip between my teeth. A low groan gets caught in his throat as he wraps his hands around my head. Claiming my mouth, his tongue teases and twists, leaving me breathless.

  “Bro, where are Emerson’s… oops! At least you still have clothes on. I knocked, but you didn’t hear me.”

  I set my forehead to Sam’s, catching my breath.

  “It’s the pink bag with ruffles on the bed. We’ll be right down.”

  With a chuckle, Cash leaves the room.

  As I attempt to move, Sam digs his fingers into my hip, holding me against him. “I wasn’t done kissing you.” He retakes my mouth for a toe-curling, breath-stealing kiss.

  Breathless and turned on more than I should be from a kiss, I stand on wobbly legs.

  “Does that always happen?” he asks with a smirk on his face.

  “Never before you.” I brush my lips across his once more and head downstairs.

  Chapter 21

  Samson

  Cash and I spend the evening on the patio catching up while Noelle and Savannah go to girls’ night at Kelly and Ellis’s a few doors away. Every so often, I glance to my right where the ladies disappeared to.

  “The girls will be fine. Normally, Noelle comes home tipsy and horny. Now, it’s only the latter. Sorry for interrupting before.”

  That borders on a bit too much information, but I’ll file away that pregnant women, at least Noelle, are hornier than when she isn’t pregnant. “It’s fine. That was the tail end of us laying out some boundaries or at least discussing boundaries.”

  “What’s the issue?” Cash asks. My brother, always the problem solver.

  “Me, completely me. She has me tied up in knots. Not once did I ever feel this way about a woman, including Meghan.”

  “Welcome to the club, bro.” Cash slaps my shoulder. “Does Savannah know about Meghan?”

  “She knows everything from Meghan, her death, Marisol, and even that I slept with her when she separated from Ramon, not once but twice.”

  “Damn.”

  I nod. Savannah is more than I deserve, yet I keep pushing her away. “She doesn’t even have the slightest bit of disappointment in me about Marisol.”

  “Yeah, you can’t screw this one up, Sam.”

  “No kidding. Even so, I tried to push her away because of Emme.”

  “Why would you do a stupid thing like that?”

  “Savannah was forced to raise her little sister, Scarlett, after her mother died and her father checked out. I refuse to take advantage of her knowledge and her feelings for me to care for Emme.”

  “Does she feel that way?”

  “Not at all. Hence, the discussing. I went from single bachelor who recently started dating Savannah to single father in the last few weeks. It’s a lot.”

  “If I’ve learned anything since meeting Noelle, communication, both talking and listening, is key. If Savannah says she doesn’t feel as if you’re using her for Emme, believe her. For whatever reason, she wants you. There are very few women who see men like us for who we are, not for what we can offer them. Savannah is one of those women. You could be scraping by and she would still want you, like Noelle would want me. You need to hold on to her.”

  “Thanks, Cash.” I’m glad that he can see that Savannah is like Noelle. It makes me feel more secure in my feelings for her. Twisted, a little, but men like us are targets for gold diggers. Hell, Billie was in the same position as far as wealth. She refuses to take advantage of it. It’s one significant reason Cash and I haven’t dated until recently, probably Auggie too. Although, I see him with his best friend, Caroline, when he realizes how perfect she is for him.

  “Anytime.” After a few minutes of silence, Cash heads inside to refresh our beers.

  While he’s inside, I close my ey
es and absorb the stillness of this place. There’s no traffic, no constant hum of people going about their business. I hear the lapping of waves on the shoreline of their secluded beach, sounds of nature, and every so often a loud burst of laughter from Kelly’s house. It’s peaceful here, calm and inviting. I see why Cash and Billie love it.

  Cash rejoins me on the patio and lights the firepit.

  “Maine suits you,” I observe. My brother looks calm and settled here, which differs significantly to his demeanor when he lived in the city. Cash was wound tight from the time he got up until he finished boxing with Evan in New York. For a brief time afterward, he was relaxed until the stress of his jobs and life got to him again.

  “Surprisingly, it does. At first I was concerned that I would miss the city, but I don’t. Not at all. There’s no bustle, no hurrying, no photographers. That one is key. I don’t even miss the conveniences like takeout at two in the morning or grocery delivery within the hour. Considering a move?”

  “It isn’t out of the realm of possibility, but there are so many variables. Emme, Savannah, Scarlett, my business to name a few.”

  “To be fair, there is only one variable you need to consult.”

  “Savannah.”

  “The answer is always talking to her. You can decide for yourself, your business, and Emerson. Only she can decide for her.” Leave it to my younger brother to set me straight. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”

  “Savannah needs to go to So Elegant to look for a dress for the wedding. Otherwise, I’m free.”

  “Sweet, the guys are going kayaking. You should come.”

  “I’ll talk to Savannah when she gets back. What time?”

  “We leave around nine. Do you want to walk the girls back? I’ll stay here with Emme.”

  “Nah, go ahead. I’ll stay here and enjoy the serenity a bit longer.”

  There’s a house between here and Kelly’s. I gather Cash doesn’t know them well enough to walk across the lawn since he goes down to the private road. I close my eyes for a moment before Emme starts crying. Grabbing our empty bottles and the monitor, I step into the house. I set the bottles in the sink before climbing the stairs to my daughter. She has kicked out of the blanket, and she’s soaked from head to toe. I set her back down, which increases her wails more.