Slim to None

by A. H. Shelton

  I already know that Uncle Tommy won’t be riding in the family car, much to my chagrin.

  “I don’t wanna have to spend my sister’s send-off in jail for assault,” he told me last night. I can definitely relate.

  As I climb into the limousine that serves as the shuttle car to bring the family to the cemetery, Daddy hugs me.

  “You look lovely, I see the pills are working,” he says, and Shelley seconds him. “You must be down to what – one-hundred thirty by now? Amazing! Another satisfied customer!” He smiles triumphantly to Shelley.

  Not really the kind of situation where I need to be complimented on my appearance, but that’s classic Daddy. Looks are everything. I’m just impressed that Shelley has managed to find a dress to keep her massive water balloons contained.

  “I’m not taking any of your scary pills…this is the Heartbreak and Grief Diet – you should try it…it’s all the rage,” I say, my tone icy.

  Clearing his throat, he leans over and quietly says, “Kassidy, I can’t help but notice that you’ve been avoiding us like the plague since we got here. I haven’t pushed the issue, because of your emotional…break. I know you’re angry, but I was hoping that we could make amends during our time together,” he says. Amends – what about his amends to Mama? This is not a conversation that he wants to have with me right now, and this is not the place to have it, unless he wants to see how many times a limo can flip over. ‘Emotional break?’ He’s about to witness a psychotic one.

  As we arrive at the cemetery, people are already gathering. The moment I step out of the car, the first person I see is Lukas – the second person I see is Jacob, just getting out of his car. Lukas spots him, and I see him break into a sprint, but I’m closer - and I am on him in a flash. I’m moving a lot more quickly nowadays. Always the lady and not wanting to cause a scene, yet so filled with rage at this moment, I grab Jacob by the necktie and walk him backwards to a shade tree nearby. The look on his face is one of complete and total shock.

  “How dare you?” I ask through clenched teeth. I am enraged, not for myself, but for my Mama.

  “I cared very deeply for your mama, Kassidy. I only wanted to pay my respects…”

  “Respect?” I said a bit loudly, glancing at the graveside and seeing that the Reverend is waiting patiently for me so that we can get started.

  “Where was your respect when you cheated on her daughter? When you broke her heart by association, seeing me broken? All the times she made you feel at home and like a part of her family, and you rubbed her face in it? All you had to do was come talk to me – tell me that you weren’t having those kind of feelings for me, and we would’ve been fine – probably would even still be friends…but instead, you thought you’d get away with making a fool outta me and my mama!” I started to walk away, but there was just one more thing to say.

  “You know, it’s pretty pathetic when a person like Jessica Henderson is more honest than you are!”

  And with that, I stride over to where Lukas, Sam, Melanie and Vivian are standing. As I stop beside Lukas, he takes my hand, squeezing it tightly. I squeeze back. The Reverend stares at me, expecting me to sit up front by my daddy, and obviously waiting for me to do so.

  “You can start now,” I tell him. “I’m in the family section.”

  I can see my daddy and Shelley giving me dirty looks over their shoulders, but I couldn’t care less. The truth hurts, doesn’t it? I see Uncle Tommy look back at me, giving me a wink and a grin, cheering me on silently for bucking rank.

  This is Mama’s day, her send-off to her rightful place behind the pearly gates, and I’ll celebrate it any way I see fit. One thing is for sure, nobody ever earned their place up there more than did my sweet, precious Mama.

  When Reverend Thomas finished his sermon, he asked me if I’d like to give the eulogy. At first, I said no – I hadn’t even considered doing this, and I had nothing prepared to say. But staring at the beautiful box that holds the most precious gem, I suddenly say yes.

  Stepping over to where the Reverend is waiting, I see Melanie weeping silently. She loves my mama like she was her own, and it breaks my heart even further to see her hurting. Her mama pulls her close, something that I would give the world to have mine do again.

