HELEN
KIDS?!?
KEITH
We can talk about it later.
HELEN finds the envelope.
HELEN
Aha! You read this now.
KEITH
What is thi--
HELEN
Right now! Right now, right now, right now!
KEITH
Okay. Is this a love letter?
HELEN
Now!
KEITH opens the envelope and reads the letter.
KEITH
“I will now return to whom I use to be. Once more to who I was, and forever to who I am.” That’s a cute…
KEITH’s personality finally reverts to its original form. HE can feel this change and realizes how odd HE has been acting.
HELEN
Keith?
Long Beat.
HELEN
Keith?
KEITH
Yeah.
HELEN
Are you normal again?
KEITH
Yeah. I guess.
Beat.
HELEN takes the letter back.
HELEN
I don’t...I don't know if this is going to work out between us.
KEITH
I…
HELEN
First you ignore me, then you only want sex, and now you want to marry me?
KEITH
I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did all those things. I mean...I guess I thought about those things every now and again, like daydreams and stuff, but not seriously. Did I really do all that?
HELEN
You did do all that. You’ve not been yourself these past few weeks.
KEITH
No. I haven’t.
Beat.
HELEN
Keith, you’re sweet, strong, and loyal, but maybe we need to spend some time away from each other. Okay?
KEITH
You think so?
HELEN
Yes. Yes, I do.
Beat.
KEITH
I guess you're right. I'll go home.
HELEN
That’s a good idea.
KEITH
I haven’t been there in weeks. I need to do laundry.
HELEN
Get your priorities straight, and then call me in a few days.
KEITH
I’m…sorry. I…I…
HELEN
I know. Go home and rest.
KEITH nods and exits.
HELEN takes the letter and envelope and reads them, trying to find a hidden message in them. BRENDA enters.
BRENDA
I can’t believe you did that.
HELEN
Brenda! You were hiding there the--
BRENDA
You’re going to let him walk off and let him think this is all his fault?
HELEN
(to offstage) Jeanine! You were supposed to show her out! Brenda, you don’t understand. He’s-
BRENDA
What? He’s not perfect? No man is perfect, but he’s closer to the finish line than most, Helen!
HELEN
How do you know?
BRENDA
Let me see; he’s more handsome than any boyfriend I've ever had, he’s the sweetest man alive who isn’t gay, and he’s stupid enough to think he’s the one who’s been acting crazy this last month. I mean, what more do you want?
HELEN
Something else.
BRENDA
What?
HELEN
I don’t know, but he isn’t it!
Beat.
BRENDA
Helen, you married an old man, took all his money from his relatives even though you really didn't need all of it, and you spend it on vacations, cars, and men. What exactly do you deserve?
Beat.
HELEN
I did what I had to do! No one was going to give me a free hand out, and I saw an opportunity to change--
BRENDA
A chance to steal some money from a man with more liver spots than Dick Van Dyke. I’ve been your friend for a long time, but…I don’t know you anymore.
HELEN
Don’t judge me. Don’t you dare judge me. I’m no angel, but you’re as evil as I am. I’m simply better at it than you are, and you can’t stand it.
BRENDA
Maybe I should change, because I don’t want to be the one who throws away a perfect man because--
HELEN
You wouldn’t know a man if he bit you--
BRENDA
Throws away a perfect man because I don’t know how to be happy!
Beat.
BRENDA (CONT.)
What am I saying? Who else could stand me other than a cruel, heartless woman just like me. I’m going now. Bye.
BRENDA exits.
HELEN takes out the letter and envelope and rips it to shreds. SHE then sits down and looks at the photo album and tries to hide the tears.
JEANINE enters and is about to say something, but SHE decides against it and exits.
Slow fade to black.
SCENE VIII
Lights up.
There is a sports bag lying upon the sofa along with a tennis racket. JEANINE is trying to find ways to neatly compact all of KEITH's sports supplies into it.
KEITH enters carrying a tube of tennis balls, swimming trunks, and a couple bottles of sunscreen. He looks into the bag and tries to stuff all of it in the bag, but it won’t all fit.
KEITH
I’ll carry it. Thanks.
JEANINE
You're a good man, Mr. Wilcox. I wish I had more to say to you. Sometimes, life doesn't work out how you plan it to. But that doesn't mean it's all bad. When it looks like you'll live out your days on this planet in pain and sadness, it'll change on you again just to spite you. Keep your spirits high.
