by Holly Jacobs
At least she hoped she knew what she was doing.
She resisted the urge to look at her watch.
“Colm can and should learn.” Liam’s voice was tight, as if he were really working at remaining composed. He was clenching the arms of the lawn chair so tightly that his knuckles were taking on a white tinge. “Things like making his bed or cooking. Those are safe steps toward independence. Maybe my family was wrong all these years and did too much for him, sheltered him too much. But you don’t know what it was like when he was in school. The kids were—”
She looked at him, so angry with her, so frustrated. Hurting for the cruelty of kids so many years ago. “Liam, Colm can do this. And he needs to do it on his own. If he makes a mistake, he needs to be the one to fix it. This isn’t school. Okay, he has some limitations, but all of us do, of one kind or another. Trust him.”
She thought he was going to insist she give him the number, and she’d have to. But he merely gave a curt nod of his head. “But if he’s not here in the next twenty minutes, I’m calling him.”
They went back to their silent waiting.
Anna felt as if a giant clock was ticking.
Where was Colm? She wouldn’t admit it to Liam, but she wanted to call him, as well. But she didn’t. He needed to figure this out.
It wasn’t as if she’d put him on a bus in New York City.
This was Whedon.
There were only a few options with the bus routes. But they could be long routes, so if he stayed on past his stop and if he didn’t realize right away, that would explain the length of time it was taking.
Liam checked his watch. “Anna.”
“A few more minutes, Liam.” As if on cue, her cell phone rang and she pulled it from her pocket. “Hello?”
“Anna, it’s me, Colm. I goofed up, Anna. I goofed up real bad.”
He didn’t sound scared. He sounded mad. Mad that he’d made some mistake. “Hey, everyone makes mistake. If you spill it…”
“Clean it up.” She could almost hear his smile.
Liam was not smiling. He held his hand out, indicating she should let him talk. She shook her head and shifted as far from him as she could get and still be in her chair.
“So, where are you, Colm?”
“I don’t know. I got off the bus, but this ain’t the right brick house. Maybe I got on the wrong bus when I switched. Maybe I’m lost. Maybe—”
She interrupted him, wanting to stop him before he panicked. “Are you still at the bus stop?”
“Yeah.”
“So, what do you think you should do?”
He was quiet a long minute, and finally said, “I could wait here and ask the next bus driver?”
“Right. Do you remember your address?”
He repeated it.
“Right. So, if you tell the next bus driver your address…?”
“He can tell me what bus. He can help me, ’cause bus drivers are nice. That’s why I sit in the front seat, ’cause bus drivers don’t let no one pick on you.”
“Bus drivers are nice.”
“Okay, I’ll wait right here, Anna. This is just a little mess, right?”
“It’s only a little mess.”
“Yep,” he said, all traces of his anger at himself gone. “If you make a mistake, you gotta clean it up. If you spill the milk, you wipe it up.”
“No problem, Colm. This is a little mess.”
“Okay, Anna. I’m gonna wait right here for the next bus. And I ain’t gonna go anywhere else or talk to strangers or nothin’. I messed up, so now I’ll clean it up. I’ll fix it.”
“I know you will, Colm.”
“And it’s okay to ask the bus driver for help, right?” Uncertainty was back in his voice.
“Right. Everyone needs help once in a while. Remember the other day when Liam couldn’t find his phone?”
“And I found it for him, ’cause he needed my help. Everyone needs help. ’Specially when the bus gets all goofy.” He paused a split second and asked, “You still waitin’?”
“Yes. I’m not going anywhere until you’re home. I’m sitting here on the porch watching for you.”
“I knew that, Anna. You’ll always wait for me,” he said with utter confidence. “Okay, I’ll see ya soon.”
“See you soon, Colm.”
“Hey, Anna,” he shouted before she could hang up. “I love you.”
A huge lump of emotion formed instantly in her throat. “I love you, too, Colm.”
He hung up.
“So?” Liam said. Not really said. He sort of snarled it.
“So. He stayed on the bus too long and got off at the wrong location. But he’s still at the bus stop and is waiting for the next one, then asking for help.”
“We could go get him.”
“We could, but what we should do is wait here. He wasn’t scared, Liam,” she said in an effort to reassure him. “He was upset at himself for messing up. You need to assure him that everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay. You fix them yourself, or you ask for help if you need it. Either way, you fix it.”
Liam turned without saying another word and paced the length of the porch—back and forth, back and forth. He didn’t say a word for more than twenty minutes. Maybe it was longer. Anna didn’t want to have him see her checking the time, so she sat in the chair staring out at the street, hoping that Colm would come around the corner.
Finally, Liam paused in front of Anna. “If anything happens to him, I’m going to blame you.”