  This sends me to the precipice of breaking down into sobs, so I look at Lukas instead. His reassuring smile is just what I need to get through this, and the gleam in his eyes gives me hope for the future…a future with him.

  Nervously clearing my throat, I begin.

  “My mama was an extraordinary woman, one of the best women that I’ve ever known. She was kind, generous, thoughtful, and she loved everyone that she met. And they certainly loved her. She took her job as a mother to the next level, making sure that my every need was met. There was never a moment in my life that she wasn’t there for me.”

  I say this, purposefully looking right at my father as I say it. He hangs his head in shame, or maybe embarrassment, I’m not sure which, but whatever the case, he should feel like the loser that he is.

  As I continue, I cannot suppress a smile…not due to my father’s obvious discomfort, no, this is something entirely unexpected – the smell of Mama’s favorite perfume wafts past me for a brief second, and then it’s gone. She’s encouraging me to be strong, just as she always has.

  “My mama deserved to be treated like the queen that she was, and that’s not what she got. She deserved diamonds, yet she made do with working, paying bills, and spending her nights making popcorn and watching movies with her little girl. This was the life of my Mama, and she never once complained. She made the best of any situation with a smile and a homecooked meal that’s main ingredient was love. Yeah, my Mama was everything,” I say. “Thank you all for coming to celebrate her life.”

  As I look at Lukas, I notice Sam, his head down, shoulders quaking with sobs. Then I look at my so-called father, who has never shed a tear the entire service. Oh my God, Sam was in love with Mama.

  As I walk back to my extended family, I stop in front of Sam. Throwing my arms around his neck, we weep together. This…this is the man who should have been my father.

  “I love you, Sam,” I whisper into his ear, and for some reason that to this day I cannot comprehend, I added, “So did Mama – she just didn’t know how to say it.”

  Sam’s head lifts, and he searches my eyes for a brief moment, before smiling and nodding. I think he understands something that I at this time do not – he just got a message from Mama. How heartbreaking that he is the one who found her broken and lifeless, but at the same time, what a beautiful thing that he was there with her in her last moments.

  White roses are placed on the casket, while mine was red – Sam has brought his own, and it is red as well. Red roses represent love.

  As we walk back to our cars, Sam stops Lukas. They speak for a moment, and they both look at me. Lukas, a look of uncertainty on his face, nods and gives his friend a big bear hug.

  I ride back to Melanie’s with Lukas. At first, there is awkward silence, and I know that he’s not sure how to approach the act of revealing his feelings for me. My heart is aching so badly from seeing my precious mama being lowered into her final resting place, but it’s also pounding like a hammer in anticipation of the words that I’ve dreamt of Lukas uttering for many years – ‘Kassidy, I love you.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Lukas

  Driving the way back to the Shepard’s, I’m feeling pretty tense. I know that Sam thinks I should reveal my feelings to Kassidy, but God help me, I cannot seem to find my voice. My heart is racing and raring to go, so what exactly is the problem with my mouth and my brain? Glancing over, I notice Kas has her hands on her lap, her eyes cast downward looking at them. It almost feels like she’s waiting for something…but there’s no way she knows what it is that I’m wanting to say.

  “I just want you to know, I was right proud of you back there,” I say, filling the awkward silence.

  “Yeah? How
so?” she asks, grinning shyly. She has the most amazing smile…cute, sassy – and extremely sexy. It’s almost as great as her laugh.

  “Well, everything really. The way you handled Jacob – which I was about to handle him myself if you hadn’t got to him first. The way you stood up to your daddy – but mostly the way you spoke about your mama. You painted her just right,” I say with a lump in my throat. I’ve had a soft spot for Miss Linda ever since the first day we met. She was one of a kind, that’s for sure.

  “Just being myself,” she shrugs. “And braggin’ about Mama was easy,” she smiles proudly.

  “From your lips to God’s ear,” I agree wholeheartedly. “And that moment with Sam…bout ripped my heart plum out, that one,” I tell her honestly. “Sam’s a good man, and he thinks the world of you.”