KEITH
Thanks, Jeanine. I'll keep in touch. Hey, maybe I can get you signed up in my beginners swimmers class?
JEANINE
Do you swim in trunks or a speedo?
KEITH
What do you think?
KEITH and JEANINE hug.
HELEN enters.
KEITH
Thanks...again.
Beat.
KEITH (CONT.)
Hey.
HELEN
Hello.
Beat.
JEANINE
Well. I have to get lunch ready, so...I'll be off. (Whispered to HELEN) If it were a perfect world, I'd have someone fixing me lunch and a young, sweet man groveling at my feet.
HELEN
Jeanine, I...I...
HELEN is about to explode in rage before JEANINE counteracts it.
JEANINE
A long time ago, a good friend of mine came up to me with all the guilt in the world. He told me he was taking advantage of this young, bright, beautiful woman. Stealing her youth, if you will. Said he'd manipulated her into loving him, and then took her away from all her friends and family. Robbed her of a home. But deep down, he didn't think he was good enough for her. He tortured himself a lot over that. I don't know if he ever got over it.
HELEN
What did your friend do?
JEANINE
You should know. You married him.
Beat.
JEANINE (CONT.)
What Mr. Crabtree didn't realize is that this young girl had a mind of her own and that you can't trick someone into loving you. That happens naturally. So...there was only one question left for him to ask. Did he love her?
JEANINE exits.
KEITH
This is the rest of my stuff. I guess I’ll go now.
HELEN
Sure.
Beat.
KEITH
I want to say…
HELEN
Yes?
KEITH
I want to say I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did all those things. I’ve been acting c
razy these past weeks.
HELEN
You really have.
KEITH
Yeah. Really crazy.
Beat.
KEITH (CONT.)
I’m sorry about asking to marry you. That was stupid of me. I’m sorry--
HELEN
Don’t.
KEITH
I can’t help it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I really screwed things up, didn’t I?
HELEN
It wasn’t all you.
KEITH
Yeah, I think it was. I’m so…
HELEN
Don’t apologize again.
KEITH
I’m so into you that I don’t know how to act. You know? You're so smart, and you have all the money to buy anything you want…not that it’s a bad thing, but I don’t know how to compete with that.
HELEN
You never had to.
KEITH
Yeah, I did. You can have any guy you want. I mean, my job is being a lifeguard. A lifeguard! I swim for a living. How pathetic is that, right?
HELEN
It’s not pathetic. At least you’re doing what you love.
KEITH
It's fun, but it won’t last. How many years left till they hire a stronger, younger guy to replace me?
HELEN
You’ll figure something out.
KEITH
I always do. I just…wanted you to be there with me when I do. You’re so smart and funny and beautiful--
HELEN
Keith, stop it.
KEITH
Let me finish. I was fooling myself thinking you’d want me. You deserve better. A lot better.
Beat.
KEITH (CONT.)
I guess I’m finished.
Beat.
HELEN
I’m not as perfect as you think I am.
KEITH
Yes you are.
KEITH picks up the bag and the rest of HIS stuff. HE walks past HELEN, but then comes back to the chess board and moves one of the pieces on the board.
KEITH (CONT.)
Mate in three.
HELEN
What? Wait, what?!
HELEN checks the board.
HELEN (CONT.)
How did you do that? Are you even sure you’re right?
KEITH
Yeah. I’ve looked at that board every way possible. There’s no way for black to get out of that. It’s been driving me crazy.
HELEN
…you’re right. Mate in three.
KEITH
You play?
HELEN
Not since Richard died.
KEITH
I play all the time. Ever since my track coach in high school got me started, I’ve been hooked. “Healthy body, healthy mind works both ways, you know.” He was so good, even the Russians respected his skills.
HELEN
But I’ve never seen you play.
KEITH
I play online at home. I would have played a game with you if I knew you played too. Hey, we can play tonight…or not. Sorry. Never mind.
Beat.
KEITH (CONT.)
Bye.
KEITH starts to walk off.
HELEN
Wait!
KEITH stops.
KEITH
Yeah?
Beat.
KEITH (CONT.)
What’s the matter, babe?