If anything happened to Colm, she’d blame herself because it would mean she hadn’t done a good enough job of teaching him what he needed to know. “Liam, he’s fine. He’s practiced and has a phone. He knows—”
“We were fine. Colm and I—we were fine. Content. I came to you to find a sitter for when Betty couldn’t help, and instead, I get you in here pushing and prodding. Meddling in our lives. And now you’ve put my brother in danger. I’m not only talking about the fact he could get lost or end up in the wrong part of town and get hurt, I’m talking about the people out there who could hurt him. Do you know what it’s like to have people tease him? Call him names? At least when I’m with him, I can take care of him. But you’ve sent him out there on his own. Who’s going to take care of him?”
“You think that’s what I want? People hurting him? Colm can take care of himself. Well, he’s learning to. And in case you didn’t know it, Colm’s never mentioned times people hurt his feelings. You know what’s bothered him the most? That time you fought with Bartle over him. All these years, he’s remembered that and it’s bothered him, because you got hurt.”
“I didn’t know,” Liam admitted.
Anna reached out and put her hand lightly on top of his. “I know you didn’t. But—”
Liam suddenly pulled his hand out of her grasp. “I think we should call this all off. I’ll find my own babysitter for Colm when I have to travel and Betty can’t be here. But with my new hire, I shouldn’t be gone as much. Now that I’ve hired Ben, I won’t really need you at all.”
Anna tried to ignore how much his words hurt. “Just like that? You’re going to call it off? Despite the progress Colm’s made?”
“Colm and I don’t need you. Everything was fine before you came.”
“Everything wasn’t fine. You were treating Colm like a child, but he’s not a child. He’s a grown man who has hopes and dreams. He’s got so much potential, and you want to ignore that?”
“I want my brother to be safe.”
Anna wanted to reach out and touch him again, but she didn’t. “Liam, you can’t bubble-wrap your brother. What if something happens to you? What then? Where does Colm go from there?”
“There’s no reason to think—”
She interrupted him. “There’s every reason to think. Look at what happened to your parents. They didn’t think they’d be in an accident. But they’d made arrangements. They left you to t
ake care of Colm. But if you die? If something happens and you’re physically not able to care for him, what then, Liam? What about Colm then?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out.”
“Colm can learn to care for himself. He can have a job—”
“What kind of job can Colm hold down? He can read, but at barely a first-grade level. He can count, but not much more than twenty, at least not consistently. What, Anna? What kind of job can my brother do?”
“I already have an interview for him at Keller’s Market. That’s part of my job, Liam. I’d go in with him for the first few weeks and help him adjust. He can stock shelves and clean and—”
“When were you going to tell me about this?”
“Tonight. After he’d shown he could ride the bus by himself. I wanted to give you an example of how much Colm can do—”
“Go ahead and say it.”
“Say what?” she asked.
“All the things that Colm can do that I’ve kept him from trying. You wanted to ease me into it, because somehow you think you know what Colm needs better than I do.”
“I wasn’t going to say that, Liam, we’ve had this conversation before. You’re a good brother. After you assumed responsibility for Colm, you kept him safe and helped him adjust. You—”
“Don’t patronize me, Anna. I don’t need you trying to soothe me and jolly me into realizing you’re right.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. I just—”
“Anna, Liam, I made it,” Colm cried from the sidewalk. “I did it, Anna. I did it by myself.”
They both hurried off the porch and down the stairs to meet Colm.
“I knew you could do it, Colm.” Anna caught Liam’s flinch as she said the words and didn’t know what to do. She’d hurt him…again.
“Did you hear that, Liam? I can ride the bus by myself. The bus driver was so nice. I said I got a little lost, but Anna says everybody needs help, right, Anna?”
“Yes, Colm.” Anna was still watching Liam and wished she could find some way to help him as well. She wasn’t sure why he was so resistant to Colm’s growing independence. She ran into it sometimes with parents who felt guilty because of their child’s problem. As if somehow it was their fault their child was born with obstacles to overcome and that by sheltering that child, they were paying penance. She understood that, and had helped parents get over their guilt.
Well, maybe get over was too optimistic a term. Accept. That was better. She’d helped parents learn to accept that sometimes things happen. Things that no one could control. She understood that reaction in parents, but not in a brother, not with Liam.
“I did it, Liam. Did you hear? I rode a bus from the store all the way home by myself. I didn’t need you to give me a ride.”
“No, you didn’t need me,” Liam answered. Rather than sounding excited at not being needed, he sounded sad. “You did it on your own, bud.”
“Well, me and that bus-driver guy who helped me.” Colm was practically hopping with excitement. If Liam hadn’t been here looking all stern and angry, Anna would have been tempted to teach Colm how to do a Snoopy Dance of Joy. But watching Liam, she didn’t feel very joyful. She felt as if whatever they had was over. And, though she didn’t count on relationships lasting forever, this one was ending too soon. Way too soon.
“So, now I can do stuff by myself, Liam. Anna can show me how to ride the bus to everywhere. Oh, oh. I can do the shopping for you now, ’cause I know how to get home from Keller’s Market, right, Anna?”
“Right, Colm.” She wondered if Liam had been serious when he’d for all intents and purposes fired her. His strained expression told her he’d been deadly serious.