  “I adore him – and I’d have given anything for him and Mama to have been together. They would have been so happy,” she says wistfully. “I gotta stop, or I’ll be bawlin’ like a big ol baby,” she grins.

  “You’re right though,” I tell her. “It’s a damn shame how differently things could’ve been…”

  I’d better hush before I say too much. What she doesn’t know is that when Sam wanted to speak with me after the service, it was to tell me not to make the same mistakes that he did by not telling the woman that he loved how he felt about her – and now it’s too late.

  Sam’s always been a character – smart, funny, and wise beyond his years. He might be full of piss and vinegar most of the time, but there’s nobody I’d rather have in my corner than him…but I’m not so sure he’s right on this. The timing still feels wrong. If I don’t get this right, I might not only lose my chance at loving Kassidy, I might lose her as a friend, and that’s a chance I’m not willing to take. I’m gonna let her know – I’ll know when the time is just right.

  Chapter Thirty

  Lukas

  As we pull up in front of Miss Vivian’s, I see Sam sitting on the front porch.

  “What the hell old man?” I say with a laugh. “How the world did you beat us here?”

  Sam eyes me with a smirk, before saying, “Boy, I was driving before you could walk – ain’t my fault you suck at it!” he says with his sarcastic drawl. “Remember that old song ‘Over the river and through the woods?’ Well, that’s how a real country boy rolls,” he says with a big ol belly laugh.

  Kassidy hollers out laughing, and I cut her a fake dirty look. “What are you laughin’ at – ain’t nobody pulled your string!” I say, and we all have a good ol’ laugh. This is family, I think to myself. Ain’t nobody I’d rather spend my time with than these two, and that’s a fact.

  As Kassidy and me climb the steps to the porch, I start to have a seat in one of the rocking chairs, before Sam stops me.

  “Accck,” he says with a grin, reminding me of the conversation we had this morning. He motions toward the front door with his thumb. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to speak to the little lady. I see you too dang much as it is,” Sam says, a goofy grin on his smart mouth.

  “Guess I can take a hint,” I shrug, shooting him a ‘keep your mouth shut’ look, before giving Kassidy a wink and a grin.

  As I head into the house, I smell the leftovers that Vivian and Melanie are heating up. “Woo, lawdy! Gimme some of that grub!” I say as I close the door behind me.

  It worries me that Sam and Kas are alone out there. Makes me wonder if my friend is about to take matters into his own hands. But Sam wouldn’t do that – would he?

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Kassidy

  Although the conversation that Lukas and I had was a really good one, it’s not the one I was expecting. More than a little disappointed, I almost blurted out my feelings for him instead.

  The one bright spot of the day is that before leaving the cemetery, my daddy informed me that he and Shelley would be leaving the hotel, straight for the airport. Apparently, he was quite aware of my feelings of ill-will, demonstrated by “my behavior” at the service, so he thinks it better that they go. I told him I think that’s a fine idea.

  Sam gives me a nervous smile as I sit down next to him on the front porch. It makes my heart ache again for Mama’s lost opportunity. Sam would make any woman a good husband, that much I can tell.

  “Little darlin’, I thought maybe me and you could have ourselves a little chat – or rather, if you could let me bend your ear for a little bit,” he says. “Sure would do me a great service, lettin’ me get some things off my chest.”

  Nodding, I turn my chair a bit, so I can face him while he’s talking.

  “Let’s see,” he begins, “I reckon you must be wonderin’ why it hurt me so badly, your mama passing and all. Well you see, part of it was because of finding her the way that I did – but part of it wasn’t.”

  My curiosity is spiked now, and he has my full attention. “Go on,” I say, letting him know that I’m ready for whatever it is he’s about to tell me.

  “Don’t get too worried now – I ain’t your pappy,” he says with a wink. “But yeah, there’s a story to be told.”

  “You know what, Sam? If you were, that would make me so proud,” I say, reaching over and covering his hand with mine. The tears in his eyes are unmistakable as he smiles at me fondly.