HELEN
Keith…don’t go.
KEITH
Don’t go?
HELEN
No.
KEITH
No?
KEITH drops HIS stuff.
HELEN
No.
SCENE IX
Lights up.
The chess board is now on a table in front of the sofa. JEANINE is staring at the board.
BRENDA (OS)
I won again!
BRENDA enters.
BRENDA (CONT.)
You better start working on your A-game, or I’ll tell all your lifeguard buddies how this girl keeps beating the pants off of you.
KEITH enters.
KEITH
They’d laugh until you tell them it was at tennis. A girl’s game.
BRENDA
Hey! Tennis is a universally recognized sport.
KEITH
I wouldn’t play it if it wasn’t. Jeanine, you're not trying to help out Helen again, are you?
JEANINE
No, not in the least! (Whispered) It's not like she's smart enough to take my advice, anyhow.
KEITH
Hey, Helen! You think of your next move yet?
HELEN enters with a tray of lemonades.
HELEN
I was taking a break.
BRENDA
Having trouble?
HELEN
No, I’m being nice enough to get my friends some drinks before I figure out exactly how to beat him.
KEITH
Don't you have Jeanine here for that?
JEANINE
No, I'm here for completely different reasons other than cleaning, cooking, and getting people their lemonades. Isn't that right, Ms. Crabtree.
HELEN
It's Ms. Crandall-Crabtree, and I have a glass of lemonade for you too, Jeanine.
JEANINE
Oh, good! My luck's getting better every day.
KEITH, BRENDA, and JENINE get drinks. HELEN lays the tray and the last drink as SHE stares at the board.
KEITH
Thanks. You think after I win we can go and watch that movie tonight before it’s over?
HELEN
You’re hilarious. (to chessboard) Hah!
HELEN moves a chess piece.
HELEN (CONT.)
Get out of that.
KEITH moves a chess piece.
KEITH
Game over.
BRENDA
Did he win again?
HELEN
Yes.
JEANINE
Should have listened to me. You always have to look out for those diagonal pieces. Straight-aways never win the game.
KEITH
I’ll shower and we can go. You going with us, Brenda?
BRENDA
Oh, I have to work at the clinic today for some overtime.
KEITH
I’ll see you later. Good game, Helen!
HELEN
Yeah, yeah.
KEITH exits.
BRENDA
I can’t believe he stayed after all you did to him.
HELEN
Love’s a mystery.
JEANINE
Yeaaaaaah. A mystery. I'll put this up now for you, Ms. Crabtree.
JEANINE picks up the chessboard and exits.
BRENDA
You didn’t tell him, did you?
HELEN
I will. Someday.
Beat.
BRENDA
Don’t.
HELEN
What?
BRENDA
This one’s a keeper. You’ll never find a guy better than him, so keep your mouth shut and be happy.
Beat.
HELEN
You’re right.
BRENDA
Besides, he still might stay with you despite all you did, and then I’d have to kill you.
HELEN
You’ll find someone someday.
BRENDA
Yeah, I’m waiting for Mr. Perfect’s twin brother to come along.
KEITH enters wearing only a towel.
KEITH
Babe…hey, Brenda.
BRENDA
Hey.
KEITH
(to HELEN) You mind if Taylor joins us tonight? He’s in town for a job, and I forgot I promised to show him around town. Is that cool?
HELEN
Your half-brother Taylor?
KEITH
Yeah. Oh, I’m not moving too fast again, am I? Meeting famil
y and stuff?
HELEN
No. God no! Invite Taylor to go with us. He probably has some cute stories about how you use to run around naked as a child.
KEITH
I’ll warn you, it was a lot. Back to my shower.
BRENDA
Bye Keith.
KEITH waves and exits.
BRENDA
So…this half-brother Taylor, is he anything like Keith…body-wise?
HELEN
Apparently, they’re identical, except Taylor is an actor.
BRENDA
Is he famous?
HELEN
No. He’s a little too lazy…according to Keith. Why?
BRENDA
You know, I think I will go with you.
HELEN laughs.
BRENDA (CONT.)
What? A girl’s got to eat, right?
HELEN
You’re invited, but don’t get mad at me if you’re disappointed. Taylor’s no Keith. Do you need to borrow one of my dresses?
The Boy Toy Page 6