Colm didn’t seem the least bit aware of the anger radiating off Liam in waves. “And I bet if you made a list, I could buy the stuff, Liam. I can count money okay. I can do a lot of things by myself with help. Right, Anna?”
She glanced at Liam who wasn’t meeting her eyes. “Right, Colm.”
He was still angry at her. She didn’t blame him. She should have prepared him and discussed the bus ride. Discussed Colm applying for a job.
Not wanting to rock a relationship boat wasn’t a good excuse. Anna was good at rocking the boat at work, but not so good when it came to her personal life.
“Hey, Anna, let’s go get dinner, ’kay? Right, Liam? Let’s all go get some burgers. I like burgers. Hey, and I’ll tell you where to turn, ’cause I got to learn how to get around so next time I don’t make no mistakes on the bus.”
“Colm, I’d love to go to dinner and celebrate with you, but I have other plans tonight.” When his face fell, she quickly said, “But maybe tomorrow when I come over, we can go to the ice cream store?” She held her breath, waiting for Liam to tell her no, not to bother to come over, but he didn’t.
And Colm, still not noticing his brother’s silence, said, “Ice cream is good. Good idea, Anna. And we can take the bus. I’ll show you how, Anna, ’cause I’m good at riding the bus now.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Colm.” And softer she added, “Liam.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Anna,” Liam said.
She breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t fired. At least not yet.
ANNA HEADED to Ceelie’s with a bottle of wine and wedge of brie in hand. Ceelie answered the door with a phone to her ear and a box of crackers tucked under her arm. “Yes…Uh-huh…”
Anna left her friend to her conversation, went into the kitchen and found the bottle opener and the wine-glasses, then poured them each a glass. She was busy setting up the cheese when Ceelie joined her, no longer on the phone.
“Want the good news or the bad news?” Ceelie asked by way of a salutation.
“Your choice.”
“The good news is, the new house got the variance from the zoning board.”
Anna tried to muster up some enthusiasm and pasted a smile on her face. It felt brittle and fake, but it was the best she could do. “That isn’t just good news, it’s great news. Now, I’m almost afraid to ask about the bad news.”
Ceelie took a sip of the wine. “The neighbors are in an uproar and protesting it. They have a petition and claim a group home in their neighborhood will lower their property values.”
“Oh,” was all Anna could think to say as the news sank in. “Did they know we aren’t talking a large number of residents? There’s only three?”
“I don’t know what they know, but they’re firmly against the idea.”
“Oh,” Anna said again. She took a fortifying swallow of her wine. “So now what?”
“We all have to appear before City Council. They’ll get to present their case, we’ll present ours, and Council will decide.”
She felt sick to her stomach and she pushed the wineglass away. “This is going to be a day for the record books.”
“What else happened?” Ceelie had that mom quality in her voice. The tone that said, tell-me-everything-and-I’ll-try-to-make-it-better.
“Colm took his first solo excursion on a bus.” This announcement about a client would normally be accompanied by a huge sense of elation. Not this time.
Ceelie smiled. “Great. That’s a real milestone. He’s making such big strides because of you.”
“No. It has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Colm himself.”
Ceelie’s smile faded. “So what’s the problem, Anna?”
“He made a transfer mistake and ended up at the wrong stop.”
“He’s okay?”
Anna nodded. “He’s fine. He did everything right. He called me, then waited for the next bus and asked for help.”
Ceelie reached across the counter and patted her hand. “So why do you look like someone kicked a puppy.”
“I feel like somebody did.”
“Liam?” Ceelie guessed.
“Liam,” Anna confirmed. “He wasn’t happy at all. He blamed me and he had every rig
ht to. I’ve let things with him get out of hand. It’s interfering with my working relationship with the family.” Her relationship with Liam had influenced her decisions—that wouldn’t do.
“Anna, that was Liam’s fear talking. He was worried about his brother. You know that families are like that. That’s why we’re so important. We can look at our clients objectively.”
“I’m afraid I can’t with Colm. He’s different. Special.”
“And so is his brother,” Ceelie said softly.
She didn’t deny it. Ceelie would see right through her if she tried to fudge the facts. “I’ve never seen Liam so furious. Even that first day, he wasn’t like this. He knew we were riding buses around town, but he didn’t know Colm was going to try it on his own. I didn’t tell him in advance. And if I’m honest, it was because I was afraid of how he’d react.”
“Why?”
“Because things with us are—were—going so well. And if you’d have seen how he treated me in the beginning, like some enemy…” She shrugged, not sure how to explain it. “Liam was finally starting to trust me, and I blew it. I lost all credibility.”
“You weren’t up front with him?” Ceelie frowned. “That’s not like you, Anna. You don’t change for relationships. You’ve told me over and over again how your mother has tried to change for men, or tried to change men. You’ve never been willing to compromise yourself in that way.”
Anna confessed, “I thought it would be easier if I presented Liam with Colm’s accomplishment after the fact. Then I planned to ease him into the idea of Colm getting a job.”
“You still hadn’t mentioned that?”
She could hear the surprise in Ceelie’s voice. “No,” she admitted.