  “The feelin’ is mutual, darlin’, he says before clearing his throat. “So anyhow, I kinda told ya the other night how your mama and myself know one another, but it’s a right smart more complicated than that.”

  He takes a deep breath and begins again. “Did you know that your mama and me used to see each other?”

  Shaking my head, I’d love to have been a fly on the wall to see my expression at that moment.

  “Yep, we did. Twice in our lifetimes, actually. Back when we were in high school, and again, more recently – I’m talkin’ right after you moved into your own place, recently,” he said, pausing and letting that sink in. He got me – my jaw dropped on that one.

  “The high school part is pretty easy to translate – your daddy was Captain of the football team, your mama was a cheerleader, two plus two equals four. He took his shot, and he got the girl. And that sums up the situation entirely. I wasn’t mad at your mama; I mean who could be? Besides, it ain’t her fault – you can’t choose who you love. I think later on she wished she had chosen differently though…” he said with a shrug.

  “She was over the moon about you, you were her world, so she always said that she wished she’d left your daddy right after you were born. Woulda saved her a world of heartbreak, she said.”

  “Her and me both,” I say flatly. “My daddy ain’t never been a daddy in any sense of the word besides child support…and truth be known, he probably bucked on payin’ that,” my voice is thick with resentment. Me and Mama deserved so much better.

  “You’re right. But hard as I tried to court her while you were little, she was dead set against it. The thing about it is, I could never get her to give me an answer as to why. She was no longer a married woman, so I still to this day have no idea of her reasons.”

  “It wasn’t just you, Sam. Mama never dated anyone while I was growing up. She told me we didn’t need a man, that we were doing just fine all by ourselves,” I shrug. “I never understood it myself, but then again, I was just a kid.”

  “I never gave up, though. Every so often, I’d give her a call, or run into her at the grocery store. And every time, she’d tell me she just wasn’t ready. Then, one day outta the blue, she calls me. Tells me that you’ve moved out, and that she was lonely. Asks me to come over for a visit. I did, and every night after that, except for when you were gonna be comin’ over, or if I had other plans.

  Don’t get me wrong, it was purely an innocent romance. Your mama was a good woman, and that part never changed. I had way too much respect for her than that.

  We’d watch movies, play cards, or just talk. Heck, we’d even put on some music and slow dance…our generation’s music – you know, the good stuff,” he said
with a grin.

  “But I always felt like there was a sadness that she carried with her. When I tried to question her about it, she told me that if I ever asked her again, she’d stop seeing me then and there. So, I left it alone.”

  I had seen it too, many times – just like the day that Melanie and I had picked on her about Sam. Why had she kept this from me, I asked myself. Why had she flat out lied to me, was my real question. I mean, Mama was more than old enough to have a private life – it just made no sense to me that she’d keep a guy like Sam a secret, he was amazing. And the fact that Mama and I shared everything, I would have bet money that she had no secrets to hide from me…but as I will find out later, my bet would be wrong.

  “So, there you have it. I just thought you should know that, because I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t…boggles my mind that your mama thought differently. I never got the feeling that she was ashamed of me…”

  “Mama would have never treated anybody like that - she knew how it felt to be treated like an embarrassment. Trust me when I tell you that I believe that to be the last thing it could have been. Besides, who on earth would be ashamed of you? You’re quite the catch,” I give him a sassy grin.

  “You know what, little darlin’ – you’re pretty amazing yourself. A man would be a darn fool to let you get away,” he says kindly, the innuendo in his voice, strong. Is it possible that Sam knows something else that I don’t know? I guess only time, and Lukas Crawford, will tell.

  Just before he heads to his truck, Sam turns and gives me an odd look.

  “Ya know, I think Linda was there with us today – you know, in spirit?”

  Smiling, remembering the sweet fragrance of her perfume, I cannot help but agree.

  “Yeah, I do believe she was.”